A web of strings and pushpins crisscrosses the room, connecting the photographs to one another, as if trying to create meaning. The walls are also covered with writing in red Sharpie. Most of these are notes that Charles wrote to himself, questions, speculations. But soon I discover that there’s also a narrative, an alternate narrative, an alternate ending that he’s written in which Julie never died, in which Charles and Julie and Jess live happily ever after. He believed in those memories, in that idyllic life he created with Julie and Jess. He couldn’t deal with his grief so he changed the narrative. And when Steve and others from the outside world threatened to uncover the falsity of his creations—that was when Julie and Jess disappeared.
“Charles? Charles, have you taken anything?” I ask him. Tears trickle down his face, winding through the wrinkles on his cheeks. He crumples into my shoulder.
“Why didn’t they ever come back?” he begs. “What did I do wrong? Why did Julie and Jess have to disappear?”
Charles wobbles and sways with the exertion of speaking. I take his shoulders in my hands, meaning to lay him down across the floor, to let him rest. But instead, my fingers creep closer and he gives a guttural squawk as my fingers wrap around his throat. He looks up at me as his breathing slows, and his eyes are like the universe. The dawn of time. When his breathing stops, I can’t let go. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to let go.
THAT NIGHT, I DREAM ABOUT CHARLES AND JULIE ONE last time. It’s a brilliant summer day, blazing asphalt, blasting music, the smell of salt in the air. Charles and Julie can’t stop grinning, the wind blowing in their hair. Julie drives. Normally it’s Charles but today it’s Julie, her cheeks pink, sunburned from the beach. Her brown hair flies in her face, beautiful, long silky hair. Charles sits in the passenger seat, his hair wet and messy from the ocean, a pair of sunglasses propped on his nose. He’s drumming away on the dashboard as Julie sings along to the radio, softly at first and then as loud as she can. Her voice is like lavender. Like rain. It’s a voice that I will never be able to get out of my head.
Jess sits in the backseat, wrapped in a towel and drinking strawberry lemonade. Her lips are lined with salt and sand and sugar from the lemonade until she licks away the very last of it. And they are finally happy. They are so happy together as they fade away into the melting sunset. This is all they ever needed. This is all they ever wanted.
Acknowledgments
Many thanks to Brian Evenson for his unending support and constant graciousness, and to Thalia Field, Erik Ehn, Marcus Gardley, Renee Gladman, and all of my other brilliant writing professors at Brown University. To Michael Martone, Wendy Rawlings, Kellie Wells, and the rest of the faculty at the University of Alabama for their kindness and their generous feedback. Of course, to my sister, Stephanie Meyers, for reading nearly everything I have ever written. You are the best. And to my father, Ken Meyers, for never trying to make me go to law school. To Ivy Pochoda and Meredith Bailey, thanks for your excellent editorial skills, and to the dream team both currently and formerly at PEN Center USA—Libby Flores, Lilliam Rivera, Michelle Franke, Amanda Fletcher, and all the others. Thank you to everyone who has helped to make this novel happen. Thank you for believing in me—I believe in you too.
About the Author
photo credit: Stephanie Meyers
MICHELLE MEYERS is a fiction writer and playwright born and raised in Los Angeles. Her writing has been published in the Los Angeles Times, Juked, Grey Sparrow Journal, decomP, and jmww, among others, and her plays have been developed and/or produced all across the United States. She was a 2015 PEN Center Emerging Voices Fellow in Fiction and received her bachelor’s degree in Literary Arts and Writing for Performance at Brown University. Meyers is currently an MFA candidate in Fiction at the University of Alabama’s Creative Writing program.
SELECTED TITLES FROM SHE WRITES PRESS
She Writes Press is an independent publishing company founded to serve women writers everywhere. Visit us at www.shewritespress.com.
Murder Under The Bridge: A Palestine Mystery by Kate Raphael. $16.95, 978-1-63152-960-3. Rania, a Palestinian police detective with a young son, meets cheeky Jewish-American feminist Chloe at an Israeli checkpoint—and soon becomes embroiled in a murder case that implicates the highest echelons of the Israeli military.
Clear Lake by Nan Fink Gefen. $16.95, 978-1-938314-40-7. When psychotherapist Rebecca Lev’s father dies under suspicious circumstances, she becomes obsessed with discovering what happened to him.
Water On the Moon by Jean P. Moore. $16.95, 978-1-938314-61-2. When her home is destroyed in a freak accident, Lidia Raven, a divorced mother of two, is plunged into a mystery that involves her entire family.
In the Shadow of Lies: A Mystery Novel by M. A. Adler. $16.95, 978-1-938314-82-7. As World War II comes to a close, homicide detective Oliver Wright returns home—only to find himself caught up in the investigation of a complicated murder case rife with racial tensions.
Just the Facts by Ellen Sherman. $16.95, 978-1-63152-993-1. The seventies come alive in this poignant and humorous story of a fearful rookie reporter at a small-town newspaper who uncovers a big-time scandal.
Watchdogs by Patricia Watts. $16.95, 978-1-938314-34-6. When journalist Julia Wilkes returns to the town where her career got its start, she is forced to face some old ghosts—and some new enemies.
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Part I
August 1, 2004
August 9, 2009
August 4, 2010
September 25, 1986
May 11, 1994
March 1, 1996
October 22, 1996
Part II
May 4, 1996
November 7, 1984
January 31, 2010
February 6, 2001
January 17, 2011
December 29, 2003
June 13, 1982
November 14, 2004
January 29, 2004
Part III
June 13, 2006
May 19, 2010
September 5, 2011
Part IV
July 9, 2006
August 23, 2004
October 7, 2008
November 2, 2011
February 16, 2005
February 28, 2010
August 22, 2009
October 22, 1996
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Selected Titles From She Writes Press
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright Page
Dedication
Part I
August 1, 2004
August 9, 2009
August 4, 2010
September 25, 1986
May 11, 1994
March 1, 1996
October 22, 1996
Part II
May 4, 1996
November 7, 1984
January 31, 2010
February 6, 2001
January 17, 2011
December 29, 2003
June 13, 1982
November 14, 2004
January 29, 2004
Part III
June 13, 2006
May 19, 2010
September 5, 2011
Part IV
July 9, 2006
August 23, 2004
October 7, 2008
November 2, 2011
February 16, 2005
February 28, 2010
August 22, 2009
October 22, 1996
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Selected Titles From She Writes Press
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Glass Shatters Page 18
