I followed the man’s instructions and approached the tired man. The closer I got the more I realized he was a handsome fellow. He had a strong jaw and sandy blonde hair that complimented his hazel eyes perfectly. He was a beautiful man and for a moment he even took my breath away. He dipped his head in my direction, though he didn’t look too happy to see me.
“Madison? Madison Monroe?”
“Oh. Yes. You must be Joseph Saint?”
“I’m afraid not.”
My brows furrowed a little. “Are you picking me up in my husband’s place?”
“In a way.”
His vague way of speaking was starting to get on my nerves. I frowned a little and crossed my arms over my chest.
“I am trying to be patient, sir, but I have been on a train for the last five days and I really would like to know what’s going on.”
He cocked a thick brow and turned his back towards me, walking over to a line of horses. I gasped but followed him. “Where are we going?”
“Home.”
I picked up my pace, moving to stand in front of him. “Will you please tell me what is going on? I promise I am not trying to be difficult! This is all new to me and…I’m frightened!”
He turned around to look at me, putting his hands in his pockets. “My name is James Saint.” He said, his deep voice a bit comforting. “I am Joseph’s brother. He passed away last week when a group of bandits robbed and shot him.”
I felt the color drain from my face and I took a few steps back, eyes wide and hardly able to believe what I’d just heard. “He’s dead?”
James frowned and removed his hat, nodding slowly.
My mouth went dry and for a moment I just stared at him, unsure as to what I was supposed to say. What do you say to someone who just lost their brother? He glanced back at me and motioned towards the horse.
“Get on.”
I nodded numbly but swung a leg over the horse. James got on behind me and I felt strangely protected with his arms wrapped around me. I closed my eyes and leaned into him, sighing softly. It was nice to feel protected after so many days of uncertainty.
We rode out of town, taking a worn dirt road into the country side. Our nearest neighbors were miles away and it seemed that I would have to learn to make it on my own. I swayed from side to side as the horse made its way to a rather small cabin. Smoke billowed from the chimney and I was comforted by the sight of it.
“The trains are done running for the winter. Soon the ice and snow will make it impossible for them to get through,” he said, glancing over his shoulder at me. “When spring comes around, I’ll send you back to Virginia.”
Chapter 4
My eyes widened at his words and I put a hand to my chest. “I…send me back to Virginia? You can’t send me back!”
“Well, I don’t care where you go, but you can’t stay here.”
“I was to be married to your brother! You can’t just send me out on my own!” I gasped, feeling fear bubble up into my chest. I couldn’t go back.
“You should start looking for a new husband, then. There are plenty of men around here who’d like to have a pretty wife like you,” he murmured.
My heart was in my stomach and I felt tears come to my eyes. I was finally starting to feel free. I was starting to feel like everything was okay and then he dropped this bombshell on me? I fell back into a chair, my hands shaking.
Just when I felt myself start to break completely, a young girl no older than sixteen came into the living area from the kitchen. She wore men’s pants and a men’s shirt, her long dark hair breaded into a thick plait that she’d pulled over her shoulder. Her skin was tan like James’ and she had the same hazel eyes.
“What are you doin’ terrorizing this poor woman?”
James grunted but said nothing and wandered into the kitchen and out the back door. The girl shook her head and made her way over to me, putting her hands on her thin hips, grinning at me. There was a small gap between her two front teeth, but it added a certain charm.
“Don’t you worry about him much. He’s always been like that,” she said, waving her hand a little. “He’s a little rough around the edges but you’ll get used to it.”
I could feel the tears in my eyes as I looked up at the girl. She smiled and brushed her thumb under my eye, wiping away the tears. “My name is Louise. James is my brother.”
“Why-- why is he threatening to send me away?”
Her face fell a little at that and she sighed, settling beside me. “He doesn’t want to get close to anyone. He’s lost a lot out here. His wife and now our brother…” The sadness in her tone was almost palpable. “He’s just afraid,” she said after a long moment. “But you know how men are. He’ll never admit it,” she said with a soft smile. “Try not to worry about it too much, okay? He’s got a lot of time to think before he sends you back.”
I nodded numbly but stood with Louise. “Our house is small, but you can sleep with me.” She said, guiding me through the rustic cabin. “It’ll be nice to have someone else to help with the farm.”
“Help with the farm…I never…”
“Ahhh, you’re a delicate lady, are you?” she asked with a lopsided grin. “We’ll find something for you to do, no worry there!” She sang, opening the door to a rather small room.
There wasn’t much in the way of furniture in this house, though I didn’t really mind. It was a nice break from the opulence of Richmond. Fresh air floated in through the window and I crossed the room to put my hands on the sill, looking out across the lush plains. It wasn’t as green as Virginia, but it was beautiful in its own way.
“Louise?”
“Yes, ma’am?”
“Oh, just call me Madison.”
Louise smiled. “What’s on your mind, Madison?”
“If he’s lost so much out here, then why does he stay?” I asked, my brows furrowed.
“That is a good question,” she said with a sigh. “I suppose it’s because he loves this land. It’s all we have left of our Ma and Pa. We’ve never known anything else,” she added, looking over at me. “Loss is a part of life out here. Everyone has lost something, but that doesn’t really make it any easier, you know?” she said, glancing over at me.
I nodded slowly. “I lost my parents. I was very close to them and then they were just gone one day,” I whispered, a lump in my throat.
Louise frowned and continued to look out on the field. “Is that why you came here?”
I nodded, deciding that it wasn’t quite a lie. If my parents hadn’t died I wouldn’t have found myself here. She nodded. “I think that’s why a lot of people come out here. God calls them here when they lose their way. People call this The Promised Land and I think they’re right. It’s a place for the downtrodden to start over, and I think it will be a good place for you.”
The words comforted me and I smiled, turning to Louise, wrapping my arms around the smaller girl. “You’re a wise woman already, Louise,” I said softly.
Louise grinned and wrapped her arms around me in return. “It will be nice to have another woman in the house again!” she said, clearly trying to take the conversation in a more lighthearted direction.
I chuckled a little and nodded. “Yes…it will be nice to have some girl time,” I mused.
Louise had managed to calm my nerves a bit, but that didn’t mean I was calm. I still worried that James was serious about sending me back. Louise seemed convinced that she could change his mind and told me that we just needed to be patient. It seemed like good advice, but I was still terrified.
As I prepared for bed that evening, I found myself glancing out the window, watching as the moon rose high into the sky. It was all incredibly beautiful, and I found myself at peace with the world. Maybe God was trying to tell me it would all be okay. I could only hope that was the case.
Chapter 5
As the days passed it became clear to me that James had no real intentions of getting to know me. I tried my best to g
et in his good graces, but nothing I did seemed to help. No matter what I cooked or how well I cleaned, he would just grunt at me and continue on his way. It was starting to make me feel rather hopeless.
Louise did her best to keep my spirits up and I tried to stay positive for her, but it was hard. Billings was a desolate place. Of course I didn’t want to marry Jeremy. The idea of it was horrifying, but while I didn’t want to marry him, I’d always loved living in the city. Giving up city life was never something I thought I’d have to do.
I learned quickly that I wasn’t a woman made for the west. James took little pity on me, expecting me to work just as hard as everyone else, which presented a problem since I’d never really worked before. I knew how to cook on a very basic level, but I’d never cleaned my own house. I was at least thankful he didn’t try to make me work outside, but even the more domestic chores still presented a problem for me. I didn’t know how to do the things they were expecting of me. It left me feeling useless and unable to cope with my situation. How could I possibly be expected to thrive in a place where I felt like I was constantly doing everything wrong?
It wasn’t just the chores that wore me down. The winter was cold and the imminent threat of being sent back to Richmond was always hanging over my head, instilling me with a fear that made my life even more complicated.
Louise tried to calm me, promising that she would fight for me, but I knew just as well as her that it wouldn’t matter. If James wanted to send me away, then he would. Neither of us were going to have any kind of say in that matter.
I sighed softly, kneeling by the fire as I scrubbed the walls of the fire place, black, sooty water trailing down my arm and leaving long black trails of grime. It soaked into the sleeves of my plain dress, though I’d learned to ignore it at this point. The pot of dirty laundry water was still hanging from the little hook, having cooled overnight.
I heard the sound of heavy footsteps coming down the hall and I tensed up a bit, knowing it was James. Louise treaded lightly. I didn’t look over my shoulder and just continued to scrub, not wanting to get caught ‘slacking off.’
The footsteps came to a stop just behind me and my chest tightened, ready for the barrage of words that were about to come my way.
“How many times do I have to tell you to remove the pot before you clean the fire place? The soot will soak into the pot and we’ll never get our clothes clean!” he grunted, grabbing the pot and yanking it from the fireplace.
I gasped as the water splashed and soaked my dress, the water dirty and brown from the laundry. For a moment, neither of us said anything, though he seemed to understand that what he’d done was completely out of line. He waited silently, just watching me with his intense, hazel eyes.
My hands began to shake and I grabbed the skirt of my dress, yanking it up and all but running to the room I shared with Louise. I slammed the door closed and started yanking the few things I’d brought with me down from the closet and stuffing them into a suitcase.
James pushed the door open and stood in the doorframe, watching as I frantically packed. “Where are you planning on going?” he asked calmly.
“Anywhere but here!” I snapped, turning on my heels to stare at him.
He looked slightly amused and it made my blood boil. I crossed the room and put a finger in his chest, glaring up at him. “If you wanted me gone, you win. I don’t want to be here as much as you don’t want me here!” I snapped, turning back to the suitcase.
My hands shook as I shoved everything into the small bag, working until my shaking legs finally gave out and I crumpled to the floor, pressing my calloused hands to my eyes. “IThis wasn’t what I wanted!” I sobbed, my entire body heaving with the effort of it. “I didn’t come here because I wanted to! I came here because I had no other choice!” I choked, shaking under the weight of my own tears. “This isn’t what I wanted!”
I heard a soft exhale and then the sound of footsteps again as James crossed the room. I just shook my head and held my hand out weakly in an attempt to stop him. “This isn’t what I wanted. I was supposed to fall in love and get married! Have children! But I…I was afraid. I was afraid of what he was going to do to me! I thought that God meant for me to come here. I prayed and I prayed and I thought…I thought I would be safe here, but clearly I was wrong!” I choked out, slamming my hand on the bed.
Silence filled the room again and I couldn’t make myself stop. I didn’t want to sit in the room, engulfed by silence. “I have been trying! I’ve been trying so hard! Do you think I like being useless? Do you think that I’m trying to mess up at every turn? I’m trying, but it’s never good enough! It will never be good enough for you! I’m working with a death threat over my head and I can’t do it anymore. I can’t-“
My rambling was cut off when he closed the space between us and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close to his chest and holding me tight, his hand cradling the back of my head. I wanted to hit him or kick him. A part of me wanted to retaliate, but I just ended up sinking into his arms and letting out a soft sob as I clung to him.
He rubbed my back for a moment, holding me close and offering me the comfort I’d so desperately needed since my arrival. He held me close and stroked my hair. Then he spoke the words I never expected him to say.
“I’m sorry, Madison. I’m sorry.”
Chapter 6
The words took me by surprised. Even weeks later, I’m still surprised that he ever apologized to me or that things changed. I hadn’t been expecting much out of the apology and assumed he was just using it to placate me. Father had always said that men hated to see women cry.
James was far kinder to me in the coming weeks. He helped me improve my work and offered constructive critism rather than insults. It was something I hadn’t expected in the least. He was gentle and offered kindness and support when I failed, and because of it, I got better. As the snow started to melt, so did his heart.
The first of the flowers were starting to emerge from the damp ground, the sunlight kissing their petals. Louise and I were coming back from market with some of the first fresh fruits and vegetables of the season. We were laughing and enjoying each other’s company. She had a habit of telling dirty jokes and while I would never tell one myself, it was hard to deny that they were funny.
As we came to the farm James stepped out of the barn, tilting his wide brimmed hat up a bit, smiling in my direction.
“There you are, Madison. Will you come give me a hand?”
I blushed a little but nodded and offered Louise my basket as she threw a knowing smile my way. I rolled my eyes at her, but picked up the skirt of my dress and trotted over to the barn where James waited patiently.
He guided my inside to one of the stables and motioned inside. There, in the hay, was a young colt who’d obviously just been born. My eyes widened and I gasped, hands flying to my mouth as I watched the horse struggle to its feet, shaking a little and leaning heavily against its mother. It took a few moments, but soon enough the colt was steady on its feet, trotting around excitedly.
“It made me think of you,” James said after a long moment.
“A colt made you think of me?” I asked with a cocked brow.
He chuckled and nodded. “The way they wobble before finally getting to their feet. I’d say you’re standing on your own now,” he said with a smile, nudging me gently.
I blushed a little and looked down. “Oh, well, thank you,” I said softly, feeling the burning in my cheeks.
He laughed a little but shrugged. “No need to thank me. I just wanted you to know that I was proud of you and I wanted to apologize for the way I acted when you first got here.”
“Oh, well, we’ve already been through all that. No need for you to apologize,” I said with a soft smile.
He chuckled a little and glanced over at me. “Well…That’s kind of you, but I do owe you an apology and an explanation,” he added softly.
I raised my eyebrows at that a bit and chewed my lip
. “An explanation?” I asked, almost breathlessly.
He nodded and sighed. “I know Louise has already told you that I’ve lost so much. She can’t keep her mouth shut,” he said, glancing over at me.
I blushed and nodded a bit, tucking some hair behind my ear. “Yes, she told me your wife and brother died.”
He nodded, glancing back down into the pen. “Well, I lost my wife to the elements, but that wasn’t why I was so bitter towards you,” he said softly. “You look so much like her and it made me feel things I promised myself I’d never feel again,” he said softly. “I feel like I’m betraying her,” he whispered.
My eyes widened a little and my heart ached for him. “James…”
He closed his eyes and looked down. “I promised myself I’d never fall for anyone else and then you came and you nearly stole my heart with a single look. I’ve been fighting so hard to ignore it, but the longer you’re here the harder I fall. You’re so much like her, Madison,” he said softly, looking over at me, his face red with embarrassment.
I could tell it was taking a lot for him to confess all this to me, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t shocked. I’d never expected him to admit his love to me. My own cheeks were flushed and hot as I stared down into the stables, trying to figure out what to say. I wanted to tell him it was okay. I wanted him to know that I forgave him and that I didn’t hold it against him. I wanted him to know I wasn’t angry, but most of all, I wanted him to know that I felt the same way.
Over these past few weeks my heart would race at the sight of him. I would imagine his arms wrapped around me and butterflies would flutter in my stomach. I couldn’t believe that these things were an accident. When I first arrived in Montana, I started to doubt that I’d done the right thing. I questioned if this truly was God’s path for me, but as the flowers began to spring from the ground I had faith that it was everything God had planned for me and more.
Romance: Western Mail Order Bride Bethany's Love -Clean Christian Historical Romance (Western Mail Order Bride Short Shorties Series) Page 166
