by Vivian Ward
I hate the way he feels about his brother. I’d like to see the two of them get along, but I don’t think that’s ever going to be possible. Those two are as hot and cold as ice water in hell; they just don’t go together.
Over dinner we laugh and have fun, it’s like we don’t have a care in the world but we both know the imminent danger that we’re both about to face, which is putting a damper on our mood.
Half-way through dinner, a loud burst of thunder booms overhead as lightning cracks like a whip in the sky, knocking out the power in the restaurant.
There’s a loud gasp as everyone panics, but the servers are quick to bring candles to each of the tables as they assure all of the patrons that the backup generator should kick on in the kitchen at any moment.
For some reason, I actually prefer the dimly lit candlelight dinner. It’s cozier, more intimate, and this might be the last private dinner the two of us will ever have because once we get back into St. Louis tomorrow, it’s all over.
“I love the way you look in this light,” he says as he scoots his chair closer to mine. “You’re probably tired of hearing me say this, but you’re so beautiful.”
Nothing he can say makes me blush anymore. When we first got together, I used to blush at every little thing he said or did, but not anymore. Now it just feels natural, like he’s supposed to tell me these things.
“I’m going to miss dinners like these, but it’s for the best. Right?”
“Right,” he says.
I can tell he doesn’t mean it, but I want
When the waitress passes by our table, he stops her and asks for a bottle of wine.
“What’s that for?” I ask as she promises to bring it back right away.
“What else? To celebrate our last date.”
He leans in, kissing my forehead, and I want to tell him that I can’t drink the wine. I don’t know if I’m pregnant, but I decide that a few sips won’t hurt. I’m probably overreacting anyway. The odds of me being pregnant are slim to none.
My birth control hasn’t failed me. Ever. So why would it now?
Pouring two glasses of wine, he recites a little toast.
“To a playboy, that’s never been tied down but is positively captivated by the one woman he can’t have. Here’s to the future,” we clink glasses and drink.
“I’m sure you’ll find the right person. Who knows?” I snuggle up to his chest as we wait for our dessert to come out. “Maybe Jenny will come around and be the one.”
“That’d be a cold day in hell. She’s not that type of girl, but maybe you’re right. Maybe one day I’ll find somebody.”
As soon as we wake up, I turn my phone back on to text the guido brothers and ask that they call me at their convenience so I can plead for their mercy as we drive back to St. Louis. We’re only about 20 minutes out, and we’re headed to Zack’s bank to withdraw a half-mill; $250,000 for each of them.
We both hope his plan will work, but neither of us knows for sure. With the way my pulse is racing and my stomach’s turning, I wouldn’t be surprised if I threw up on my shoes long before we find out.
A flood of text messages and voicemails begin to take over my phone after being on for a few minutes; they’re mostly Trent.
Message after message is demanding to know where I am and why I won’t answer his calls, or asking why I’ve not been home in days.
The realization begins to set in that I have no idea what I’m going to say to him; I have no good explanation (as far as he’s concerned) as to where I’ve been or who I’ve been with because I pretty much ditched him for his brother.
Zack gets out of the car to go into his bank to withdraw the cash, leaving me with my thoughts…and my phone.
Hesitant, I dial my voicemail and enter the passcode to listen to his messages. His voice is even angrier than his text messages, and for a minute, I’m afraid of him.
If my goal was to piss him off, then mission accomplished.
“Joline, I don’t know what stunt you’re trying to pull, but you need to call me. There are these two guys that came by my office today, and they told me a fucked up, twisted story about how you’ve run away with my brother who is also MIA at the moment. Call me back. Now!” his voice sounds more like a bear growling than a person talking.
Zack comes out of the bank with a manilla envelope; containing the cash, I assume. I decide to ignore Trent’s messages, his demands to know what the hell has been going on, and stuff my phone into my bag.
“All set?” I ask.
“Yeah, have you heard back from them yet?”
“No, let’s swing by the store real quick. You can just drop me at the door and I’ll run in.”
“What do you need? We can just go in together,” he offers.
I need to buy a pregnancy test, but I can’t do that if he’s with me. I’m not even ready to admit to myself that I might be pregnant yet, let alone anyone else.
“No, no, it’s fine. I just need to grab some feminine stuff.”
“Oh,” he lifts an eyebrow. “Yeah, I’ll sit this trip out.”
Thank god. I was beginning to worry he’d follow me in, but it looks like I’m in the clear now. Driving me to the store, he drops me off at the door and tells me he’s going to park in the aisle to the right of the front entrance.
Inside the store, I hope that no one I know sees me. My plan is simple. I’m going to make a quick trip down the family planning aisle, pick up a pregnancy test, pay for it, and take it in the store’s restroom before I come back outside.
There are so many different types of pregnancy tests.
My eyes are swimming in pink pregnancy test boxes. Why are there so many different ways to pee in a cup or on a stick? How many different ways do you need a positive sign that you’re pregnant?
It becomes evident to me, according to price, that some tests are better than others, which leads me to read the boxes closely. I spot a test that says it can detect a pregnancy almost a week before your period is due. Opting for the best results, I grab that box off the shelf and make my way through checkout.
Walking into the bathroom, my phone goes off with a text from Zack asking if everything’s okay. I didn’t realize that I’d spent nearly 20 minutes reading pregnancy test kits. I just need to take this test right now to find out whether or not I’m pregnant.
My timing of sleeping with Zack couldn’t have been worse. Our first time was practically right in the middle of my cycle so if this test does come out positive, it could be either one of them.
Pulling down my pants, I whip out the pregnancy test and tear the package open. I’m so nervous that I can hear my heart pounding in my ears and my hands are so shaky that I hope I can get enough urine on the stick for an accurate test reading.
Sucking in a deep breath, I close my eyes and count to three before I exhale and open my eyes. It seems to have helped calm me down some, enough that I can at least take this pregnancy test and hold the stick steady.
When I’m finished going, I place the cap back on the stick and set it on top of the box while I pull up my pants and wait for the indicator to turn. Slowly, I can see the control line beginning to form before the pregnancy window shows a faint plus sign.
I’m pregnant.
No, no, no.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. How did this happen? I’ve been on the pill for as long as I can remember and have never had a problem.
Ditching the evidence of my pregnancy in the trash, I wash my hands and head outside where Zack is waiting for me.
I feel lightheaded and dizzy. This is too much for me to process right now.
“Everything okay? You took forever,” he says.
“Yeah, sorry it took so long.”
“Where’s your bag?” he asks.
“My bag?”
“Yes, you bought something, didn’t you?”
Speechless, I open my mouth and promptly close it.
“Oh, no. They were out of what I normally buy so I d
idn’t get anything.”
More lies. I’m starting to become a pro at this.
“Where to now?” he asks.
“Let’s run by my house so I can see my dad.”
We’re pulling up to the front of the house when my phone rings and I see it’s the two guys that we’ve been hiding from.
“Shit, it’s them,” I say to Zack.
Two days.
That’s when we meet with them. I’m terrified, and I don’t know what to do. I want to help Zack, but I also don’t want to put myself in danger.
I’m already putting myself in enough danger because Trent has demanded that is coming over tonight. Scared of what he’s going to say, I do my best to prepare a defense for myself as to why I’m in all of this mess.
I wish those two assholes would have minded their own business. I wish they would have never gone to Trent or told him anything, but it doesn’t matter because with my current state, I’m going to have a lot more explaining to do than just tell him about my illegal card gambling activities.
I’m going to have to tell him that I’m pregnant and that I’m not sure who the dad is, or maybe I won’t. Maybe I won’t tell him anything about being pregnant.
No, I won’t. I’ll keep it to myself. There’s no sense in complicating things right now.
For the next couple of days, I need to focus on me. Keeping myself out of trouble and alive is my only concern, and it’s going to stay that way until this whole mess with Zack blows over, and we’re in the clear.
At precisely 5:41 PM, I hear a car door in the driveway slam shut. I know it’s him, but I can’t force my legs to move to go to the door and let him in.
My dad, who I was forced to tell part of what’s going on, opens the door and lets Trent in, telling him that he can find me in my room. His footsteps have never been heavier.
Each one of them echoes as he draws closer to my room. They grow louder and heavier until they are outside of my door. Holding my breath, I don’t exhale until he opens the door and is standing before me.
His hair is disheveled, and the dark circles under his eyes tell me that he hasn’t slept in days, probably since I took off with his brother. I know that he just came from work, but he looks closer to someone who just crawled out of bed.
He casts his glance down on me, through his puffy hooded eyelids; a sign that he’s been crying. My heart shatters into a million pieces when I see what hell I’ve put him through. The pang in my chest makes my next breath almost too painful to take.
What have I done to him?
My poor, sweet Trent; the man that would do anything for me looks lost, hurt, broken, and angry. He has every right to be mad at me; I don’t blame him.
Sitting on my bed, I draw my knees to my chest and wrap my arms tightly around my legs, something I’ve always done since I was a girl. It’s a coping mechanism that I developed to make myself feel safer, more protected and while it generally works, it’s not working right now.
“Tell me,” he says.
My mind jumps to a hundred different thoughts. What does he want me to say to him? About the illegal gambling with his brother? How much trouble we’re in? How bad I’ve fucked up our relationship? How much I’ve lied to him? That I’ve slept with his brother? That I actually do love him even though I haven’t had the guts to tell him?
Drawing in a deep breath, I try to clear my mind.
“Tell you what?” I ask.
Chapter 21
His gaze doesn’t leave my face. Towering over me, I can tell he’s doing everything he can to keep himself composed.
“I want to know everything, Joline.”
Define everything; I want to ask, but I don’t. I know better. Saying that to him just might be the glue that undoes everything for him.
“Where do you want me to start?”
His large frame collapses on my bed, springing me a couple of inches off the mattress as I bounce a few times.
“Don’t play games with me,” he rubs his temples like he’s getting a migraine. “Start with the part about my brother. Tell me how long this has been going on between the two of you. No! Tell me what is going on between the two of you.”
When he looks at me, I see a look of sadness and a grim expression in his eyes, and I’m reminded of everything that I want to forget so badly.
He knows.
“Well, I, um,” I can feel my heartbeat pick up a couple of hundred notches, and my hands begin to sweat. “There’s no good way to say this, so I’m just going to come out with it.”
“I’m listening,” he says.
His lips are turned down, and his chest looks heavy, like he’s holding the weight of the world on his shoulders. No matter how gently I try to word things, nothing will soften the blow.
“I was having the damnedest time trying to find work and had a mounting pile of credit card bills, and I needed to buy a new car. You remember the night of the reception? When you left me to go get your keys and when you came back, I was gone?”
“Yes, I remember it all too well,” he says. His tone is clipped, irritated.
This isn’t going to go well.
“I left with him, but I was so drunk that I didn’t know what I was doing,” I say in my defense.
“Mmm, yes, that’s why I was trying to get you out of there. You don’t think I didn’t see how my brother was looking at you that night? That was the biggest reason why I wanted you out of there.” He stands up and begins pacing as he runs his hands through his soft brown hair. “So was that it? The night you two started fucking and doing God knows what?”
“No!” I exclaim like it’s the most preposterous thing I’ve ever heard. “I didn’t know what I was doing, Trent, but I woke up the next morning in a hotel room with your brother—clothed,” I add with emphasis. “We didn’t sleep together, but apparently I’d been out gambling with him and his crew the night before and did fairly well.”
“Great,” he snorts. “So my little brother had you out breaking the law while you were shit faced. Fantastic guy, isn’t he?” he says with every ounce of sarcasm in his voice.
He pulls his hand to his forehead and shakes his head back and forth.
“You know how I feel about him doing that shit. How could you get involved? How much do the two of you even owe those thugs?”
“Nothing, we don’t owe them anything.”
For once, I told the truth. Sitting here with him, seeing him and what I’ve done to him makes me realize how much I love him. I love him more than I ever realized I did before. This is a man I’ve put through hell, but he’s still here.
For now at least.
“Tell me why they came to me looking for the two of you. Tell me! And don’t think I’m stupid, Joline. You two were gone for over a week, don’t tell me the two of you weren’t fucking each other. I know better.”
I can feel my throat tightening, closing shut; constricting. It’s getter harder to breathe, and I feel as though I’m suffocating. Rubbing my chest, I hope to get some air in my lungs. It works, but not as well as I had hoped it would.
“You’re right, and we did have sex.” I can see the disappointment wash over his face, and his arms drop to his sides in disbelief. “But I love you, Trent. I love you,” I cry.
“Right, Joline. I know every girl who loves a guy goes out and fucks his brother. Was he better than me? Did you like feeling him inside you?”
His words sting and cut me like a knife. I don’t want to hear them, but I know I need to; it was all my fault, and he has every right to vent. He has every right to say whatever the hell he wants to me because I deserve it.
“Trent,” I say. “Trent, baby, don’t do this. Please.”
I reach out to touch his arm, but he jerks it away from me; almost as though he’s repulsed by my touch. I feel sick to my stomach.
I knew what I was doing the minute Zack’s lips touched mine; I knew exactly what I was getting myself into. No matter how much you try to hide or deny the truth
, it always has a way of coming back to catch up with you.
Some people call it karma; others call it fate. You reap what you sow and eventually, everything will make a full circle. I am responsible for every choice I’ve made and every lie I’ve told.
And now that the music has stopped, I’m faced with another decision. This time, I choose Trent. I have the chance to come clean, own up to my mistakes and beg Trent for forgiveness, but if he doesn’t forgive me, I’ll understand.
My dilemma is that no matter what I do, my heart will be broken either way because I love both of these men. I love the Richardson brothers, but I have to have Trent in my life.
I cannot give him up, so I need him to forgive me. I want him to give me another chance.
“Do what? Tell me what I’m doing. Please, tell me how I’m supposed to feel.”
The coldness in his voice is enough to cast a cold winter’s breath; only it’s not winter, and though my room is plenty warm, a chill creeps down my spine.
“I need you to forgive me, Trent. I know what I did was wrong. I know that I hurt you, but I didn’t plan for any of this to happen. My intention was never to see how I could play the field or how I could hurt you. It all started with the money, and then—,” he holds his hand up.
“Stop. Stop right fucking there with the money, Joline. You know if you needed money, all you had to do was ask. For fuck's sake, you know how much money I have. How many times did I offer to take care of you? You don’t expect me to believe this bullshit, do you?”
Anger is beginning to boil beneath my skin, and it’s taking everything I’ve got to suppress it. The last thing I want is to show him how angry I am because right now, I don’t really have that right. I threw all my rights out the door when I decided to cheat on him with his brother.
“You know I’ve never let a man take care of me,” I say. “I’m too proud to do that, and you of all people should understand that. I was just trying to pay my bills and make things work until I found a job.”
“Right, like I’m supposed to believe that. I don’t believe that you’re still looking for work. No, I think you found your job.”
