by India Lee
“I just needed some time alone,” Gemma answered with a little shrug. “And to get rid of all this built up adrenaline inside of me from suppressing these feelings I felt like I shouldn’t have had.”
“And you felt better afterwards?”
“Anything I felt would have been better than what I was feeling when I ran off,” Gemma said. “So yes, I felt better. But more importantly, I felt ready to deal with all the issues I left behind. I just needed a moment.”
“Do you think that’s maybe what Damian is doing now?”
“Maybe,” Gemma answered. “I just have to figure out what his cliff is.”
~
Gemma wondered what it was like for people who dated in the quiet of not being known. What was it like to fall in love with someone whose face was never in newspapers, on billboards, on television? What was it like to go into public and be guaranteed you wouldn’t hear that person’s name on a stranger’s lips? She suspected it was something like that short time she dated Lucas. Of course, she had liked him for longer than they were actually together and in the days he was nothing more than someone else’s boyfriend, it was difficult to see him as such. But it was hardly a challenge in comparison to Tyler and Damian. To some degree, not seeing Lucas was a possibility. If it got bad enough, all she had to do was leave Beauford and she’d be fine.
And she thought it couldn’t get worse than dating and breaking up with Tyler Chase. He was easily the most popular musical artist, an internationally famed pop star, and now he had made the transition to sought after, Oscar-nominated actor. If she had braved her way through a relationship and breakup with Tyler Chase, how hard would anything that followed be? Corey was easy aside from the occasional paparazzi. People knew his name and recognized his face, but the general public rarely put them together. All she really had to deal with was the envious glares of the women around them as they walked down Manhattan streets.
She had met Damian when she herself was rising in fame and he was some kid in high school who happened to be good at basketball. And though he was popular and well liked, he wasn’t sought after the way Gavin or Lucas had been. Gemma had been somewhat responsible for his popularity among women when they did that Rookies vs. Veterans magazine shoot together, and then the one for Thierry Marc. But his own game, his rapport with his teammates – that was what truly made him. That was how he became a household name. And to Gemma’s surprise, that’s how his fame had surpassed them all.
She learned quickly in her home city of New York what it meant to be a star athlete. Everyone related to Damian in a way that they could have never related to Gemma as Queen Bee or Tyler as a singer or actor. Basketball was something constant. Fans could follow Damian in the way that she herself had been – leaving his schedule up on her phone and knowing what city he was in on what night. They connected with him differently, because they got to watch him live several times a week. While her own career involved theatrics that took dozens of hours to prepare before being released to the public, Damian’s job called for on-the-spot heroics. He was expected to perform every other night not every other month. And unlike Gemma and Tyler had, Damian had fans that ranged from screaming teenaged girls to cursing, burly frat boys. They ranged from children to the elderly. There were that many more people to please. Everyone loved basketball, sports. Gemma couldn’t walk two blocks without hearing his name in conversation or noticing his jersey on some stranger or seeing a Knicks poster hanging in the window of some restaurant or bodega.
And now, all of those people were collectively disappointed in him. It wasn’t just a fanbase it was all of New York. Gemma could almost feel a shift in the city for being let down in such a way. She couldn’t help but feel partially at fault.
But in her studio behind the boutique she had yet to open, she felt safe and enclosed. There were no windows, just that skylight that illuminated the space in a way that made her feel warm and protected. Her Fashion Week collection stood like an army before her, reminding her of how silly she had been for putting such emotional stock in that day and how it had spilled over into those hurtful words she couldn’t keep from Damian.
With the buzz about her work with Burke Faust, the fashion world had just about forgiven, or just forgotten, her mishap in Las Vegas. It had felt like such a big deal at the time, like something she could never climb out of. But now the same publications that had doubted how serious she was as a designer were suddenly the same ones looking forward to her store opening. It was just two days away and all the work was set and done. There was nothing to do but relax and wait for the day. She and Armand and their collective teams had worked overtime to have it ready despite the fact that she had been away in Hawaii for a month. And both Mira and Hudson had dug into their magical little black book to create an impressive guest list of tastemakers and trendsetters. It was going to be everything she had ever wanted and dreamed about for the last three years, finally materialized.
And yet, her heart couldn’t get behind her head. It continued to beat in that same despondent pace it had since her drive home from the shore house on New Year’s Day.
Her phone vibrated. The buzzing sound echoed throughout the tidied studio. Tyler. She answered.
“What are you doing?” he asked, immediately.
“I was just at my studio, doing some last minute work for the opening,” she lied. She didn’t want to say she was just sitting around, trying to jumpstart her emotions.
“Will you be free in an hour? And for the rest of the day?” His voice was hurried, excited. It was almost contagious.
“Um, what is this about?” she asked.
“Azura will explain to you.”
“Azura’s in town?”
“Just for the day. She’ll be at your boutique within the hour, be ready. Wear something warm.”
~
“Didn’t think I’d see you for awhile,” Azura said when Gemma slid into the backseat of her towncar.
“What are you doing back in the states?”
“It’s Eugene’s birthday,” Azura said, wrinkling her nose as she smiled. “I wanted to see him. But I’m making him meet me halfway. He’ll be here tomorrow.”
“I’m really happy to see you.”
“Really?” she asked. “I don’t remind you of Damian?”
“I have enough reminders of Damian from living in this damn city. You’re just you and I’m glad for that.”
“Are you saying we’re friends?” Azura said, puckering her lips and poking at Gemma’s shoulders as she drew out the last word.
“Shouldn’t that be assumed?”
“I try not to assume too much,” Azura shrugged. “Especially with how we left off. I felt like you were mad at me and thinkin’ back, I should have kept my mouth shut about how you handle Damian. Wasn’t my place at all. I really thought I knew what I was saying at that moment.”
“Actually,” Gemma started. “I think you were right. I made a mistake. I ran into him, accidentally, and I know that sounds weird but that’s what happened.”
“When?”
“New Year’s Eve. I drove down to the shore house that we went to when we were in high school and he was there.”
“What? Seriously?” Azura’s hands flew to her mouth. “Oh my God that’s so romantic I swear I’m going to die.”
“It could have been,” Gemma said. “He was the closest thing to himself that I’ve seen in awhile. We slept together. Finally.”
“Oh my God,” Azura gasped and shook her head. “I’m actually gonna die.”
“No, but think about it,” Gemma laughed, bitterly. “You said to respect his need for distance. I didn’t. And now he’s just gone? Did he ever seem like the type of guy to just leave behind a team and city that’s depending on him? Don’t you feel like this isn’t a coincidence? Don’t you think that this means you’re right?”
“I can’t say, Gem,” Azura shrugged. “I’m not in his head right now. I don’t know.”
“Do you know, or
at least do you think, that wherever he is he’s okay?” Gemma asked. She hated feeling so disconnected from Damian that she couldn’t even answer that question.
“Depends on what you mean by okay,” Azura shrugged. “If you think he’s become some crazy junkie mess, I don’t think he has it in him. If you think he’s sitting alone all sad somewhere, well. That sounds possible.”
“I can’t imagine, either,” Gemma said, looking out the car window as they exited onto the highway. “He’s always been the strong one. For every single one of us. What are we supposed to do when he’s not?”
“Be the strong one for him,” Azura replied, without missing a beat. Gemma turned back to look at her, surprised. “I said it last time too. It’s not an easy job. I know, because I’ve never even tried, I just don’t have it in me. But I think you have it in you. To be the strong one, for once. I don’t know what it means, but I think that’s what needs to happen. Right?”
“I guess,” Gemma shrugged.
“Do you know where the hell we’re going?” Azura asked, looking out the window. Gemma sat up straight.
“Wait, what?” She looked at Azura’s confused face. “Tyler told me you’d fill me in on what’s happening.”
“He told me that you’d be filling me in on what’s happening,” she replied. “He made it sound like some emergency. I actually moved things around to fly back earlier for him.” Azura’s confusion and momentary anger quickly melted to a big smile. “Good thing I like surprises.”
After a couple or hours in the car, Gemma realized the highway signs were pointing them towards Vermont. For a good half hour, she was too busy admiring the long stretches of snow-covered trees to realize what was happening. But when it dawned on her, it dawned on her quickly.
“Oh my God!” she exclaimed, waking Azura from her sleep.
“What?” Azura snapped awake. “Did we crash? Are we okay?”
“We’re okay,” Gemma laughed. “I know what this is about.”
~
But when their car pulled up to a small, isolated cabin, Gemma was no longer sure her theory was right. There were many, identical town cars parked outside, almost taking up more space than the small cabin did. Other equally confused people stepped out, dressed in attire so varied that there was no way to guess where they were heading. An usher opened their car door and beckoned them to follow.
Gemma looked over at Azura who looked cute in her stylish beige jumpsuit tucked into tall, furry boots. If they were indeed about to attend a wedding as she had suspected, Azura definitely looked good enough to be at any formal event. She looked down at her own outfit – an oversized sweatshirt that reached her knees and rested on top of a pair of plain black leggings and boots. She wore one of Armand’s winter jackets that he had left behind at the studio, not knowing how warm Tyler meant when he had said to dress warm. And in the crisp, Vermont air, she was thankful she took it along.
As soon as they stepped inside the cabin, Gemma knew she had to be right. It was bigger and more spacious than it had appeared outside with high ceilings that boasted simple decorations. There were Christmas tree lights wrapped in gauze that hung in a spoke like a pattern from the middle of the canted ceiling and down the walls. An ivory carpet ran down the center of the room. Chairs were set up on both sides of it, about four dozen in total. Though everything looked as if it had just been put together an hour ago, it was still beautiful and warm and looked more than worthy for celebration.
They took a seat on Tyler’s side, sitting behind his mother and his longtime security guard and best friend, Mike. Gemma was too surprised and excited to feel awkward. She reached forward to tap them on the shoulders and greet them and they turned to do so, sharing in her energy. On Sophie’s side was a middle-aged couple and an elderly man, people Gemma assumed were her parents and perhaps grandfather. They sat nervously, tapping their feet and twiddling their fingers. They were smiling despite it.
Gemma realized that most of the people there had gotten the type of invitation that she had gotten – a random, last minute phone call followed by a town car. Many seemed to be just as concerned with their clothing choices as they slowly realized what was happening.
When Tyler finally appeared, the room broke out in cheers and applause. Gemma laughed, realizing how odd it was to start a wedding that way, but then again, nothing about the experience had started out normal at all. Tyler smiled, standing at the altar with a minister that looked more like a hipster lumberjack than any minister she had ever seen. There were no bridesmaids or groomsmen and Sophie’s father had disappeared to the back of the room. Suddenly, there was music.
Four little kids that had been sitting on Sophie’s side just moments before had gone up by the altar and picked up instruments, playing a tune that she didn’t recognize. It was peaceful, pleasant, and even without words Gemma could feel the love in it.
Arm in arm with her father, Sophie came down the aisle, again to applause and cheers. She laughed her giant laugh, shaking the veil that hung in front of her face. Gemma looked up at Tyler, waiting for her at the end of the aisle. She expected him to look at her as if there was no one else in the room, but instead, he was laughing as well. Before she could even reach the altar, Tyler had stepped down to take her hand and pull her in, kissing her.
“Ease up, little man,” the minster said. “We haven’t started.”
Gemma sat back in her seat, giggling with Azura over the absurdity of what they were sitting in. When the sounds of confusion and amusement among the small wedding crowd finally died down, the minister began.
The mood in the room changed, suddenly serious as the ceremony began. Gemma watched as Tyler and Sophie held each other’s hands, looking into one another’s eyes with some sort of intangible knowing. There were faint smiles on their lips as they watched each other, as if they were having some sort of wordless conversation.
It was over quickly, ending with a kiss between Tyler and Sophie and strangely, noogies from the minister. With an air of no rules or tradition, the crowd stood and rushed the altar, grabbing Tyler and Sophie for hugs and kisses.
Gemma watched as the newlyweds greeted their guests, the very few that had been invited. A handful of hired workers rearranged the chairs behind them, setting up tables as well. She could smell the food that had been brought in and hear the sounds of corks being popped off of champagne bottles. Without place cards or table numbers, everyone took a seat at random.
“Thank you girls for coming,” Tyler said, ducking his head in between Gemma and Azura’s and squeezing them into him with his arms. “I was getting scared that I’d have no one sitting on my side. It means everything that you could be here for me.”
“I’m flattered I was on the list,” Gemma said, quietly. Tyler turned to give her a quick kiss as well.
“I always knew you’d be at my wedding,” Tyler laughed. “Just maybe not like this.”
“As in a guest?”
“As in a friend,” he shrugged. He leaned his face to hers. “That’s all I’ve ever hoped for us.”
~
In the pitch-blackness of Vermont’s roads on their car ride home, Gemma felt her eyes closing involuntarily. A jetlagged Azura was beside her, breathing steadily and peacefully, her head leaning against the window.
Gemma fought it every time she felt herself slipping into sleep. There was an uncomfortable sensation as she drifted off. She could feel the onset of one of those flashbacks, vivid with its multi-sensual recollection. She could almost feel Damian’s lips on hers. But she didn’t want that now. It wasn’t real. It wasn’t happening. She felt pathetic for even experiencing it.
But with the long night and the long drive and the peaceful lull of the dark highway, Gemma couldn’t fight sleep much longer. Without realizing, she had suddenly dozed off and found herself in Damian’s arms. She gasped, somewhat conscious of the fact that she was dreaming, even though the sensations felt so familiar that she knew it was a memory from that night in Vegas.
It was something different this time.
Damian held her by her waist, pressing her body to his as he looked down into her eyes. The minister had asked if they had vows. Gemma laughed, shaking her head.
“I had no time to prepare,” she had said. But just when the minister was about to move on, Damian stopped him. The three of them stood silently as Damian mulled over something in his head, all the while looking at Gemma. She could feel his heart beating against her hand, quickening when she smiled at him.
“I did,” he had replied. Gemma furrowed her brows, wondering when. “But now that I’m here, I’m not sure I want to say it. Words won’t do it justice.”
“Just say it,” Gemma replied, a teasing tone in her voice. “We’re about to get married, aren’t we? No more secrets.”
“It was never a secret,” he laughed. “How much I love you. I’m just so used to not saying it that I can’t seem to do it now.”
“Cold feet?” the minister had joked. Damian shook his head with conviction.
“Never,” he said, kissing her before their vows. He looked down into her eyes, brushing away a strand of hair. “Not with you. I could have married you any day since knowing you, and I wouldn’t have had a single ounce of regret over it. I loved you from the second I laid eyes on you, Gemma, and I’ve loved you more with every day that’s gone by. Whether you were near me or two thousand miles away. It didn’t matter because I always felt like you were close.” He laughed quietly. “Which is good because ever since meeting you, I’ve needed you somewhere in my day – in my thoughts or my dreams or actually with me. You’ve always fueled me.”
Gemma felt his words suck the breath out of her. “Damian,” she breathed with a smile on her face that she’d never felt before. “Why have you never told me this?” she asked, ignoring the welling in her eyes as she looked up at him.
“It’s not easy to say aloud,” Damian said. “Not even now, standing here. Especially when… I was never sure you came close to feeling the same.”
