Seriously Messed Up: A Laugh Out Loud Romantic Comedy

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Seriously Messed Up: A Laugh Out Loud Romantic Comedy Page 71

by Luke Young


  “I think Kara is just drop dead gorgeous.”

  “Oh yeah.” While looking past him out the window as if caught up in some creepy daydream, Carl said slowly, “Kara, she’s a real firecracker, that one. Um…”

  Rob narrowed his eyes concernedly until Carl returned his attention to him. “I’ll see if she’s still dating that guy of hers. And if there’s anything else you need, let me know.”

  “Maybe there is. My best friend’s getting married soon and I was thinking of having the bachelor party for him out by the pool on October first. Would that be okay? Is there some way to reserve it or—”

  “How many guys?” Carl interrupted, breaking into a huge smile.

  “Just six or seven.”

  “Do you want some strippers?”

  “Sure, yeah. We’d love some.”

  “Are the guys, um, offended easily?” Carl asked with a hesitant smile.

  “No, absolutely not.”

  “Good. Let me arrange everything for you. We have some special facilities over there, which you probably aren’t even aware of. Plus, the girls know some other girls, if you know what I mean.”

  “Awesome.” Rob didn’t have a clue what the guy was getting at, but he put on a smile anyway. “Are you sure it isn’t too much trouble?”

  “No, I insist we have it there—but only if I get to come.” Widening his eyes, Carl waited for a response.

  “Definitely.”

  “Just leave everything to me. Let me make a few calls then I’ll get back to you with the details.”

  “I appreciate it.”

  Heading out the door, Rob peeked at his big check. As soon as he returned to his desk, he called Jim to give him the good news. Jim was lost when it came to planning a bachelor party. Problem solved, big time.

  That night, Rob fell asleep while contemplating a possible new-car purchase. At just after 1:00 a.m. there was a knock on his door. His eyes opened briefly, and he drifted back to sleep until a louder bang brought him fully awake. Sighing, he headed to the door wearing only boxer shorts. He opened the door to discover Kara standing there wearing a short pink raincoat.

  “Hey, what, uh…” was all he could muster before she opened her coat, showing him that she wore nothing underneath.

  Without saying a word, she slipped through the door around him. Closing the door, he turned just in time to see her drop the coat and head naked into the bedroom. When he reached the bedroom, he found her standing near the bed wearing a sexy look. “Do you have a condom?”

  Nodding, he pointed to his night table. She opened the drawer, rummaged around for a moment, and then pulled one out. Returning her gaze to him, she looked at him waiting.

  “So did you break up with your boyfriend or…”

  She shook her head slowly—first no then yes. Moving to him, she grasped his boxers with one hand and guided him to the bed. She pushed him back, and he fell onto the mattress. He watched breathlessly as she tossed the condom down, grabbed his boxer shorts and pulled them off. His manhood was already responding.

  Kneeling on the floor, she took him in both hands and expertly worked him until he was fully hard. She opened the condom package then slipped its contents over his length. Climbing over him, she guided his erection to her entrance then quickly pushed down and he slipped inside.

  “Oh, God,” he groaned.

  She rode him wildly, bucking up and down while wearing an almost bored expression. Rob was anything but bored as he reached up and cupped both of her sizeable breasts.

  Reaching back, she massaged his balls as she quickened her pace up and down over him. He groaned. After twenty more seconds, he cried out loudly with a contorted face. It was over. She slipped down to kiss him on the cheek then slowly lifted off him. He stared at her gratefully while also feeling a little used and confused.

  “Congratulations on your bonus.” She gave him a smile.

  “Uh, thanks. You want to stay or…”

  “No. Can’t.” Turning, she headed toward the door. “I’ve got to go to work early, but thanks.”

  “Okay, should I—”

  “Bye.” She slipped out the door, his eyes glued to her rear end as she disappeared into the hall.

  The next day at work, Rob headed to Gary’s office. After closing the door, he sat across from him and gave him a concerned look.

  “What is it?” Gary asked.

  “Oh nothing.”

  “Congratulations on the bonus.”

  “Yeah, Yeah…” Rob nodded dismissively. “Do you date any of the girls at the apartment building?”

  “Date?” Gary nearly broke into a laugh. “No, I don’t date them.”

  “Have you had sex with any of them?”

  “Sure, everyone has.”

  “What?” Rob looked at him confused. “You see, Kara and I—”

  “Wait.” Gary broke into a big smile. “You do realize they’re all prostitutes, don’t you?”

  “Huh?”

  “Well some are strippers or wannabe porn stars, but—”

  “Prostitutes?”

  Gary scoffed. “You didn’t actually think all those super-hotties were your everyday average normal exhibitionist girls who all just happened to live in the same building, did you?”

  “What? No.” Wearing a fake smile, Rob shook his head.

  “Look, they’re only a little reward here and there, mostly just eye candy. Don’t get so caught up in all that. Just be sure you wear a condom.”

  “Of course.”

  Gary’s eyes widened. “Dude, don’t tell me you went down on one of them.”

  “Oh, no… I, uh…”

  “Good. Speaking of eating.” Gary smiled. “Hey, what are you doing for lunch?”

  Suddenly, Rob wasn’t hungry.

  The next day, with the wedding just under two weeks away, Jillian, Victoria, and the other two bridesmaids, Lisa and Brenda, decided to have lunch together before heading off to the dress shop to pick up their gowns. Jillian’s wedding dress was a silk satin strapless tea-length dress—very chic and modern. The bridesmaids’ dresses were a light peach color and tasteful for bridesmaids dresses. It featured a ruffled area around the waist, which the curvy Brenda appreciated, but its original intent was to provide the pregnancy-shielding coverage that Victoria needed.

  Although the wait had seemed like an eternity to Victoria, the following morning was the first day that she could give blood for the paternity test. She was the first one in line at the lab.

  14

  That Saturday, the boys were heading north to Orlando for their bachelor party while Victoria was putting the final touches on the bachelorette party. There were a few surprises in store for the dozen women who were invited—and one very big surprise.

  At the suite she’d rented at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in Miami, Victoria placed items in the twelve pink-striped party favor boxes. After a meal at the hotel restaurant, where the partygoers consumed more than their fair share of alcohol, the group headed up to the suite for more drinks and the real party. Everyone knew what Victoria was like, so they were anxious to see what kind of party she’d put together. They were expecting something crazy.

  In attendance were Jillian, of course, the two bridesmaids, Lisa and Brenda and seven of Jillian’s other friends. Laura was added to the list just a few days earlier when Rob informed his mother that she’d be his date for the wedding. Victoria served champagne but remained completely sober, drinking sparkling apple cider to complete the cover-up of her still hidden pregnancy. The other women guzzled the champagne as the party began to roll.

  Victoria had arranged the guests’ seats in a circular fashion, which created a large open area in the center. In front of each chair sat a pink-striped box. When Victoria gave them the go ahead, the women lifted the lids and peered inside. Eleven of the women immediately snatched the large, realistic looking dildo from its fancy box emblazoned with a picture of its model—the famous porn star Antonio Steele.

  Victo
ria had introduced Jillian and Brian to Antonio’s film work just a few months earlier during the initial phases of their backdoor lesson. Lisa was the lone abstainer. She sat frowning, just gazing horrified into the box. Nine of the women opened the box, pulled out the replica of Antonio’s monster penis and studied it wearing varying expressions. Some were awed, some curious, some skeptical and one was just outright horny.

  Jillian gave it a quizzical look as she said, “This looks familiar.”

  A woman called out, “Don’t tell us Brian’s that big.”

  After all the women shared a laugh, Jillian turned to Victoria with a serious expression on her face.

  “No, I mean where do I know this from? Victoria, help me out.”

  “Antonio,” she replied slowly. “You know, Anton—”

  “The anal-king Antonio?” Jillian narrowed her eyes.

  “That’s him.”

  Jillian’s mouth dropped open. “I knew I’d seen this before.”

  Half of the women couldn’t wrap their hand all the way around the girth. One woman said, “This can’t be real. No one’s this thick.”

  “Oh, it’s real all right,” Victoria began. “But more on that soon.”

  A few of the women continued inspecting their replicas as others dipped into their boxes to explore the other goodies. Each box contained lube, condoms with a battery-powered clitoral stimulation ring, padded handcuffs, edible panties and a coupon for a Brazilian bikini wax. A smaller realistic-looking dildo that was completely average sized was also in each box. All the women, except Lisa, pulled the smaller one out and held it up next to Antonio’s. The ‘little’ guy didn’t stand a chance, completely dwarfed by the anal king’s prize. Lisa sat quietly, uncomfortably watching as all the other women roared with laughter.

  Victoria said loudly, “Now that one’s the size of your average guy.”

  A woman called out, “So that one is Brian.”

  More laughter burst forth from the crowd, as Jillian shook her head with a suggestive smile.

  In Orlando, Carl led Rob, Gary, Jim, Brian and six other guys to a secret party room in the basement of the apartment building. The room was large and lavish. There was a fully stocked bar, a super large television screen on the wall, a full kitchen and in the center of the room was a huge circular sofa that faced a black leather curved chaise lounge. Directly in front of the chaise was a single chair.

  As the men piled into the room, three employees from the caterers were putting the final touches on a huge spread of food that sat on the counter, dividing the kitchen area from the large party room. The spread included huge steamed shrimp, pit beef and ham, pulled pork, chicken wings and everything that went with it.

  Carl tuned the television to some sporting event as some guys headed to the bar while others went straight to devour the food.

  Back in Miami, Laura discovered a pair of latex gloves at the bottom of her box and held them up. “What are these for?” All the women pulled their gloves out as well.

  An older woman called out, “There’s no way I’m giving my husband a prostate exam.”

  After the laughter died down, Victoria said, “No, those are for the next surprise.” Turning to Laura, she gave her a wink and pointed to the CD player.

  “Oh, okay.” Laura hit the power switch, and an upbeat song blared out of the speakers.

  Lisa sat frozen in her chair. She glanced at Victoria who stared across the room at a closed door wearing a huge grin. Following her gaze to the door, Lisa turned suddenly pale, then stood and headed out of the suite, leaving her box of goodies behind. All eyes were on her as she fled. Jillian turned to Victoria and they shared a shrug. As the music continued, each woman turned her attention back to the closed door.

  Just then, the door to the bedroom flew open, and out walked Antonio Steele, dressed in tight jeans and a T-shirt. Howling, the women watched him dance to the center of the group. The bulge in his jeans was, of course, very impressive. Most of the women’s eyes locked onto it. The rowdy women continued sipping their champagne as he ripped off his T-shirt, bent over and made eye contact with the ones he could see upside down through his spread legs. Returning upright, he turned to face them, unbuttoning his pants and opening them up just enough so the first two inches of his manhood was showing.

  The crowd reacted with whistles and obscene comments. Smiling, he danced over to the bride to be. He straddled her legs and danced with his partially uncovered penis only eight inches from her face. After stealing a few glances at it, Jillian looked away shyly. She shook her head with mock anger at Victoria then returned her attention to the main attraction, this time looking him in the eye with an embarrassed smile.

  He danced back to the middle of the room and quickly slipped off the jeans, exposing his huge flaccid penis to the crowd. The room exploded in screams and applause. Shaking his hips back and forth, his penis slapped each thigh in turn and grew with each blow. He reached down and stroked it a few times; as he returned to his gyrations, it expanded in size until it stood horizontally from his body, pointing right at Jillian. He spun around to give all the ladies a view as the music slowly faded away.

  He stood there with a huge smile, matched only by his huge erection as he placed his hands on his hips and nodded to the crowd. Some of the women held up their replicas. He approached so they could do a side-by-side comparison. Other than the color, it was a perfect match; no one was disappointed. The women laughed and squawked in loud conversation until Victoria stood to quiet the crowd.

  Victoria began, “Antonio has agreed to do an interactive show-and-tell for all those ladies who are interested. This is what the gloves are for, but they’re optional. One side note—he’s been fully tested.”

  Walking up to the star, she raised her eyebrows as she pointed down to the swollen monster. “Sorry, Antonio, some of us have seen where that has been.”

  Smiling, he said in a thick Italian accent, “Don’t worry about it. Sometimes I’m scared to touch him myself.”

  The room broke into laughter. Victoria slipped on the latex gloves and returned to her seat. She said, “Now ladies, behave yourselves. You may touch him with your hands only, within reason… this may be your only opportunity to handle equipment of this size so… don’t blow it—no pun intended.”

  The women all chuckled, and Victoria added, “I’m serious—keep your face away. I’ll go first to break the ice.”

  As he made his way to her, his penis still stood straight out and was enormous. She reached out, cupped his massive balls with one hand and wrapped her other hand around his girth.

  Narrowing her eyes, she hefted it a bit and announced to the group, “Wow, I mean you can just feel the weight of it. It’s so heavy.”

  After Victoria played with it a bit more, she shook her head in awed disbelief. “Okay, who’s next?”

  Six hands instantly went up as others rushed to put on their gloves. In all, ten of the eleven remaining women took part in the exercise. Jillian simply watched the show with a confused grin. The ladies who participated were, for the most part well behaved. Although during Laura’s turn, she took so long with him that another woman began to get impatient. Eventually, Victoria had to intervene, gently prying his massive manhood from Laura’s white-knuckled, gloved hands.

  When all of the ladies were done, Antonio danced his way to Jillian. “Does the lovely bride wish to touch?”

  Women began calling out, “You’d better do it.”

  “You’ll never get to touch another.”

  “Don’t miss this chance! It might be the last erection you ever see.” This comment brought a roar from the drunken rowdy crowd.

  Victoria said, “Don’t feel obligated, but I did spend a little over a thousand dollars an inch to bring him here.”

  While the ladies obviously tried to do the math in their heads, Antonio smiled proudly. “Is worth every penny.”

  “It really is.” Victoria nodded to Jillian as she gave her a hopeful look.


  Back in Orlando, the guys had completely stuffed themselves with the fabulous food and their blood alcohol levels had blown through the legal limit when Carl announced, “It’s time.”

  Rob blindfolded the reluctant, but always a good sport, Brian and led him to the chair in front of the chaise. After being handed a beer, Brian sat quietly sipping it. The other guys grabbed fresh beers and planted themselves on the comfortable sofa. Seconds later, the hottest naked young woman on the planet walked slowly to the chaise and lay back with her legs spread. Brian could sense her walking past, and he heard the murmurings of the guys in attendance. The young woman with long blonde hair stared straight ahead at Brian as she slowly ran her finger between her legs. All eyes in the room, except Brian’s, of course, were glued to her fingers as she touched herself.

  Another young woman with fiery red hair, who just happened to be the second hottest woman on the planet, walked slowly toward the chaise. All uncovered eyes followed her. After stopping directly behind the chaise, the redhead smiled, then bent over and kissed the blonde.

  Everyone except Brian gasped. All he could do was sip his beer as he listened curiously to the goings on. Reaching up, the blonde cupped the redhead’s breasts as she rested her stomach on top of the higher end of the chaise and leaned over so she could suck on the blonde’s nipples. Next, the redhead climbed farther down the chair until her mouth was in line between the blonde’s thighs, and her own target area pressed into the face of her new friend. After a few minutes of reciprocal action, the blonde slid down to the flat part of the chaise, and the redhead followed.

  Rob said, “Holy shit.”

  There were similar comments from the rest of the men.

  Carl said, “Brian, you can take the blindfold off now.”

  Brian removed the blindfold, and his eyes adjusted to the light. He took in the breathtaking sight of the striking redhead lying on top of the sexy blonde as they slowly performed oral sex on each other just two feet from him, all he could manage to say was, “Wow.”

  Tilting his head for a better angle, he sighed. His gaze traveled down the redhead’s perfect breasts as they dangled delightfully over the blonde’s tiny waist. Then to the blonde’s tongue as it disappeared just behind the tiny patch of perfectly coiffed red pubic hair.

 

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