“Hey,” Meggie said morosely. Her stomach was huge. Unfortunately, it was the only part of her body the babies seemed to have affected. “I wondered what was taking you so long to get upstairs.” She said into the silence and pointed to her iPhone. It must have a way for Meggie to control the intercom at the gate.
Kendall swallowed, wanting so badly to truly like Meggie. In so many ways, she did. On the other hand, Kendall’s jealousy towards Meggie continued to undermine their friendship.
Not saying anything, she made her way to the chair closest to Meggie and sat carefully down.
“How are you feeling?” Meggie frowned and cocked her head to the side, eyeing the robe Kendall wore.
“I only have the gown I wore yesterday and the heels,” she answered defensively.
“Well, I’d suggest we go shopping, but Christopher has my car keys.” Meggie wrinkled her nose. “And my doctor put me on bed rest during my visit early this morning.”
Kendall didn’t want to say the wrong thing about controlling maniacs and vapid girls, so she only nodded. Instead of pressing her to add more to the conversation, Meggie fell silent and returned to her stupid music videos.
Each time Kendall fought through her negative feelings towards Meggie, she discovered a new layer to Johnnie’s relationship with the little blonde. Despite the numerous times Kendall reminded herself of Meggie’s adoration of Christopher, she forgot everything when faced with the girl. Johnnie undermined all her efforts and kept presenting reasons for Kendall not to like her, as if he purposely made her jealous.
She wouldn’t do this. Closing her eyes, Kendall drew in deep, calming breaths, deciding to start the conversation with the basics.
She focused on Meggie. “How’s the pregnancy?”
Once before, their pregnancies had created a fragile bond between them. Unfortunately, it hadn’t lasted. Just hours later, they’d both lost their babies.
Meggie smiled and raised the remote to lower the volume. “I’m doing fine. How’s yours?”
Kendall’s muscles clenched at the tension between them. Admittedly, it hadn’t been this way when Kendall had first arrived. She rested her hands on her favorite spot—her belly—and pursed her lips. Their conversation seemed so phony. What woman asked how’s your pregnancy? Maybe, how’s the baby…? Shifting in her seat, she cleared her throat. “Is Christopher happy about the new babies yet?”
“Not really. He won’t accept them until they are in his arms.”
Silence again. Their conversation headed nowhere fast, but determination filled Kendall. She’d work through the discomfort until she got their reunion to where she wanted it to be. “Where’s your son?”
“He’s with Roxy. Bailey’s mom is here to look after Harley. She’s staying with us.”
“You do know they aren’t here?”
Meggie nodded, but didn’t elaborate, instead asking, “How long are you going to be here?”
With effort, Kendall reminded herself Meggie’s words weren’t as bad as she made them out to be in her head. After all, she’d invited Kendall to the wedding in the first place. “Until after the baby is born.”
“Johnnie will soften before then and realize what he’s wanted for months has finally happened. You’ve returned.”
Not responding, Kendall glanced away. Meggie wore a pair of socks and what looked to be Christopher’s dress shirt. The thing swallowed her. Unlike Johnnie’s shirt on Kendall. Just thinking of the comparison in her head reminded Kendall of the intimate way Johnnie had touched Meggie.
“Do you want to look online for clothes?” Meggie asked, in a valiant attempt to change the subject and remove the tension. Her golden hair was piled on her head. The strands that escaped appeared longer than Kendall remembered. Shinier, too. The girl’s eyes were a bright blue.
Megan was Kendall’s complete opposite.
How could Johnnie go from loving Meggie to Kendall?
“Tell me your favorite stores,” Meggie persisted. “Let’s look for clothes for you.”
“Not at the moment.” Kendall made a face, unable to bear the pretense any longer. “You invited me to Bailey’s wedding, because…?
“Um, because you’re our friend, and I thought it would be good to have you here.”
“Everyone called to check on me, except you and Johnnie.” She almost added that Christopher had the club’s PI locate her, but decided to withhold that for now.
Dr. Stanton would advise against her causing unnecessary drama.
“I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me,” Meggie answered. “I didn’t want to do anything that would make you stay away any longer than necessary.”
How very thoughtful of her. Miss Perfection had struck again.
“I don’t think we’ll ever be friends,” Kendall blurted, her head spinning with the resentment bombarding her.
Instead of the protest Kendall expected, Meggie stiffened and narrowed her eyes. “Any particular reason why?”
“We’ve never quite hit it off,” she continued, the easiest answer to offer. Any other reason was too explosive. Besides, she still felt raw and emotional over Johnnie’s newest bombshell in the saga of him and Meggie. In a way, though, she was glad she hadn’t resolved her issues with Meggie. Discovering exactly what went on certainly would’ve ruined any strides they might’ve made. “I…we don’t see eye-to-eye on anything.”
Meggie studied Kendall for so long that she began to squirm. The coldness freezing the girl’s blue eyes and the tightness of her lips almost had Kendall believing she ruled Christopher, instead of the other way around.
Getting ungracefully to her feet, Meggie went to a small bar, inlaid into the wall and opened the refrigerator hidden below cabinet. She pulled out bottled water. After handing one to Kendall, she opened hers and drank from it.
“What happened between you and Christopher in Hawaii?” Meggie stood close to her, her gaze steady but unyielding. She drank from the bottle again. “I only recently found out about his being shot while he was there.”
She could tell Meggie what happened, but that wouldn’t do any good either, except to further complicate the situation. “You think my decision that we can’t be friends has to do with your husband? You must already have some type of doubt in your mind about him, if you are so easily rattled.”
“Don’t start,” Meggie warned. “Whether we’re friends or not, Christopher and Johnnie deserve better than you and I at each other’s throats. I don’t have doubts about my husband. I do have doubts about you. For weeks before you left, I got the impression you wanted to sleep with him. What would possess you to walk away from Johnnie, other than some type of bad behavior towards Christopher?”
Once again, Meggie’s honesty rocked Kendall’s foundation. Did Meggie really know her so well or did jealousy play a part in this conversation? “I left Johnnie because he had you plan my wedding.”
The girl still didn’t look convinced, so Kendall lifted a brow in haughty warning. Meggie didn’t flinch.
“I want you and Johnnie to reconcile,” she began evenly. “For him and for you. I think you two love each other. You and I never have to speak, but, you’ll just fuel Christopher’s hatred if you continue with nonsense. I’ll get him to understand that Johnnie being an effective member in the club doesn’t depend on if you and I like each other.”
A voice cleared and Kendall looked in the direction of the door, finding a pretty, Black lady, hand on doorknob, taking in the scene. The resemblance gave the woman’s identity, Bailey’s mother.
“You sit,” she ordered, nodding to Meggie. “You, get out.”
Both Kendall and Meggie startled. As soon as Kendall got over her shock, she bristled. “You don’t know who I am—”
“You’re Kendall,” she said flatly. “I’m not putting you out because I have something against you. I’m putting you out before Outlaw gets back and catch a case because you’re here.”
Meggie plopped in her seat. “She’s visiting me
, Roxy,” she snapped.
“She could be fucking with K-P’s ghost. I want her gone. Neither of you girls’ need to be under stress and her being here causes a shitload of stress.” She put her hands on her hips and glared at both of them. “Don’t make me repeat myself. I’m going to get Bunny and send her in here with Harley and Baby ChrisJoe, while I get food.” She looked Kendall up and down, and shook her head. “I’ll be at the clubhouse in about an hour, Kendall, to get your size, so I can get you decent clothes. Meet me in Dinah’s room.”
“Roxy!” Meggie screeched. “Don’t call CJ, ChrisJoe, and what in the world do you need to discuss with my mother?”
“I knew your daddy, Meggie, and I’m acquainted with your husband. That baby named after both of them, so that’s my name for him. As for your mama, me and her gonna have a talk. She’s a grown ass woman who has a daughter who needs her to act like a grandma. And K-P cared about her a lot. She’s dishonoring his memory by doing this bullshit.”
“We’ve discussed this. Momma hates me. She’s sick.”
“Your mama’s not sick, baby. She’s weak.” Roxy narrowed her eyes at Kendall. “You’re an attorney. Been through a lot of shit. I understand that, but I’m gonna need you to straighten up. If that means you have weekly therapy sessions to discuss shit, you do that. You do what you have to do for you, and fuck everybody else. None of us here are your enemy, so get it together, and stop with the bullshit.”
With one last look between the two of them, Roxy turned on her heels and slammed the door behind her.
“What just happened?” Kendall whispered.
“Roxy,” Meggie said on a groan. “I suggest you do what she says, while she’s being nice.”
“Does Christopher know she talks to you like this?”
Meggie sniffed. “I can do without a repeat of the shouting match I endured between the two of them earlier.”
Kendall smirked. “Who won?”
“It was a draw.”
Dear Diary,
In my dreams, my mother loved me. I never understood what I’d done to her, for her to treat me as she did. Still, I would prefer to have her alive and mistreating me, rather than dead. I don’t even know where she’s buried. Or even if she’s buried.
Spoon drugged me the night of her suicide and kept me in a stupor for the next five weeks. He never told me anything about what happened to her body. I’d been so focused on Caroline, I neglected to inquire after my mother.
But what is a mother? Do I qualify as one for the relief I feel over Baby Biker? I mourn its loss, but what would’ve been its quality of life? The day after I slept with Johnnie, I was sedated.
How long does conception take? Twenty-four hours? Forty-eight? No, that’s rhetorical. I know it takes place when the sperm fertilizes the egg. But it can happen a day or so after sex. Can’t it?
Even if I got pregnant the night Johnnie and I had sex, the very next day I had all kinds of powerful drugs in my system. Baby Biker was formed in a lethal environment. I know what I suffered for years at the hands of bullies, simply because of my height and weight. What challenges would my son or daughter have faced if it had been born with any physical or mental challenges because of what happened to me?
Dr. Stanton believes I’m covering my grief with these ideas. He says most mothers would take their child, in any condition. He says if I don’t feel this way, then I’m my mother’s daughter.
Am I? I don’t know. Perhaps, I am. Our earliest memories are our most influential. My earliest memory is my father loving me and my mother tolerating me.
What I wouldn’t give to receive maternal love. That will never happen, so it’s left to me to give it to the child I now carry and find a mother’s love for myself in my imagination.
Chapter 6: A Mother’s Touch
Not quite believing Roxy’s words, Kendall still decided to follow her orders. To pass the time, she showered and washed her hair then towel dried it, before wrapping herself in the robe again. By the time she finished, she’d used up almost the entire hour, so she made her way to Dinah’s room. Opening the door, Kendall’s mouth watered at the scent of food. Sure enough, Roxy fluttered about as Zoann sat in a chair holding Harley, on the mound of her belly.
Ignoring everyone, Dinah picked through a huge breakfast.
“That child is going to be spoiled for the arms,” Roxy complained.
Zoann cooed to her. “She’s already spoiled, courtesy of her father. But, in two days, you won’t have to worry about me. I’m overdue, so, if I don’t go into labor before then, I’ll be induced.”
“Val already arranged for me to watch over Ryan, so he could be with you,” Roxy said, indicating a nearby chair to Kendall.
Once she sat, Roxy brought over a plate of food that had been on the chest of drawers, covered with aluminum foil. She held it out to her, and Kendall greedily accepted.
For a few minutes, she and Dinah ate in silence, until Roxy shoved her phone beneath Kendall’s nose. “Do you like this style?”
Kendall swallowed the food, then grabbed the phone and glanced at the maternity clothes Roxy had pulled up. They were stylish, with a well-defined cut. “Yes.”
“What’re your favorite colors?”
“Um, black for now. Anything dark.”
Roxy’s brows snapped together. “Why?”
“It’ll slim me down.”
“I’ll keep that in mind, sugar,” Roxy swore, offering Kendall a smile, before sitting on Dinah’s bed and studying her nails. “You know who I am, Dinah?”
Instead of answering, Dinah continued to slowly chew.
“Bailey’s momma.”
Dinah blinked.
“K-P’s daughter. Remember her?”
A small smile tipped up her mouth. Only in her mid-forties, her hair had gone almost completely gray, and wrinkles lined her face. Dinah had allowed life to drag her down.
“I see that you do.” Roxy drew in a deep breath. “Remember your daughter? Meggie?”
Her body stiffened and her chin wobbled, making it obvious she did recall her.
“I take that as a yes, too. I’m going to be really straight with you. Meggie’s doing just fine with her husband. He loves her. She has him wrapped around the nail on her pinky, and her nails aren’t that long. But all girls need their mother. I’ll bet your baby would give anything to talk to you about your grandson.”
Thinking of her own mother sent tears to Kendall’s eyes. She wished Marie had been half as understanding as Roxy. As if Roxy understood her turmoil, she reached out her hand and grabbed Kendall’s, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
Just the caring touch had tears escaping.
“You and me, we met years and years ago, Dinah,” Roxy said. “Remember? I was with K-P and Joe the night he met you. Do you remember that?”
The barest of nods.
“You think that man would want you to become just a shell? Would he want you to hate his daughter? Do you think K-P would want you to become this? If you ever cared about either of them, you’ll let us get you some help, so you can be the woman they both saw in you.”
Dinah swiped at her tears and, just when Kendall thought she wouldn’t answer, she croaked out, “K-P knew.”
“Knew what?”
“A-about what Thomas did. Meggie protected me until she met him.”
“She’s still protecting you. That little girl has never given up on you. As for Thomas…” Roxy sighed. “You’re letting him win. This isn’t about him, though. This is about you. I can’t make you find help for yourself, but I can ask you to. Honestly, this is some bullshit. What you’ve been reduced to. No man’s worth this shit. I loved K-P, more than I ever loved any other man, but when we separated, that was a wrap. One motherfucker tried to put his goddamn hands on me. That bitch is lucky he got away with both his fucking hands attached.”
“It isn’t as simple as you’re making it out to be,” Dinah protested.
Lack of use made her voice scratchy soundi
ng.
“I know,” Roxy amended. “And I apologize if I made it so cut-and-dry, because every situation is different. But, sugar, he’s not around now. Don’t give that motherfucker the satisfaction of this.” She indicated Dinah with a sweep of her hands. “You really like Arrow watching over you? I could punch that motherfucker rather than have him watch over me. But you can’t do shit to him because you’re at his mercy.”
“No, I’m at his mercy, Christopher,” she spat for clarification, “and she’s just letting me stay this way. I haven’t seen her in days.”
“She is stuck at her house, her belly swollen with twins. As for him, he’s rougher around the edges than Joe, but Outlaw is that man all over again. You’ve got to get over your resentment of him.”
“It’s always been me and Meggie. She knew better than to tell anyone about Thomas. She would’ve had to leave me behind, and she refused to let anything come between us. Even the threat of Thomas hurting her, until she met him.”
Disgust dropping into her face, Roxy got to her feet. “You know what, honey? That’s the most fucked up shit I ever heard. But that’s bullshit for another day. Live on lost in your goddamn selfish world. I’m here for three weeks, so I’ll support your daughter as much as possible. You think about this. Zoann and Kendall don’t have one hope that their mommas will ever be there for them. They’re gone and no bringing them back. I hoped for a different outcome for Meggie, since you’re still alive. I guess I overestimated the woman Joe loved and K-P cared about.” She turned, scooped up Harley, and glanced between Zoann and Kendall. “Come on, sweetie pies. Kendall needs clothes and Zoann needs rest.”
Dear Diary,
To get understanding must I show it? Must I understand myself?
I’ve been in treatment exactly seven weeks today.
While I demanded Johnnie consider my feelings and understand me, I never really stopped to do the same with him.
How did I reach that conclusion, finally? We talked about my little sister, and my lack of consideration for whatever she said because I thought I knew best.
Death Dwellers Motorcycle Club:: Fifteen Bad Boy Biker Books Page 215
