“Bailey told me I had a little self-pity.”
“Fuck a little. Your ass is full of it. Get over it. You’re a strong, capable woman. Act like it.”
“Is it bad that I get tired sometimes? I’d love to have someone…” To lean on. That sounded pathetic in her own head. “Forget it.”
“Back to this Knox again, huh. You never could just get a little nooky fun and move on. That’s how you got with K-P.”
“This conversation is over!” Roxy said. “Let’s go back to planning your funeral.”
“Aww, girl, fuck my funeral.” Pearllene stood and made her way to the door. “I forgot to tell you. Knox is downstairs in the kitchen.”
“What?”
Instead of answering, her mother grinned at her and walked out.
Knox had lost his mind.
In a moment of weakness, he’d called Outlaw and asked him for Roxy’s location. Partly because he missed her so much, he had to see her; and partly because he was testing the waters, attempting to discover if Kendall had brought the recording to Outlaw.
For whatever reason, Outlaw had given Knox her address in New Orleans. Not wanting her to spurn him, he caught the next available flight and headed to Louisiana. He’d arrived last night, but wanted a good night’s rest to plead his case.
The woman who’d answered the door hadn’t been easy to convince to get inside. Yes, he was a stranger, but she recognized his name. He read it on her face when he introduced himself.
Once inside, she’d grilled him for ten minutes before standing and leaving him alone. Now, a half hour later, she was back in the kitchen, ignoring him as she poured coffee into three mugs.
“What are you doing here?”
Hearing Roxy asking the question from behind him, relieved Knox to no end. He got to his feet, drinking in the sight of her as she stood in a robe, her bare feet, and no wig.
“I wanted to see you,” he admitted, seeing no reason to lie. “I’ve missed talking to you.”
For a brief moment, her look softened toward him before it hardened again and she backed away. “I need to talk to you, Knox, then leave.”
“No need to leave the kitchen on my account,” Pearllene piped up, passing them as she headed out.
“I don’t have time to play games with you,” Roxy started, the moment they were alone. “Every major holiday it’ll be the same thing.”
“It won’t be. I ended up going back to Portland. I didn’t spend Thanksgiving in Boston.”
Indecision tore across her face before she drew in a deep breath and glared at him. “You left your son and your ex in Boston after all the drama between us?”
Knox held up his hands. “Before you lose it, just let me explain. Okay? Callie and Grant flew back with me, but she stayed with my parents and my son and I stayed at my place.”
Roxy studied him, as if she took his measure, attempted to look into his soul. See the real him.
“Can we talk in private?” he asked, desperate to pull her into his arms and kiss her senseless.
Her eyes watering, she lifted her chin. “I don’t trust you, Knox. I don’t know if I ever could. You went out with me for the same reason I asked you out. To find out shit. You were using me to get information for your uncle. I was looking to get information for Outlaw.”
If she would’ve told him she was a mass murderer, he wouldn’t have been more shocked. He never expected that. For as long as they’d been together, he thought he had the one-up on her. Her admission made his insides twist.
He’d been so stupid. So blinded by arrogance. True, it was motivated by family loyalty and a need for justice, but his sense of fairness had been taken away.
“Outlaw knew who I was all along?” Something else she’d been trying to tell him.
“Not that you were a private investigator. He thought you were a cop.”
“What if I’m wired now?”
“Still trying to play me,” she said with disapproval. “I know you told Outlaw about your uncle, Knox.”
“How…?”
That wasn’t important. Mortician or Bailey might’ve told her. Besides, he hadn’t told the man everything and he doubted Brooks had. Uncle Avalon was still alive. Stealing club money would’ve brought about immediate retribution. Knox couldn’t bring himself to sign his uncle’s death warrant and he suspected Brooks was trying to figure out a way to save his lying bitch of a wife.
Knox rubbed his eyes. “My uncle was involved in activities that shocked and disappointed me.” The sadness in Roxy’s eyes made him want to reach out and protect her from anything that might hurt her. “I’m officially done with the case, sweetheart.” He wondered if he should mention his run-in with Kendall. He didn’t trust the red-head as far as he could see her. She didn’t like him. If he convinced Roxy to give him another chance, a real chance, Kendall might sabotage it. “Let’s start over.”
Roxy looked as if she’d agree, then she shook her head. “I can’t, Knox. There’s too much mistrust between us. You’re done with this case, but if someone else hired you to investigate the club—”
“I’d turn them down,” he interrupted. “I have no desire to…Damn it, Roxanne. I just want a chance with you.”
“It doesn’t matter that I asked you out as a ruse?”
“Roxy…”
“It does,” she insisted. “You’re telling yourself that now, but when a situation came up where you needed to trust me, you’d remember our beginnings.”
“Don’t accuse me of doing what you’d do,” he snapped.
“I would,” she admitted without flinching. “Men and women are friends. Great friends. Exes are besties sometimes. I was with Bailey’s dad, so I ask myself why was it so upsetting that you were spending time with your ex. Why couldn’t I take your word? The way we started off is the reason. I don’t trust you. But it’s more than that. It’s…fuck, Knox. Your parents and I don’t gel and you said yourself you’re close to them. You have a son who might not like me. You might want more kids and I can’t give that to you.”
“If you don’t want me, just say so,” he said stiffly. “You don’t have to throw all these curveballs at me. I flew to New Orleans, to wine and dine you, away from the club. Make a fresh start here. I’m willing to overlook your transgressions—”
“My transgressions were done as much in the name of my family as yours was for your family, so don’t come here with that bullshit.”
“You know what, Roxanne? I sorely misjudged you. I thought you were fair-minded but you hold grudges.”
“I have no ill-will for you, sugar,” she said softly. “We crossed some lines that we can never undo. Our families are more important than our relationship. That’s as much the truth for me as it is for you.”
Knox wanted to deny it, opened his mouth to do so. Then, he remembered. He was still protecting his uncle. For all he knew, the man was still stealing the club’s money.
She sniffled, and he swore he’d never make her cry again. It wasn’t a sight he liked. He preferred her sass and beautiful smiles.
“Then, too, my cancer can always return. I’ll be taking medication for months more. What would happen if I get sick all over again? I’d be just what my son said I was. A burden.”
“You’d never be a burden to me,” he got out, suddenly so angry with her little bastard of a son he wanted to find him and beat him to the ground. It was him who was adding to Roxanne’s fears and doubts. As if they didn’t have enough between them. “If you got sick again, I’d be at your side.”
“That’s a nice sentiment. Until it happens.”
“I’ve taken you for a lot of things but never a coward. You sound as if you’re afraid to live. Afraid to believe you have a future to enjoy.” Even as Knox heard himself, remembered how Callie, verbally abused him, he couldn’t stop himself. “You’re not the woman I thought you to be. You’re nothing but a scared little girl.”
Roxy drew herself up. “That’s enough, Knox. Whenever we argue, yo
u go for the jugular. You find the most hurtful things to say to me.”
“And?” he sneered. “Saying ‘fuck you’ isn’t only hurtful, it’s evasive. You want to end the fight so you just spew your profanities. You might be older than me, but I’m much more mature than you.”
“You know what? You’re right. Fuck you. I don’t say shit to evade a goddamn thing. I say it to avoid just what’s happening now. It gives everyone a chance to cool off.”
“Why not just say let’s revisit this later?”
“Because that’s not who the fuck I am.” Roxy rubbed her temples. “Shit!” she groaned.
He rushed to her and grabbed her arms to steady her. “Are you okay?”
“Just a little dizzy,” she admitted, all her anger leaving her. She rubbed his jaw, smiled with tenderness, then stood on tiptoe and brushed her lips over his. “We’re just arguing for argument’s sake, baby. You’re a good man. Loyal. All about family. But added to everything else between us are the insults you love to throw my way.”
“That’s the way Callie and me fought. That’s what I’m used to. I met her when I was twenty-three years old.”
Her face fell and she stepped away, taking her warmth. “I’m not Callie. Maybe, what I do isn’t the best way, but I try not to tear anyone down.”
Like Callie did with him. Like Knox did in kind.
“Words are as painful as physical blows. However, I think I understand why you placed yourself above me, Outlaw, and everyone else. To feel good about yourself, you convinced yourself you were better than who your wife said you were.” She started to cry. “I understand. I truly do, but that’s not me. Just as my foul mouth isn’t you.”
He couldn’t dispute her words. He didn’t know how to. “What now?” he asked, already knowing the answer. “Where do we go from here?”
“Nowhere, Knox,” she whispered, tears falling. “We’re over. We’ve reached the end of the road. Let’s just say our goodbyes and move on.”
Knox stood, refusing to beg. If this was the way she wanted things, then he’d oblige her. “Good-bye, Roxanne.” The pain of those words twisted his insides. On wooden legs, he made his way to the door and departed, his heart shattering.
Chapter Thirty-Three
“I sick, ‘Law,” CJ said around a small cough, sliding deeper under the covers. “I not going to school today.”
Christopher scowled. He’d come into CJ’s room, after Megan returned to theirs and told him CJ wouldn’t make it to school today because he wasn’t feeling well. In the week since the ending of the Thanksgiving holidays, his boy had gone to school twice.
Megan always gave him a pass. This morning, Christopher was taking matters into his own hands. He wanted to fuck Megan again. Last night, she’d finally relented and allowed him back into her pussy, threatening to stick to the terms if he ever came up with such a stupid idea and then cheated to win.
“No the fuck you ain’t sick.” He pulled the covers back and pointed to the floor. “Get the fuck up now and get dressed. You goin’ the fuck to school, CJ.”
Tears filled CJ’s eyes. “Want MegAnn.”
“No. Your ma restin’. I’m bringin’ you to school this mornin’.”
“I sick,” CJ sobbed. “I too sick to ever go again.”
Christopher studied his son’s watery gaze and sat on the edge of the bed. “Come here, boy,” he said gruffly.
Sniffling, CJ crawled into Christopher’s lap and leaned his head against his chest. “I stay home. I don’t like school.”
“They mean to you?” he asked, wondering if it was really school or the fact that he didn’t want to leave Megan. Or, if, in fucking fact, the incident a few weeks ago, had scarred him. “If they is, tell me and I’ma take care of it.”
He’d blow that school the fuck up and put CJ somewhere else. Technically, his boy didn’t have to go to school for another year, but Megan thought pre-K was important to his education.
“Answer me, CJ. Motherfuckers ain’t treatin’ you right?”
“I scared,” he confessed. “I don’t like it there. Mean ashfuck, Doc Hart, hit me and put me in a corner. Him laugh at me and say I stupid.”
“I know that day upset you, boy, but the motherfucker gone. He ain’t settin’ foot on premises to fuck with you.” Not if he knew what was good for him. How-fucking-ever, listening to his boy made Christopher regret he hadn’t choked the fuck out of Hart.
Megan’s concern over him going to jail was affecting his usual style. But, fuck. After the holidays, Christopher had to bury Hart. He’d fucked up CJ’s enjoyment of school.
“Listen up, son. You a lil’ kid so I know grown motherfuckers might frighten you. When you get older, I’ma go into more detail. Right now, just know that, me and your ma ain’t ever lettin’ no motherfucker harm you. You gotta go to school. You gonna be better than I ever was and that mean gettin’ your education. Don’t let no assfuck scare you. You my boy and I ain’t ever lettin’ a motherfucker hurt you.”
“Okay.”
“Get up and dress. I’ma take you to school my-fuckin-self.” Christopher set CJ on his feet and then stood, heading for the door. “I’ma see about breakfast.”
At the door, he turned and found CJ standing next to his bed with his head down. He scratched his jaw. This was the Christmas season. Megan had the house decorated like it was Santa’s workshop. Outside, there were enough lights and glowing reindeer, sleds, snowmen, and elves to illuminate a small town. She said it was for the kids. While that was true, it was also for her.
Normally, CJ enjoyed what his ma did. This year, though, he just wanted to cling to her or Christopher. Perhaps, it was the new baby but it also had to do with motherfucking Hart.
“CJ, school important,” Christopher reiterated. “But, suppose, I talk to your ma and see if you can go next year? If she say yeah, you gotta promise me you ain’t givin’ me or her no bullshit. Your word your bond, boy. If you say it, you gotta do it or no motherfucker ever believin’ you or respectin’ you. A liar the worse motherfucker in the world.”
CJ looked up, his eyes brightening.
“Lemme see what your ma say.” Christopher already knew she’d agree to whatever she thought was best for their boy. “Get dressed. If she say you can stay, we gonna withdraw you and you get to hang with me. Let your ma work today on her fuckin’ accounts.”
CJ nodded, then looked to Ryder’s empty crib. Gypsy had him downstairs, along with Rebel and Rule.
“Ransom getting Ry, ‘Law. Him going in Ransom room. MegAnn told me.”
Walking back in the room, Christopher crouched down. “Your ma thought you wanted your room back without your brother. He ain’t leavin’ you. He just sharin’ a room with Ransom when he get here.”
“Why him can’t stay with me?”
Poor little motherfucker. All of this was in his head, making him worry about shit.
“Tonight, at dinner, me and you gonna talk to your ma, hear me? You gonna tell her you ain’t wantin’ Ryder to leave you when Ransom get here. Okay?”
“Okay.”
Christopher stood. “Let’s go find your fuckin’ cut, jeans, T-shirt, and motorcycle boots. Santa gonna surprise your ma with a new car. You can help me pick it out so the lil fat motherfucker know what to bring.”
CJ’s eyes lit up. “We going to the North Pole?”
“Nope. We going to a car place. Santa gonna pick it up from there and put it on his sleigh to bring it to Megan on Christmas Eve. He kinda busy with small kids, so he don’t mind if grown motherfuckers help him out for other grown motherfuckers.”
“Okay, ‘Law,” CJ said happily, forgetting entirely his claim of sickness.
“Did you know Uncle Avalon has purchased several pieces of property in Tinsdale over the past three months?” Cam asked as they sat in the conference room of their office.
After leaving Roxy yesterday, Knox went to his hotel room, gathered his things, and got the first flight out. First thing this morning, he’d c
alled Cam and explained everything he’d discovered about his uncle since Thanksgiving Day. He had to throw himself into his work to keep thoughts of Roxy at bay.
It would take him a long time to forget her words to him. The devastation in her eyes as she’d told him goodbye. He’d expected her to change her mind, tell him she cared enough about him to start over. If he could overlook her deception, then she should be able to overlook his.
As to their arguing, didn’t everyone hit below the belt during disagreements?
“Wafer?”
Knox rubbed the back of his neck. Added to their separation was his disbelief over his uncle. It seemed as if his run-in with Roxy had finally awakened him and made him feel the sting of his uncle’s betrayal. Sure, he’d gone to Outlaw but the man’s non-reaction was more understandable now.
He’d been suspicious all along.
“Damn it, Knox! We need to get this done. Jordan has invited me over for lunch. I want to be on time so I can get home and pack.”
Cam was going to New York for the holidays. He loved New Year’s in Times Square.
“We can do this after the holidays,” Knox said dully. He’d barely heard whatever Cam said about Tinsdale and Uncle Avalon. Something about pieces of property.
“Knox, I thought we’d try to piece this together before I left. I’d say it’s important. According to you, Uncle Avalon claims to be embezzling money from the motorcycle club. It’s a fucking ton of it because he’s purchased expensive parcels of land. All cash transactions.”
Knox snapped his attention to his friend. Cam shoved an e-tablet at him, showing a listing of the tax assessor’s office with his uncle’s name and all the property he owned.
“Shit.”
“Yeah, Wafer,” Cam said grimly. “Shit is right. I’m not a fucking biker and if a sonofabitch stole my damn money to use for his pleasure, I’d be pissed as hell. Imagine what the club will do to him.”
“Jesus Christ.” Knox closed his eyes, wanting to continue to mourn the loss of Roxy but knowing he had to pull himself together to confront his uncle. “How could I have been so damn blind?’
Death Dwellers Motorcycle Club:: Fifteen Bad Boy Biker Books Page 407
