by Camille Eide
In the silence, Sue concentrated on relaxing. From the moment surgery became a future reality, she’d tried to forget about the impending anesthesia. Thinking about it now cinched every nerve and muscle in her body. Each procedure she’d had involving anesthesia had ended badly. Each one, a full-on panic attack.
The truck ate up the distance to town.
By this time tomorrow, she’d be home recovering, on the road back to normal. She could do this. The reward for her amazingly fast recovery would be a long, full-throttle ride. She didn’t care how cold it was.
But disturbing images of past surgeries, waking up in an uncontrollable panic, disoriented, vulnerable, and totally out of control kept playing and replaying in her mind, driving her blood pressure higher. Her insides knotted.
“Hey, you okay? Are you in pain?”
Joe glanced at her, the V between his brows deepening.
“I’m fine.” Liar.
“Okay. Just checking.”
She took a deep breath and focused on the road ahead, a long, gray ribbon cutting a path through the sparse forest of slender, red-barked pines. Maybe if she stared at the passing trees long enough, she could zone out and get her mind off the nightmare to come.
It didn’t work.
She pulled in another breath and eased it out through her nose, since forcing it out between clenched jaws wasn’t happening. Maybe she’d watch the woods on both sides of the road for deer—always a good idea on this highway, and especially during dusk and dawn. When she checked the other side, Joe was watching her again. Intently.
“Hey, so, uh …” His rumbling voice trailed off. He scanned the woods beyond her as though searching for something. “Bet you didn’t know I’m a local real estate tycoon, did you?” He smiled. “Twelve lush acres of dust and tumbleweed just outside La Pine. My tenants love it.”
Sue lifted a brow. “Tenants?”
“Yeah. Sage rats, jackrabbits, and coyotes.”
She leaned back and rested her head against the seat. “So what are you going to do with it?”
“Let the coyotes have it, I guess. I have no idea why I bought it, other than it was cheaper than dirt—literally. When I left Oregon, I didn’t think I’d be back. Ever.” He frowned. “I’ll probably sell it. I forget I even have it until the tax bill comes.”
Sue nodded. Yearly property taxes on the ranch were due soon. Another migraine.
“But I don’t have any bills, so even with the taxes creeping up, it’s not that big of a deal.”
“No bills?” Sue huffed. “Must be nice. How do you manage that?”
“Working on a rig, you don’t have much chance to run up bills. And since it’s just me, I don’t have many expenses. Truck insurance, fishing license, food—that’s about it. On my off weeks, I rented a room in a lodge at Monashka Bay. Run by a nice lady. She always cooked a ton of food.” He shook his head. “Oh man. She made the best chicken-fried steak and gravy.” He clapped a hand to his belly with a wistful sigh.
Sue hadn’t thought about the amount of calories it must take to keep a guy of his build functioning. Was he getting enough to eat at the ranch? Probably not. Consistent food supplies were another constant source of headache.
Joe talked about Alaska all the way to Bend, and by the time they arrived at the outskirts of town, she hadn’t once thought about the surgery. She eyed Joe’s relaxed profile. Had he sensed her anxiety and talked her ear off to distract her?
No, he was probably just a chatty guy.
But as she directed him through town to the clinic, the idea kept coming back.
When they arrived, Joe pulled to the curb and got out, then came around to her side and opened the door.
She swung her braced leg out first, then used her crutches and climbed down. “Thanks for driving me. You probably have a lot of errands to do. I’ll call you when I’m done.” She pivoted and hobbled toward the glass door.
Joe beat her to it and held it open, ignoring the automatic door button. Then he dove ahead of her and got the inner lobby door too. Once Sue was inside, he slipped out without a word.
Sue made her way to the front desk and gave the red-haired nurse her information.
“Where do you want this?” Joe’s voice from behind her.
She turned.
Joe carried her bag.
The receptionist directed him to a cart in the hallway.
Joe deposited the stuff and returned to Sue’s side. “After my errands, I’ll come back and wait here till you’re done.”
Right. Like you’re not going to shoot pool or down a few beers while on the clock, like any other guy would.
He just stood there.
Why? Was he expecting a tip? “Okay, thanks.”
Joe flashed a dimpled smile and ducked out.
Sue watched him through the glass doors until his truck pulled away from the curb.
Okay, so maybe not all roughnecks are rough.
* * *
Someone is holding me down … I can’t fight … can’t run and hide …
The sound of screams yanked Sue into a heart-pounding panic.
Who’s screaming? Where am I? Who’s holding me down?
Terror rushed over her in rippling waves, and the screaming—her own—surged, swirling around her head like converging sirens. “Get away from me!” Her words came out thick, muddy. She tried to fight but couldn’t move. “Let me go! Help!”
She wanted to run, but nothing worked. Icy fear raced through her veins. She was slipping away. The ground dissolved beneath her. She screamed for help, grasping for something to break the fall.
Claws clamped around her wrists.
She screamed until something dark and overpowering pushed her down, forcing her deeper into the soft, white ground.
So dark …
Sue floated up to the light, toward the sound of people talking softly. Everything was blurry. She felt loose. And so light. Like a balloon drifting away. She opened her eyes.
A woman who smelled like licorice appeared wearing a paper hat. “Susan? Can you hear me?”
She nodded slowly. The motion made her brain spin. Whoa there, Nellie … something’s not right …
“You had a little trouble with the anesthesia. We gave you something to help you relax.”
Oh yeah, I’ll have a little more of that. A giggle tickled her throat. Sue couldn’t remember the last time she’d giggled. Yep, something was definitely fishy. “Am I good to go now?” Sue’s words were sludge in her ears. She lifted her head, but a wave of dizziness dropped her back against a pillow. You drunk? That’s against the rules, missy.
The nurse came close and smiled. “It will take a few hours for the sedative to clear your system, but you should be feeling better very soon.”
“Ohhh, I don’t know about that. I’m feeling purdy good right now.”
Darkness peeked in around the edges of the window blinds.
Sue blinked against the overhead lights.
“Your boyfriend is in the lobby. Are you ready to see him?”
Sue squinted at the smiling lady. “My what?”
The nurse’s smile faded. “Big guy in a green stocking cap? He’s been waiting for you for hours.”
Sue took a deep breath and huffed it out to clear the fog. “Oh yeah. He’s my giant. I mean my handy.” MAN, Sooz. HandyMAN. She giggled again.
“Since you’ve had a sedative, the surgeon gave your friend the instructions for home care. He’s also got your equipment and your pain prescription. You need to come back on Monday for a follow-up. Looks like you’re all set to go.”
Everything the woman said whooshed up and down like a rollercoaster. Sue wrinkled her nose and her whole face scrunched. “Can I stay here? This place is nice. And reeeeally quiet.”
The woman smiled apologetically. “I’m sorry, the clinic is closing soon. Don’t worry, in a few hours you’ll feel much more like yourself.”
“Okeedoke, I got this.” She grasped the bedrails and pulled
herself upright.
The room twirled off-kilter like a bloated ballerina.
“Hold on. Let’s get you a wheelchair. You’re not quite ready to walk to your car.”
Two aides helped her into a funky wheelchair that made her leg stick out in front like a torpedo. Were they the same people who held her down earlier? For some reason, she didn’t care. But something was really messed up with that leg. It was twice as big as the left one. And though it was super heavy, she couldn’t feel it. Sweet.
The lady wheeled her to another room.
Sue’s tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. “I’m thirsty.” Hadn’t she already said that?
Joe put down a book and stood, stretching.
“Heeeyyy, big fella,” Sue said. A string of giggles bubbled out.
“All right, here you are.” The nurse smiled up at Joe. “She’s all yours.”
Joe’s eyes went wide, like the nurse said he’d be delivering an open crate of rattlesnakes. But when he bent down, the bug-eyed look disappeared. “Ready to go home?”
She nodded once. “Yep.”
An aide wheeled her through glass doors and out to the truck.
Joe opened the passenger door, towering over her like a giant oak in his brown work coat and green stocking hat. “Think you can stand up?”
Sue tipped her head all the way back so she could see his face. “Nope.” She grinned. Her cheeks felt all rubbery.
Joe pressed his lips flat like a Muppet. Just like Bertie. He messed with the truck seat, then spun around and stood there looking as bewildered as a jackrabbit in the middle of the road. “So, do you … want me to help you get in?”
“Surrre.”
Joe puffed his cheeks and blew out a big blast, then reached down and lifted her from the wheelchair.
He smelled like leather and summertime. His face was close and he looked really cute in that green hat. It made his dark lashes look long. Maybe Joe and Bertie could do a puppet show for the kids. Flapping their mouths and arguing over how to spell a word, like on Sesame Street. Like Bert and …
“Ernie.” Sue giggle-snorted.
One of Joe’s eyebrows shot up and the other went down.
Cool trick. She tried to copy him, but her eyes got all blurry, and she saw two of him. Two was better than one. “Ha!”
Shaking his head, he put her on the seat, which took a while because her torpedo leg didn’t bend.
After he shut the door, Sue leaned back and closed her heavy eyelids.
* * *
By the time Joe pulled into the Walgreens drive-thru, Sue was out cold. Whatever they’d given her had her completely toasted. He picked up her prescriptions, then headed southeast for Juniper Valley.
His afternoon of scouring public records for Jacobs had turned up nothing. What he needed was reliable Internet access, but with only a dumb phone and no laptop, he would have to borrow a computer from Sue or a library. He just needed one good lead.
When they reached the ranch, he parked as close to the house as he could get, but a couple dozen yards of sloped lawn lay between the truck and the house.
He glanced at Sue. Light from the porch made her skin glow. She looked peaceful. Angelic.
Yeah, when she’s unconscious.
Joe braced himself. “Sue?”
“Hmm?”
“We’re home.”
“O-kay.”
Joe went around and opened her door. He looked at her leg, then at the crutches. This was going to be tricky.
Sue chuckled and Joe looked up. She wore a wide, sleepy smile that made her eyes twinkle.
Wow. First time he’d ever seen her smile like that. Too bad it was temporary. And drug induced. Her full-on smile would probably knock a guy’s socks off if she ever cut loose.
“Hey, Ernie.” Her speech still had a little slur. “Where’s the wheelchair?”
Ernie again? “Sorry, that belonged to the clinic. Think you can walk yet?”
“Surrrrre.” She took hold of the door frame and started to slither out, torso first. He was pretty sure she didn’t know the lower half needed to come out, too.
“Whoa.” Joe winced. “Let’s rethink this.”
“Joe?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m reeeally thirsty.”
He nodded. “I’m just going to, uh … carry you inside.” She’d probably scream her head off if he touched her, but no way was he letting her take a nosedive on the lawn. “That okay?”
Sue’s chin dropped in a single nod. “Yep.”
Yeah, you just remember you said that. Carefully, he swiveled her legs out first, then scooped her up. Even with layers of bandages and a bulky brace on her leg, she felt light—way too light for an adult. He headed for the porch.
She pointed at her toes. “Watch the torpedo, Ernie.”
“Ernie?”
“Mm-hmm.” Sue nodded. “Bert and Ernie.”
This was definitely a side of Sue he never would’ve believed if he hadn’t seen it himself. Whatever they’d given her, maybe they could send some more. A bunch more.
As he carried her to the house, Sue rested against him and closed her eyes. He slowed his steps.
She snuggled up to him and mumbled something into his jacket.
“What’s that?”
“I’m just gonna rest here a while, okay? This place is good. Safe.”
His arms tightened around her.
She snuggled closer and pressed her cheek to his chest.
Slowing even more, he watched her, afraid to breathe. When he could finally exhale, his breath moved a golden curl across her forehead.
Her rosebud mouth turned up at the corners in a broad, sweet smile.
Something in his chest stood still. This is nice. Except she thinks I’m from Sesame Street. He spoke softly. “So I’m a Muppet, huh?”
“Yeah,” she breathed, eyes still closed. “Only waaaaay better looking.”
Joe nearly tripped on the porch step. “Is that right?” He grinned, hoping he didn’t sound as pleased as he felt. At the door, he had to turn her bandaged leg around and then back her in.
Bertie met him in the foyer. The old woman’s eyebrows nearly shot off her head when she saw Sue in his arms. She led him to the office where a cot was set up.
He deposited Sue onto it.
Bertie helped get her situated while Joe went out to the truck for Sue’s things.
When he returned, Sue was murmuring to Bertie, “… feelin’ purdy good.”
“Great. So you think you’ll sleep okay tonight?”
“Yep. Hey, Bertie, are all my kids here?”
“All tucked in, safe and sound.” Bertie glanced at the clock above the desk.
Sue let off a noisy sigh. “Aww, Bert. You’re sooo good. You’rrre the best.”
Bertie threw Joe a look. “They gave her drugs, didn’t they?”
Joe bit back a smile and leaned down close to Sue. “Looks like you’re iced up and all set now. I’ll stop by in the morning and give you the rest of the instructions for your knee. You let me know if you need anything else.” He stood to go.
Sue reached out a floppy hand and touched his. “Joe?”
He held his breath.
She smiled at him through sleepy eyes.
Man, but she’s pretty.
“Thanks, Joe.”
“Anytime.” He nodded to Bertie, headed through the kitchen, and went out the back door to his quarters. His stay here would come to an end in a couple months, but for the first time, he didn’t find the idea of going to the new job quite so appealing.
You’re here to find old man Jacobs. Make yourself useful while you’re here, but don’t go getting attached to this place. Or anyone in it.
Chapter Eight
Over the next two days, Sue’s post-op life alternated between bouts of broken sleep, pain, and pure aggravation. The broken sleep wouldn’t have been so bad if it weren’t for the goofy Sesame Street dreams. And no one warned her about the increase
d pain. As soon as her meds wore off, her knee throbbed like a gun barrel full of hot, crushed glass. But sitting in one position for hours at a time was enough to make her want to set her toenails on fire.
By Sunday afternoon, the sound of teens down at the volleyball court was a welcome distraction.
Maybe she could get Bertie to help her down to the pit, so she could watch the kids play. If Sue asked, Bertie could probably figure out a way to carry her down—
The thought of Joe Paterson sprang to mind, crowding out every other thought. Joe in a green stocking cap and work coat, carrying her in his massive arms.
Now that was random.
Sue closed her eyes and strained to hear the game. Which kids were playing? She could guess. She could also guess which ones were only watching because she wasn’t there to coax them into the game.
But the idea of being in Joe’s arms kept invading her thoughts. She had a distinct impression of him cradling her against his broad chest. And although the thought of being that close to him rattled her, another sensation prevailed.
A sense of safety. Peace.
You’re delusional, Sooz. Nobody’s safe. You have to find your own safe place. Make your own peace.
Bertie’s face appeared at the office door window. She stomped sand from her Birks and popped inside. “You’re up. You’ve got a couple days’ mail here. Need anything?” She set the mail on Sue’s lap.
“Yeah. I need to get back to work. I need to pass that inspection. And I need to know what’s going on around here.”
Bertie shook her gray head. “Everything’s running like clockwork, boss.”
“Liar.” Sue drilled her with a look. “Tell me everything.”
With a sigh, Bertie pulled the desk chair close to the cot. “Well, Brandi and Jasmine got into it. That was a cat fight waiting to happen.”
“Oh no! How bad?”
“Could have been worse. A lot of screeching, mostly Brandi. She cornered Jasmine and accused her of taking her stuff. Called her a ‘freak pack rat.’” Bertie’s lips pursed to one side. “I checked it out. Jasmine’s got a good little stash started.”
Sue’s brows rose. “Like—?”
“Weird stuff. Wrappers. Spoons. Pencils. Shoes belonging to Brandi and Sonja and some of the others. And food.” Bertie folded her arms. “Looks like we’ve got another hoarder.”
