by Tina Leonard
“Not at the moment. I’m just going to spend time with Lucy until something comes up.”
“I know what you mean. I’m on hiatus right now from my talk show. It’s my vacation time, but everything will move into high gear again soon.”
“How nice of you to donate to Lucy on your vacation. I’m sure you’d rather have been in France or somewhere more romantic than a hospital. Or this apartment.” She glanced around the room. “It is small, isn’t it?”
“Well, it’s just right for two or three people,” Christine said. “And since I’m going home tomorrow, it will seem a lot larger.”
“Oh.” Alarm lit Marissa’s eyes. “I didn’t know you were going back so soon.”
“I’d stay longer, but frankly, I think Carolyn has taken care of me long enough.”
“Yes. Well, I must be going.” Marissa walked to the door, and Christine held it open for her. “Once again, thank you so much. Ben and I really appreciate it. We can’t thank you enough.”
Christine smiled. “It was no trouble. As I say, Carolyn wants Ben to be happy, and she adores Lucy. Ben’s been through enough losing his mother, so it was the least I could do. Good luck with the modeling career. You should do my talk show sometime. We could do a special on leukemia, and you could talk about all the information that’s out there for people to access. It gives everyone hope when they realize that these types of things happen to celebrities, too.”
Marissa stepped through the door, clearly not certain what to think about Christine’s unexpected offer. “Have your agent call mine,” she said awkwardly. “Thank you.”
“I will. Goodbye.” Christine waved, smiled and closed the door. Shaking her head, she looked at the pot of mums. Question asked, question answered, she thought to herself. She hadn’t done anything for Marissa. Everything she’d done was for her sister, and the man and little girl she loved.
Sighing, she waited a few minutes, then took the pot of mums to the downstairs apartment, leaving it beside the door of an elderly neighbor of Carolyn’s. Then she went upstairs and began to pack her bags.
* * *
“YOU CAN’T LEAVE! Not yet!” Carolyn said, coming home that night to see her sister’s bedroom bereft of strewn clothing.
“It’s time for me to get back to the real world, sis.” Christine patted the sofa so that Carolyn would sit down beside her. “I’m all better now.”
“Christine! I know you said you were leaving, but I didn’t believe you. You’re still sore. You’re not ‘all better.’“ Carolyn didn’t want to lose her sister, now that they’d grown so close.
“I’m much better than when I came here,” Christine told her quietly. “I was running from a potential relationship I knew was bad for me, and I’m over it now. I’ve seen what you and Ben have, and I know what real love should look like.”
“I don’t know if that’s what it is. He sent me beautiful roses today, but…I don’t know.”
“Speaking of flowers, Marissa dropped in to see me this afternoon. She brought me some mums, which I gave to your neighbor downstairs. She thanked me for what I did for Lucy, but I told her I really did it for you and Ben as well as Lucy.”
Carolyn’s eyes widened. “How can you be so brave? You just say whatever is on your mind, Christine.”
Her sister laughed. “Talk is my gift, remember? Besides, I felt sorry for her. She’s not one of those witchy women you just automatically want to kill because you can envision the imaginary knife they’re holding to your throat. She’s confused, a bit unhappy, not sure where the landing pad is in her life. She’s pretty certain she doesn’t want Ben, but now she’s seen you two together, and her daughter’s going to be part of your lives, she’s scared. At least that’s what I got out of the visit.”
“She told you all that? No wonder you have your own talk show!”
“No, she didn’t say much of any of that. I read her mind.”
Carolyn stared at her sister. “You told me not to try to read Ben’s tea leaves.”
Christine patted her hand. “This is different. Marissa is transparent, bless her heart. It’s the old fable about the dog who’s holding a bone in his mouth. He looks in the pond, sees another dog holding a bone, opens his mouth to grab the other dog’s bone because he’s greedy, and loses both bones. Marissa wanted it both ways—to have a full-time career and still have Ben and Lucy totally to herself. It’s sad, little sister.”
“Some women manage to have both career and family.”
“Yes, but not when they love themselves the most.” She hugged her sister. “Her daughter has leukemia. She should have put Lucy and Ben first. Instead, she saw Lucy’s illness as a reflection on her. Bad mothering, or bad genes in her perfect résumé, I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. But she doesn’t love Ben. She’s going to try to convince him in the next few days that they should be a family again, or something like that—I’ll bet my lipstick bathrobe and feather mules on it. She looked so lost and unhappy. But don’t you fall for it, because Ben won’t.”
“Don’t leave, Christine.” Carolyn put her arms around her sister’s neck, hugging her. “I haven’t gotten to spend nearly enough time with you. I didn’t want to spend any time with you when we were younger, but I need you now.”
Christine laughed. “We’ll burn up the phone lines and the Internet every night chatting about our love lives.”
Carolyn gasped and pulled back from the hug. “You said you’re not returning to Rasputin.”
“I’m not.” Christine shook her head. “I realized there were probably way too many souvenirs to catch if I took that particular trip. My soulmate is out there somewhere. It’s probably best if I don’t find him for a while, though. I want to get my tattoo after all, and I can’t for a year.”
“Heaven forbid you should find the man of your dreams before you make a tattoo appointment. Make it asap in case you find Mr. Right!” Carolyn couldn’t imagine any man not wanting her beautiful, sexy and talkative sister.
“No, I have to wait in case Lucy needs me again. The nurse told me a tattoo would make me ineligible as a donor for a year. I’m willing to wait for a tattoo and a man.”
“Why does the tattoo have to come before the man?”
“Because it’s the way I have my life ordered. All the surgery and cosmetic things get done on the outside before I let anyone on the inside where my heart is.”
“Christine,” Carolyn said, shaking her head, “I’m not certain we come from the same mother sometimes. How come I’m so pragmatic, and you’re so uninhibited?”
“We both dealt with our family situation the way we could. Just remember when you get married, the little ones soak up everything they hear and see.” She patted Carolyn’s hand. “For that fact alone, you could be better for Lucy than Marissa is, no matter how much she may try to convince everyone otherwise. She and Ben were not happy together. He’s crazy about you. You remember I told you that when I’m gone.”
“Don’t go, Christine,” Carolyn pleaded. “Just when I needed a sister the most, you popped into my life.”
“Well, it’s good that I made up for letting you down when you had your hysterectomy. I should have been here, Carolyn, and I make a solemn promise never to let you down again.”
A knock on the door shattered the quiet, and Christine got up to answer the door.
Ben stood on the other side, bearing Chinese food. “Can I take up space on your sofa for a while?”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
”COME ON IN,” Christine said. “We like Chinese food.”
Carolyn came to take the bag of food from Ben. “Roses and Chinese food in one day.”
“This man knows how to romance a lady.” Christine grabbed plates and glasses from a cupboard. “And her sister.”
“
I know Marissa came by to see you today, Christine. I hope that was all right.”
“It was fine with me. It was charitable of her.” Christine helped Carolyn set the table, and Ben set the food down. “How’s Lucy?”
“Having a bit of a down day. Marissa’s with her now, so I thought I’d come over here and check on the patient. Although you don’t seem like you’re a patient any longer,” he observed.
“Nope. I’m going home tomorrow as a matter of fact. If you need a place to stay, there’ll be an empty room.”
Carolyn jumped. “Christine!”
Ben shook his head. “I’ve already taken some stuff over to a hotel that’s close to the hospital. But thanks.”
The three of them sat down. Carolyn lit small tea candles in brass holders. “I guess I’ve caused some problems for you.”
“No.” Ben shook his head. “No problems at all. Marissa and I felt comfortable with the arrangement we had so we could give Lucy as much time with both of us as possible. Now, hopefully Lucy is going to be on the mend.”
“I was telling Carolyn that I just know my marrow is the closest thing to Superwoman’s. Supercharged with good health.” Christine smiled and dug painted wooden chopsticks into a box of rice. “Ben, when could Lucy conceivably leave the hospital?”
“Maybe in early October. We’ll have a better idea after a couple of weeks. With luck, days like today will get further and further apart as she gets stronger.” He sighed, helping himself to almond chicken. “She’s been through a lot.”
“You all have.”
“Did you ever hear anything else from your brother?” Carolyn asked.
“No. I didn’t expect to right away. I imagine Ryan’s got a lot going through his mind right now, same as I do. I’m in no hurry, and I doubt he is, either. After this many years of not knowing each other, what’s a few more weeks?”
Carolyn and Christine stared at each other over their plates, not saying a word.
“Did I say something?” Ben asked. “Something meaningful that I’m not aware of?”
Carolyn was so grateful that she and Christine had the time to finally get to know each other. Of course, she had known Christine all her life; they’d just never been close. Ben’s and Ryan’s lives were totally different. “No, Christine and I have just enjoyed our time together so much that we’re glad we didn’t lose any more apart. But your circumstances are far different, Ben.”
“So what’s the big rush to get back to New York, Christine?”
“Work. I’ve got to earn a living.”
“Maybe I should have fixed you up with my brother while you were here.”
Carolyn smiled. “Oh, the implication is that she needs a Texas man to keep her here?”
“Would it?” he asked Christine. “Or are you strictly a career woman like Marissa?”
Christine and Carolyn glanced at each other again, their expressions worried.
“Now what did I say?”
Carolyn figured now was as good a time as any to mention exactly what was worrying her most, while she still had her sister to help her be brave. “When Marissa was here today, Christine felt she was trying to tell her that her place was here in Texas. With Lucy. And with you.”
* * *
BEN RETURNED to the hospital, amazed by what Carolyn had told him and determined to talk to Marissa about it. Never once in their marriage had she ever made any pretense of wanting to be in Texas for his sake. He’d met her while she was on a modeling assignment, for heaven’s sake. Texas was not her home; California was. Why would she try to let Christine think otherwise?
He walked down the corridor and entered Lucy’s room, pleased to see Marissa asleep on the bed, her head on Lucy’s pillow as she reclined next to her daughter. Marissa was beautiful. Their daughter would have the same facial features once the puffiness from chemo and the transplant had passed.
But Marissa had never told him she would stay at his side in Texas, and he had never asked her. He had understood that her job involved going where the photo shoot was. He had just believed that though they might occasionally work in separate places, their hearts would stay as one. And then Lucy had come along, her existence forever sealing the bond with Marissa.
Lucy opened her eyes, smiling the instant she saw her daddy. She put a finger to her lips. “Sh,” she said. “Mommy’s sleeping.”
His heart stung. It wasn’t Lucy’s fault that he and Marissa no longer loved each other; she loved them both, in spite of the faults they each possessed.
“She’s tired after her late flight in last night,” Ben said, proud of his daughter’s consideration of her mother. “You’re a big girl to be so sweet to your mother.”
“I like having her here. I wish she didn’t always have to be gone.”
He nodded. “I know.”
“Do you think she’ll stay with us longer this time?”
His heart tightened in his chest. How could he tell her that everything had already changed? He was no longer staying at the ranch house; they would never again wake up sharing the same home as a family.
All because of his feelings for Carolyn.
It wasn’t fair to Lucy to make her sad now, not while she needed everyone who loved her to help keep her happy and strong. She almost never cried. He couldn’t bear it if she cried over pain he might cause her. “I don’t know,” he said finally, opting for the passage of time to help him formulate an appropriate reply to his daughter’s question.
Marissa’s eyes opened slowly, her head popping up as she realized Ben was in the room. She smoothed her hair down. “You’re back,” she said. “That was quick.”
He’d told her he was going to Carolyn’s. “Yeah. Just Chinese takeout.” Scratching at his chin uncomfortably, he said, “Can we talk for a minute?”
“Sure.” She slid off the bed, giving Lucy a fast kiss. “Do you need anything?”
“No.” Lucy grabbed her stuffed pony and closed her eyes again.
“We’ll be right outside your door. Call us if you need anything,” Marissa said.
Ben followed his ex-wife from the room. He watched her for some sign that she was still harboring feelings for him, but she seemed the same as she had since their divorce. Civil, self-possessed, comfortable with the status of their relationship. “Did you mention to Christine that you intended to stay here in Texas?”
“Well, yes. I told you I was out of work.” Her eyebrows rose. “Where else would I be between shoots besides with my child?”
That sounded reasonable to him. It was exactly the way he would hope she would feel; Lucy needed her mommy and her daddy. “It’s just that, I think she thought you meant that maybe you meant to stay with me.”
“We’re not staying together now,” she said softly. “You’re staying wherever, and I’m at the house. Is there a problem?”
“I don’t think so.”
She sighed. “Let me tell you something, Ben. I understand you’re in love with someone else now. Both of us moved on in our lives. But there’s still Lucy, and Carolyn and Christine are just going to have to understand that I’m part of her life. It skews the picture a little, maybe, of Carolyn stepping into my shoes, but that’s not my problem. I’m Lucy’s mother, and I always will be.” She took a deep breath. “And if you or anybody else took my absence to mean that I don’t care about my daughter, there needs to be some second thought put into judging me. I never said I would handle my daughter’s illness gracefully. Where you needed another woman to shore you up, I’ve relied upon myself, and just because I haven’t always been here, I also don’t expect to be labeled the evil witch because of it.”
He stared at her. “I don’t think anyone thinks that.”
“It’s what has been implied. Marissa the bad mother doesn’
t deserve to be with her daughter because she doesn’t fit other people’s idea of what a mother should be.”
He put his hands on her shoulders. “Marissa, stop. Let’s not fight. I’m not upset. I’m just asking what your intentions are now.”
“To stay with my daughter, which is the same as always when I’m not working.” She turned and went into Lucy’s room with a last resentful look. She startled him by stepping back into the hall. “Perhaps I’m not the inconvenience, Ben. Perhaps it’s someone who hasn’t been part of our arrangement, which has worked very well for us up till now.”
She marched back into the room. Blowing out a long breath, Ben followed her. “I would never want anyone to take your place as far as Lucy’s concerned, Marissa.”
They both looked at their sleeping daughter.
Marissa’s eyes glistened as she gazed back at him. “It’s just hard, Ben, knowing that nothing’s going to be the way it was.”
He sat down next to her in a hospital chair. “It’s not Carolyn’s fault.”
“I know. I tell myself that. And still, I can’t help feeling that she’s an interloper. Then I get mad at myself, because I’m so damned grateful for all that she’s done for us, for Lucy.” She started to cry. “To make it worse, I feel betrayed somehow. When we hired her to find your brother, I never dreamed she’d find your bed, damn it. I tell myself it doesn’t matter, but I trusted her. I know that doesn’t make sense. We’re divorced, what we do in our private lives is separate from the extended family we keep for Lucy’s sake. This isn’t a soap opera, you know, where the manipulative bitch tries to keep the man away from the woman he loves. I want you to be happy, Ben. I just didn’t ever envision that your happiness would mean I’d get moved to the side in this way.”
Theirs was such a tangled mass of feelings that he wasn’t sure he could address her main concern. He handed her a tissue, and then, because he truly did care about her and she’d been through as much as anyone with Lucy’s illness, he held her head against his shoulder, rubbing her arm consolingly.
