by Cat Johnson
Great. Nothing Jimmy loved more than the press. “So let’s let Jared deal with them all. He planned this mess.”
“Oh, I plan on it. I’m sending Nicki away for the day too. I don’t want her face in the newspaper right now. And you and I shouldn’t be posing for any photos ourselves. The commander would shit a brick and our undercover days would be over. I figure we can hang out at the barn and watch Jared’s circus from a distance.”
Circus was a good description. From what he knew of the senator, the man was pretty much a clown who’d do anything to get the most people to cheer him on and vote him into office again. Jimmy would love watching his youngest brother Jared play gentleman farmer for the idiots, as long as he didn’t have to do it with him.
He nodded in agreement with Jack’s plan. “Sounds good.”
“So, Staff Sergeant Gordon. You’re here for an evaluation.” The doctor glanced down at the paper in his hand through glasses that hung just on the end of his nose. When he raised his gaze again, he looked at Jimmy over the top of the frames.
Jimmy hadn’t been referred to by his rank since he’d been recruited out of the Marines for Task Force Zeta. It sounded strange hearing it now, but he supposed it was still accurate so he didn’t correct the man.
“Yes, sir, and call me Jimmy.” He glanced at the nameplate on the desk. Dr. Marvin Stein, PhD, MD. That was quite a mouthful. Absently, he wondered what Marvin’s friends called him for short. Marv, perhaps?
Doctor Marv took a pen from among the many lined up neatly in his breast pocket and scribbled something on a pad of paper. “Okay, Jimmy. Tell me about yourself.”
Jimmy raised a brow. Much like the stages of grief, he’d gone through many emotions over the last twenty-four hours since the commander had ordered the psych evaluation. First he’d been elated, followed closely by anger that he didn’t need some doctor’s note to tell him if he was ready to go back to duty. Now, finally, he simply felt acceptance. Whatever it took to get back on active duty, he’d do. Even put up with Freud here watching him over the top of his granny glasses while taking notes on everything he said and did.
“Um, about me. Okay. I was born in Pigeon Hollow thirty-four years ago on the horse farm that’s been in my mama’s family for three generations. Daddy was a drunk. He took off when I was fifteen, leaving Mama to raise us three boys. I’m the oldest so I helped as much as I could. I was all-state in football in high school—”
The doctor held up his hand. “This is all very interesting, Jimmy. But perhaps we could skip ahead to what happened on your mission and your recovery since then.”
Well, he had asked. As a doctor, you would think he’d be more specific with his questions. Although it was just the local VA hospital, not the Mayo Clinic, so Jimmy didn’t expect much from the doctors.
“All right. Well, my family doc says I’m pretty much all recovered from the injuries I sustained. My ribs will be sore for a little bit more. Broken ribs seem to take forever to heal. But my spleen is back to normal now.”
“I’m not talking about your body, Jimmy, although I am happy to hear you’re healing nicely. I’m talking about you emotionally.”
Hmm. Muddier waters. “I’m fine there too, doc.”
“Ah.” The doctor nodded and scribbled something else.
Ah? What did ah mean? Jimmy fought the urge to stand up and grab the pad right out of his hand.
“Tell me what you’ve been doing during your time home, Jimmy.”
Wrestling his attention off the yellow paper, Jimmy managed to come up with an answer. “Um, well I was totally laid up for a few weeks or so. The doc wouldn’t let me move because of the spleen thing. My ankle had been busted too and the house is full of stairs, so it was easier to stay up in my room. Now I get around all right though. The ankle’s practically good as new, though I bet I’ll be able to predict when it’s going to rain from now on.” He laughed at his little joke. The doctor didn’t.
“And what do you do for fun?”
“Uh, well…” How was he going to explain the unauthorized and probably illegal op they’d recently staged under Jack’s command? “I…uh…joined my brother and some members of my unit for a night at our old hunting cabin a few weeks back. That was fun. Oh, and my brother got a new girlfriend. She works with the horses at our farm. We all hang out together sometimes.”
His life was sounding pretty pitiful now that he thought about it. If it weren’t for Nicki and her mob friends, he’d have nothing at all to talk about.
“I see. What about you? Is there a special woman in your life?”
Besides the girl he’d spent one night having unforgettable sex with six months ago and hadn’t stopped thinking about since? “No. My job isn’t exactly conducive to long-term relationships.”
He could just picture the date-night conversation had he taken Lia out before he left for his mission. Having to tell her he wasn’t a waiter and that he was leaving for a job he couldn’t tell her about for he didn’t know how long. Oh, and he couldn’t call, write or email for the undetermined duration of it. That would have gone over really well. About as well as if he could have told her the truth, that he would be pretending to be a terrorist recruit and if he was exposed they’d try to torture him to death.
Marv nodded and scribbled some more. “Of course. That’s totally understandable. Any trouble sleeping since you’ve been home? Nightmares?”
Jimmy shook his head while squinting at the upside-down writing on the pad. “No. Not really.”
During his first few days in the German military hospital, he would wake up in a cold sweat with his heart pounding until he realized he was safe. But that was to be expected, he figured. It wasn’t a bad dream. More like it took a minute to remember he’d been rescued from the real-life nightmare.
The doctor was giving him that probing stare again. “Anything you say here is confidential, Jimmy. So I want you to speak freely.”
Yeah. So he could tell the commander not to put him back on active duty. No way.
As Jimmy considered that, his new pal Marv continued. “I also want to be honest with you. You are incredibly well-adjusted considering what you’ve been through. I feel going back on active duty is the best thing for you at this point. I made that determination based upon the fact that the only thing you’ve shown any excitement over in this interview was the night you spent with the men from your unit.”
It had been one hell of a night, but more importantly, this guy was going to let him get back to work. His heart rate kicked into high gear at the thought.
“However, I also think there are things you’re not telling me. I really do want to help you. So…” The doctor took a white piece of paper out of his drawer, scribbled some more and then slid it across the desk. “That is my recommendation you be put on active duty immediately. It’s yours to give to your commander. Take it and put it away, then tell me what you’re holding back.”
“Thanks, doc.” Jimmy took the paper, but still hesitated spilling his guts to this man. What good would it do? He just wanted to take his paper and go.
The doctor filled the silence. “Do you know why your commander sent you to me in particular and not to any of the other doctors here?”
Jimmy shook his head. “I guess I didn’t think about it.”
“I was a POW in Nam.”
“Wow. I didn’t know.” Jimmy suddenly saw the man with new respect.
Dr. Stein waited expectantly. What was it about silence that made a person want to fill it?
Jimmy shrugged. “I don’t know what kind of revelation you’re looking for here, doc. There’s really nothing to tell.”
“Isn’t there?”
Jimmy thought his lying skill had been honed pretty well, but good old Marv obviously saw right through him. Actually, he’d apparently somehow messed up in Kosovo too. Maybe he needed some more training in the deception department.
He let out a deep sigh. “It’s just that I don’t seem to have much inte
rest in anything anymore. I feel… Well that’s just it. I don’t feel anything at all. Not angry, not happy, not excited—except for that one time with my brother and teammates. I’m not even, um, horny.”
The doc nodded. Jimmy was very happy he wasn’t taking notes on any of that, particularly the last part.
“It sounds to me like depression, which is not surprising. You’ve been in the teams so long it’s become your identity. Being forced to sit on the sidelines has left you without purpose. The lack of sexual interest is typical of depression. I think all of the symptoms will pass when you get back to the base.” He smiled. “In fact, you perked up the minute I gave you that paper. But if it doesn’t get better, call me and I’ll prescribe something for you.”
Relief flooded through him. He hadn’t realized how good it would feel to admit his fears to a stranger, someone he hadn’t grown up with and who wouldn’t judge him, try to cheer him up or reason away his feelings. He stood and extended his arm to shake hands with the doctor. “That’s great to hear, doc. I feel better already.”
The doctor laughed. “I can see that. Good luck, Jimmy.”
“Thanks, doc.” He nodded and was out the door with the golden ticket back to active duty clutched tightly in his hand. Now all he had to do was make it through Jared’s political circus this afternoon and he was home free.
Chapter Five
Lia rode in the limo next to her father and stared out the window at the rural scenery speeding by. Meeting with the Small Farmers Coalition at Gordon Equine was far preferable to some stuffy cocktail party. Best of all, although the senator was coming, his son wasn’t. Lia would gladly walk her three-hundred-dollar shoes through horse manure any day if it meant getting away from him.
The sun was shining. She was wearing a pantsuit instead of a dress that required a torturous strapless bra and stockings. All in all, it was a good day. It would have been a better day if her mother had agreed to come with them when Lia suggested the trip to the country might do her good. Of course, she’d said she wasn’t feeling up to the drive. It had become such habit for Lia to accompany her father, she feared her mother would never take her rightful place again.
Lia mentally reviewed her schedule for the next week. There would be three of the aforementioned stuffy cocktail parties this weekend alone. The most ridiculous thing was she had to control her heartbeat each and every time she walked into one. Even after six months, she’d search the waitstaff to see if James was among them.
It was crazy. She needed help. Although perhaps he needed the help. What guy could have the amazing kind of night they had together and not call afterward? She wasn’t expecting him to ask her out on a date or anything, but come on. Not even a midnight drunken booty call? Nothing, nada, zip. For six damn months.
The bigger question was why did it bother her so much? She’d worked that one over in many a therapy session. Her therapist thought it was because he had rejected her first before she had a chance to reject him and that it particularly bothered her since he was from a lower station in life.
She knew it was more likely she was obsessed with him because, unlike all the men who fawned over her, this one hadn’t taken any of her shit. He was a real man, not a spoiled rich boy. He knew his mind and treated her like an equal, not the governor’s daughter. After the initial shock that she wasn’t always going to get her way around James had worn off, she’d really liked that about him.
Her therapist also thought she’d slept with James as a rebellion against her father and the pressure he’d been putting on her regarding the senator’s son. The psychologist may be a little bit right about that. Amelia nearly laughed out loud in the limo when she considered what her father would say if she ever brought James home.
Hello, father. I’d like you to meet my new boyfriend the waiter. I’m going to marry him and have his babies and they will likely all grow up to be waiters too.
Marry him. Sure. She hadn’t even made enough of an impression for him to call her. But boy, had he made an impression on her. He knew how to please a woman, at least this woman. Every inch of her. All night long until morning when he had to rush off to an early meeting with his boss.
Wait… Early meeting? What kind of early meetings did waiters have? That was just an excuse to get out of there and she’d been too blinded from the sex haze he’d left her in to see it then. That was a demoralizing thought. What was laughable was she had actually hesitated before inviting him to the hotel because she was worried he’d fall in love with her and become a stalker or something. Humph. He probably slept with a different woman at every party he worked. No wonder he was so well-stocked with condoms. He probably bought them by the case.
Lia shook her head at her own foolishness. Six damn months and he was still on her mind and it still killed her he hadn’t called. She definitely needed help, or maybe some sex. But the only man she’d even gone to dinner with lately was the senator’s son, at her father’s insistence. No way was she going to encourage him with anything more than just a casual dinner and a peck on the cheek or she’d find herself married. That was not going to happen. John III held zero appeal for her, as a lifemate or a bedmate.
The limo pulled down a charming magnolia-lined drive and up to a white farmhouse that, in typical southern tradition, had Tara-like columns in front. The car came to a stop and the driver opened Lia’s door. She stepped out into the sunlight, slipping her sunglasses on to shield her eyes from the glare. At least today’s event would be a distraction from her pitiful love life.
The scent of jasmine wafted to Lia’s nose. She breathed in deep, perhaps for the first time in a long time. Running in the rat race in the city wasn’t really conducive to breathing deeply. Not with the car fumes and all.
It was beautiful here and peaceful. Besides, she’d always wanted her own horse. Maybe she’d move to the country. That would really give her father heart failure. How could he play matchmaker with her so far away? It was a nice dream, but it was expected that a dutiful Southern daughter did what was best for her family. She couldn’t fight tradition, though she might have tried if things had turned out differently… Lia pushed the pointless thoughts of James out of her mind. One day a man would sweep her off her feet and she’d forget all about her night with James. Hopefully, that day would come soon.
Jimmy stood in the shade of the barn, chewing on a piece of hay and watching the limos and trucks pull up. What a joke. As if a politician who arrived in a chauffeur-driven limousine could really understand the views of a farmer who drove himself in a pickup truck hauling a horse trailer. Yeah, good luck to Jared with this little powwow.
Jack stood next to him, acting like he was incognito with his straw cowboy hat pulled low on his forehead. He needn’t have worried. So far the press only had eyes, or rather camera lenses, for the politicians. To them, Jimmy and Jack were just two farmhands loafing around when they should probably be busy mucking stalls instead.
Of course, a few of the farmers they’d grown up knowing had come over to welcome them home. But everyone went rushing back to the meeting tables set up under the big trees by the house when the politicians arrived.
“Mama’s been baking for two days straight. I tried to cut into one of her pies and got my butt smacked with a wooden spoon over it. I had memories of being ten again, when I cut into the pie before Christmas dinner the year Grandma and Grandpa Gordon were coming.” Jack shook his head slowly as he reminisced.
Jimmy laughed. “You think you would have learned not to touch Mama’s pies after that time. If I remember correctly, you couldn’t sit for two days that Christmas.”
Jack rubbed his butt with the memory. “I learned. I just thought that when I turned thirty Mama couldn’t smack me anymore.”
“Well then, boy, you still have a lot left to learn. Mama can smack you no matter how old you are.”
Jack rolled his eyes beneath the brim of his cowboy hat. “I never thought I’d say this, but going back to the commander will be a
n improvement over living with Mama for two weeks.”
Jimmy snorted. “How do you think I feel? I’ve been here a hell of a lot longer than you. When I first got out of the hospital, she wouldn’t even let me go to the toilet. She tried to make me use a bedpan. She was going to help me do it too. How would you like to be thirty-four and have your mama helping you take a piss or a dump?”
“All right, you win with the worst ‘living with Mama’ story. It will be good to get back to the base for both of us.”
“Amen.” Jimmy agreed wholeheartedly on that one.
“Ooo, eee. Look at the hot number getting out of that limo. I never had me a redhead.”
Jimmy looked at his brother in shock. “You’ve got yourself a pretty hot brunette. What the hell, Jack?”
Jack frowned. “Oh, don’t get your panties in a bunch. I’m only looking. Nicki’s the only girl I want. I’m just saying, I wonder if they’re, you know, red all over.” He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.
A horrible and wonderful image flashed through Jimmy’s mind of a Brazilian bikini wax punctuated by a triangle of red curls that he’d never see again. “They are.”
Jack opened his eyes wide. “Whoa. Tell me everything.”
“No.” Then he turned away to make sure Jack knew he wasn’t going to kiss and tell.
That’s when Jimmy saw her and nearly choked on the piece of straw he’d been chewing on. Next to the limo stood the woman his brother, Jack, had been ogling. His redhead. Lia. His throat felt so dry he didn’t think he’d ever be able to swallow again. His pulse pounded so loudly he wouldn’t be surprised if Jack heard it.
Even though Jimmy’s world had suddenly stopped dead at the sight of Lia, the rest of the universe kept on going. At that point, everyone who was expected must have arrived, because Jared walked up to the podium and began speaking into the microphone he’d borrowed from the Rotary Club. Jimmy had no idea what his brother was saying. He only had eyes for Lia, who was escorted by the same VIP she’d been with at the party. Was she his press secretary or something? The thought that Lia could have been dating some older-than-dirt politician at the same time she’d had amazing sex with him made Jimmy ill.
