She held her hand up to ward off any argument on his part. “I understand your work is important to you. I wouldn’t dream of interfering with it. After all, my father did a lot of traveling when I was growing up. My mother tried to help me understand when he wasn’t there for my birthday or for Christmas, but I never minded then. When it hurt for me were the times he wasn’t there for their wedding anniversary or my mother’s birthday.” Shelby kept her gaze squarely on his face, but she didn’t bother to hide the pain in her eyes. “I don’t want to have to hide the hurt the way my mother did. I can’t go through this anymore.”
Jed felt his facial muscles tighten as he realized what was coming next.
“It’s well known you don’t believe in commitment,” she said. “And lately, I’ve decided that’s something I want to add to my life. I want a relationship. I realize you aren’t looking for one, so I feel it’s best if we don’t see each other anymore.”
He sat up now. “You decided to drop this on me after we made love?”
“Don’t you mean after we had sex? Jed, you are an incredible lover, and if I thought you had a heart, I would dearly love to fall in love with you. But why should I allow myself to have my heart broken by someone who doesn’t truly deserve me?” she asked in a voice so level he felt a slight simmering in his blood. “And don’t give me that nonsense about telling you the news afterward. Just remember it wasn’t until after you got me into bed that you decided to let it slip you had a six a.m. flight to catch.”
“This is something we need to discuss further,” Jed said in an equally level voice.
“That’s nice. Personally, I don’t think there’s anything more to discuss.” Shelby tucked her lipstick into her purse and picked up the leather bag.
He felt a trickle of unease travel up his back. “Where are you going?” he asked, even though he already had a good idea what her reply would be.
“Home.” She draped the purse’s strap over her shoulder. “Don’t worry about getting up. I can have Lucas call a cab for me.” She referred to the guard on duty in the apartment building’s lobby.
Jed was out of bed and across the room in a flash. Shelby had barely reached the doorway before he was there, blocking it. Now the fury in his gaze was taking over his body. His muscles looked so tight she was surprised they didn’t snap.
“If you are so insistent on going home now, I will drive you,” he stated. “But I feel it’s only right you allow me my say before you leave.”
She didn’t bat an eyelash. “Have the courtesy not to treat me like a three-year-old having a tantrum, Jed. I can make it home on my own.”
“Then at least have the courtesy to hear me out.” His facial muscles pulsed as he paused before saying a word he rarely used. “Please.”
Shelby nodded silently and turned around.
No less imposing even when nude, Jed waited until Shelby walked over to the bed and sat on the end. She looked up at him with the same bland expression she would have given a stranger.
Jed had to give her credit—she was hiding her feelings very well. If he didn’t know her as intimately as he did, he wouldn’t have guessed just how much she was hurting inside. And that hurt him.
But there was nothing he could do about that.
“You knew from the beginning how demanding my job is,” he began. “I have always done a great deal of traveling for Carlisle Imports, and coming out here seemed to mean more travel instead of less. Because of my expertise in certain matters, someone else cannot just step into my shoes at the last minute.”
“Not to mention you really wouldn’t want anyone to step into your shoes, would you?” she asked softly. For a moment, bitter pain was reflected in her eyes. “After all, there might be someone out there who’s better than you, and you’d hate that, wouldn’t you? You know, from the very beginning I always felt as if you led two lives—one when you’re here and one you lead when you’re traveling….”
“If you’re implying I have a woman in every port, you are very wrong.” Danger laced his tone. “I haven’t been with anyone from that first time I saw you. I haven’t wanted anyone else.”
“I’m not accusing you of having other women, Jed,” Shelby said wearily. All of a sudden she felt very tired. “I don’t think there’s another man I know who is as honorable as you are. All I know is I feel it’s time I have more. I deserve it. And I’m adult enough to know you aren’t the man to give it to me.”
He shifted uneasily. “I sent you flowers on your birthday and we celebrated as soon as I got back.”
She waved her hand to indicate he wasn’t truly listening to what she was saying. “I’m not talking about missed birthdays or Christmas or even Easter. I’m talking about knowing someone is there. When you’re gone, I have no idea where you are. I can’t reach you by telephone except by going through the office, and then it’s only for extreme emergencies. The one time I did call you, I didn’t hear back for days.”
Jed thought about the time she referred to. His building manager had phoned with a question about his apartment. In the end, Jed had let him know Shelby was authorized to make any decisions in his absence. Jed had thought it would make things easier all the way around. He hadn’t considered it a sign that he was counting on her as more than just a convenient bedmate when he was in town.
Funny, he never worried about Shelby when he was gone. He always felt sure she’d be there when he returned. Now she was telling him she wanted him out of her life. He’d be back to a lonely existence again. That was a prospect he wasn’t looking forward to, although it would take a lot of torture for him to admit it.
As he studied her face he realized there was a great deal more than anger inside her. He also saw pain and resignation. He wondered what she would say if he told her it wasn’t his fear of commitment but rather of eventual rejection that kept him from any long-term relationship. Still, if there was a woman he could see a future with, it was Shelby. He doubted she’d really want him for the long haul. No one else ever had. And Warren Carlisle, with his pedigree that could be traced back to the Mayflower, wouldn’t want a mongrel in his family.
“I’m sorry I have that early flight, but we can talk when I get back,” he said at last.
She shook her head. “No more talk, Jed. It isn’t going to make a difference. You can’t, or won’t, change, and I need more than you can offer.” She stood up and walked toward the door.
This time he stepped aside. “This isn’t over, Shelby,” he informed her, following her through the darkened rooms until she reached the front door. “Not by a long shot.”
The twisting in his gut tightened as he watched her pull his door key off her key ring and place it gently on the hall table.
“We will talk when I get back,” Jed stated. “If I could put off this trip, I would, but it can’t be done. I’m sorry, Shel.”
She shook her head. As she opened the door and stepped into the lighted hallway, he couldn’t help but notice the tears in her eyes.
“So am I, Jed. So am I,” she whispered, closing the door behind her.
He simply stood there, stunned.
He’d had no idea she wanted a commitment. In all this time, she hadn’t given him a hint about her feelings. He’d thought she was happy with the way things were, as he undeniably was. The missions were proving more nerve-racking each time, and sometimes the only thing that kept him going was the thought of seeing Shelby when he got back.
He thought of throwing on clothing and going downstairs after her, but instantly dismissed the idea. By the time he got down there, Lucas would have already put her in a taxi.
Jed walked back to the bedroom. The first thing he noticed was the scent of Shelby’s perfume lingering in the air. He knew it was imprinted on his bed linens, as well as his senses.
He refused to believe she meant what she’d said.
“She’s just irritated I’m leaving again,” he told himself, pulling back the sheets with a ruthless sweep of his hand. Hi
s first notion was to strip the bed, then he changed his mind. He’d sleep better with her scent in his nostrils. “I’ll send her flowers and arrange to meet her for dinner when I get back. Warren will help her understand.”
As Jed climbed into bed, he knew it wasn’t going to be easy. What do you do when you can’t tell the woman you’re involved with that you’re actually a government agent and your traveling isn’t for an import /export firm after all?
You told her the best story you could and hoped it would be enough.
“No.” Shelby picked up the vase of roses and dropped them into the wastebasket, which wobbled from side to side with the weight of the vase. Luckily, it remained upright. She dusted off her hands and walked around the desk to sit in her chair.
Warren grimaced at the sight of the fragile crystal sitting in the wastebasket. “That is the sixth bouquet you’ve thrown away. Do you realize what those roses cost?”
She picked up her gold pen and began sorting through invoices. “Seven, but who’s counting?”
Her father sat in the visitor’s chair. Dressed in a navy suit with a crisp white shirt and navy-and-burgundy floral tie, he was a tribute to Shelby’s excellent fashion sense. Shelby might have a wealthy father and a trust fund from her mother’s family, but she still ran her own business—a personal shopping service. What had started out as shopping trips with friends to help them select new wardrobes had quickly evolved into a career as she assisted friends of friends with gift ideas and any shopping they didn’t have the time or inclination to do. Even some of her trips overseas turned into shopping expeditions as she discovered items she knew some of her clients would want.
“I always felt you and Jed made the perfect couple.” Warren picked up a paperweight on Shelby’s desk and idly examined the delicate snowscape inside. “I’ve never met a man more devoted to someone the way that he is to you. I won’t lie and say I didn’t have high hopes for you two.”
She didn’t look up from her desk. “It won’t work, Daddy. While you had those hopes, he didn’t.”
Warren went on as if she hadn’t spoken. “Honey, Jed is a man with high principles. He’s someone you can trust with your life. There are few men I would trust with my daughter the way I trust him.”
Shelby glanced up. “Even if he’s been doing the dirty deed with your darling daughter?” she asked with deliberate malice.
Warren winced.
She leaned forward and cooed, “Oh, but it probably bothers you thinking of your little girl having a sex life, doesn’t it? After all, I’m supposed to remain a virgin until I’m married. Not hop into bed with Jed Hawkins. Sorry, Dad, these are the nineties.”
“If your mother could hear you right now, she would wash your mouth out with soap. I don’t want to hear any more about your sex life.” He spoke slowly, as if the words pained him.
“Fine, because I have nothing more to say. Now, if you don’t mind,” she said, sitting back in her chair, “there will be no more mention of Jed Hawkins. You can just toddle on back to your office and do whatever you do there.” She shook her head with disgust. “I swear, if I didn’t know better I’d think you were spies with all your secrets.”
Luckily, her head was bowed and she missed the swift look of shock that crossed his face before he masked his expression.
“You do realize Jed should be getting back in about four weeks?” he asked.
She didn’t look up. “Good for him.”
“You’re not going to give him a chance, are you?”
Shelby put her pen down and tilted her head back. Today her lustrous hair was arranged in a Gibson, styled with soft tendrils curling down her cheeks. Her cream-colored blouse had a lace collar that added to her old-fashioned appearance. If it wasn’t for the steel in her eyes, a man would think she was no more substantial than cotton candy. But Warren knew his daughter well. When she had that expression in her eyes, even a nuclear bomb wouldn’t budge her.
“Give me one good reason why I should?” she invited.
“He’s the best man you’ll ever find.”
Shelby didn’t look away. “But will he be there for me when I truly need him? Or off on another trip?” She smiled when Warren remained silent. “No offense, Daddy, but you forget something. Jed enjoyed things as long as our relationship was kept open-ended. If I hadn’t severed it when I did, he would have eventually. It’s much better that I did it first. Now, if you don’t mind, I would like to get these out in this afternoon’s mail.” She returned to her work.
Warren stood up. He thought sadly of the many secrets he had guarded over the years. How they had forced him to have another life separate from his family. He wanted to tell Shelby about the reasons behind Jed’s travels, the danger the man was in every trip he took. At the same time, Warren wasn’t sure it would make a difference. For all he knew, she might still decide it was better if she and Jed stayed apart.
Yet deep down Warren had the feeling that Jed wasn’t going to let Shelby just walk out of his life.
“All right. Perhaps you’d care to join me for dinner tonight?” He started for the door.
“Daddy,” she called after him. “Don’t start thinking up any elaborate schemes for Jed’s homecoming. Meredith asked me if I’d like to go up to her family’s mountain cabin, and we’ll be leaving around that time. We thought it would be a good time of year to get away from it all and commune with nature.”
Warren bit back his curse. It appeared she knew him as well as he knew her. “How long will you be gone?”
“I don’t know, but I’m sure you’ll honor my request for privacy and not tell Jed where I’ve gone.”
He swallowed another curse. “You know very well I wouldn’t do that.”
Shelby smiled. “Oh, yes, you would, you old faker. That’s why I want your promise you won’t say anything.”
“All right, I promise.” The words were torn from him with great reluctance.
“Thank you, and yes, I would love to have dinner with you this evening. I can be ready at seven.”
Warren opened her office door and started out, then stopped and turned. “You may claim you’re over the man, but I think if you’d listen to your heart, you’d find out differently.”
“If I’d listened to my heart in the first place, I would have known better than to get involved with someone like him,” she said softly.
After Warren left, Shelby felt safe enough to collapse back in her chair. The tension of holding herself together was wearing on her nerves. Right now she felt like a piece of overcooked spaghetti.
She didn’t want to admit she still cried herself to sleep almost every night. She didn’t want to admit she had saved a rose from every bouquet that arrived and pressed it in a book. She didn’t want to admit she was already in love with Jed. Admitting it made it true, and she couldn’t handle that kind of truth right now.
She vowed that, no matter what, she would get on with her life. Even if the life she would be leading from now on would be nothing more than a bleak existence.
Chapter 2
“This is what I call heaven, even if there aren’t any decent men around to provide some lovely scenery.” Meredith Ackerman gave a sigh as she relaxed in a chaise lounge on the wraparound porch. She stretched out legs that seemed to go on forever. Her brief white shorts and white, midriff-baring halter top showed off her deep golden tan. Even if there weren’t any men around, she believed in dressing to attract. She twisted her feet one way, then the other to admire the pearly, rose-colored nail polish she’d used on her toenails. “I never thought I could enjoy peace and quiet, but I have to admit being here has recharged my batteries better than any of my stays at the spa.” She thought for a moment. “Well, unless you include the time that Italian count was there,” she mused.
“It’s relaxing here because you’re not worrying about rushing to your next aerobics class or making your facial appointment on time. Not to mention all your wondering about which man is available.” Shelby was co
ntent to lay back with her eyes closed as the warm afternoon sun warmed her skin. “I am so glad you suggested we come up here. I really needed this.”
Until they had arrived at the cabin ten days ago, she hadn’t realized how badly she needed this getaway. Shelby had left the phones to Clara, who would explain Ms. Carlisle was out of town and would schedule appointments for Shelby’s return. She enjoyed having a career that gave her the freedom to take time off when she wished. Plus, she always tended to snoop around shops wherever she went in case she happened to find just the right item she knew a client would appreciate.
Even though she had ordered herself not to think about Jed, it proved to be easier said than done. Especially when she knew he should have returned about a week ago. She wondered if Meredith’s timing was deliberate. Knowing her friend, it was. After all, Shelby had whisked her away to that desert spa when Meredith’s latest love had left her for a cosmetics clerk. To date, Meredith hadn’t stepped one foot inside that department store even though it had been one of her favorites.
“Oh, come on, Shelby. Do you honestly think coming up here will allow you to forget about Jed?” Meredith asked.
Shelby hid her grimace of dismay. There were times when she wondered if her friend read minds. “Jed who?” she asked innocently.
Meredith rolled her eyes. “Oh, puleeze! You know very well I’m talking about one of the sexiest men these eyes have seen in a long time. I cannot believe you think you can just say he’s out of your life like that—” she snapped her fingers “—and he’ll meekly go his own way. No tantrum, no screaming on your part. You have great restraint, my dear.”
“You think he’s so great? He’s yours,” Shelby offered. “In fact, you have my blessing, my child. Go for it.”
“I wish it was that easy.” Meredith sat up on the chaise and crossed her legs in the lotus position. Since she’d started yoga classes, she chose to show off her flexibility any chance she had. “There’s just one problem. The man only has eyes for you. It doesn’t take much to see that he is wrapped around your little finger.”
No More Mister Nice Guy Page 2
