Tavin grabbed her hand, stopping her from moving away. “I'm sorry Emily. I don't want to upset you any more than I already have. Please don't leave.” His sincerity cut through her anger and she sat down beside him again.
“No Tavin, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have acted like such a baby. I feel like I’m all over the place right now.” She hugged her knees to her chest, resting her chin. She felt his fingers softly touch her. “This is why I constantly question whether this is good for you.” He sounded so wretched and it tugged at her heart.
She looked up at him, gripped his hands in hers. “What have I told you? Stop being so ridiculous. You are good for me. You are the best thing for me; I don't know what I have to do to convince you of that. Whatever comes later. I’ll deal with it, but I don’t want to ruin this time with you because of my stupid insecurities.” She was becoming frustrated with herself now.
Tavin’s mood abruptly changed. He tugged on her sleeve as he stood up. “Enough with the doom and gloom. We’re making each other miserable here. Let’s enjoy ourselves. Just for a while, let’s pretend we are a normal boy and girl, together.” His voice pleaded. Emily couldn’t help but answer his laugh with one of her own.
“You’re right.” She jumped to her feet and put her arms around his waist. It still felt strange to hug this body but she wouldn’t allow herself to dwell on it. “There’s this amazing outcrop over here. Let’s go check it out.” Tavin looped his arm through hers, kissing her hair.
Emily felt warm all over as they took off toward the cliff. She couldn’t help but take a quick look around; making sure no one saw them together. No one seemed to be around, so she followed him.
They spent the next hour exploring, talking about a million different topics. And amazingly, it was exactly what each of them had wanted it to be; normal. She was able to imagine that they were a typical teenage couple and she reveled in the chance to hold his hand, kiss him, and be with him like this.
But it ended far too quickly and soon Mrs. Au was calling them back together. Emily quickly looped around, separating herself from Tavin with some effort. She didn’t want to be seen coming back with him. Because he was in Chris Riffey's body right now. It hurt to leave him, the physical absence a sharp pain in her gut.
She took some quick pictures as she made her way back to the group. She was slightly ashamed that the only pictures she had taken were of the two of them. But she wanted to remember this time they had had together, even if the face staring back at her wasn’t the one she wanted to see.
When Emily got back to the group, he was already there. Her heart plummeted as she saw Chris doubled over in the middle of an intense coughing fit. His face had turned red and he struggled for breath. Mrs. Au fussed over him worriedly.
When he was finally done he looked up and his eyes were no longer blue, instead they were their normal green. Emily felt as if she would cry. Tavin was gone, for good maybe. Chris looked around in confusion. She knew that look all too well, remembering the boy in the cavern after Tavin had left his body.
Though Chris didn’t say anything, he moved slowly and seemed to be struggling to understand his lost day. Emily felt a twinge of sympathy for him but was too focused on her own pain.
When they got back to the lodge, they gathered up Erin, who seemed to be chomping at the bit to leave. Even though she logically knew that Tavin didn’t inhabit Chris’ body anymore, it still hurt to see him go to Erin and kiss her deeply. She looked away, feeling empty.
As they loaded into the van, Emily overheard Chris’s worried whisper to Erin. “I don’t remember anything about this trip Er. The last thing I remember is getting into the van this morning.” Erin put her hand on his forehead and rubbed his hair.
Emily did her best to tune everything out and stared out the window as the mountains moved past her, her memories consuming her in a very real pain.
Chapter 35
“Hello, Earth to Miss Hilbright.” Emily blinked, realizing she had completely spaced out. Emily looked up at her English teacher, Mr. Miller and saw him looking at her expectantly. Emily looked down at her text book, hoping it would give her the answer she needed.
She was uncomfortably aware that her entire class looked at her. She saw the looks on their faces, some of them rolling their eyes. “We’re on page 601. Dante’s Inferno.” Emily looked over, surprised by the help.
Sasha had already turned her head away, but Emily felt herself warm at her unexpected assistance. Emily quickly turned to the correct page and looked at the story. The Divine Comedy. Now what had Mr. Miller asked her about it?
Emily looked up at her teacher and smiled sheepishly. “I’m sorry Mr. Miller, what was your question?” Mr. Miller looked at her indulgently. “I was asking if you had any thoughts on what some major symbols were in Dante’s Inferno.” Emily felt anger clench her stomach. Mr. Miller clearly didn’t expect her to know the answer.
Part of Emily understood why he thought that. She was barely getting by with a low ‘C’ in his class. But it wasn’t because she didn’t know the material; it was more a lack of effort. So Emily derived pleasure in being able to wipe the smirk from her teacher’s face.
“Well actually, the entire story is an allegory with multiple symbols and themes. But probably the most recognizable symbols are in the punishments of the sinners. For example the lustful are blown around by winds for eternity. Representing how they allowed passion to blow them through their lives.” Emily answered quietly, but met Mr. Miller’s eyes, not looking away.
Mr. Miller tried to hide his surprise. He cleared his throat. “Good job Erica. That is a great example.” Mr. Miller, flustered, called her by the wrong name...again, something he hadn't done in a while. He turned his back on her and walked back to the front of the class. Emily covered her smile with her hand. Emily chanced a look at Sasha and saw that she was smiling as well. Their eyes met and Sasha gave her a subtle wink.
Emily grinned but was disappointed when Sasha quickly looked away. Emily turned her attention back to the book in front of her. Mr. Miller’s voice became a constant droning that threatened to put her to sleep.
This is what her life had become. Not being aware of much going on around her. The only time she truly felt awake was ironically when she was asleep. This stuff, her classes, homework, working, this was all “filler.” Emily didn’t feel much until she was with him. Particularly now that there were no secrets between them she was truly able to enjoy her time with Tavin. After the trip to Pinnacle Rock, she had been scared that had been it, that she'd never see him again. But surprising to them both, he continued to be there night after night.
They spent their time with very little talking, having found it brought too much pain. Which was fine for Emily, she'd rather kiss him anyway. They had cooled the physical part of their relationship, however and they hadn't even tried to take it to that next level.
There was such sadness in his kisses. She knew what being with her was costing him. And despite his constant reassurances that this was entirely his choice and he would have it no other way, she couldn’t help but feel guilty. She felt single handedly responsible for his pain. Because his pain was very real. Tavin tried to hide it from her the best he could, but there were times when he couldn’t. The weakness was a physical pain, one that nearly crippled him.
Emily clenched her fists and clamped down on the wave of grief she felt. She became extremely aware that she was in her English class. She wasn’t home, alone; she was in a room full of people and she had to hide the emotions that warred inside of her.
She bowed her head over her book, hiding her face. Emily was so lost in her internal struggle that she didn’t hear the bell ring. When a hand touched her shoulder she practically jumped out of her skin.
“Geesh Em, don’t have a heart attack.” Emily looked up at the comforting familiar voice. Sasha stood beside her desk, a bland expression on her face. Emily could tell that Sasha was forcing herself to look neutral, that she didn’t w
ant to show anything she was feeling on her face. Emily felt a fresh wave of regret. She alone was responsible for the hesitant and guarded expression on Sasha’s face. And she hated herself for it.
“I must have zoned out there.” Emily hastily gathered up her books and threw on her coat. She didn’t know if she should try to talk to Sasha or not. Did Sasha want to speak to her? Emily stood awkwardly, not knowing what to do.
She had had so few people in her life that she allowed herself to get close to and she had systematically alienated them all. Sasha looked at her. Her friend’s eyes always saw more than Emily realized. And right now, those green eyes bored into hers.
Emily held her breath, not wanting to move. And then the noises from the hallway filtered in and interrupted whatever moment they had been about to have. Sasha bent over and picked up Emily’s English book and held it out to her. “Here. You don’t want to forget this. Cause I doubt you’ve even started the essay that’s due tomorrow.” Sasha’s voice wasn’t judging, only stating fact. Emily felt a smile tug at her lips.
“Actually, I’m almost done.” Emily lied. The two girls left the classroom and merged into the traffic of moving bodies in the hallway. Emily was jostled around as her classmates hurried to their next classes, frantically trying to beat the tardy bell.
“Yeah and I’m Mother Teresa.” Sasha rolled her eyes and started to walk towards her next class. Emily stood in the middle of the hallway. Their brief moment of reconciliation, or whatever it was, was clearly over and she was alone.
Emily stood there, watching Sasha walk away from her, feeling her heart become heavier and heavier. This was absolutely ridiculous! Emily yelled at herself. What was that expression? No man was an island. But here she was floating on her own in the middle of an unending ocean. What few friends she had, namely Sasha and Jeremy, had very little to do with her. Her work colleagues barely spoke to her anymore, mostly because she barely spoke to them. And she was completely ignoring her mother, who was actually trying to create a relationship with her.
As she wallowed in her misery, she felt the craving to be with Tavin. She needed to see him, to feel that connection that told her she wasn’t floundering around all by herself. Without allowing time to talk herself out of it she made her way to the end of the hallway and stealthily left the building.
The sky was overcast and snow drifted down from the sky. It was cold, unusually so. Forecasters had said it was the coldest December in fifty years. Emily crammed her hands in her pocket and kept her head down as she walked quickly down the street, leaving the school behind her.
Her breath created visible clouds in front of her and she quickened her pace as the cold seeped into her limbs. Her coat wasn’t the best for the weather and her sneakers did nothing to keep out the frigid air.
She had to get home, had to see him. Tavin’s face danced in front of her as she made her way towards her house. Emily felt her heart beat quicken as she thought of seeing him.
She wasn’t paying attention to anything else and that was stupid. Because she didn’t hear the crack of the tree branch until it was too late. She was walking underneath a large Maple tree when her foot got stuck on a broken piece of pavement. Her foot caught the edge of the concrete and she fell forward. Emily threw her hands out to stop her fall and scraped her palms in the process.
Emily was focused on the sting of her skin when the branch fell. She vaguely remembered hearing the crunch as it separated from the tree and the whooshing as gravity pulled it towards her. Emily looked up a split second before it made contact with her body.
Acting quickly, realizing that she was about to be flattened by the huge limb, she rolled out of the way. The edge of the branch snagged her jeans and she was pinned by the massive piece of wood. Emily’s leg was held immobile by the branch and she was flat on her back.
She struggled to sit up, pushing herself up on her elbows. The branch was huge. She looked up at the tree, seeing where it fell from. Emily squinted, trying to make sense of what just happened. She could swear there was smoke billowing from the trunk where the branch had been attached.
Emily smelled something then. Something that smelled strongly of rotten meat. A nauseating smell that made her stomach flip over. She struggled to free her leg but she couldn’t move it. Emily then heard another cracking and looked up to see another branch separating from the tree. The smell became stronger and she felt sick to her stomach.
The tree seemed to be falling apart, and she was trapped unmoving beneath it. Emily began to pull wildly at her leg, pushing at the wood that held her there. The second branch fell, directly on top of the one that pinned her. A slice of pain shot up her leg and she began to panic.
Another crack and Emily could see smoke curling out of the trunk. Something seemed to be cutting the limbs from the tree. Emily knew with absolute certainty that if she didn't somehow get out from under this tree, it would bury her alive. Her adrenaline kicked into high gear and she pushed the branch with all of her strength.
It gave a little, moving the slightest inch. A whooshing noise and the third branch landed a foot from her head. The entire tree began to sway as if it were alive. Emily began to yell then, loud, hysterical yelling. “Help! Please! Someone help me!” She yelled over and over. Pleading for someone to hear her. The tree rained branches and bark down around her. She moved this way and that, narrowly avoiding being flattened.
Finally she heard footsteps running towards her. “Oh my god Emily! What is going on?” A man’s voice yelled from behind her. Then suddenly a pair of hands began to lift the branches from her body, freeing her. Emily didn’t recognize the voice and barely registered that he had used her name.
“Move your leg if you can.” The voice directed her. Emily had yet to see her savior; she simply complied with the request. She pulled her leg in and attempted to stand up. The leg immediately buckled under her and she fell to the ground again.
Another crack and the entire tree began to sag toward her. It seemed as if it were about to fall over. Those merciful hands lifted her up and carried her quickly away from the tree just as it fell over, crashing to the sidewalk. Emily closed her eyes as she was carried away from what would have been her death.
The man sat her down on a bench across the street. “I’m calling 911. Don’t move. You need to have that leg looked at.” Emily looked at the man then. He was middle aged with thinning red hair. He was a rugged sort of person, with a camouflage jacket and worn Wrangler jeans. He looked like the stereotypical trucker type.
He spoke quickly into his phone, giving directions and telling the dispatcher where they were. When he was finished, he folded the phone and put it in his pocket. He turned to look at her and she saw his eyes. Emily wasn't the least bit surprised that they were a familiar blue.
He had saved her again. Tavin reached out and folded her in arms that were currently well muscled and smelling faintly of wood smoke. Emily felt strange being held by him while he looked like this. But she sagged against him and felt his heat penetrate the cold of her body.
“Emily.” He whispered over and over in that rough and unfamiliar voice thick with emotion. Emily barely heard the sirens as they came closer and closer. While the paramedics checked her over, she watched him as he spoke to the police officers.
Tavin had saved her. He had taken over another body to do it. Emily knew that this was hard for him to do even when he was at full strength. The love that filled her heart threatened to burst out of her. But a dread sliced through it, chilling her as she was wrapped in the thick medical blanket.
Tavin being here confirmed that she had been targeted, and she knew who had done it. Lying on the stretcher as she was loaded into the back of the ambulance, Emily could have sworn she heard laughter ringing in her ears.
********************
“Tavin!” She screamed. Where was he? Emily had immediately gone to sleep when she had gotten home from the hospital. She had been lucky in that she had only sprained her knee and ha
d a few cuts and bruises. The doctor had commented on how she was fortunate that Mr. Wallace had been so close. It turned out that Tavin’s borrowed body was that of a town maintenance man, who was apparently home for lunch when she began screaming for help.
Of course Mr. Wallace had no memory of helping Emily. Tavin had ridden in the ambulance with Emily but when they had arrived at the hospital the man had been overcome by a tremendous coughing fit. And just like the boy in the caverns and Chris a week ago, Mr. Wallace had come to without a clue as to why he was in an ambulance with a strange girl. The doctor chalked it up to shock, or adrenaline overload.
Emily’s mom came to the hospital immediately and fretted about her daughter’s condition. Emily had to tell her mother at least a hundred times in the car that she was fine and just wanted to go home and sleep. The amazing thing was no one had thought to ask why she was leaving school at that time. Because the reality was she had been cutting class. Oh, well, Emily didn’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth and so didn’t mention it.
When Emily and her mother had gotten home, she went straight to her room, ignoring her mother’s efforts to fuss over her. She had locked the dead bolt and changed into her favorite pjs. She was exhausted and knew that sleep would come quickly. But just to be on the safe side, she took two whole sleeping pills and crawled into bed.
She was asleep not long after her head hit the pillow. She came to in a wooded clearing. Emily recognized it as the Bluestone national forest, not far from a place she had camped with Sasha’s family last year. The sun shone through the trees and there was a slight breeze that stirred the leaves.
Emily was aware of the deafening silence. No birds, no animals, nothing. It was a little creepy. But that wasn’t what really bothered her. It was the fact that he wasn’t waiting for her. She was alone.
Emily made her way through the trees, looking everywhere, breathing deeply, desperate to catch the tell-tale scent of cinnamon. But there was nothing. The only sound was the crunching of dead leaves under her feet. “Tavin!” She yelled.
Irresistible Fear Page 26
