Instead of taking my car to the airport, I opt to drive Franklin’s SUV so I can take Zeus with me to meet him. Zeus seems to know instantly that we’re going to meet his dad as soon as he sees we’re taking Franklin’s car, and he starts to jump up and down and whuff excitedly like a puppy. It makes me realize I haven’t been paying much attention to him the last couple of days, and I apologize to him and scruff him behind the ears.
Franklin is looking tanned and fit when he comes out the airport doors, but the lines of fatigue I noticed around his eyes during our last video chat are still there. He greets me with a kiss on the cheek and fawns all over Zeus for a couple of minutes, until the airport police start tweeting their whistles at us and motioning for us to get our car out of the pickup queue. I help Franklin load his suitcases into the SUV and ask him if he wants to drive home.
“No, honey, you do it,” he says, waving his hand at me. “I’m exhausted.”
We head back to the condo and unload his bags and Zeus. As we do, I’m nervously hoping we won’t run into Knox, though his car is nowhere in sight. When we finally get inside and shut the door, I suppress a sigh of relief.
Franklin is starving and in the mood for an American-style pizza, so I make a call to the local delivery place and he opens a bottle of red wine. He pours us both a glass and goes out on the balcony, motioning me to follow him. I flinch, knowing that if Knox comes home he’ll hear us out there, but go out anyway and take a seat on one of the lounge chairs.
Franklin sinks down next to me with a deep sigh. “Oh, it’s good to be home,” he says, closing his eyes. He takes a sip of his wine and starts to ask me how things have been for me since he’s been gone. I keep it superficial, telling him about my studies and my hopes for finishing my master’s thesis by the end of the next school year.
Then I say the thing I’ve been dreading to say.
“I have to tell you something, Franklin. I’m moving out. Just as soon as I can find a place I can afford.”
“Honey, are you sure?” he asks, a concerned look on his handsome face. “You know you’re welcome to stay as long as you want. Just because I’m back doesn’t make a damn bit of difference.”
“I know,” I say miserably. “But I think it’s time for me to move on.”
He looks at me dubiously. “Well, Ivy, I can’t stop you. But don’t make any hasty decisions just yet.”
I shake my head. “My mind’s made up. I haven’t found anything yet, but there’s a couple places in my price range that might work out.”
Franklin is frowning. “I can’t say I’m not disappointed, honey. And I know Zeus will miss you.”
I smile sadly, thinking about how much Zeus loves Knox. “Oh, I think he’ll be fine.”
The pizza comes, and Franklin pays for it and brings it out onto the balcony as I fetch plates. We eat mostly in companionable silence.
“That hit the spot,” Franklin says finally, sitting back and patting his stomach. “Hundreds of pizza places in Buenos Aires, but you can’t get a decent pepperoni to save your life.”
I don’t want to pry, so I try not to ask directly about Juan Carlos. “Are you back in Springville for good?” I say instead.
He sighs again, and looks at me. “I don’t know, honey,” he tells me tiredly. “For a while, at least. I love Juan Carlos, but good lord, he is infuriating sometimes.”
I start to laugh shakily. “Yeah, I know how that goes.” My voice cracks on the last word, and before I know it I’m sobbing, hiding my face in my hands.
“Oh, honey, honey!” Franklin croons, reaching out to stroke my shoulder kindly. “Well, aren’t the two of us a couple of sad sacks. So, you’ve been having romantic problems of your own, while I’ve been gone?”
He lets me cry for a little while, patting my arm and making sympathetic noises. A true Southern gentleman to the end, when I start to wind down, he takes a clean pocket handkerchief and hands it to me. I wipe my eyes and blow my nose, honking loudly.
“Honey, I had no idea,” he murmurs as he watches me. Glancing towards next door, he asks, “Does this have anything to do with our new neighbor?”
I nod miserably.
“Damn,” he sighs. “I had a good feeling about him. Being a fellow southerner and all. Did he turn out to be an asshole?
“No,” I admit. “I thought he was, at first. But he turned out not to be an asshole at all.”
Franklin looks perplexed. “Then what’s wrong, sweetheart?”
“It’s…” I try to think of a way to explain without going into everything. “We just aren’t the same, Franklin. He… he said he loves me.” My lip trembles, and I use his handkerchief to catch the tears that are starting to fall again. “But I just can’t take the risk of getting hurt.”
“Sweetheart,” he says gently. “Love is always a risk. Even when we think it’s a sure thing.”
“But…” I blow my nose again. “You don’t regret letting Juan Carlos hurt you?”
“Sweetheart, Juan Carlos didn’t hurt me. Not like that, anyway. We’re just two people, trying to figure out how to be together. I don’t regret it. Even with the pain, we’ve had some wonderful times together. I’ll always have those memories, no matter what happens in the future.” He looks at me. “And I would never have had those moments of happiness if I hadn’t taken the risk of falling in love. To me, that’s worth it.”
I look down at my hands.
“I wish I could say the same,” I say.
28
Ivy
As I pull up in front of Franklin’s condo building, I try to stuff down the feeling of apprehension that’s been simmering inside me ever since he asked me to look in on Zeus this weekend. Franklin is off visiting his sister in Gainesville, and the college student he had lined up to dog- and house-sit fell through.
It’s been a little over a month since I moved out of Franklin’s guest room, and this is the first time I’ve been back. It’s funny how familiar it feels. Almost like I still live here. I climb up the stairs to the second floor condos, noting with relief that Knox’s white SUV is nowhere to be seen. Reaching down, I feel under the mat for the key that Franklin’s left me, then let myself in.
Zeus is sitting right in front of the door, waiting to greet me. He gives me a slobbery grin and stands up, tail whacking against the wall noisily as I pet him and scratch him behind the ears. Franklin asked me to just stay here with Zeus while he’s gone, but I’m not comfortable being next door to Knox. I wish I could take him to stay with me this weekend, but the apartment complex where I’m living now doesn’t allow dogs. Not to mention, I’m not even sure that my tiny studio apartment is big enough to fit him in it.
I fill up Zeus’s bowl with dry kibble, then watch in amusement as he snarfs it down like he hasn’t eaten in days. When he’s done, I refill his water dish, grab some bags and his leash, and take him downstairs for his walk. We go on our usual route, down the main road, then take a left on my favorite leafy side street, around the block, and back to the main road. I listen to the familiar sound of Zeus’s claws clicking on the pavement and his doggy huffing as we go, feeling nostalgic and a little empty inside. And trying not to think about Knox.
We’re on our way back, about a block away from Franklin’s place, when I see a silver minivan I don’t recognize parked on the street behind my car. On the sidewalk, I see a slim, attractive brunette and a man, also with brown hair, in a wheelchair. As I get closer, I see that the woman has some sort of sling/carrier thing on her chest, with a baby strapped inside.
The man and woman are talking to each other and looking around, like they’re confused or they don’t know where they are. “Hi,” I say as I get closer. “Can I help you with anything?”
“Hi,” the woman smiles at me, flashing straight, even teeth. She’s so pretty she could be a model, and I try not to stare at her. “We’re looking for a friend who lives at this address? Knox Harper?”
The mention of Knox’s name makes my stomach drop. �
��Um, Knox?” I stammer, feeling the blood drain from my face. “He lives, uh, up there,” I say, pointing to the second floor. “Number four.”
“Oh,” the man frowns. “Huh. Is there a handicap access to those units?”
“There’s one at the far end of the building, over there,” say, nodding my head in that direction. “I don’t think Knox is home, though. His car’s not here.”
“Oh,” the woman says. “Well, maybe we can just wait for him down here, then, Chris.”
“Yeah, we may as well,” the man agrees, and looks at me. “I’m a friend of his from high school,” he offers. “We’re in town visiting family and we timed it so we could see Knox play in the season opener tomorrow. You know he plays for the Rockets, right?”
“Yes,” I manage to say. My mind starts to telescope, and I barely hear what he says afterwards. This man is Chris Payne, I realize numbly. He has to be. Knox’s friend from high school who got injured playing football.
“How do you know Knox?” I finally hear the brunette ask me.
“I…” I stammer. “I used to live next door to him. There,” I say pointing. “I’m just walking the dog for the person who lives there now. I’m Ivy.”
“Nice to meet you, Ivy,” the brunette smiles. “I’m Jennifer. And this is Chris. And this little guy,” she continues with a grin, “is Ethan.”
Jennifer takes the Ethan’s little hand and waves it at me. The baby gurgles and smiles at me, and I can’t help but smile back. He’s adorable.
Just then, the sound of an approaching engine makes me look up, and I see it’s Knox driving toward us. My insides turn to ice as I resist the urge to flee. “That’s Knox,” I choke out, and Chris and Jennifer turn toward the SUV.
Knox pulls in and parks. The three of us watch him as he gets out of the car and saunters towards us.
“Hey,” he says. His voice is neutral, but his jaw is tense, angry-looking. I clear my throat and look away.
“Hey, buddy!” Chris calls. He raises his hand and Knox grabs it in greeting. “Good timing. We just got here.”
“We’re meeting Knox here to go get something to eat,” Jennifer explains to me.
“What are you doing here?” Knox asks me, a little rudely. Jennifer’s smile falters as she glances over at him uncertainly.
“I’m…” I stammer, pointing at Zeus. “Uh, Franklin’s out of town. He wanted me to…”
“I can walk Zeus,” Knox says flatly, cutting me off. “Give me the key. You don’t have to come back.”
“I can do it,” I say, suddenly feeling stubborn. “He asked me to.”
“Ivy was nice enough to see us looking around and asked us if we needed help,” Jennifer says hastily, glancing back and forth between the two of us. “She was telling us she used to be your neighbor.”
“Yeah. Used to.” Knox’s voice is cold, dismissive. He turns away from me, a look of disgust on his face. “Let’s go,” he says to his friends. “You got any preferences for food?”
Jennifer lets out a nervous little laugh. “Just someplace that won’t have a problem with a fussy baby.” Instinctively, she bounces up and down a little bit, and Ethan coos with delight.
“Let’s just head downtown and go from there,” Chris suggests. He looks up at me. “You’re welcome to join us,” he says.
Knox glances at me sharply. “No, no, that’s fine,” I stammer. “You guys have catching up to do.” Across from me, I can almost feel Knox’s relief. “Besides, I have to be getting home.” To my lonely apartment, with its thin walls and slightly musty carpet. And a dinner of leftover spaghetti.
“Well, it was nice meeting you,” Jennifer says warmly. “Say bye-bye Ethan!”
I do a tiny wave for the baby, who gives me a wide, gummy smile. Then I tug lightly on Zeus’s leash and lead him back upstairs, where I let us both in and then immediately run to the front window to watch Knox and his friends pile into their cars and drive away.
Sinking into a chair next to the window, stinging tears spring to my eyes, and I try as hard as I can not to let them fall. Knox hates me, I think miserably. He hates me.
The tears spill anyway. I thought by now, I’d be over Knox. I thought that moving away, putting some distance between us, would be all it would take for me to forget about him.
Instead, I’ve done almost nothing this month except think about him. I can’t get any work done, and I’m dreading my first meeting of the school year with Dr. Pataky to talk about my thesis topic.
Seeing him now, I realize that the distance hasn’t done anything to make this easier. If anything, I feel even worse.
The tears still falling, I haul myself up from the chair and wander out to the back balcony. My mind turns to Knox’s friend Chris, and his beautiful family. They look so happy. Chris’s wife Jennifer clearly adores him. And their son is so beautiful. See! I want to shout at Knox. They can be happy, without football. Chris is happy without football!
But then, a small voice whispers back at me.
They can be happy, even though Chris got hurt.
I don’t know where it comes from, but the shock of it hits me out of the blue.
They’re happy. Chris and Jennifer are happy. They love each other. And that’s all that matters.
That night, in my tiny apartment, I sit in the dark and watch videos of Knox playing football. I’m struck, just as I was the first time I watched them, by the poetry in the way he moves. How he’s made to play football. I don’t know much about the sport, but I do know what I’m looking at on the screen is special. It’s almost like magic, the way he snatches the ball out of the sky and flies down the field.
I ended things with Knox because I didn’t want to risk the pain of always worrying about him being hurt on the field. The uncomfortable truth, though, is that what Franklin said was right. In trying to protect myself from something bad that might happen, I walked away from something good that was happening. I walked away from a man who loves me. And who, let’s be honest, I’m in love with.
Head over freaking heels.
As I sit there, the flashing screen illuminating my face, I start to cry again. But this time I’m not crying from sadness. I’m crying from hope.
I don’t want to protect myself from what might happen anymore, I realize. I want a life with Knox Harper in it.
I remember Franklin’s words: Love is always a risk. But it’s worth it.
29
Knox
The night before our first official game of the season, I barely sleep a goddamn wink. I’m still too jacked up and angry at running into Ivy in front of my condo this afternoon.
When Franklin told me he was going out of town this weekend, I offered to take care of Zeus for him, but he said he had it covered. He said he was hiring some student from the college stay in his condo, though. Not Ivy.
Goddamn it, not Ivy.
Seeing her there, chatting it up with Chris and Jen, it was like I was having a nightmare. I’ve been dreaming about her, on and off for most of the past month. In every dream, she shows up in places I’d never expect her to: in the locker room. At the grocery store. That night, she even makes a cameo appearance as one of my teammates’ new girlfriend, and I spend the entire dream trying resist the urge to pound his goddamn head into the ground.
I wake up the morning of the game groggy as hell and out of sorts. Thankfully, having somewhere to be and the single goal of taking my aggressions out on the opposing team is just the distraction I need to get Ivy Kincaide out of my head.
I get to the stadium early, find my locker, and check all my equipment and uniform laying out in front of me. I feel the first stirrings of nerves, but they’re the good kind, the kind that amp you up and get you ready to kick ass. I’m one of the first ones there, so as I sit there some of the other guys start to trickle in. I take some deep breaths and engross myself in the game-day program sitting on my stool. Then, I grab a towel and head for the showers. It’s a pre-game ritual of mine to take a long, hot sho
wer before the game to loosen up my muscles, followed by a last-minute blast of cold water to wake me up, and I stand under the water for a long time, taking comfort in the ritual.
From there, I wander into the training room. A few of the guys are already in there, getting last-minute pre-game treatments and massages. I forego the massage for today, but track down a staff member to tape me up. Since I’m new, I don’t have anyone in particular that knows how I like to be taped. So I walk the guy, whose name is Bruce, through the process, making sure that he doesn’t wrap me too tight.
Then it’s time to go stretch. By now, the place is filling with people, from my teammates to various members of the staff. It’s not too loud, though: most of the guys are in their own worlds, doing visualization, or whatever helps them get their heads in the game. This is the toughest part for me today. As I stretch out my tight muscles, my mind wanders to Ivy. How fucking great she looked yesterday. How nervous she seemed. How hurt she looked when I snapped at her. I keep trying to shove her out of my head the whole time I’m stretching, but she keeps working her way back in. I’m actually grateful when Davis, the team’s unofficial music man, starts playing prep songs to pump us up. He turns up the volume so loud it’s practically impossible to think about anything at all.
After the coach comes out and leads us in a team prayer, we head out onto the field. I’m awash in the cheers and shouts of the fans for my very first official game of the season as a Springville Rocket.
It’s an unseasonably warm day for early September, which makes it a slog running down the field in our full uniform and pads. But even so, I’m amped up enough that I have one of my best running games ever, one of my top five receiving yards per game of my career. Jake’s arm is on fire, fast and accurate, and we outperform our rival team, the Pacers to establish a ten-point lead coming out of the first half. At half-time, the mood in the locker room is jovial, confident. Coach Porter tells us not to get too goddamn cocky, and sends us out for the third quarter.
PLAYERS: The Complete Series (Springville Rockets (Sports Romance Books 1-3) Page 33
