by Jaime Marks
He breathed deeply realizing he was going to have to open himself and be honest with her if he wanted to help her. If she caught him lying or shutting her out even slightly she’d withdrawn and likely pull away. She needed to know he accepted her fully as she was and if she thought he had any issue with anything that had happened or any part of who she was it would be that much more difficult to accept herself.
“I know, I was unsure I still possessed it, but for you I do.” Cymeryn admitted trying to sort through all that had happened himself. “Although, I employed restraint with Staryana. It is the only reason she evaded me. I had her. I only needed to get her into the vehicle but I could not bring myself to force her. I justified it, but in truth I could not bear to hurt her any more than I could you.”
“What does that mean, Cymeryn? I don’t understand it. How can you be so cruel but show me and my daughter such kindness?”
“It means, that despite your betrayal, despite all the years and changes in us both, despite even my nature, I still love you, Reyn.” He mused holding her gaze.
“Why do you call me that? You always loved my name.” She asked hesitantly.
He sighed searching her eyes but relented and told her the truth. “Because Reyana broke my heart. Because Reyana gave herself to my brother while I was sent to the fronts. Because Reyana is the reason I turned from the Light.” He studied her caressing her cheek. “But Reyn did not know who she was when she made her choices. Reyn did not remember enough to decide, and she gave herself to me mind, body and soul.
“I do not fool myself love, I know who you are and I know our past. I know your heart better than even you. You love us both equally. It is the two halves of you, the Light and the Dark. It is why I had to close out your mind until I could stabilize the dominance in you. It is why we are here now. You cannot choose between us, despite that self-righteous sense of morality you possess. It tears at you, your essences war because you hold fast to neither dominance and you put yourself through this because your heart will hold fast to neither individually. We both own your love, Reyn and you cannot change that. You must accept it, accept who you really are.”
She stared up at him quietly a moment. Her eyes had both faded to Gray but still swam with essence, no other color emerging. “I didn’t know, Cymeryn. When you left without a word, and you were gone for so long, I didn’t know if you cared or even if you were coming back. It hurt and I was so lonely with you gone. He didn’t know, I never told him.”
Cymeryn looked away unable to deal with the pain of losing her back then, “I figured that out when the three of us merged.”
“Huh, yeah, that. How could you, Cymeryn? How could either of you do that to me? I will never be able to be with either of you without feeling, wanting the other again. Why would you even want that?”
He met her gaze. “I never did, but from the moment you were first with my brother, it would have been that way for us regardless. I did not consider it a consequence. I merely sought to give you what I knew you wanted, what I could sense you needed, both of us. I did not fathom that Marcus would break through the blocks I had in place so easily.”
He set her down and rose, walking a few paces away. He needed some distance to process it all himself as he spoke. “In that moment it was not about claiming or destroying Marcus. It was about pleasing you. It was about what I knew you needed and he is technically still a part of me. I may fight and deny it, but I have missed my brother and in that moment I chose to accept his connection to you rather than fight it. If it had been any Fae else, any Shade, it would not have happened. I would have slain any other for deigning to try without a second thought.” He looked back studying her a moment needing to convey the truth of it. “I still would, should any save for Marcus ever so much as think to touch you.
“I vacillated back and forth on whether I wanted to destroy Marcus or simply turn him and have him back at my side. Whether I hated him enough to want him dead. In that moment, I realized I wanted you both. You as my mate and him at my side, mainly because I did not wish you to experience the pain of his loss, but also because you both complete me in some way. I knew from the moment I entered your mind that you needed us both, but there was only one way that would ever be.”
He felt her hand on his skin, running over the planes of his back. He had forgotten he had not fully dressed and had not bothered to conjure himself robed. The caress on his skin stirred his need for her but this was her domain and she was very unstable. If she wanted this, she would have to take the lead. He would not destroy her to take his pleasure.
“Cymeryn, why won’t you release the Darkness? Let me help you, redeem you?”
He chuckled, “Is that what you call it, redemption?” Now he turned to her. “And what would that life possibly hold for me, Reyn? Do you think I would be content to stand by your side and watch while you and my twin are bonded yet again? Do you think it would not tear me in half, yet again, leaving us right back where we are?”
“And if I chose you?”
“We both know better. You have already given yourself to him. I know the ways of the Fae every bit as much as you. There is no undoing what has been done. Besides,” Cymeryn searched her eyes, “could you really watch Marcus turn, become what I have? Make no mistake, Reyn, Lazurys will not rest until he has you. I know now, when he chose me it was because he felt your essence within me. He chose me for the connection he knew we would always share. He will exploit Marcus’ weakness exactly as he had mine. I am pure Dark essence. Even if the Gray took dominance I would always feel Lazurys’ pull and command. I will always be part of him, as will you. If Marcus were to turn, we would both follow regardless. You in your guilt, and me by my nature.”
“Why are you telling me this? Why not just use it against me?” She looked at him shrewdly, knowingly. She had always seen directly through to his soul.
He shrugged, “Perhaps, because I want you to understand it is the only way, the only choice that allows you to be with me. You will forever risk ending up here otherwise, torn between your Dark and your Light. Perhaps, because I want you to choose me of your own free will this time. No tricks, no deceptions. Perhaps, simply because I love you and had I known you were alive, you would already be by my side because I would have released your memories and trusted you to be strong enough to accept the future. I would have spent every eve since by your side instead of wasting it and toying with your mind.”
He had struck a chord and he knew it. It was a low tactic to prey on her buried human emotions, but they were truth and the Darkness in him was not beyond such tactics. Marcus should have shown her who she was, protected her better. He would have and it irked him that he had not had the chance.
He brushed another hair out of her face, giving her the time she needed. He wanted her, to take her and dominate the Darkness in her bringing her back to him, but here, in this place such a move could be fatal to her in her current state. She needed to come to him of her own free will.
It amused him, any other case and he would manipulate and twist things anyway he saw fit, but he was unwilling to risk losing her. With her, and no one but her, their love took dominance.
She leaned against his chest and he cautiously wrapped his arms around her. “Not yet ready to wake up to your life, my love?”
“If I wake up, you won’t be there.” She whispered.
“I would rather you wake and know you will live, that I will have the chance to find you and claim you as mine, than to allow you to fall away into oblivion.” He stated simply.
“You will never stop will you? You’ll always come for me?” Her hand caressed his chest as she looked up to him. He would have expected to see a hint of fear in her eyes with those questions but instead he say only relief and hope. She could not choose him, but she needed him. They both knew she loved him and despite his nature now, she held to that.
“Always, so long as we both exist in this life, I will come for you.” He promised.
“T
hen why should I fight it? Why fight this if I’ll only end up back in your arms?” She sounded plaintive but he knew she was just searching for answers, something that gave her a definitive solution.
“I never said you should.” He chuckled softly feeling the desire within her.
She kissed his chest, her hands now wandering up his back. “Then why haven’t you kissed me yet, made any attempt to take me?”
“This is your mind Reyn, and there is more than enough chaos within it without me bending your will to mine.”
“And if I asked you to?”
He leaned down so that their mouths were no more than an inch from each other’s and her breath quickened. “I would tell you to take what you want and I will never deny you.”
She closed the distance between them, kissing him. Her tongue slipped past his lips and he met her desire willingly. He restrained the urges that nearly overwhelmed him to take her, dominate her. This would be at her will, her demand. He would relish in her needs, her whims. He had never given another such sovereignty over his body, over him, but she would always own him.
Chapter 16
She was still sleeping. Marcus watched as Star sat on the bed talking to her as if she were awake. Something was off with her, though he couldn’t place it. There was no stress, no strain. She sat at Reyana’s bedside as if today were any other day and her Mother were smiling and awake.
Byryn stood beside her, hovering. He was tense, studying her. He looked up and met Marcus’ eyes with concern. He needed to get him alone so they could discuss whatever was going on with the girl.
He had asked Mythos to check with Tryxia and Ryo if there was anything odd that had occurred, any more surges of essence within her, but the King had said there was nothing they had sensed and Tryxia had kept tabs on her the entire time. Though at one point she had begun to glow, as he had seen her Mother do before her awakening began; but there had been no pain and only Light had surged forth. The only other thing that had been out of the ordinary had been her need to scale the wall and finding this palace.
He sensed nothing unusual about the palace and he had read the plaque, seen the markings himself. Reyana had remembered this place, it was indeed Lunya’s Palace, her sacred place of refuge. He had seen it in her mind during their bonding, when their essences had merged their memories had been gifted to one another. He had never heard of it happening like that before, but their connection had been so strong, so intimate.
He closed his eyes against the images and sensations that assaulted his mind but it only served to strengthen it. Her hunger, desire. The feel of her touch on his skin, her pleasure as she crested. Cymeryn’s firm but gentle embrace of her. His attendance to her needs. The sensation and knowledge of their merged essences; hers, his twin’s and his own.
He felt a hand on his shoulder. “I thought I would come see how you were doing.”
He opened his eyes to find Kato and Demytria standing there. Demytria gave him an odd look but didn’t voice her thoughts. She turned from them and looked to the bed.
“I’m as well as would be expected.” Marcus replied. “How are you, Demytria?”
He studied her as she turned slowly to him. “The pain has lessened somewhat. I understand your concern for my wellbeing and my intentions, especially around Reyn, uh Reyana…” She paused as he grimaced. “Sorry, we weren’t allowed to call her anything but that, I’ll try not to.” She sighed.
“It's fine,” He gritted. “Please continue, Demytria.”
“She was my friend once, Marcus. You were my friend.” She lowered her voice as her eyes squeezed shut. “I spent forty years with Cymeryn. I know his essence, his scent. On her, I’m not surprised to sense it. His obsession with her was all consuming. He was never so careless, never. He didn’t even call forth the Shadows from the Realm of Darkness. Crytos and Trevyn could command them but only if Cymeryn released them. He has never failed to do so before.”
“What are you trying to say, Demytria?” His patience was wearing thin.
“I am trying to say that I know his mind, Marcus. Whatever happened in that room had his full attention, which is all but impossible to hold for more than a moment. He is not like other Shade. Whatever he did to get into your mind, Marcus, you’re not free of its hold. If I can sense it, it can be used against you and you can be sure he knows it.”
Kato looked between them. “Perhaps this is a conversation best continued in the other room.”
Marcus shook his head “There is no need to continue this conversation. I have heard you Demytria, and I’ll take it under advisement but there is little to be done about it until she wakes up. It’s not open for discussion.”
She nodded stiffly. “You are aware of why she sleeps.”
He nodded meeting her eyes.
“I wish I could help, but I might open the door for him if it’s not already opened. If he can reach me the way he has, he might ride that connection into her mind. It’s not worth the risk.”
“The sentiment is welcomed Demytria, but you’re right. It isn’t worth the risk. All we can do is wait.”
She nodded. And walked over sitting on the window seat.
“These quarters are extensive. This entire Palace is splendid, but reserved. It is quite what I always imagined the Palace of Light becoming if she were in charge. Open, airy, neither obtrusive nor restrictive.”
“Yes, it is definitely more her tastes. You remember our quarters. She always went for a subdued décor. It makes sense in a way.”
Kato nodded. Mythos had pulled him away earlier to fill him in on the supposed origins of the palace and potentially the realm. “Do you think she is why you found this place?”
“I do, but perhaps not as you and Mythos do. I believe that even in her previous incarnation she held Gray essence. She always felt so different to me, but not in any way that would cause alarm. It was soothing, a peace I could not find elsewhere. It was the balance in her. We had shared essence so often, there wasn’t any part of me that did not belong to her and the reverse was true as well.” At least he believed that to be the case. He breathed deeply shaking his doubts from his mind. “I do not believe any, save the Gray will be able to see the entryways.”
“It would make sense if this were the realm of the Gray. Having the ability to remain removed from both influences would keep her impartial and untainted by it. She would have been completely impartial and unswaying.” Kato offered.
“Indeed. It doesn’t explain this palace though. Who saw to it?”
“Perhaps when she wakes she will remember.”
“Perhaps. We must be mindful of Star,” Marcus lowered his voice. “Something is…off.”
“Indeed, I may not know her near as well as you but her current behavior is unusual.” Kato looked over the girl. “I will try to get a better read on her once my energies are more stable. There is something but it is well hidden. What of the boy, is he affected?”
“No, Byryn is even more worried than I am. If he is too stoic for you to tell, my friend, watch his brother. He takes cues from him. If he is upset Kylion becomes all but a wallflower. When he is at ease that young is a ball of energy and joy. It’s an interesting dynamic.”
“I have noticed. I find it intriguing that they had fostered such a connection. We had never seen there was any way for them but the hand they were dealt. I have never witnessed that level of affection in any unawakened Shade once the Darkness in them was unlocked, and make no mistake it is present and known in both the boys. The control young Kylion has is astonishing for his age.”
“That is Byryn’s influence. He must have worked with the young extensively. He has a way with them. He will help them all find a way through this, help them to adjust.”
“But what will become of them, Marcus? There are so many. They need parents not just each other.” Kato ran his hand through his hair.
“I don’t know, my friend. Perhaps some will be adopted, but it will take time. He wants to bring more, there a
re schools and camps that house most of the female young. He wants to free them. I was thinking once Demytria is redeemed it may be a project she would be interested in assisting with.”
Kato looked to his mate. “I will broach the subject and see if perhaps, she would. It is something that would indeed help her heart. She has much pain and loathing for the things she has done. Redemption alone will not serve to heal those wounds, but perhaps allowing her to assist in this will give her some small measure of peace.”
“It will stay between us until you discuss it and she decides.”
“Thank you my friend. I should take her back to our quarters. Grifyn is just to the left of here and adjoins with this suite by a small hall…Mythos thought it best in case there is an issue with Star that Byryn be close, but he did not want him staying with her.” He explained with a knowing smirk.
Marcus grunted. “Good luck with that one.”
Kato laughed and Byryn looked over raising a brow but turned back to Star and Kylion, who was sitting silently in her lap.
“Fatherhood suits you, Marcus.”
Marcus ignored the comment. “And what of the King?”
“He is to the right. He will have Grifyn and Valeryn summon his Personal Guard from the Palace of Light and ensure their loyalty once everyone is assigned quarters and settled. Demytria and I requested more modest accommodations but he insisted we be on this level in case there was an issue and we are just beyond Grifyn and Trina’s suite.”
“It is sound reasoning. You belong here regardless. The Lucerna Lines should be housed together. Has Gavyn accepted his appointment to Trycen?”
“Yes I saw to the decree in your absence but it can be made more formal later. Grifyn introduced them in the infirmary. The boy seems to be healing well, but he is very apprehensive. A visit from his brother might do him well.”
