Johnnie turned back to Mortician, furious he had to explain any of this. “My fucking point exactly. All she needed to do was open her fucking month and tell Kendall ‘no’.”
Mortician released harsh laughter. “Meggie girl couldn’t win. Kendall went by herself and something happened, she would’ve been blamed. She went with Kendall and got hurt just like her. Instead of embracing both of those chicks, fucking war starting. And I hate to fucking break it to you, but this shit is Kendall’s fault.”
Johnnie growled and balled his fists.
Mortician got to his feet and glared at him. “I wouldn’t fucking do that.”
“Then shut the fuck up with blaming Kendall. She has enough fucking problems. Everyone has been comparing her to Megan—“
“Bullshit!” Mortician yelled. “Kendall been comparing herself to Megan. You want to go off half-cocked, then fucking jet. But go off with your fucking facts straight.”
Johnnie didn’t want to listen to this. Kendall wasn’t to blame for any of this. Another reason why he had to leave. Everyone was against her, which was unfair. No one recognized her pain. “I can’t stay here, Mortician. None of you want to help Kendall.”
“Fuck, brother, she have to want to help herself. We’ll protect your girl with everything we got, John Boy. She went through some intense and fucked up shit. But the more she give in to it, the more it’s gonna beat her. Prez don’t have the best fucking delivery all the time. He just give it to you straight.”
Scrubbing his hands over his eyes, fatigue settled into Johnnie. He felt hollow inside, but he wouldn’t allow Kendall to suffer additional torment. He didn’t know what his life would be like without the club and his brothers, but, if he had to choose Kendall or the club, Kendall won now. She was suffering and, now, added to that, she’d lost their baby. He owed it to her to do the very thing he’d always sworn he wouldn’t.
“Christopher doesn’t care for Kendall and I do. I refuse to stay with all the bullshit.” His club. On that floor, when he’d thrown his cut, he’d left part of his soul. But Kendall didn’t deserve blame and hostility.
“Give Meggie a chance to get better. She’ll talk to Prez. Make him see reason.”
“She shouldn’t have to talk to him,” he snapped, his hackles rising again. “He should come to me himself without any prompting from her.”
“Get your head out your ass. If you was in some type of similar situation for whatever reason before Meggie got here, Prez would’ve blown you the fuck away.”
“He’s my brother,” Johnnie rasped, feeling like a pussy and a dickhead at once. Christopher’s attitude not only pissed him the fuck off but it hurt him. “He should value me as much as I value him.”
“Why you think he went to her and not you. Prez want you happy. He didn’t want to start no shit with you.”
“And going to my girl wouldn’t start shit?”
“No! Red don’t open her fucking mouth when she could divert a lot of fucking heartache if she did. She keep shit about Spoon to herself. She could keep shit Outlaw rightly told her to herself.”
“I’m going. Christopher was out of line doing what he did. He owes me an apology—“
“You waitin’ the rest of your fuckin’ days for one from me, assfuck,” Christopher growled from the doorway. He walked forward, his hair still damp from the shower he must’ve taken. “Let me get this shit fuckin’ out, John Peter. I don’t want you fuckin’ leavin’ the club. You fuckin’ belong here as much as I do. We belong here together. But, if you stay, get your bitch straight. If you go, get your bitch straight. She a fuckin’ lawyer. She gotta have a head on her shoulders to do that. Tell her to fuckin’ use it.”
Christopher looked at him and sighed, already seeing the determination Johnnie felt to leave. Christopher glanced beyond Johnnie and, for the first time, Johnnie saw his hurt and regret. “Have it your fuckin’ way,” he said, recognizing that Johnnie wouldn’t budge. “I’ll see you around.” He swallowed, then nodded to Mortician. “Come on, Mort. I gotta talk to you about somethin’.”
Mortician clapped Johnnie on the shoulder. “Take care, brother,” he muttered and walked past Johnnie.
Neither of them once looked back, leaving Johnnie to his future with Kendall and outside the loop of the club.
Chapter 28
Four weeks later
Kendall sniffed the red gravy she’d just scooped from the pot and into the wooden spoon. Poking her pinky into it, she licked it. Maybe, it needed a little more basil. Whatever it was, she knew it was almost time to add the fish.
She glanced at the clock as it inched to six-thirty. Any minute Johnnie would walk through the door, looking like a million dollars in his designer suit. He’d be hungry and he’d be nice. He’d be complimentary. But he wouldn’t be happy and he wouldn’t be sexual.
Each day that passed, Kendall’s heart broke a little more. She’d been out of the hospital for over three weeks, going straight to a small house in a quiet neighborhood. When she’d asked about the club, he’d merely said, “I’m out.”
For the first couple days, Kendall had been elated because she finally felt she was the most important person in Johnnie’s life. She’d even thought their relationship would survive the loss of Baby Biker. All along she’d felt she didn’t have Johnnie because he was only trying to make a relationship work because of his baby. Granted, that was more than some men did but neither should children be the foundation of a marriage.
Marriage? Not to Johnnie.
His attitude told her such a life-long commitment wouldn’t ever be possible. She’d been right to turn his proposal down in the cave.
“Something smells real good,” Johnnie commented, sauntering in, his suit jacket thrown over his shoulder and his tie hanging loosely around his neck.
Kendall smiled and accepted the kiss he placed near her lips. Not on them anymore. “Courtbillion,” she explained, pronouncing it in the French way: Coo-be-yon. “It’s a New Orleans recipe I found on my iPad food app.”
He grunted a response and walked away.
He’d purchased the iPad for her so she could read the legal thrillers she loved. She’d read one book because her concentration had been worth shit. She’d kept reliving the exact moment Spoon had gotten her and Meggie. She’d thought she’d gotten them killed and, sometimes, she thought she’d lose her mind. That she’d never be normal again and her uncontrollable tears would flow until she had an awful headache.
Her baby was gone, but she had her life. So empty, though. She’d ended up calling Brooks and asking for work-from-home projects. He’d assigned her a couple of simple tasks. Nothing too taxing, and she didn’t know if she was grateful or disappointed.
As hard as the loss of her baby had been, the event had served as a painful eye-opener. She knew she needed help. Because she couldn’t do this on her own. She didn’t know how to overcome her terror and shame. She didn’t know how to overcome her love for Johnnie or how to make herself want to do anything other than stay inside and keep house.
Maybe, she’d never be a practicing attorney again. And, maybe, once she got help, she’d be itching to get back into a courtroom. Right now, though, she wanted her life back. She wanted Johnnie. She wanted his babies and his name. She wanted his love.
He strolled past the kitchen, heading outside like he usually did in the evening until she prepared their meal.
Burned tomatoes assaulted her nose and she frowned, scowling when she realized she’d scorched her gravy. The sound of Harley pipes made her rush to turn off the stove and run outside just in time for her to see Mortician and Johnnie do a quick embrace and a mutual fisting on the back.
Although they hadn’t invited her, she hurried to Johnnie’s side, wanting to greet Mortician. “Hi,” she murmured the moment she reached the two men.
Mortician gave her a two-finger salute. “What’s up, Kendall?”
Her smile faltered at the cool greeting. She shifted from foot to foot and swallowe
d. “Do you want to join us for supper?”
“No, he doesn’t,” Johnnie responded, shoving his hands in his pockets. The humor and glint in his eyes had flickered out days ago. If possible, the silver-gray seemed a little duller. “He stopped in to tell me they’re going on a run.”
Guilt rose in Kendall and she wrung her hands. “H-how’s M-meggie?”
Two pairs of eyes widened and stared with incredulity at her.
“You for fucking real, girl?” Mortician snapped.
“Don’t,” Johnnie growled.
Mortician nodded and turned away. “I’m out, John Boy.” He mounted his bike. “See you round, Kendall.” Not allowing either of them a chance to respond, he started the big Harley and sped away.
For long moments, Johnnie stood still, staring in Mortician’s wake. He thrust a hand through his hair and turned to her. “I’m going out for a drink, gorgeous. Don’t wait up for me.”
He gave her a near-lip kiss and sauntered away.
Twenty minutes later, Kendall sat on the bed she shared with Johnnie, wondering where he’d gone. Maybe, he would visit the club. Or, maybe, he’d finally go to another woman. She had so many maybes and what-ifs running through her head, she didn’t know which to address first. Most of all, though, her regret and guilt ran deep.
She’d pressed him to leave the club and she’d demanded he place her above Meggie. For that matter, she’d demanded Meggie risk herself to show her friendship when Meggie had made so many overtures since their first meeting.
Kendall had been so bitter and it had taken her losing nearly everything to realize she’d caused some of her problems. Just as Mortician had tried to explain to her. And Meggie.
And just as Outlaw had demanded of her to recognize.
Just as Johnnie had. He’d been patient and frustrated, loving and exasperated, protective and possessive. Each time, she’d shot him down either through words or deeds.
Going to her purse, she picked up her cellphone and stared at it, debating on whether or not to text Meggie. Kendall had no idea if she’d healed or not. She had no idea if Meggie hated her.
Kendall knew Johnnie was worried about her. The fact she was still alive cued her that Megan was alive. She didn’t have a doubt in her mind that Outlaw would’ve hunted her down if Meggie had passed away.
How many truths had she ignored, wallowing in her pain? She hadn’t wanted to believe anything. Or recognize the importance of the dynamics of Johnnie’s life.
It took additional heartache and unimaginable tragedy for her to understand what a mean, selfish bitch she’d been. She’d become the bully and Megan the bullied. She’d played well at being the victim—and, yes, she was—but none of the people at Johnnie’s club meant her any harm.
Until she’d fucked up a month ago. Johnnie’s treatment of her might’ve left a lot to be desired, but she’d hurt him. The very thing she hadn’t wanted to happen had anyway. She’d lost him.
A sob escaped her and she covered her face. She hated to see his defeat and misery. She’d caused both because she’d forced him to choose. He’d patched out because of the argument with Outlaw, but, Kendall suspected they could’ve overcome it if she hadn’t been so insistent he leave the club.
She thought of Megan again. Maybe, contacting her was a bad idea, but Kendall had never gotten rid of the other woman’s cellphone number. Weeks ago, Johnnie had put Meggie’s number on speed dial for Kendall and demanded she call her for anything she’d need that Johnnie couldn’t provide.
Her fingers shaking, she pulled up Meggie’s information and pressed the button to begin a text.
Hi Meggie
She’d keep it simple. Several minutes passed and Kendall decided she wouldn’t receive a response. Then, her phone beeped.
Kendall?
Her heart picked up speed that Meggie recognized her number.
That’s me
No response. Kendall bit down on her lip, staring at her phone, wondering if she should pursue the conversation or just let it go.
I’m sorry
A moment later, Meggie responded with a punctuation mark. ?
For everything. 4 the baby
An apology seemed so small in comparison to the pain Meggie must’ve suffered. Kendall’s only consolation was she knew what that pain was because she’d gone through it, too.
Ok
Loneliness pierced her and Kendall didn’t know what to do. She bowed her head and gripped her phone tighter.
How r u? Have u healed? How’s Johnnie? Feels so diffrnt w/o him.
Johnnie is fine. Kendall halted her fingers and backspaced. It was no good in lying. Johnnie is sad
Christopher is 2
She’d never meant for this to happen—
Holding back her tears by sheer determination, Kendall drew in a breath.
Is this my fault?
Although Kendall expected an immediate answer, a full ten minutes went by before Meggie responded again. When the alert came though, Kendall hesitated to even read the message.
We r both 2 blame
No long paragraph. No accusations.
And Kendall finally got what everyone saw in Meggie. She could’ve blamed Kendall for everything. For that matter, she didn’t have to respond to Kendall at all. But Meggie faced whatever burdens she had and embraced everyone she came across. While Kendall would never trust many people enough to be so friendly, she appreciated Meggie’s attitude.
Have a good eveng got 2 c Christopher off
She didn’t want to lose the connection to her right now. She had no idea how long it would take Meggie to tell her husband goodbye, but Kendall would close with something for Meggie to respond to if she felt like it.
Mortician angry w/me Johnnie hardly talking 2 me how can I fix evrythng
Kendall laid back on the bed, thinking about how she’d respond if the situations had been reversed. Knowing she wouldn’t have been nice, she cringed. After getting what she’d only ever dreamed of—friends—she’d been so very hateful. She pressed a hand against her belly and grief stole into her. Turning on her side and drawing her knees up to her chest, she curled into her favorite position.
She didn’t move until she heard another alert. Glancing at her phone, she saw she’d been still for almost an hour, another pocket of time she’d wasted on nothing. She unlocked the screen and read Meggie’s message.
What do u need fixng
Her life. Make Mortician like me again & have Johnnie luv me
Johnnie already luvs u
She wanted to believe Meggie. She wanted that switch in her head to snap on and remove all her self-doubt and self-pity.
I think 2 late 4 us He misses the club
Tell him 2 come back
How can I tell him anythng
Open ur mouth
He might not listen
U’ll never kno if u don’t try
He was very angry w/Christopher
I know. Christopher was very angry w/him Never wanted him 2 leave tho
He went out 4 evenng Said not 2 wait up
Y textng me
Kendall counted to three and told herself Meggie didn’t mean it as an insult. She wasn’t like those mean girls she’d grown up around. She wasn’t hard and cruel like the women who’d hung around the Torpedoes’ clubhouse.
What u mean
Text him call him, maybe LOL a certain popular song just came 2 me
Kendall laughed, a real laugh. She knew exactly the song Meggie referred to and the beat went through Kendall’s head, too.
All right will do
Cool Kendall ttyl
Bye Meggie
Kendall waited a few minutes longer to see if Meggie would text again, but she didn’t. Shoring up her courage, Kendall pressed the number 2—Johnnie’s speed dial numeral—because ‘911’ was used for number 1.
It went straight to voicemail and Kendall’s heart dropped. She had to talk to him and tell him how much she loved him and, as long as he was happ
y, he could go back to his club. If he wanted, they could move back there.
She just wanted him to smile again and look at her with his smoldering silver gaze.
Johnnie signaled the bartender for another shot of whisky, wondering what the hell he’d done when he’d walked away from his MC and his brothers. He didn’t think love was supposed to defeat a man, but that’s how he felt. At the time, when Christopher had been such a dickhead to Kendall, Johnnie’s only thought was rising to her defense. Then, the man had pulled a gun on him and Johnnie had lost all reasoning.
He’d believed walking away from the Death Dwellers was the right thing to do for Kendall. The loyal move. God knew he had so much to make up to her. Somewhere deep down he’d considered handing over his patch partial reparation for how much of a jerk he’d been to her.
Before she’d been released from the hospital, he’d secured a house for them and got it furnished. The reasonable rent allowed him time to figure out where he’d buy a house for them. For a week after her release, he’d stuck close to the place to be available for Kendall. He’d purchased another car for her and installed tracking software on her telephone before he remembered he no longer had enemies. Thanks to Christopher and his bombs, most of them were blown to bits.
The bartender slid the filled shot glass to Johnnie. “Last one.”
“Get the fuck out of my face.” Johnnie squinted to see the time. Close to midnight. He’d been gone for hours. But seeing Mortician and hearing about the run they were all going on to Canada cut through him. He hadn’t even thought to question Mort about how he knew his location.
The entire situation had angered him and he hadn’t wanted to snap at Kendall since his anger was directed at her.
Because of her, he’d had to choose when he should’ve been able to have her and his club.
He shoved his fingers through his hair and thought about the engagement ring he had in his pocket. He’d bought it a week ago and hesitated to propose. Now, he knew why. He resented all he’d given up for her when she seemed so indifferent to him. Tossing back half the contents of the glass, he sighed and unclipped his phone from his belt. Still off. He cursed, powering it up.
Death Dwellers Motorcycle Club:: Fifteen Bad Boy Biker Books Page 115
