Seriously Messed Up: A Laugh Out Loud Romantic Comedy

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Seriously Messed Up: A Laugh Out Loud Romantic Comedy Page 38

by Luke Young


  In the kitchen, Jillian stood at the sink filling the kettle. Victoria rushed up behind her. “What the hell is wrong with you? You’re acting crazy.”

  “Brian’s here.”

  “What do you mean?” Victoria wrinkled her nose.

  “Brian is here… here.” Jillian pointed downward.

  “Where?”

  “In my bedroom. He just got here five minutes ago.”

  “Why?”

  “Because, evidently, we’re no longer just friends.” Jillian raised an eyebrow.

  “Why aren’t you up there?”

  “I have a house full of people, and I don’t want to be rude.”

  “Fuck being rude. When’s the last time you had sex?”

  Jillian shook her hands nervously. “I, uh, couldn’t even tell you right now.”

  Victoria walked over to the cake, cut a slice, and placed it on a plate for her. “Take this upstairs to him, then come down in two minutes and act like you have a migraine.”

  “Seriously?”

  “It’ll work.” Victoria nodded, shoving the cake into her hand.

  Smiling, Jillian headed toward the steps.

  Walking into the bedroom with the cake, Jillian spotted Brian holding her laptop with his eyes wide and glued to the screen. He looked up at her and smiled for only a moment before returning to his reading.

  She moved to the bed. “What are you doing?”

  “Hold on.” He motioned to her with a finger without looking at her. “This is really getting good.”

  She frowned, shaking her head. “You aren’t supposed to be reading that.”

  “You said to read something.” He glanced at her. “Are you Anastasia? And am I Brice?”

  “Um…” She cocked her head. “Maybe.”

  “We, I mean they… had a whole lot more fun when they got back from the movies without Anastasia’s pesky son, Ryder, there.” He smiled, and then returned to the screen.

  She cleared her throat, but he again held up his finger. “Really, I’m almost there… or Brice is, anyway.” Brian looked at her and winked, then returned to the screen as Jillian sat next to him on the bed.

  “Do you like it?” She asked as she used the fork to cut off a bite of cake and put it to his mouth. He smiled at her, opened his mouth, and she slid it in. He savored the taste. “Wow, you nailed the cake. Good job.”

  “What about the story?”

  “It’s the best thing I’ve ever read.” Returning to the book, he pointed to the screen. “Is this what we would have done if Rob hadn’t been home?”

  She focused on the text and read a bit before murmuring, “Uh-huh.” Then she sensuously licked the remnants of icing from his fork.

  He grabbed her arm as he finished reading a sentence. “This thing with Brice lying on his stomach and Anastasia doing that with his… Is that even possible? It sounds freaking amazing.”

  “What?”

  Squinting, she read for a moment and then nodded. “Victoria says it’s possible. She says she’s done it, and they always come back for more.”

  “I’ll bet.”

  Just then, she remembered Victoria. “I’ve got to run downstairs. Victoria is going to help me convince everyone I have a migraine.” She made a strange face. “How’s this? Do I look like I have a headache?”

  “No, that looks like you have a head injury. Just rub your temple, keep your mouth open slightly, and look like you can’t stand bright lights.”

  “Okay.” Nodding, she got to her feet.

  He pointed to the screen. “If we’re going to do all this tonight, I really need to take a shower or two. I left right from the court.”

  “Good idea. I’ll be right back.” She rushed from the room.

  Outside the dining room, Jillian took a calming breath. When she entered the room, she followed Brian’s instructions and made her way back to her chair with her hand over her eyes, trying to shield the light from her face. Her guests were enjoying tea and remained lost in loud conversation. It was as if no one noticed she had been gone at all. Jillian and Victoria shared a wide-eyed look, and Victoria mouthed, “THEY WON’T LEAVE!”

  Victoria said loudly, “Oh, Jillian, are you feeling any better?”

  Jillian groaned in a labored voice, “No, not really. I’m so sorry about this.”

  “Well, everybody, I think we should be going, since—” Victoria began.

  “What kind of tea is this?” A female guest interrupted, and then turned her attention to Jillian, waiting for a response.

  After staring at the woman, dumbfounded, Jillian closed her eyes. Victoria stood, picked up her wineglass, banged the side of it with a fork, and announced, “Jillian has a bad migraine, and she would like it very much if we all left now.”

  Another female guest came to life. “Oh, I get them also. Do you keep a list of food triggers? I must stay away from onions.”

  Yet another female guest blurted out, “It’s coffee for me and white chocolate. Oh, and tree nuts.”

  Victoria looked again to Jillian and exhaled deeply. “All right, everybody, get the hell out of here now!”

  The guests all froze with their eyes glued to Victoria as she continued, “Jillian has a guy upstairs, a hot sexy guy, and she wants to, for lack of a better phrase, fuck the absolute crap out of him…” The guests focused on Jillian, who had her eyebrows raised, as Victoria wrapped up her speech with, “… all night long. And she wanted all night to start, like, ten minutes ago.”

  Rolling her eyes, Jillian said to Victoria, “I could’ve done that, but thanks for your help.”

  The guests didn’t seem offended at all as they started collecting their things and making their way to the foyer. Jillian held the door, and the comments flowed.

  “You should have told us sooner.”

  “We know how long it’s been for you.”

  “This is great news.”

  When only Victoria and Jillian remained at the open door, Victoria smiled at her. “Any chance of a threesome? I’ve never had one, but I’m a very giving partner.”

  “You’ve never had a threesome?” Jillian gave her a skeptical look.

  Victoria shrugged. “Well, not one with just one guy.”

  Jillian gave her a tired expression. “Get the hell out of here.”

  Victoria walked out the door, then turned back as Jillian was closing it and said, “Maybe tomorrow ni—”

  Jillian leaned with her back against the door, relieved. Rushing to the powder room, she checked her face. She frowned as she looked in the mirror at her semi-frazzled appearance. After pushing her hair around a little, she shrugged, displeased, and then headed up the stairs.

  When Jillian entered the room, she found Brian naked on the bed with his arms behind his head. He smiled at her. “Brice is really talented. He’s able to perform three times in Chapter Thirteen alone, I think it was.”

  She walked over to him, thinking. “Four.”

  “Wow. Four.”

  Standing near the bed, she gazed down at his nude body. “I like having you naked in my bed like this. It feels like I hired you, or something.”

  “To get it four times in one night, you’d better be paying me.”

  She reached behind her back and unzipped her dress as he watched. She shimmied her shoulders, and the dress tumbled to the floor. Jillian stood before him in a white satin bra and panties set, and his heart skipped two fucking beats.

  “You really have the sexiest underwear I’ve ever seen, and you look spectacular in all of it.”

  Smiling, she reached to unhook her bra. He held his hand up. “Wait.” She gave him an odd look until he added, “Put the dress back on. Let’s back up, and I’ll show you what I would have done that night we came back from the movies.”

  She grinned, reached down to the floor, pulled the dress over her shoulders, and zipped it up a little. He got out of bed, stood behind her, and whispered in her ear, “I’ve been fantasizing a lot about it.”

  “S
o have I.”

  He placed his hands gently on her neck, and electricity shot through her body. His penis quickly responded and pressed into her lower back. Feeling it, she gasped.

  He moved his lips close to her neck. “Remember, we were at the door before we were… interrupted.”

  Closing her eyes, she sighed. “Um-hm.”

  He took hold of her zipper and pulled it down all the way, as he kissed the side of her neck. She exhaled softly. He slipped his hands under the dress straps on her shoulders and slowly moved them aside until the dress fell to the floor. Returning his lips to her neck, he grasped her bra strap with both hands and expertly released it. He slid his hands around to her breasts and pushed the cups from her chest as he sucked gently on the flesh of her neck. Reaching back, she grabbed his hips, pulling him to her, his hardness pressing between the cheeks of her ass.

  He slipped his hands to her panties and pushed them down. He pulled his lips from her neck, backed up a bit, and gazed at her curvy backside. “My God, you have an amazing body!”

  Jillian gasped, shimmying her hips until her panties fell to the floor before turning to him. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, her mouth opening wide to accept his tongue. Their bodies pressed together with his erection slipping down between her legs. He brought his hands to her breasts as she took hold of his engorged penis with both hands.

  Pulling away from him, she slid onto the bed. She moved to the middle and lay down; he joined her, kneeling between her spread legs. He leaned his head down to her and kissed her full on the mouth. She pulled him down until his hard, naked body was covering her. Wrapping her legs around him, she drew him even closer as he moved to kiss her breasts. He took a nipple into his mouth as she leaned her head back, breathless. She wrapped her arms around him and caressed his neck as he sucked hard on one nipple, then slowly moved to the other.

  Tilting her head toward him, she began, “This feels great, but if you don’t put it inside me soon, I’m going to…”

  He looked up at her and smiled. He slid up and held his erection with one hand as he guided it to her swollen, wet entrance. Putting her mouth to his neck, she kissed him. She gently sucked in his flesh as he pushed down slightly and slowly slid inside her. She stared up at the ceiling, her eyes wide, as she softly gasped.

  Pulling his head up, he moaned. She met his gaze, and they stared into each other’s eyes as he pressed harder, slipping his length fully inside her.

  He held still while catching his breath for a moment. “Why the hell did we wait?”

  She shook her head with a grin, held his hips, then slipped her hand around to his ass, and ran her finger gently at the top of the crease. “You feel so good.”

  Brian smiled at her. “So do you.”

  She wrapped her legs around him tighter as he pulled back then began to pump in her slowly. They kissed again as Jillian spread her legs wide and held them up in the air as he continued passionately making love to her. Angling her hips downward, she adjusted her position until his erection was stimulating her in just the right place. She opened her mouth wide and slammed her eyes shut as he rhythmically pumped into her.

  Reaching down, she grasped his shaft, guiding it into her harder. He got the message and lifted up on his toes as he drove into her faster. They looked into each other’s eyes and were one. Focusing all his energy, he flexed his muscles, collapsing onto her, his erection pressing deep inside her, his girth filling her fully. Gasping, she exploded with a giant orgasm.

  She wrapped her arms and legs around him. They held there a moment until he began to move slowly inside of her. Releasing her hold of him, he pumped faster and faster. He strained then came hard, yelling out loud. He pumped twice more, pushed into her as far as he could, then slumped on her, desperate to catch his breath.

  For the next few hours, they performed all the acts outlined in Chapters twelve through fourteen. When they finally fell asleep, it was just after 4:00 a.m. A few hours later, she woke him to execute one of the two acts described in Chapter Sixteen, and they followed the manuscript, more or less. For the first time in her life, Jillian’s imagination came to life, and it was actually better than it read on the page.

  38

  When Jillian woke on Saturday morning, Brian was still asleep. After showering, she put on a short, silky robe, went downstairs, and prepared a fabulous breakfast for him. When she entered the bedroom forty minutes later with the tray, she found him reading from her laptop again. She rolled her eyes, grinned, and placed the tray on the bed.

  He closed the computer and then put it down. “Anastasia is really a naughty girl.”

  “She can be.”

  Gazing down at the plate of pancakes, he rubbed his hands together. “I’m starving. Those look good.”

  “I’ve been following your advice.” Jillian got onto the bed.

  They both knelt on either side of the tray and began to eat. After taking a bite, he nodded to her with a smile. “And Brice, I mean, me… I’m, like, amazing in bed. I can evidently go all night.”

  “Remember, it’s just a novel.”

  “But it is based on the truth.”

  “Loosely,” she joked.

  He looked at her with a curious expression. “I’m in Chapter Twenty, and Anastasia’s having what some people call… “backdoor” with Brice, and it’s really hot. Is only Anastasia into that or are… you, as well?”

  “Oh, that’s just her.” Jillian replied matter-of-factly, and she took another bite of pancake.

  “You might want to reconsider. I’ve had a lot of requests for that lately. Evidently, a number of women think it’s an area of my expertise, so…” He forced a mock smug expression.

  Scoffing, she wrinkled her nose. “How many women are we talking about?”

  “Let me think.” He tapped his chin.

  “Okay.” She rolled her eyes. “It’s that many?”

  “Well, I don’t want to brag or anything, but that would be a total of three in just the last week.”

  “Really?”

  He looked to the ceiling, thinking, and then glanced back at her. “No, I lied…”

  “I thought so.” She nodded while holding back a laugh.

  “It’s been about ten days.”

  After looking away with her mouth wide open, she returned to him. “So you’re saying… you’re like an anal sex magnet?” She gazed at him, awaiting his response.

  He finished a mouthful of pancake while holding a finger up and nodding. “I don’t want to necessarily paint myself with that brush, but you could call me that.”

  Covering her mouth with her hand, she looked away, grinning, before settling her eyes back on him, her curiosity piqued. “Okay, I’ve got to know… who are the three?”

  He sat up straight, lifted his hand to count them off, and began, “First, there was Laura.” He touched his thumb.

  “Rob’s girlfriend?” Putting down her fork, Jillian leaned back against the footboard. This is getting interesting! she thought.

  “Yeah. They were fighting. She wanted to use me for that to get back at him.” He gave her a defensive look. “But it still counts.”

  “Then there was Victoria when I picked up the key.” He touched his second finger.

  “She asked you for it… really?” Crossing her arms, she shook her head.

  “Victoria said when I returned the key, she would take me around the world. I didn’t even know what the hell that meant until I Googled it. She’s a bad girl but fun.”

  She nodded casually. “So, that’s definitely number two. And, uh, three?”

  After glancing at the ceiling while seemingly trying to decide the best way to share the story, he gave her a hesitant look. “Have you ever heard of a ‘technical virgin’?”

  She gave him a confused look. “No, what’s that?”

  “Let me finish one last bite before I tell you.” He devoured a forkful before sitting back against the headboard. “It’s a woman who remains a vi
rgin by never having vaginal sex and only having the other kinds, including the frisky Anastasia’s favorite act.”

  He raised his eyebrows as she returned a sour look. “That’s makes no sense.”

  “It doesn’t, but evidently, it still counts. Natalie considers herself still a virgin, even though four guys—and counting—have had intimate experiences with her… um, backside.”

  Looking at him as if she smelled something foul, she widened her eyes. “Wow, she is nuts.”

  “So, I’m just saying… I’ve had requests. I guess you could say, there’s a waiting list of sorts. I could add your name now… but if not, I can’t guarantee your spot.” Brian held his head high while somehow maintaining a straight face. “The list could grow.”

  “I’ll take my chances.” Jillian rolled her eyes. “What makes you such an expert in this area anyway? I mean how many times have you done it?”

  “Never. But the women must see something in me.” She held back a laugh as he continued, “How about this—in case you change your mind in the future, let me check you out down there, just to make sure you qualify.”

  Getting out of bed, he stood in front of her feet.

  “Qualify?” She stared up at him, perplexed.

  He moved the tray to the floor and grabbed her feet. “Turn over.” She looked at him suspiciously, and he added, “It’s okay. I’m a doctor.”

  After lying back against the bed, she flipped over. He dropped down onto the bed between her legs. “It’s really more of a trade school certification than a Ph.D.” He grabbed the bottom of her robe and flipped it up out of the way, exposing her gorgeous, naked ass. “Wow, weren’t you getting a draft this morning?”

  “Not really.” She shook her head with a grin.

  Studying her from that angle, he smiled. “Have you ever considered doing any ass modeling?”

  Jillian scoffed.

  He continued, “Or stunt ass work for, like, an A-list movie star.”

 

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