I pursed my lips and sighed. “He talks to me more, so I suppose that’s good, but I feel like there’s something he’s holding back. I feel like there’s something he’s just not telling me.”
Mariana sighed and put her hands on her hips, shaking her head back and forth slowly. “I don’t really know if this is my place or not, but I don’t think he’s going to tell you and I really think someone should,” she muttered, running her hand through her hair.
My brows furrowed as I frowned. “What do you mean?”
She sighed and looked at me. “Come on.” She took my hand and led me through the market until we came to a break. She led me to the river bank and had me sit down on a tree branch before settling in next to me.
“There’s something he hasn’t told you.”
I frowned deeply. “What?”
“He was married before.”
“But he said--”
“He said he had no children and that is not a lie. He was married to a woman named Riley. She was a gem. We all loved her.”
“Loved?” My voice trailed off.
Mariana sighed and looked into the river. “She was so young and full of life. No one expected it to happen,” she whispered.
“Expected what to happen?” I urged.
“Some cattle rustlers came through,” she whispered, looking off into the distance. “They went through town and burned the buildings down to force everyone out. A few places were spared and the doctor’s clinic was one of them. Riley and James were hiding there, waiting for the rustlers to pass but then a young girl ran out, trying to escape a burning building. She couldn’t have been older than thirteen. The rustlers grabbed her and tried to run off with her, but Riley stepped out and shot the man who had the girl. She saved the girl, but Riley didn’t stand a chance. She was shot dead in the street. James tried to save her, but there’s only so much a doctor can do. She died in his arms and we all found out later that she’d been pregnant.”
I stared at Mariana, my eyes filling with tears. I understood his reluctance and his distance now. I understood the heartbreak in his voice when he asked me to be his nurse. I stood slowly and took Mariana’s hands.
“Thank you. I know it was probably difficult for you to tell me. I know you probably think you crossed a line, but I’m so thankful. God brought me here for a reason, and maybe, just maybe it’s to heal the heart of this town’s doctor.”
Mariana stood and wrapped her arms around me. “If you’re as a good a nurse as they say, you might just stand a chance.
I smiled softly and held her tight. I wanted to help him. I wanted to help my doctor know that he was not alone. I was not going to let him be alone anymore.
Chapter 6
I wanted to confront him that day but it seemed unwise. I needed him to open up to me and cornering him was not going to do me any good. The last thing I wanted was to scare him away. I needed to approach this gently. I waited and bided my time. I wanted to break down the walls he’d so carefully built. Maybe it was cruel of me, but it was the only way I knew how to help him.
Weeks passed and I started to understand that there was no right time. There was not ever going to be a perfect time and I was just going to have to make it happen. I didn’t know if what I was doing was the right thing or not, but after praying on it, I came to a decision.
I put little Thomas to bed and kissed him gently. He was growing so fast and I wanted James to be there for him as a father, but as long as James’s heart was torn in two, I knew he couldn’t be a husband or a father. I was his wife and just as it was my duty to heal the sick, it was my duty to mend my husband’s broken heart.
He was already in bed and a storm was raging outside. I had the perfect excuse to crawl into bed with him. I knocked on the door and poked my head in. “James?”
“What is it?”
“I was wondering if I could lie with you tonight? We are husband and wife, after all, and the storm is scaring me.”
He sighed and moved closer to one side of the bed holding the blankets up so I could get in. “I suppose one night together couldn’t hurt anything,” he murmured.
I crawled in beside him and smiled softly. “Thank you.”
“Of course.”
I scooted close to him and put my forehead to his back. “James?”
“Yes, darling?”
“I need to ask you something.”
“What is it?”
“Why are you so distant? With me and Thomas?”
I felt him tense and I reached out to wrap my arms around him, hopefully keeping him from running off. He was silent for a long time and swallowed thickly.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
That simple statement made it clear to me that I was going to have to be more aggressive. “Tell me about Riley.”
He tensed up even more and he tried to pull away but I brought him back and held him close. “Don’t run from me, James,” I pleaded.
He grit his teeth. “Someone already told you, didn’t they?” he whispered, his words almost venomous.
“Yes. I had to know more about you!”
“Then why didn’t you ask me?!”
“I am! I’m asking now and you’re still fighting me!” I urged.
He closed his eyes and tried to pull away, but I wouldn’t let him. “She doesn’t blame you! She’s in heaven and I’m sure she’d be so proud of you and all the good you’ve done for this town! But she wouldn’t want you to beat yourself up. She wouldn’t want you to be lonely!”
He shook in my arms and I knew he was trying to hold back tears. I held him close and swallowed hard. “You need to let yourself heal. You need to let yourself be happy. She wouldn’t want to see you like this. You’re trying to hold everything in and build up these walls because you don’t want to get hurt again, but you’re tearing yourself apart on the inside! It was not your fault that she died!”
Silence and then a soft sob as he covered his face. “I just thought maybe if I was a better doctor I could have saved her! Maybe if I’d gotten there sooner or maybe if I’d stopped her from going out there. There are so many things that I look back on and wonder what would happen if I could have done it differently.”
I sighed and held him close. “I think that, too, every night when I’m trying to sleep. All I can ever hear is the sound of all those men crying and dying and all I can think about is what I would have done differently, what I would have changed.”
Finally, he turned over and cupped my cheeks. “I know I’ve been distant and I know that Riley never would have wanted to see me so cold, but I’m just so damn scared to let my guard down. I’m scared to be weak,” he whispered.
I put my forehead to his. “It’s not weakness. It takes more strength to tear those walls down than it takes to hold them up, but if you spend your entire life trying to hold that weight up, you’re going to run out of strength eventually. Eventually your mind is going to give up. Your soul is going to be crushed by the weight of your burden and I don’t want to see that happen to you. You’re a good man.”
“You say all these things and yet I’ve been so cold to you.”
“I can see past the coldness. I can see inside your soul and I know that you are a good man, James.”
“You keep saying that.”
“Because it’s the truth.” I hesitated a moment. “Maybe God brought me here to be your nurse. Maybe I was brought here to heal the people of this town, or maybe God brought me here to heal you.”
He looked at me, eyes wide as if he were having a revelation. He stared at me and cupped my cheeks. He opened his mouth as if he were about to say something, but every time he started to get the words out they got stuck in his throat.
I smiled softly and looked at him closely. “You have to let me in. You have to let me try and help you. Can you do that, James? Can you let me love you?”
He closed his eyes a moment and took a deep breath, looking up at me. “I don’t know if I’ll be any good at it. I m
ight shut down and I might shut you out. I can’t promise that I won’t slip up and try to keep you out, but I’m willing to try.”
“That’s all I’d ever ask of you, James.”
He looked into my eyes for what felt like an eternity and just as lightning lit the sky up overhead, he pressed his lips to mine. I was shocked at the sudden contact but I didn’t push away. I held him close and let him kiss me. My eyes fluttered closed and I felt a whimper starting to work its way up my throat. I loved the feeling of having his lips pressed against mine. It sent a wave of happiness through me that I’d never felt before.
We held the kiss until the surge of air became too great to ignore. As we parted he looked me in the eyes and stroked my hair out of my face. I was lost in his honey gaze, hardly able to believe that he was ready to accept my help and that maybe, just maybe I was going to be able to find love in the West after all.
I smiled shakily and chewed my bottom lip. “I’ll take that as a yes?”
Chapter 7
From that day on we did our best to make each other happy. James finally started opening up to me and I actually felt close to him. I felt as if we were finally making progress. He was starting to tell me things, especially about Riley. I learned more about her and about their life together and that made me feel more connected to him that anything else had. Maybe some women would have been jealous of their husband’s ex-wife, but I knew that Riley had been a very large, very important part of James’s life, and if she was important to him, she was important to me.
As we grew closer, James’s relationship with Thomas got better, too. He was far more attentive to the young boy and even started taking on a fatherly role. We stopped sleeping in separate bedrooms and curled up together every night. I felt cared for and I felt loved. It was the most amazing feeling in the world.
We were falling in love. God brought us together under strange and strained circumstances, but now we were truly falling for each other. Well, I suppose I couldn’t speak for James, but I knew I was falling for him. Every day spent with him was a new adventure.
We were running the clinic together and it seemed that we were doing more good work together than either of us could have ever done on our own. Our town was happy and healthy and we were happy for it.
It was early evening now and Thomas was in bed. We’d left one of the young town girls to watch him, though I had no idea why. James told me he had a surprise planned but he was not going to tell me anything. We were riding through a field as the sun began to set. It was a beautiful spring evening and the setting sun was casting shadows and light across the field.
We were surrounded by beautiful fir trees and evergreens. Flowers were sprouting up all over the field and the gentle breeze that wafted around us made me sigh happily. My eyes fluttered closed as we continued on horseback to the middle of the field. James finally pulled the reigns and the horse neighed and came to a stop.
“Are we finally here?” I asked, sliding off the back of the horse. I’d been on horses and was more than comfortable with the beasts.
“We’re here,” he confirmed.
I looked around for a moment, half expecting to see a young puppy or something else I’d been begging for. Instead we were alone in a field, fireflies lighting up the sky around us. It was certainly a beautiful, serene atmosphere, but I was at a loss. I didn’t understand why we were here.
I looked to him curiously and cocked my head to the side. “Why did you bring me out here?”
He reached out and took my hands, inspecting them closely. He didn’t answer my question, but said something incredibly profound.
“I love your hands. They’re beautiful.”
“You’re toying with me. My hands are full of nicks and cuts.”
“That’s why they’re beautiful.”
I blinked and looked up at him. “I don’t understand.”
He smiled and brought my fingers to his lips, kissing them tenderly. “Of course you don’t. People are always blind to their own best qualities. They never see in themselves what others see.”
I frowned a little, staring up at him. I was not really understanding what he was trying to tell me. James chuckled and looked at me, a slight twinkle in his eye.
“In the time that you’ve been here, your hands have saved the lives of so many people and I’m sure that before you came here they saved many others.”
My cheeks flushed pink and I looked away. “Well, it’s my job to save the lives of people.”
“But why did you decide to do that job?”
“Because I wanted to help?”
“Exactly,” he murmured, kissing each of my fingers. “You love people. You want to save them and make the world a better place.”
“Isn’t that what nurses and doctors are supposed to do? Isn’t that why God gave us this gift?”
He reached out and cupped my cheeks. “I never felt that anyone understood the true meaning of medicine and of healing. I have always been surrounded by others who just want to hack and slash into people to figure out how they work! But we’re different. You and I are trying to change the world.”
I looked at him with wide eyes and put my hands over his. “We are changing the world.”
“You’re right,” he whispered. “We are, and I want to keep changing the world. Together.”
“We are together. I’m your wife, silly.”
He nodded slowly. “You’re right. God brought us together, but I know that the situation was less than ideal at first,” he said gently. “I know that I was distant and that there was no love between us. It was a business arrangement and I know that. That’s not what marriage is. It’s a partnership, not a business transaction, and I can’t help but feel like we got off on the wrong foot.”
“What do you mean?”
“Sara, I love you,” he whispered.
My heart fluttered and exploded, as if it were made of a million little butterflies. I stared at him, the words starting to sink in. He loved me. He told me he loved me! I threw my arms around him, tears already starting to pour down my cheeks.
“I love you! I love you, too!” I whispered, holding him tight.
He smiled and held me close for a moment before he gently pushed me away. He put his hands on my shoulders and looked at me seriously. “I want to do this right,” he whispered, looking at me for a long moment. “I want to start off on the right foot.”
I gave him a confused look but my heart began to beat wildly as he slowly lowered himself onto one knee, looking up at me. My heart started to pound and I put a hand to my mouth, watching as the man I loved desperately pulled a ring out of his coat pocket and held it up. The ring reflected the sunlight, glittering perfectly. I swallowed and waited.
He cleared his throat and looked up at me, seeming almost nervous. He took a deep breath and finally spoke. “Sara, we’ve been through so much together already and you’ve helped me deal with so many of my demons. You’ve come into my life and turned everything upside down and I honestly couldn’t be more grateful,” he said with a soft, almost shy smile. “Before I ask you my question, first I want to say thank you. I want to say thank you for being patient and believing in me. No one else has ever done that for me. I am endlessly thankful for you, Sara, and I’m thankful to God for bringing you into my life. Now, I want to ask you what I should have asked you months ago.” He cleared his throat. “Sara, will you marry me?”
Tears were already streaming down my face. I threw my arms around him and let out a little sob. “Yes! Yes! Of course I’ll marry you!”
He held me tight for a long moment before pulling away and slipping the ring on my finger. He smiled and looked up at me, though I didn’t give him much time to say anything. I threw myself into his arms and held him tight, my lips pressed against his. His arms felt warm and safe. The fireflies buzzed around us and in that moment, I knew I was exactly where I belonged.
Chapter 8
After James asked me to marry him things seemed perf
ect. We both agreed that we wanted to keep it quiet for now since we weren't quite ready to get married.
It was hard to keep it to myself entirely because I was just so excited! I loved James desperately and I wanted the entire world to know he was mine. After weeks and weeks of begging, James finally agreed to let me tell Mariana. I assured him that my friend would stay quiet and so he told me I could tell her.
Mariana was just as excited as I was and after telling her we danced and squealed like little girls. She promised to keep silent, though the excitement proved to be a little much for Mariana to handle.
Within a week, the entire town knew, but I honestly couldn't even bring myself to be mad about it. The entire town knew I was in love and that James was mine and it felt great.
The town got together, determined to throw us the biggest and best wedding anyone in town had ever seen. James was beloved by everyone in Billings and they all knew his sad past and we were just happy that he'd finally managed to move on and find some semblance of happiness.
We soon found out that bets had been placed to try and figure out how long it would take us to get engaged. Mrs. Applebottom was the one who won that bet. Maybe some people would have been angry over the towns over involvement, but I loved every moment of it. It showed how important we were to the town and how much we meant to everyone. It felt good to feel loved and appreciated.
James was mildly annoyed with everything that was happening, but he let it roll off his back with relative ease. He was just happy that we were finally getting married and that everything was falling into place. Even though the entire town was suddenly in on our wedding, nothing really changed. While the seamstresses in town went about sewing my dress, we were still helping people and saving lives. That was what was most important to us. We could never guess just how important it would soon become for the entire town.
Mariana and I were walked through the town, chatting and enjoying the warm day. Spring in Montana was beautiful and I enjoyed seeing all the new plants and flowers that weren’t familiar to me. Mariana was telling me about her youngest son and how fast he was growing and I was listening, nodding along and politely smiling. I loved hearing about Mariana’s children. They were just as beautiful as she was and I felt the same kind of pride that she felt when Thomas did something new.
Romance: Western Mail Order Bride Bethany's Love -Clean Christian Historical Romance (Western Mail Order Bride Short Shorties Series) Page 158
