by Geeta Kakade
The sounds in the kitchen alerted Brady and he came in just in time to see her spreading her books out on the table.
Anticipating his comment, Kate said quickly, “I have a paper to complete by Monday.”
“I see.” Brady’s face seemed to close up as if he knew this was just a sham.
There was a little silence while she opened a book and stared at the words as if they were in pig Latin.
“I thought we could take Cody to the Los Angeles zoo tomorrow.” Kate looked up then. Cody’s Mom hadn’t said a word about this.
“We could take his stroller so he wouldn’t get too tired and a picnic. It isn’t going to be too hot and he’ll be fine with both of us there. What do you say Katie? Unless you have too much work to get through and just want me to take him off your hands for a couple of hours tomorrow. I could take him to the park by myself.”
What could she say? She certainly didn’t intend working while Cody was up, not when his parents were paying her to take care of him, and the L.A. Zoo would be fun for the little boy, give him something to tell his parent’s about when they returned.
“Katie?”
Why did she feel like a bit of flotsam at the mercy of the wind and the waves, incapable of any deviation?
“Yes,” she said, “Cody will love the zoo. I’ll get the lunch, though. Brady nodded and said goodnight leaving Kate feeling suddenly desolate. Kate banged her book shut angrily.
This was becoming ridiculous. Mooning about him when he wasn’t there. Acutely sensitive to him when he was. Avoiding him had done nothing for her. Maybe she should just go ahead and sleep with the man and get him out of her life.
Brady’s not the kind of man to settle for an affair. He wants, marriage, children, a mortgage, the whole caboodle.
Kate sighed. The whole caboodle was beginning to sound wonderful to her as well. Even that darn thirty year mortgage had a positively rosy hue.
Cody woke her by climbing into bed with her at seven the next morning. Immensely pleased, Kate moved over and let him snuggle down with her keeping her eyes closed, enjoying the feel of the small body next to hers. It would be fun spending two whole days with Cody seeing the world through his eyes. If anyone had been born with a silver spoon in his mouth it was this child. Happiness, security and love, were his birthright. Something told her they had been Brady’s too. His parents, from little bit and pieces he had let fall, were well off, so were his friends to judge by their boats. Why was Brady content with his way of life?
Opening one eye she looked out of the window and groaned. The patch of blue sky that stared uncompromisingly back at her through Karen Webb’s lacy drapes heralded a perfect day for the zoo. Kate groaned again. Where was the rain, the heavy smog, the Santa Ana winds she had prayed for?
“Does your back hurt, Miss Katie?”
Opening both eyes she looked into the rounded anxious eyes watching her, smiled, "No. Why?”
“You made a funny noise,” came the solemn reply, "When my Mommy’s back hurts, she makes a noise like that. Shall I rub it for you? I rub Mommy’s sometimes.”
Kate smiled and ruffled the dark curls brushing her bare arm, "I’m fine,” she said reassuringly, "How would you like to go to the zoo, today?”
Cody’s whoop of delight got her out of bed.
Brady entered the house wondering what kind of day lay ahead. Last night Katie had definitely nailed a Keep Out sign to the fences she’d put up and he’d felt he was back at the starting point. Today had to be better. It certainly couldn’t get any worse.
A quick scan of the house showed no one home. For a moment he wondered if Kate had disappeared with Cody to avoid him and then he heard Kate’s car pull into the drive. His eyebrows rose at the grocery bag she carried in as he hugged his nephew.
“Our picnic,” she said cheerfully after Cody had almost strangled him and informed him all three of them were going to the zoo.
“I’m sure Karen has plenty of food in the refrigerator,” Brady began. He hadn’t thought Kate would go to the store for their picnic.
“I’m sure she has,” Kate agreed cheerfully, dumping a bag of ice into a cooler she found earlier in the garage, and transferring juice and soft drinks to it from the grocery bag. "But I offered to bring the picnic remember?”
Brady knew better than to argue. Kate was wearing olive green walking shorts today with a short white sleeveless top that ended at her waist and had a most alarming effect on his blood pressure. The loose waist barely met the top of her shorts, and seemed to invite his hands to enter, conduct a leisurely exploration of the delights they veiled. He swallowed hard. At this rate he wouldn’t be able to do too much walking today.
They shared Cody’s delight with the animals. Brady’s heart soared like a freed bird’s at Katie’s soft laughter heard again and again, as she and Cody tried to imitate the animals’ expressions. It felt so good to see her happy.
When Cody tired, Brady put him on his shoulders, letting Katie push the stroller with the cooler in it. They finally stopped at eleven thirty for lunch and Brady realized with a pang Kate must have spent a packet on the meal. Cursing himself for not thinking of what it would cost earlier, he watched quietly while she set out the food.
“There’s enough here to feed an army,” Brady said, echoed immediately by Cody.
“I wanted it to be special,” Kate said quietly, “let’s eat.”
Let me make every day of your life special, Katie mine
Brady longed to say but instead he picked up a ham roll and bit into it.
Timing was of the essence here, not words.
They rested for a while after lunch and then went back to where they had left off, by the chimpanzees. Cody was in such high spirits that he didn’t seem to feel the loss of his afternoon nap, falling asleep immediately they were homeward bound.
Kate turned back to see if he was alright in his car seat, sighing herself.
“Tired?” asked Brady, wishing she would slide close to him and put her head down on his shoulder.
“Uh-uh. It was a nice day.”
Which was all he needed to know.
Cody woke up as the car stopped feeling a bit cranky. Brady took one look at his face and said, “As soon as you’re out of your bath we’re going to order a great big pizza and have a small party on the deck. How does that sound?”
Cody nodded happily but Kate protested, “I can easily make dinner. I haven’t done a thing all day.”
“Not tonight,” said Brady, the finality in his voice preventing any argument.
Kate sent Cody down in his pajamas and showered quickly, slipping into a misty violet sun dress, telling herself it was for no other reason than comfort.
Brady had tidied up all the stuff from their picnic and even put the cooler away in the garage when she entered the kitchen.
“There’s nothing left for me to do,” she had to voice the protest, “At this rate I won’t have earned the money Cody’s Mom and Dad are paying me for this weekend.”
“It was nothing,” Brady said, “Just go out on the deck and relax.”
Katie did. Cody clambered on her lap, the weight of his head against her breast stirring a warm feeling. Instinctively she knew he was missing his parents and her eyes grew tender as she cuddled him.
"By this time tomorrow,” she told him, "Mommy and Daddy will be back and you’ll be able to tell them all about the animals and birds in the zoo. Which one did you like best?”
“The little horses.”
He meant the Shetland ponies.
“Why?”
“Cos they’re small like me,” Cody said with irrefutable logic, making Kate laugh.
Brady stepped out on the deck, longing to be part of the cozy scene, longing for Katie’s surrender. The evening air was cool, a powerful refresher after the warmth of the day, sliding over his skin awakening the desire to hold Katie on his lap just the way she held Cody.
“Pizza’s on its way. Would you like a beer, Katie?”
“No, thank you. I’ll just have coke later with my pizza.”
“Is that my Dad’s beer, Uncle Brady?” asked Cody, his eyes on the can Brady held in his hand.
“It sure is buddy, but he said I could have some.”
Satisfied, the little boy, leaned back against the softness of Katie.
The soft gloaming as the day slipped away to make room for the dusk, the child in her arms, the soporific effect of the warm shower, all made it easy for Kate to respond with ease to Brady’s discussion of animals in danger of becoming extinct and the important work being done around the world to prevent it.
Kate wanted to freeze the moment forever, it felt so perfect. Just for this moment in time there was no pressure from the past, no fear of the future, just perfect peace.
They were half way through the pizza when Cody said, “My Dad likes pizza.”
“So do I” said Kate helping herself to another slice.
“Miss Katie, does your Dad like pizza?” Cody wanted to know and Brady stopped breathing for a second.
“I don’t have a Dad,” said Kate calmly.
“Oh!” Brady could almost hear the wheels turn in his nephew’s brain, “Do you have a Mommy?”
“No, Cody.”
Cody was silent for a minute and then his chin wobbled as he wanted to know, “Who loves you if you don’t have a Mummy or a Daddy?”
The break in his voice got through to the two adults. Taken by surprise Kate didn’t know what to say but Brady stepped into the gap at once, “I do, Cody. And so do you.”
Cody stared at them trying to assimilate what he’d just heard.
Just as Brady was beginning to relax Cody spoke again. “Did you put a baby in Miss Katie’s stomach?” he enquired pleasantly.
Brady choked on his food and Kate dived under the table to look for a napkin that wasn’t there. By the time order was restored, both adult faces had a high color.
“No Cody,” Brady’s voice had a strangled sound.
“Well, Holly said when a Daddy loves a Mummy he.....”
“Cody would you like some ice cream now?” Kate was on her feet in a desperate attempt to stave off sharing Holly Sarn’s version of the birds and the bees. The four year old was one of the most precocious youngsters at Wee Folks, with a mother who treated her like a grown up, and the girl insisted on sharing her knowledge with the less well informed. Kate moved away from the table. At the very least she was determined to be out of hearing range for the latter half of Cody’s faux pas.
Picking up her plate she almost ran into the house. On the deck Brady turned to his nephew and said, “Sing that song about Noah’s ark for me, will you?”
As a red herring, it worked.
CHAPTER 7
Kate had her books out when he came down after tucking Cody up and Brady’s heart curled up in pain. The day together, the shared laughter, the adhesive bond Cody provided were all gone. And so was the friendly laughing woman he’d ached to hold in his arms all day. It was as if an invisible sergeant major had yelled, `As you were!’ while he’d been upstairs.
“Exams,” she said briefly, "and I have to do some serious studying to get even a passing grade in Principles and Practice.”
“Would you like some coffee?”
Anyone can tell you’re desperate Brady. Why don’t you just go ahead and offer to serve up your heart as well?
Kate looked up surprised and for a minute he thought she would refuse and take away his last excuse for staying on.
But then she said, “May I have some tea instead?”
Brady nodded gladly, turning to the stove wondering if Cody had hurt her inadvertently with his innocent questions but not liking to ask.
Kate stared at the paragraph on Maria Montessori in front of her blankly. Why didn’t Brady just leave? Taken unawares by Cody’s question, she had been surprised at the pain that had shot through her.
“If you don’t have a Mommy or a Daddy, who loves you?” the childish treble sounded clearly in her ears.
Why hadn’t she told him the truth?
`Nobody loves me Cody, because I won’t let them.’
That the three year old had minded that she had no one to love her had brought her own pain home to Kate. Where was her theme song now, adopted from a poem she’d come across in her schooldays, `I love nobody, no not I, for nobody loves me’? She couldn’t bring the same feeling to the words she used to.
Had her father ever loved her? She doubted it. She didn’t have a single memory of his affection to hold on to, not a gesture, not a look, not a word. Had her mother? Maybe. Now and then her voice had held a certain softness and she had called her Kate love about half a dozen times in her life. The love may have been there but it had been buried under the struggle for existence her mother’s life had been, never talked about, never felt.
Were Cody’s words a prod that she had again grown lax, forgotten her roots, her intentions? Life had a way of reminding her all the time of whom she really was.
“Katie?”
Her gaze fixed on him, blankly at first, then with dawning recognition and she slowly took the steaming mug of tea from his hands.
“Thank you.”
Brady turned a kitchen chair straddling it, and looked at the books on the kitchen table. What private devil was torturing her now? The eyes that had looked at him had hinted at a bottomless well of misery.
Slowly picking up a book he leafed through it. It opened automatically apart at a certain page. Brady saw a white paper there, like a bookmark and before he realized what he was doing, he had scanned it. It was a list of expenses, the amounts neatly entered against them. Katie’s budget for May. The balance according to the figures at the bottom would be exactly twelve dollars. Which he was sure had been depleted by the picnic Katie had provided today. Tucked in carefully behind the paper were a few coupons.
The muscles in Brady’s throat constricted but he forced himself to say, “What made you take up teaching Katie?”
“When I was in school,” Kate said slowly still not completely free of the chains of memory, “I used to think life was not worth living.” She laughed, a jeering sound in the quiet room and Brady flinched at the sound as if she’d struck him. “People think of teens and adults committing suicide but I was a ten year old who wanted to. For a long time I thought death would end the pain. One person guessed how I felt. A teacher. She used to keep me after school and let me help her in the room. Mrs. Hughes sensed I needed that time with her. She used to talk and talk and talk to me. She made me believe in myself, made me see that I could mold my own future. ‘Education’, she always said, ‘education will set you free, Kate’. It did, and when the time came to choose a career I knew I wanted to be like her, do what she did.”
Brady deliberately took a sip of the scalding tea before asking, “Have you always taught preschool?”
"No. From the time I got a work permit at sixteen I worked in a grocery store as a bagger, then as a cashier. When I left school at eighteen I did it full time to support my mother and myself. When she died, I started taking classes in child development. I was making good money by then but hated the area I lived in. When I got the chance to move to Jacaranda Meadows I grabbed it. The preschool accepted me and I quit the other job.” Her voice trailed away as Kate realized she had said too much, then picked up, tried for levity, “And that’s the story of my life in a nutshell. Tune in tomorrow at the same time for the next episode of `Kate in East L.A’.” The laugh came out as flat as a fallen soufflé.
Brady wasn’t deceived by the smile trembling on her lips. He knew her too well not to guess the wounds had been raked over by the telling. His grip tightened on the mug in his hand.
If only Katie would let him hold her, let the mingling of their tears could anesthetize the wound. But she was like a prickly hedgehog and he didn’t quite know how to handle her.
So, listening to the promptings of his legal mind, Brady decided to hold his own counsel for the t
ime being. Finishing his tea he rinsed the mugs out and then let himself out of the house aching for a touch of her lips against his.
“There’s a doggy outside Miss Katie,” Cody said.
He was on a chair helping her dry their breakfast dishes. Kate joined him at the kitchen window and saw the black dog sniffing hopefully around the bushes. As they watched, he ran to the end of the drive and then came back.
"Maybe he’s just out for a run,” Kate suggested looking to see if his owner was in sight.
The road stretched empty on either side and Kate wondered if someone had let the dog out by himself. Her eyes lingered on the jacarandas with pleasure. They were in full bloom now, bright purple splashes against the sky, the falling blooms appearing like a reflection of their grandeur.
“He’s just out for a run,” echoed Cody, "Let’s watch the Sesame Street now.”
Mrs. Webb had taped all the shows Cody might want to watch with her. “Any time you’re tired just put on a show for him. Don’t let him wear you out. We don’t normally let him watch too much but it helps in a pinch.”
There was no sign of Brady and Kate told herself she hoped it stayed that way. Then she hoped she bought the white lie..
“The doggy’s still there, Miss Katie,” Cody had climbed back on the chair after twenty minutes of watching TV Alf, telling her he needed a drink of water.
Kate joined him at the window at the same time as the dog looked up and barked at them.
“Why doesn’t he go home?” demanded Cody.
“Maybe he’s lost.” He looked thin and his fur had matted with mud at the sides. He caught Kate’s eye and barked again, ending on a pathetic little howl.
She headed for the garage, Cody close on her heels.
“Stand back Cody,” she warned as she pressed the button that operated the garaged door opener and the mutt bounded in.
