“Can’t you just put my consciousness into another human?”
“You asked me this last time.” Daniel straightens, wiping away his tears and the lingering moisture from my time in the tank that’s still weighing down my clothing. “I told you there are moral implications for that. I think religions and legal systems would agree with me.”
I huff. “Let’s not argue the semantics.” I pause, thinking that Daniel might reply. When he doesn’t, I change the subject. “Why did you make it possible for dolls to cry?”
Daniel bites the inside of his mouth. “It’s part of a separate experiment. I inserted tear ducts and small amounts of water inside the doll’s head. I wanted to see if it was possible to convey physical emotion through an inanimate object. It was successful, which means bright possibilities for future studies.”
I roll my eyes. I’m nothing but a guinea pig. “I met Sianne. You’re a jerk for sending her to spy on me.”
Daniel’s eyes widen. “I didn’t send her to spy on you!”
“Yes, you did! That’s how you knew I was at the ballet–or when I hurt myself outside! Don’t lie! I’m sick of the lies!”
“Fine! I didn’t trust you!” Daniel’s shakes when he inhales. “Sianne was worrying about her mortality, so I offered to turn her into a doll on one condition: that she watch you when I wasn’t around. I was so worried about you breaking that I needed someone to be my eyes. But her mind didn’t cope with the transition, and I lost her. Then I found her, and then I lost her again…”
“That’s because she deliberately hid from you. Lisa found her locked in a box. She’s absolutely mental, now. She kept telling me 3-4-7-8-1-9-2. She said it was the code to her lab.”
“It’s not.” Daniel sighs. “It’s our bloody lotto numbers. Where is she now?”
I shrug and motion towards the cupboard. “I’m guessing the miniature shadow in the corner belongs to her. She’s doing what she does best; spying on me.”
The shadow darts behind a box when Sianne realizes she’s been spotted. Daniel shakes his head and follows her until he manages to run her to ground.
“No!” she squeals, kicking and punching his hand. “The trolls want my money! They said it’s infected!”
Daniel purses his lips and grunts as he snaps Sianne over his knee. She stops moving instantly, the green mist wafting into the cool stale air. He drops her remains to the ground and hurries towards one of the tubes. Inside, a woman our age has just woken up. She thrashes in the water, her cheeks expanding like a pufferfish’s as she waits for Daniel to set her loose. Eventually, he presses the button on the side, and the water drains. Sianne gasps for air and leans against the tube while she catches her breath. I’m a bit annoyed. All Lisa had to do was press a button, and I would’ve avoided slicing my skin on the broken glass. What do they say? Hindsight is always 20/20.
“What happened?” Sianne coughs, her teeth chattering.
“I’m bringing you back to reality,” Daniel offers his hand so Sianne can gracefully exit the tube. She rubs her arms in an attempt to warm up, then steps out onto the dingy floorboards.
“Of course!” Her eyes roll back so only the whites show. She looks as weak as I feel. “Ella started remembering…”
The professor flinches and hands her another spare lab coat. “We’ll talk later. Why don’t you go freshen up outside for a moment? Once I help Gabby, I’ll tend to you.”
“Gabby?” Sianne wrings out her hair, so thin, she’s almost balding.
“Your niece,” Daniel clarifies. “It might take a while for your memories to snap into place.”
Sianne closes her eyes, small creases lacing her drooping skin when she tightens them. “Daniel, my mind is so muddled. Sounds and sights are reversed. My memories are like a dream. I don’t fear death now. I think it will be less confusing…” She pauses. “Daniel, Ella is beyond repair. You can’t keep her as a doll. You both need to let go.”
Daniel tugs on her, trying to lead her away. She’s a bigger woman, a lot like me, so he struggles.
“Daniel, will my mind ever go back to normal?” She gently rubs her temples with her index fingers. “Life is clouded.”
“I can’t guarantee that it will, Sianne,” Daniel says softly. “I’m sorry I pulled you into this. I just wanted Ella to enjoy a world of ignorance and bliss. I thought you could help protect her. I thought she’d be happier that way. That you both would.”
“She’d have been happier knowing the truth,” Sianne mumbles, finally shifting when Daniel pulls on her arm. He leads her out of the room, closing the door behind her. I wish I had something cogent to say, but really, what is there? He’d known turning her into a doll without the benefit of induced amnesia was bound to backfire. So, he’d gone and deliberately ruined his sister’s life to try and appease me. He’s always done that, though. He always put me first. Just ask Jason.
“Thank you for your patience, my love,” Daniel says, crouching next to me. He tilts his head and caresses my face.
“Time is all I have.” I dab at the blood seeping from a cut on my hand. “You’re quite good at ruining people’s lives, you know. First mine, now your sister’s. Bravo.”
He goes to say something, then clears his throat. “Why do you hate me so much?”
“I don’t hate you.” My gaze drops to my useless legs.
“Don’t lie to me.” Lowered, his voice sounds almost manly.
I glance up at him and allow my icy gaze to bore into his soul. “What do you want me to say? Obviously, I resent you, Daniel!” I strangle the air with my hands and slump over. “You ruined me! You broke me.”
“I’ve done everything I can to try and fix it! I don’t know what else I can do!”
“Nothing,” I snap, “unless you transfer my consciousness into a character in a book. I mean, that’d be ideal. I could finally escape you.”
We turn our heads when something beeps loudly. Gabby’s activation must be complete.
Daniel’s face is pained, and he looks torn between staying with me to hash out our problems and helping Gabby. Eventually, he stands and heads for the wooden box, pulling out a Gabby doll. She looks nothing like her human form–I suppose Daniel must’ve been in a rush. Her hair is outrageously long and messily sewn together. Her eyes are the wrong color and she’s wearing overalls–something Gabby would never be caught dead in. She squirms in Daniel’s grip and studies the lab like babies do in new surroundings. He lowers her onto one of the counters and smiles.
“Hello, Gabby. I’m the professor. You probably can’t remember much, but I promise that will be temporary. I’m here to help you. I’m here to fix you. Do you think you can let me do that?”
Gabby reluctantly nods, scanning the area. “Why is there glass on the floor? Was there an earthquake?”
“Yes.” Daniel scoops Gabby into his arms. “But we’re okay now. I’m going to introduce you to the treasure chest, which I think you will find most comfortable. You’ll meet Libby, whom you’ll also like.”
He shields Gabby’s eyes from where I sit and takes her out of the lab. I sit impatiently, twiddling my thumbs and wringing my shirt. Good grief, I’m fat. I forgot how big I was. Nothing but gross flubber.
When Daniel returns, he completely ignores me and heads straight to the computer. His fingers are a blur on the keyboard, and his glasses keep slipping down his nose.
“Oh my God!” he exclaims. He raises his hands triumphantly and hops awkwardly on one foot. “Oh my God! Her condition is stabilizing! She’s already improving! I did it! I DID IT!”
Daniel skips towards me and takes me by the hands, his face flushed and youthful.
“Congratulations,” I say half-heartedly. “So she’s no longer terminal?”
“She will still take a while to heal,” Daniel puffs, resting one hand on his chest to calm down, “but I think she’ll be okay! I checked Libby as well. She’s rapidly improving! I have to call Jason! Gabby will be able to go home next week and then… then
I’ll have to publish my findings! There will be no sickness in the world!”
“There will always be sickness.” I pull my hand from his. “Once we eradicate one illness, a stronger one will emerge. Daniel, this is nonsense. You can’t go to world governments and scientists telling them you know how to cure the epidemic. How will they believe that you transferred a mind into a doll? This can’t go mainstream. You need to keep it between friends and family like you’re doing now. There will be too much controversy.”
Daniel stares at me in disgust, like I have something offensive on my face. “I can’t believe you. I found a revolutionary, non-invasive cure–”
“—non-invasive?” I shriek. “You’ve got to be kidding me, Daniel! It’s the most invasive thing you can think of! You wipe their memories… you control memories in case we start to recall something… and you turn us into vulnerable dollies! It’s mental!”
“It works though,” he says through gritted teeth.
“Well, not for everyone.” I cross my arms and stare at the mess on the floor that used to be the tube I’ve been living in (on and off) for the past thirty years. “Put me back.”
Daniel hangs his head and speaks to the floor. “I don’t want to do this anymore, Ella. I want my wife back. I’m sick of caring for you as a doll, only for you to continuously grow suspicious of your former life. We’ve relived this pattern more times than I can count.”
“You don’t? I don’t want to be like this. I’m a fat, old woman. I like being young and free. Put me back.”
“No,” he says. I don’t know why he’s being as stubborn as me today.
“Put me back!” I scream. I try to crawl towards the tubes to do it myself, but Daniel easily stops me by pulling on my waist. “Please, Daniel. This time, I don’t want to know I had a human life–just let me think I’m really a doll. Oh, but don’t introduce me to anymore psychopaths like Lisa. She was crazy when she was human, but something about your experiment really pushed her over the edge.”
Daniel frowns. “Do you understand how selfish you’re being? You’d rather forget about your son, your husband, and your granddaughter and permanently live life as a doll?”
I nod. I’m already tired of my back aching and my vision blurring. I don’t like feeling cold and wet, and I don’t like how heavy my entire body feels. Nothing about my human form is appealing anymore. Least of all, Daniel.
“Just wait,” he says, speaking higher than he usually does. “How about I get you a banana? Or, or, I’ll cook a nice roast and we can have chocolate mousse afterwards! While you wait, you can soak in a hot bath with scented candles and read a good book! You’re only saying this because you’re cold and in pain, which I understand! But, but, you don’t have to revert! Please dear, just stay with me this time. We can make it work!”
Part of me pities Daniel, but most of me doesn’t care. I want my old life back–my life as a young, dancing doll. I’m nicer as a doll, anyway. “I don’t want to make it work.” I enunciate, catching his eyes. “I’m over it. Over you. I was happier not knowing.”
“But Ella…” his voice shakes, and his face droops. “Ella, I love you so much. I just want to have a normal life with you. I promise, we can make it good. We can all celebrate next week when Gabby is healthy! Jason and his wife will visit, and we’ll have a lovely meal and play board games! Please, Ella, I, I just can’t lose you again.”
I lift my chin. “You’ve already lost me. The moment that car swerved and ejected me through the window. The moment you chose to experiment on me. I’ve made my decision. It’s time you move on, Daniel.”
“Sweetie-pie…” Daniel’s voice croaks.
I inhale steadily, and coldly pat my husband’s head like an animal’s. I stare at him intently and make sure my words are firm and final.
“Put me back.”
ovely music plays softly outside the treasure chest. It’s sweet, contemporary, and very calming.
My room has altered slightly–the professor said it was time for a change, so he redecorated it to match the room of a TV show I like to watch. It’s a lot more modern, with more greys and whites instead of pinks and purples. The professor said it was ‘time for me to grow-up’–whatever that means.
He took all my tutus away and replaced them with an array of dresses, gowns, and pantsuits. I’m happy about the decision–for some reason, I’m a little over tutus.
There’s a large recorder that sits in the corner of the treasure chest. The professor mentioned that I might like to record ‘imagination time’. I rewound the huge tape to see if there were any other recordings on it, but it was completely blank.
I’ve only been in existence for a month. It’s a good month.
The attic is fetching, really. It’s rustic, but I like it. The floorboards are covered with various red and fluffy rugs and portraits hang from the freshly-painted white walls. Red curtains complement the rugs, and the professor brought in a plasma TV and a grey couch yesterday.
He said it was something about ‘moving on’ or… or something. I don’t really know what he means, but that doesn’t bother me. I remember him painting the walls and cleaning up piles of junk in the corner. He didn’t look at me much for the first few days I came into existence. Whenever I spoke to him, he put his head down and left the room. I worried I offended him, but he’s a lot brighter now. He’s much happier and quite chatty.
“Ella? Ella?” Gabby enters the attic. She spots me in the treasure chest and bounds over. I like Gabby. She’s the professor’s granddaughter and visits from time to time. She was very pale when I met her a month ago–she looked sickly, but now she’s vibrant and full of energy. She’s wearing yellow today–yellow suits her olive skin.
“Gabby!” I grin when she bends over to lift me up. “Are you taking me down the slide today?”
“I sure am! Grandpa doesn’t seem to mind you going outside anymore. He’s a lot more… like, lax with you now. Actually, he’s a lot cooler with me as well.”
I cock my head to the side, confused. “What do you mean? He’s always let me do whatever I want. I mean, I’m only a month old, but still!”
Gabby frowns and then shakes her head and grins. “Oh,” her voice is high, like she’s lying, “of course! Silly me. Let’s go!”
She holds onto me as she skips down the stairs and bursts through the sliding door into the backyard. It must be spring, because birds are chirping and flowers are blooming. I love the outdoors. The professor often lets me play in the garden, so long as it’s not raining. He even let Gabby take me for a bike ride yesterday.
Gabby lowers me into the sandpit and builds a castle for me to play on. I climb on top of it and raise my hands in the air.
“I’m the Queen of the castle!” I declare dramatically.
Gabby laughs and bows down before me. “Oh, your majesty! What will your first law be?”
“I declare,” I say in a deep, royal voice, “that Gabby shall visit me every day of the week!”
“Yes, your majesty!” she says with another deep curtsy.
We laugh together as the professor joins us from the kitchen, bringing out a fizzing lemonade for Gabby. He’s holding a second one that he sips on for himself. He’s not in his lab coat today–he’s dressed in fitted jeans and a lovely collared shirt.
“Oh-la-la!” Gabby pouts like a model. “What are you all dressed up for, Grandpa?”
He blushes and tugs on the collar of his neck. “My dear, if you must know… I have a lunch date with an old lady friend.”
Gabby and I gasp in unison.
“But what about Grandma?” Gabby coughs, almost dropping her lemonade.
“Grandma has gone to a better place,” the professor says quietly, smiling sweetly towards me. “It’s time I moved on.”
Gabby glances at me, almost sympathetically, or like she knows something. She shakes her head and then pats the professor on the back and speaks in a poor English accent. “Good for you, ol’ chap! Where are you takin�
� the missus to?”
The professor laughs his breathy laugh. “Sushi. It’s been a while since I’ve enjoyed tuna wrapped in seaweed!”
“It sounds like you’ve earned it!” I chime in. “You seem like such a lovely man, but you’re always in that lab! It’s about time you got out and found the love of your life!”
“Yes,” the professor says almost nostalgically. “But I will always love my broken doll.” He bows the same way Gabby did, and I curtsy in return. “Sweetheart, your father is in the living room–he’ll be watching you while I’m gone. Have fun, girls.”
“We will!” we reply in unison.
“You make sure you have fun on your date!” I add.
The professor stops at the sliding door and strokes the edge of it tenderly. He looks at us with watery eyes, even though he is smiling. I can’t understand how he can look both sad and happy at the same time. I ought to hug him, so I make my descent from my castle and begin to toddle over. Before I reach the edge of the sandpit, he has already turned on his heel and closed the door, his fingerprints smearing the glass.
“I’m happy for him,” Gabby says as she creates a new wall for my castle. I turn slowly and sit next to her. “I only ever met Grandma once, and she was really bitter. I’ve never seen Grandpa so… I don’t know, energized or something. He signed up with a big medical corporation last week to show his studies, so maybe that’s why. Either way, he looks good.”
Broken Dolls Page 14
