“Yes, you’re correct,” I answer and look at Jordan
“Yes, it’s what she wants,” he derides.
“Mr. Johnson, you don’t agree?” Mr. Armstrong peers over his glasses at Jordan.
“No, because I don’t want a divorce.”
“I can see this is going to be a lot of fun.” Mr. Armstrong almost seems to roll his eyes.
“Excuse me, isn’t it your job to make this move more smoothly?” He’s beginning to piss me off.
“Yes. However, it makes my job a lot harder when there isn’t a starting point.” Now, he glares at me.
“Fine,” I state clearly. “I’ll make a starting point. I don’t want the house here in Memphis.”
“Mr. Johnson?” Mr. Armstrong looks over at him.
“I’ll probably end up selling it if we follow through with this.”
Jordan knows we’re going through this and he’s in denial if he thinks otherwise.
“Mrs. Johnson, do you want any of the profits from the sale?” Mr. Armstrong turns back to me.
“No. Jordan can keep the money.” It wasn’t home to me anyway.
“Okay. We can check the house off the list. Now, you have a vacation home in South Carolina. What do we want done with this?” He looks between Jordan and me.
I secretly wish I could keep it. It’s not too far from my family and it’s beautiful, but I don’t know if Jordan will let me have it.
“We can sell it,” I answer, trying not to get emotional about it.
“Mr. Johnson?” Mr. Armstrong waits for Jordan to answer.
Jordan’s staring at me, and I’m not sure if he’s angry or hurt. I’m guessing a bit of both. “I don’t want it and if she doesn’t want anything from the house here, she can have the money from that one if she wants to sell it.” He shakes his head. “I can’t believe we’re even doing this.”
“Jordan, we have to do this responsibly. We can’t divorce and not separate our stuff. We’ve been married for five years. We have a lot to talk about,” I try to reason with him.
“Yeah, about how to make it work, not how we’re going to divide what we own.”
“Let’s not do this. It’s not going to work out.” I’m firm in my words.
Jordan stands. “I’m not doing this. I’ve given you everything, Heidi. I can’t give you this too.” He starts to walk out.
“Mr. Johnson, why don’t we stop for today, and we can pick up next week?” Suddenly, Mr. Armstrong sounds reasonable. “Mrs. Johnson, are you okay with that?”
“Yes. I’m fine with it.” There’s the word again. Fine.
“Schedule another appointment if you want, I won’t be here for it.”
“You do realize Mrs. Johnson can take half of everything from you without much fight from the justice system?” Mr. Armstrong points out to him.
“I don’t care. She is all I want.”
“Jordan, please,” I plead with him. “Don’t make this harder on either of us. I don’t want to fight with you. We can come back next week.”
“That’s your problem, Heidi! You don’t want to fight! Not for us, not for me, and not for you. I’m not changing my mind!” He raises his voice and stares at me with a hard glare. It’s hurt he’s trying to hide. I’m hurting him.
“Jordan, if you really love me the way you keep proclaiming, then you know this is what I need right now. I need this, Jordan, and I need you to be onboard with me too. I can’t do it alone.” My voice cracks and I’m almost in tears. I want this to be quick for both of us.
“What you need is a divorce from me?” His voice is now softer and there’s so much pain laced in the words.
“Yes. Yes, I do.”
Jordan’s eyes are still connected to mine. He’s thinking hard of a way to argue with me, but I know he’ll see it my way. “Okay, fine,” he answers.
“All right,” Mr. Armstrong finally speaks up. “Mr. Johnson, considering your schedule is not as flexible, are you able to come back on Tuesday?”
“Sure.”
“I’ll see you both on Tuesday morning then,” Mr. Armstrong dismisses us.
Jordan jerks the door open and rushes out. I thank Mr. Armstrong, grab my purse, and follow Jordan out the door. I want us to end on good terms. He’s almost to his car when I yell out for him.
“Jordan, hang on!” I don’t know what to say when he turns around and almost glares at me. “Um…Mom is coming into town today. She’d love to see you if you have time.”
“I know. She lands in two hours, right?”
“I don’t even know what time she’s coming in.” I shake my head. “I’m glad you’re still close to them. They love you so much.”
“At least they do,” he mumbles, but I still hear him. “Anyway, I’m having dinner with her tonight.”
“Oh, well…okay. I’ll see you on Tuesday then. Bye, Jordan.” I swivel on my heels to head to my car.
“You’re more than welcome to come with her, if you want, but if not, then Tuesday it is.”
“I have work to do,” I lie. “Enjoy your night.” I give him a small smile and rush off to my car.
Just as Jordan said, a little over two hours later, my mother appears in the salon. Her smile makes me feel better the second I see it, and I hug her tightly.
“I missed you, Mom.”
“I’m here now.” She pats my back lovingly. “Let’s catch up.”
We walk into my office, and I shut the door. “Well, I’m sure you’ve already talked to Jordan, so you know how today went.”
“Heidi, your father and I will always be close to Jordan whether you approve or not. He’s like a son to us.” Her tone isn’t mean, and I know she’s right.
“I’m glad he has you both right now because I want you to help me convince him this divorce is the right thing to do.”
Mom furrows her brow. “Absolutely not. I’ve stood by these past couple of years and watched you string Jordan along. He is right this time; you’re wrong.”
“Mom!” I gasp.
“No, Heidi. I’ve said nothing about your marriage, but Jordan loves you as much as you love him, and you’re letting your hurt and pain cloud your judgment. Now, you are my daughter, and I will have your back all the way into the pit of a fire, but I will not be quiet about it anymore.”
I look away from her for a moment. The tears are creeping up, but I push them down as hard as I can. “He said you two are having dinner.”
“Yes, this is his only free day this week. Now, are you ready to take me to your apartment?”
I nod. “We can catch up there.”
“I can’t wait.” She smiles and we head off to my car.
Once we make it to my place, I set Mom up in my room. I’m going to let her have my bed, and I’ll sleep on the couch. I know most daughters would be upset with their parents if they were still talking to the ex-husbands, but I’m not. My parents loved Jordan the second they met him. Jordan’s parents are still around, but he’s not close to them, and he bonded with my parents almost immediately. Jordan really doesn’t have anyone and I’m not sure how close he is to anyone on the team. I’m glad he has my parents, and I know they’ll support him when he finds someone new.
Mom goes on and on about the latest gossip and soon she’s getting ready for Jordan to come get her.
“You can come, you know,” she urges me one more time.
“Nah, I’m fine.” Ugh, even I’m getting tired of the damn word.
“Okay. I’m going to meet him downstairs. I’ll see you later.” She kisses my cheek and then leaves.
I’m alone again.
***
I CAN’T HELP my grin when I see Heidi’s mom. It feels like it’s been forever, even though we talk on a regular basis. I love seeing her smiling back at me too. “Gemma, you look even more beautiful than that last time I saw you. Are you ready to go?”
“Jordan, you are so sweet. I tried to get her to come, it didn’t work, but I’m ready for a night on the town with
my son-in-law.”
I lead her to my car, not at all surprised that Heidi decided not to join us. “Is she really working or was that a line she fed me?”
“She was sitting on the couch when I left her. I honestly don’t know about her. She doesn’t seem to be eating. I swear she’s lost another twenty pounds since I saw her at Christmas. I’m worried.”
“Me too.” I sigh. “I don’t want this divorce, Gemma, but I let her talk me into another appointment with that damn arbitrator. Did she tell you she wants to sell the vacation house?”
“Sell? Heidi would never want to sell that house. She loves it. It’s the one place she went after Eden…well…she wouldn’t do it.”
That’s exactly what I thought too. I don’t want to have to give up the vacation house, but Heidi deserves it more than I do. I’m quiet for a moment while I reflect over the day. We arrive at the restaurant, take a seat, and place our orders. Gemma has been watching me, waiting for me to say more.
“I don’t know what to do. Doing what she says she needs is ruining me,” I confess.
“I know it is, but I think my advice would be keep going to the appointments with her, but drag it out a bit. In between the appointments, work your magic. I know you have been calling and sending flowers, but that isn’t Heidi. That isn’t you either. How did you sweep her off her feet? That’s who she needs, Jordan. She needs to be reminded of the love you have for each other. Hers is buried so deep, she can’t find it.”
“I’ll work on it. So, how long are you here for?” We definitely need a subject change. I can only handle so much of talking about this disaster.
“Until I think Heidi doesn’t need me anymore. And you, too.” She smiles, reminding me that she’s here for me just as much as she is for her daughter.
“It’ll be good to have you around. Is there enough room for you at her place?”
“She’s sleeping on the couch. I’m not sure what she’ll think when Sam comes next week. We might have to get a hotel room.”
“Why don’t y’all stay with me?” I offer. “I have the room.”
“I’ll talk to Sam. I’m sure we can split the time between the two places. Plus, it’ll force Heidi to come out there. It might help her remind her of the good times with the four of us together.”
“I don’t know if she would come. I think she hates the house, which is crazy, considering she wasn’t there long.”
“It’s not the house. It’s what the house represents. Heidi has always wanted a family and she thought she finally had it all.” Gemma swipes the lone tear that has fallen onto her cheek. “It’s hard for her, Jordan, and I know it is for you too.”
“Do you think she knows that? Because sometimes it feels like she thinks she was the only one who lost something. She shut down so fast, it was like my pain didn’t exist or matter.”
“Oh, Jordan. I wish I had some great words of wisdom to tell you this is all going to go away, but it’s not. The pain is going to be there forever, but you learn to deal with it. You and Heidi have not processed it all. You need to be the strong one because when Heidi finally comes to terms with everything, she’ll need you. And only you.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
Not until I’m convinced there’s no hope for us.
The rest of dinner goes smoothly. Heidi is conveniently left out of the conversation. Gemma is like a mother to me, and I’m so happy to see her and have her here. Hopefully, she can talk some sense into Heidi.
Most of us have a pregame ritual. Felix still throws a ball to his girlfriend/lucky charm. Blake searches the crowd for Sofia if she’s in the stands by the dugout. Hector absentmindedly fiddles with his necklace. We all usually do something. Before, I would search for Heidi in the stands and pat my chest over my heart twice with my gloved hand right before the national anthem is sung.
Now, I don’t look into the crowd often. What’s the point? She’s not here. Sometimes I find myself still looking though. My ring seems to be burning a circle against my chest today, as an ever-present reminder of what I’ll be losing. The thought of having to take it off permanently makes bile rise up in the base of my throat.
I shake my head as if that can clear my thoughts away. Thinking of Heidi when a game is about to start is not good. There’s nothing worse than being distracted by your own mind. I try to loosen my muscles, shake them out as I tilt my head left to right, but nothing seems to be working. My last effort is to take a large gulp of air and exhale heavily.
The team we’re playing today isn’t exactly known for being one of the best in the league. Most consider them mediocre. As for us, we’ve done better than last season so far. Not that you can tell it with this game. Felix’s pitching is allowing a lot of walks or the batter is making contact with the ball. No one seems to be able to throw or catch accurately, and soon we’re down by entirely too many runs. Coach is going to be pissed. Hell, we should all be pissed at ourselves. None of us are playing up to par. We’re disconnected and allowing the other team to capitalize on our faults.
It comes as no surprise when we lose.
Our coach is a man of few words, but when he says nothing once we’re back in the locker room, it’s a little worrisome. He stands at the front with his arms folded across his chest. Coach takes a moment to stare at each of us for a solid five seconds. When he makes his rounds, he shakes his head and leaves the room.
“Team dinner?” Colby suggests.
The room echoes with variations of agreement. Maybe all we need is more time together away from the field to get back on track.
“Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, I’m so glad you both came back, and we can begin when you’re ready.”
“I’m ready,” Heidi says.
“Ready.” Not like I have much of a choice.
“Okay. I want to review the vacation house in South Carolina. Mr. Johnson, what do you want to do?”
“It’s Heidi’s to have.”
“What?” she gasps with shock. “You’re giving to me? Don’t you want to sell it or something?”
“Yes, it’s yours. If you want to sell it, you can, or you can keep it for yourself.”
“Thank you, Jordan.” Heidi smiles, probably the first genuine smile she’s given me in a long time. “Thank you, very much.”
“Okay, vacation house to Mrs. Johnson. Check that off the list. Um, this is a little different, but not too strange for me. There are three burial plots in a South Carolina cemetery. However, one has been used and each of you owns either side of it. So, is it a parent in the used plot and are we the selling the other plots?”
“Not a parent.” I swallow hard and say, “It’s our daughter.” It takes everything in me to not look at Heidi. I don’t want to see her pain when I can’t comfort her.
“Oh, all right then, are we selling or keeping?”
“I’m not selling mine. I want to keep it.” I hear Heidi sniff and a brief glance shows her watery eyes. Her answer doesn’t surprise me in the least.
“I don’t know about mine. I guess if we’re not together, I should sell it, but I don’t know.” I really don’t want to give it up because when I die, I’d want to be near my daughter. We bought them together because we’re a family. What am I supposed to do now since we’re getting a divorce? Since we’ll no longer be a family?
“You don’t know?” Heidi asks incredulously. “It’s next to Eden. You bought those for us to be together. It was the point of buying all three of them together.”
I scoff. “So, the only way for us to be together is if we’re dead? I wasn’t unsure because it’s next to Eden, I was unsure because I doubted you’d want me to have it.”
She opens her mouth to say something, but stops, her eyes hardening. “I’m keeping mine and if I have to buy it from Jordan, then I will, but I want mine.”
“Mr. Johnson, will you sell one of the plots to Mrs. Johnson?”
“Yeah, she can have it.”
“Okay, so next on the list is the Above A D
ream hair salon—” Mr. Armstrong begins, but Heidi cuts him off.
“What? The salon is mine!” The panic is clear in Heidi’s voice.
“Which you purchased during the marriage. It’s an asset, as is everything else on this list. Mrs. Johnson, what do you want to do?”
“It’s mine,” she says fiercely before frantically looking at me. “Jordan, you don’t want anything to do with it, do you? You won’t take this away from me, right?”
“Mr. Johnson is entitled to half of the business,” Mr. Armstrong points out.
“I don’t want anything from it. It’s all hers.” There’s no need to make her freak out more or have Mr. Armstrong point out that I could have part of it if I wanted. I haven’t had a thing to do with her business. The success she’s had is all hers, and I wouldn’t take that from her in any way.
Heidi relaxes. “Thank you, Jordan. I owe you one.”
“Did you honestly think I would try to take it from you?”
“I…I don’t know. I bought it without you knowing. I didn’t know if you would take it from me. It’s all I have.” Her sadness irks me.
“It’s not all you have, Heidi. It’s just the only thing you want.” Somehow, I manage to say it without anger invading my tone. It’s simply a fact.
Mr. Armstrong clears his throat. “Shall we move on to the cars, or should we pick up next time?”
“Pick up next time. I need to get going.” Not necessarily right this second, but I remember Gemma telling me to prolong it if I could.
“What day is good for you, Mr. Johnson?”
“I’m not sure. I’ve got a lot coming up.”
“Okay. Call my office and we can arrange something. Is this okay with you, Mrs. Johnson?”
“Yes, I know how busy he is, and I don’t want to mess up his baseball schedule.” She smiles at me, but I don’t return it. She isn’t doing me a favor by catering to when I can or can’t meet with this stupid arbitrator.
“So, we’re done for today?” I ask.
Jordan Page 2
