Chapter 26
The afternoon's patient load was small, and at Sharon's insistence, Tina took a nap after the last one left. Sharon put up several posters of Beowulf around town, and the paper promised to print a notice in the next issue. That wouldn't come out for two more days, but Sharon also sent an email blast to everyone on the patient list.
Tina was surprised she was able to sleep, waking up after fifteen minutes, feeling more in control of herself. She lay on the sofa, softly stroking her stomach. My baby's a werewolf. No, that's not right. He's a human with a werewolf virus. Except it's not exactly a virus, it's a special class of organism.
She understood Will's frustration. Would Shandari agree to include him? Could she pass information to him while hiding the werewolf connection? He would never believe her if she told him.
Shandari was coming over that evening. May as well talk about it then, and get it over with.
She freshened up, then helped Sharon update insurance forms and patient charts. Once they were finished, Sharon seemed hesitant to leave. “Why don't you come over for dinner, Doc? Frank won't mind. We can play some poker or something.”
Tina managed to smile at that. Sharon's husband could rout her at poker, and Sharon knew it. “If you want a raise, just say so,” she said, glad when Sharon laughed. “I'll pass. Actually, I've got company tonight. A friend from Portland is coming down. So I'll be busy.”
“That's good. I guess.” Sharon frowned.
“You guess?”
“Ah, it's none of my business Doc, but... you will be careful won't you? With your friend?”
Tina stared at her, unable to make sense of that comment. Then it clicked, and she flushed with embarrassment. “I got myself knocked up, and now everybody thinks I never make the guys use condoms, is that it?”
“No,” Sharon said weakly. “Everyone knows accidents happen.”
Tina sighed. “I do use condoms.” Usually, she thought, uneasy with the knowledge that the subject never came up with Clive. She wondered why it hadn’t. “But for the record, tonight's friend is of the girlish variety. In fact, she's a doctor. We're working on a project in the lab. So no alcohol or debauchery. Feel better now?”
Sharon nodded, her expression contrite. Tina laughed and hugged her. “Get out of here. I'll take you up on dinner and poker another time.”
~~
Shandari shrugged her backpack to the floor of Tina's lab. “I've got fifteen vyra-stribdal samples,” she said, removing a rack of five vials from the pack. Tina hefted it above her head to look through the vials with light behind them. They contained a thick, red liquid, and she arched a brow at her visitor.
“Is the medium blood?”
Shandari nodded, pulling out another rack. “We're always working on this problem, and we have a large pool of volunteers who donate often. Everyone wants to find a cure.” After the third rack of vials, she pulled a small black box from the pack. Setting it on the floor, she passed both hands over it, murmuring a few words in a chanting voice.
Tina couldn't stop a gasp of surprise as the box expanded to two feet in each direction. Shandari smiled up at her, then tapped a finger on the top of the box.
“Think of it as a refrigerator,” she said. “So we have something to store the vials in, but can still keep them separate from your world. Watch.” She placed a hand on the right side of the box and said, “Varesh,” in a clear voice. The front of the box opened with a click.
Just like a refrigerator door, Tina thought. There was even a light.
Shandari placed the racks inside, closed the door, and stood. “It's a mini-portal, of sorts. The inside of the box is in Kaarmanesh. It's a bit more complicated this way, but I don't want a chance of contamination. I've rigged it so you can open it, too. Give it a try.”
“What? How?”
Shandari gestured at the box. “Do what I did. Varesh means “open” in the language of the Montarian elves. There is magic in the language itself, but I assure you, this is very minor stuff.”
“Magic,” Tina muttered. “Great.” She placed her hand on the side and said, “Varesh.” The door popped open, the racks gleaming in the light. At the same time, she felt warmth in her womb, and pressed a hand over the spot. “That's weird.”
“Did you feel something?” Shandari asked, staring down at Tina’s hand.
“It felt warm when I spoke the word. Just briefly. It's already gone.”
“May I Look?”
Tina heard the capital “L.” She nodded. “Yes, please. Is he all right?”
Shandari sat on one of the lab's rolling stools. Tina watched the light flair in her eyes, but she trusted it now, and didn't flinch as Shandari's gaze fixed on her womb. After a few seconds, the light faded and Shandari glanced up at her.
Tina took a seat on the other stool. “What did you see?”
“There's no change in the well-being of the fetus,” Shandari said. “But there is a slight increase in his magical aura.”
“What does that mean?”
“In a normal Kaarmaneshian pregnancy, I would say it means the child will have some level of magic ability. Remember that magic is natural to Kaarmanesh. It develops in the womb along with everything else. He simply responded to your use of magic.”
“It won't hurt him?”
“Not at all.”
“Will it hurt him to not be around magic? If he stays in the Flatlands?”
Shandari hesitated. “I don’t know. This is something we have to consider eventually. Kaarmaneshians cannot live without magic, just as we cannot live without iron or other nutrients. It may be that the child will need periodic visits to Kaarmanesh.”
Tina shook her head, biting her lip as she rubbed her stomach. “The thing is, I've been wondering about how I've developed this resistance to the vyra-stribdal. I wonder if it has something to do with the absence of magic in this environment.”
“That's possible.”
“It makes me wonder if it would be dangerous for the fetus if I'm in Kaarmanesh, especially around the full moon. I'm afraid the magic in Kaarmanesh will override the anti-vyra-stribdal that's in me. That he'll Change.”
Shandari fell silent, thinking about it. Tina watched her and waited.
“There is enough merit in the idea. I think it would be a good idea for you to stay out of Kaarmanesh. However, it may turn out that the child needs some exposure to magic. It may be that avoiding Kaarmanesh during the full moon is enough. Until we know more, you should stay here. There are very few reasons for you to go there, anyway. But I suspect the anti-vyra-stribdal has more to do with you, caused by the interaction with your blood and your immune system, and that of the developing fetus. “
“If that's the case, will he still be protected after he's born?”
“We may not know until he is born. Even if he is not immune himself, it's possible your breast milk will provide what he needs to keep him safe for as long as you nurse him.”
“So many maybes,” Tina murmured.
Shandari reached across and squeezed Tina's hand. “We will find a cure. Or at least a treatment. So let's get busy on it, all right?”
Tina nodded. “Yes. But I have another problem.” She told her about Will.
As Shandari listened, the light in her eyes glittered a little too strongly for Tina's comfort, and she finished her story with a stronger ultimatum than she expected to use. “I don't know what it's like in Kaarmanesh, but here, it is highly unprofessional of me to just drop Will like this. And our professional relationship is even closer than that of doctors in larger places. We're not partners, but we care for this town together. He needs to know.”
“Kasia will never agree to bring him into Kaarmanesh,” Shandari said. “Will he believe your story without proof?”
Tina shrugged. “I don't know, and you know what? It's not my problem. If he's not happy with the truth, he doesn’t have to work with us.”
“And how many people will he tell?”
&nb
sp; Tina folded her arms. “Patient-physician privilege is a law. He can't tell anyone without my permission.”
Shandari laughed. “Do you always have an answer for everything?”
“I try.”
“Then I leave your colleague in your hands. Give him whatever assignments you feel are necessary.”
“Thank you.”
Shandari nodded, rubbing her fingers together, her gaze intent. “I'm afraid I must also provide you with information you may find disturbing.”
“That sounds ominous.” Tina tried to sound light-hearted, but sudden queasiness made it difficult.
“Kasia asked me to update you on some changes in the investigation,” Shandari said. “Our leaders have authorized an extensive hunt for the werewolf. We'll headquarter at the Keeper's house, and will try to stay hidden from any Flatlanders.” She touched Tina's arm. “But you should know that one of the agents assigned to the task force is Clive Winslow.”
“Is that really necessary?”
“You have no idea how unusual it is for the Council to allow it. They would never do it if they didn't believe it is necessary. Kasia wants me to assure you that he will not try to contact you.”
“Does he know? About the pregnancy?”
“Yes.”
“What did he say?”
Shandari glanced at her, and for the first time, Tina felt disapproval from her new friend. “I won't be a go-between, Tina. He desperately wants to talk to you, but that's all I'll say.”
Tina's smile was bitter. “Touché. All right, I'll stop acting like a spoiled child. I'll talk to him, if only to clear the air. But he won't like what I say.”
Shandari gazed at her thoughtfully. “Thank you, Tina. I'll let him know.” She turned to the refrigerator and pulled out a rack of vials. “Shall we get started?”
“What's our first step?”
“I'll obtain samples of your blood to isolate the anti-vyra-stribdal. We can make a variety of dosages and inoculate the samples I brought.”
“We need to see if we can grow them outside of my body, don't we?” Tina asked.
“Yes. Eventually, we'll need to synthesize them. But for now, let's find out what works.” Shandari picked up one of Tina's bloodletting kits. “I'm not a vampire, but let me have some blood.”
Great, Tina thought as she held out her arm. They must have vampires, too.
Chapter 27
Tina tossed all night, thinking of what to say to Clive that wouldn’t sound hateful. Her anger grew with lack of sleep. By the next afternoon, she knew she wasn't ready to confront him with any grace. She'd just left the clinic to head home, still disturbed at the prospect of a house empty of Beowulf, when she saw Clive crossing the field toward her house.
She was furious, but confused. His walk reminded her of their dancing, and the feel of his movements against her body. She watched his hands as he walked, remembering the things he could do with them. His face, hopeful even at this distance, brought back the heat of his kisses, by turns tender and rough, of his tongue feeding her passions.
God damn the man, why didn't he stay away like he’d wanted to?
Her anger saved her, exploding without warning and chasing desire to a quick death in its ashes. She threw her bag on the porch and strode to meet him, her steps strong and fast. He stopped midway to her, his hopeful expression fading to uncertainty. She didn't give him a chance to talk. She closed the distance in three steps, and shoved with all her might against his chest. He fell back and she pushed again.
“How dare you?” Her voice shook. She stood close, her head level with his shoulders, fury giving her added height. “How dare you take a chance with my life, just for your own pleasure? How dare you have sex with any woman knowing it could kill her?”
“I'm sorry...” he began, and she swung a slap to his face with a sharp crack. Her hand stung.
“Sorry? There is no sorry for this. Don't they have vasectomies where you come from? You couldn't have done that one thing so you weren't a walking bomb?”
“I did take care of it,” he said. “Every werewolf must have it done. Not a vasectomy, but the effect is the same. I don't know how this happened.”
She stared at him, seeing the sorrow in his eyes, hearing the despair in his voice, and not buying any of it. She poked a finger at his face as she half-turned back to the house. “You stay away from me. I'm working with Shandari, and I'll handle this myself. You—you just go on your way and forget this ever happened.”
He called after her. “You're in danger, in so many ways. Let me help.”
She kept walking, waving an arm behind her. “Kasia is helping me. You just go away.”
“It's my baby, too. I have a stake in making sure he's safe. That you're safe.”
Tina stopped. She stared at the house without seeing it, felt her heart pound against her ribs, her body shake with fury. She turned, closing half the distance between them. She fought to keep her voice calm.
“I've seen this lots of times in my practice, Clive. Not werewolves, of course. But women, alone and pregnant, and an irresponsible jackass who thinks he's somethin' just because he got a girl knocked up. I try to help those women see what their choices are. I can't tell them what to do, but I can always see they're better off without the guy around. The kid is better off without the bad influence in his life.”
She paused, panting, and held up a hand when he started to speak. When she caught her breath, she continued.
“All you did was screw me, Clive. You didn't even want to stay around for a few days to get to know me better, to see if we could have had something together. You didn't want it.” Christ, she hated the tears in her voice. “Don't use the it's my baby line. It was your sperm, and it could have killed me. It's just pure luck that it didn't. Either way, you do not have a baby to worry about. Just go on your way, like you wanted to do three months ago.”
He didn't try to stop her. She locked the door after she went into the house, sank to the floor, and burst into tears.
Fifteen minutes later, the last of her tears fell. She sat on the floor and stared into her empty fireplace, seeing Clive's face as she yelled at him. It was not the face of a stranger looking for casual sex, nor the face of a man arrogant about impregnating a woman. It was a face wracked with pain. More than pain—it was a face of despair, as if her words tore out his soul. She lifted her hands to her cheeks, trying to cool the flame that burned there.
How could she hurt another human being like that? I want him, she admitted to herself. I want him to care. I still want what we had that night. And he's right. It's his baby, too. I don't deserve this child any more or less than he does. What am I so afraid of?
She knew one thing for certain. She needed to apologize.
~~
Clive ran, not paying attention, not caring where his feet took him. Somehow he avoided careening into trees or falling into bushes. When he stopped in a deep shadowed grove, he pressed his hands against a tree, gasping until breath made it into his lungs. Then he sent a raging fist into the trunk, screaming in fury, but not feeling the pain at all.
Damn her. Damn her to all the hells, the bi… No. He refused to call her that, in any of its meanings. None of this is her fault.
He stared unseeing at the tree, sensing the gathering darkness, certain that it was building inside him. Everything. This damned curse touched everything in his life. Every new door closed in his face before he could cross it. Laws, biases, and fear followed him everywhere he went. His parents were heartbroken and shamed, his friends gone. Public places denied him entrance, schools turned him away.
He rested his forehead against the tree’s rough trunk. I’ve always known a woman would never love me. I thought I’d accepted it as a natural consequence of what I am.
Pain ripped through his heart. He gasped at its strength. Knowing something is not the same as experiencing it. I’ve always known I could never have children, yet against all our knowledge and history, there is a child.
No one can take that away.
He lifted his head. Even if I never see him, never know anything about him, he is still here. He exists.
“That will always be true,” he whispered to the tree.
He realized that he had kept an irrational hope. That if one impossible thing could happen—a child of his blood—then perhaps another impossible thing would happen as well. That Tina would be willing to live with him, would allow him to be a partner and a father. Would want him.
He’d always known this door was closed to him. He had cracked it open anyway, and the force of its slam ripped his soul in two.
He stared at his hands as they rested on the tree, streaked with the blood of his pounding. It was time to return, but he couldn't go back to the Keeper's house and face the quiet pity of Kasia and Shandari. He raised his head, and gazed at the inky clouds fading into twilight. The moon was waxing, nearing full, somewhere behind those clouds.
He had a job to do.
Then he could return to Kaarmanesh.
Alone.
~~
Tina hesitated to call Sebastian Ruth's house. She doubted that Clive had returned yet, and she didn't feel up to explaining to Kasia or Shandari. She poured a large glass of water, drinking half of it in an effort to beat back the headache pulsing behind her eyes. She wasn't hungry, but forced herself to eat a cup of yogurt.
Maybe enough time had passed. Surely, he'd had time to get back.
Her cell rang. With sudden hope, she dug it from her pocket. “Hello?”
“Ah, Tina. I'm glad I caught you.” The voice was breathless.
Her hope plummeted. “Damien? Um, can I call you back?”
“I'm hurt, Tina,” he said, and now she could hear the pain in his voice. “I'm sorry to call you like this. I feel like an idiot. I was out hiking and I fell. My leg is... ah hell. This is ridiculous. I'll just rest for a while and then walk home. I shouldn't bother you.”
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