by T. S. Ryder
She shook her head.
"Then why is this worrying you so much? The children are safe. They are always with people I trust and I would never let something happen to them. I'd kill anybody who tried."
"You're not always there," Arabella whispered. "And maybe your trust is misplaced."
Grayson frowned. "Arabella—"
She threw her coffee in the trash and then threw her arms around his neck. Even as he tried to ask her what she was doing, she swallowed his words with a kiss. Instantly, his internal fires went wild. The dragon inside of him roared with approval. Every cell in his body ignited; it drew him toward her and he cupped her ass in his hands, pulling her tighter. Even the knowledge that they were being watched by the nursing staff couldn't stop him. He thought of everywhere they could do it. The bathroom. Unoccupied rooms. Even the rooftop crossed his mind.
But there was one thing he couldn't ignore. Or rather, two things.
With a reluctant groan, Grayson broke the kiss. As much as he would have liked to recklessly throw himself into her, there was more at stake than just him. Back when he first pursued Christine, the worst that could possibly happen was getting his heart broken. Now he had two little children who relied on him for everything. He couldn't fling himself headfirst into the void and hope that they didn't get hurt if this didn't work out. They loved Arabella and he wasn't going to drive her away by being impatient.
"What's wrong?" Arabella asked, her eyes wide, her chest heaving.
With a regretful smile, Grayson shook his head. "I can't rush into this. I'm sorry. I was pushing and now I have to pull away. I need to make sure that whatever this is doesn't hurt my children if we can't make it work."
Arabella blinked a couple of times before she pulled away. "You have to put your children first – even above your own wants."
He nodded. "Sorry."
"Don't be." Her voice cracked. "I'm the one giving you mixed messages, if you'll remember. Telling you I can't . . . and then kissing you."
"It can be confusing, I know," Grayson said. "Especially when a shifter and a non-shifter have . . . intense feelings for each other. Dragons don't approach marriage and mating the same way. Among Shifters, when we make love—"
"Where are the kids, anyway?" Arabella interrupted. Her voice had smoothed again, as though nothing in the last half hour had happened and she had merely gone for coffee and happened to bump into him. "If Henry is doing poorly, he shouldn’t have to deal with their energy. They can be quite exhausting."
Grayson was silent for a moment. He wasn't sure how to take Arabella's abrupt switch. Mixed messages indeed. He thought for a moment, then shook his head. Pushing her on the matter wasn't a good idea. He'd talk to her more about it that night after the kids were in bed. If she wanted him to back off, he would, but he wasn't going to let himself get jerked around.
"Henry's doing a lot better today," he told her. "They want to keep him for observation, but he insists that he's fine."
Her gaze shifted over his shoulder and a look of weariness came over her face. "I see. It's going to be impossible to calm them down after this."
Before he could ask her what she meant, a delighted shriek from down the hall made him turn. Henry barreled down the corridor in his wheelchair, Hudson clinging to one shoulder, Olivia to the next. Smoke and sparks showered from their mouths as they hollered. Hudson's face was red as he spun the wheels faster and faster. The nurses shrieked, sounding much less amused than the twins and chased after them.
Arabella gave Grayson a look before she hurried to rescue the poor nurses. Grayson could have sworn that he saw guilt on her face.
Chapter Seven – Arabella
After the disaster at the hospital, Arabella was grateful that other things quickly filled up the space between her and Grayson, stopping him from asking further questions. Henry's display with the children convinced the doctors that he was fit to be discharged – so long as he had supervision and careful observation. With that in mind, he was moved into a rather large and luxurious RV at the base of Grayson's tree, and a nurse was hired to come stay with him.
As much as she was glad that Henry was there – since he kept Grayson occupied enough, it was easy to avoid him – she didn't like having another person around. It was going to be hard enough to follow through on the mission without this extra worry.
And then, of course, there was the kiss. It was the last thing she should have done – kissing Grayson. Especially when the conversation was getting so . . . intimate. She didn't need to be reminded of how she was going to betray them all. It was already unforgivable. This path she was falling down wasn't just a slippery slope. It was a rabbit hole and she was certain it was going to end with her losing her head.
She knew now that he was going to press harder than he ever had before to find out exactly why she was kissing him and what she was afraid of. Their conversation had been so up and down that there was really no other way for him to react. The kiss simply clinched the deal. At the time, it had seemed like the best way to stop the conversation, but it was a bad idea. Especially because of how much she still wanted him.
I'm projecting, she told herself. I see this perfect little family he has and I'm projecting myself into it. It's not him that I want – it's this feeling of trust and safety. All an illusion. Doesn't help that the sex was amazing.
The mission had to come first.
But did it have to happen the way she had been planning? Did it have to be the children? She could tell Kennedy and their superiors that it was too much of a danger to take the children because of Grayson's inevitable reaction. They could take Henry instead. He was enough to stop Grayson from continuing his political path.
Maybe there was a way to do things so that Grayson never found out that she was a part of it. Maybe she could fake her own kidnapping, demand the ransom for herself and, when he withdrew from politics, she would quit her job and move far away with her payment from the organization. Grayson would never know what sort of person she actually was and the heartbreak wouldn't be so bad, would it?
Grayson knocked at her bedroom door, making her jump. "The kids are sleeping and Henry's watching TV. Want to go for a walk?"
She didn't but nodded anyway. She had had plenty of time to come up with a reason for why they couldn't do what they were doing and she was certain she would be forceful enough to make him leave it alone. She had to cut off the emotional ties she was building. No matter what happened, the ransom had to happen and she had to stay far, far away from him.
The paths on the forest floor in this tree-top Dragon suburbia were all nature trails. There wasn't any pavement among the redwoods, except for the few roads for the cars. Even the main town was far away from the trees, a single grocery store and the hospital the only buildings inside. Probably to help preserve the trees.
"It's been a crazy few days, hasn't it?" Grayson asked as they headed through the lush, thick ferns.
She took a deep breath, preparing to tell him that she had made a mistake by kissing him, but he continued speaking before she could.
"When I married Christine, I thought that was it. She was my life-mate and I was never going to have anybody else. She and I were perfect complements for each other. I never imagined that I would lose her." His chin fell to his chest. "And afterward, I never thought I was going to feel that way ever again."
"Grayson—"
"I thought about what you said," he interrupted. "About how you're the first woman I've spent any real time with since her."
"That's not exactly what I said."
He shrugged. "I get what you said, though. And it really made me think. About what I feel. About Christine."
"You really loved her," Arabella said softly. If she could remind him enough about his dead wife, then maybe he would pull away and she wouldn't have to deal with these confusing emotions any longer. Not his and not her own. "She was a special woman in your life, wasn't she?"
"She was, yes. She had so much l
ove in her heart."
Arabella swallowed hard. "I'm not like that."
Grayson gave her a shrewd look. "Maybe not. But you are still full of compassion."
He wouldn't say that if he knew about all the lives she had ruined – all the people she had killed. A lump rose in her throat, her eyes flooding with tears. She didn't want to feel like this, but she was crumbling inside. All her life she wanted to have love. Maybe this really was just an illusion, but she wanted this so badly it hurt.
"But I'm not her and I think you're trying to see me like she was," she said, trying to make her voice harder. "Grayson, I can't deny that there is an attraction between us, but it could never work. You're a dragon and I don't think we'd be compatible. I love the twins; I don't want them to get hurt. And they will get hurt if we try this."
Grayson grasped her hand, stopping her. "I think you're more afraid that you will get hurt."
Arabella yanked herself away from him. She took a deep breath and forced herself to channel the hurt in her chest into anger. "Oh, so you know everything about me now, do you?"
If she had hoped for Grayson to turn it all into an argument so she could put the necessary distance between the two of them, she was disappointed. The dragon stayed still, watching her with knowing eyes. The lump in her throat grew bigger, choking her. Her eyes burned.
"Don't look at me like that," she whispered.
"You can't stop me." His voice was soft, gentle. "Arabella, I know that you're scared. I can see it in your eyes. But if you just give me a chance—"
"I said no!" She clenched her fists. "Don't you understand what that means? What happened to thinking about your kids first, anyway? Did you just decide that they weren't important after all? Why can't you just leave this alone?"
She started to walk away again. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her back.
"I'm trying to talk to you! There is too much between us to ignore and you know it."
"Let me go."
Grayson pulled her into his arms. "Listen to me. I'm scared, too. I haven't dated since Christine passed. I haven't even looked at women that way. I never thought I would again and, if I'm honest, I didn't want to."
Arabella yanked hard against his grip, fighting the urge to either cry or kiss him again. "I don't want you to, either."
"But I feel it all over again. And you are worth risking my heart for. Please, Arabella. Give me a chance. I know that your life was not the best—"
"You don't know my life!" She jabbed her fingers into a knot of nerves at the top of his arm. He released her with a yelp. She knew from experience that his arm would feel numb and tingly for two hours after that. But that was exactly what she needed. "You don't know the first thing about my life."
"Then tell me."
"No."
Grayson stepped back, pulling in a deep breath. He studied her for a moment, then released it. "I'm sorry."
"You’d better be."
She had three days left before she was supposed to deliver the twins to the organization. Three days to harden her heart and sever these stupid emotional ties. It wasn't the first time she had gone undercover to get close to a mark and not the first time she had developed feelings.
But those were never this intense – always easily washed away. Why couldn’t she let Grayson go just the same?
Arabella stuffed her hands into her pockets and headed back toward the house. Grayson followed silently. In the elevator, the tension between them fell like a bass guitar's string, thick and tense. She stared outside, keeping her arms tight around her middle.
"You can tell me, you know. When you want to."
I'm part of a shady organization that kills for hire, kidnaps people, and manipulates the market for profit. Arabella couldn't suppress a snort. I was sent to kidnap your children.
"You need to find a new nanny," she said abruptly. She would go with the children when she kidnapped them. She couldn’t trust Kennedy with their safety. But this was the end of it all. She had to get her head out of the fantasy of what could never happen. "I'll stay for however long you need me to in order to find my replacement and then I'm gone."
And I'll never be happy again.
Chapter Eight – Grayson
After the conversation they'd had, Grayson hated knocking at Arabella's door later that night, but he really had no choice. She answered with angry eyes and a hostile expression, her hair mussed up around her head, flannel pajamas hiding her figure.
"Sorry for waking you," he said gruffly, his own embarrassment coloring his voice. "I just got a call from my lawyers about . . . well, about what I'm working on. I need to go."
"In the middle of the night?"
"They said it couldn’t wait."
Arabella shrugged. "Okay. That explains why you're in a suit again. Although I suppose it wouldn't be all that surprising if you slept in them."
When had she become so snarky? Grayson's frown increased. He had come off too strongly during their discussion, he knew that, but she was being rude. Although, considering how their discussion had gone down, he supposed it wasn't exactly unwarranted. He'd been up all night tossing and turning, wishing he had acted and spoken differently. It had almost been a relief when his colleagues had phoned him.
"I'll call you around nine if I'm not back yet," he told her, still stiff and gruff. "If you need anything, call my secretary."
"Okay." She shut the door without another word.
Grayson stood there for a moment. He wanted to open the door again and apologize for how he had acted and explain it was just because he felt so vulnerable himself. Maybe beg her not to leave, promise that he could actually behave the way he should and treat their relationship professionally.
But, of course, his insistence was what got him in this problem in the first place. He pushed too hard too fast and now it had opened a rift between them that he wasn't sure could be closed. He had done exactly what he had promised himself he wouldn't do and he had hurt Arabella and the twins in the process. They had already lost Christine and now he was driving Arabella away.
He headed out, trying to force Arabella and his messed-up life from his mind. He needed to focus on the twins. He had lost sight of that, but he'd gotten the kick in his head that he had needed and now he could do what he needed to do again. Make sure Olivia and Hudson were safe and leave them a better world than he had been given. It was the duty of every parent.
There would be other nannies. Someone else who loved them as much as Arabella. Next time, he wouldn’t let himself fall in love and ruin it all. They needed stability. Maybe in a few years he would consider dating again, but he didn't have the time for that now.
He quickly got to his offices where the lawyers and other lobbyists he was working with were waiting. The doors were closed and he received the news. Senator White had called for a vote in the senate on a bill he was trying to pass that would allow mining companies even more freedom – well ahead of schedule. Somehow it had all slipped through quietly without them finding about it until then.
"Get this out on all of our social media sites," Grayson ordered, fire flickering in his belly. "This can't happen. I want the country to know exactly what that little weasel is trying to get away with. And get me White on the telephone."
One of his aides flinched. "Sir, the senator is going to be sleeping—"
"Do I look like I care?" After everything that had gone wrong in his personal life, he was glad to be able to channel his aggression into something else. Even if it did mean terrifying his aides until he could terrify the senator. "I want to talk to him right now."
The aide gulped and turned away, dialing his cell phone. The office buzzed with activity and Grayson shooed them all out so he would have privacy for this discussion. He allowed the one aide to stay until he got ahold of the senator.
"What the hell do you think you're doing, White?" Grayson snarled.
"Mr. Alexander. Do you have any idea what time it is?" the senator's half-asleep voice was
no less furious. "What can possibly be so important that it could not wait until morning?"
Grayson let out a lungful of smoke. The burning scent helped to calm his frayed patience and he lowered his voice to dangerous levels. "You know exactly what I mean. This bill you're trying to push through. It will destroy communities across the nation."
White didn't reply. He just hung up. Grayson snarled, flames searing his tongue. How could this be happening? It wasn't just the Shifters being targeted anymore. Just because it wasn't going to affect the rich, it meant that thousands of people should be put at risk? And they were the most vulnerable groups – the marginalized ones that were repeatedly silenced or outright ignored.
Grayson closed his eyes, considering his next move. The first thing was, of course, letting the people in on what was going on. This sort of legislation was snuck in for a reason. Public reaction was a factor that representatives would consider, but it wasn't always enough. There were two weeks until the vote would take place. He would need to conjure up a strategy to talk with the other senators.
His cell phone rang. He answered it, mind still elsewhere. "Hello."
"Grayson Alexander." The voice was deep and robotic. "Step back and refrain from involving yourself in Senator White's politics."
His brow furrowed. "Who is this?"
"This is the only warning you will receive. If you continue, we will take action against your children."
Dread flooded him, drowning his fires in ice. Grayson stiffened, his grip tightening on his phone. Olivia and Hudson flashed through his mind. Their wide, joyful smiles, innocent eyes, and trust in him. The voice continued, explaining to him to withdraw from his current political activities and Grayson already knew he would do so. Nothing was more important than his children. Nothing.
There had been threats, but never against the children, and never by someone who was able to contact him like this.
As soon as the call ended, he dashed from the office. His colleagues and aides tried to talk to him, but he brushed them off. The car waited in the parking garage but he didn't bother going after it. He took off into the air, his suit shredding from his body as he Shifted. The wind that usually calmed him did nothing. The ice left his veins, his fires roiling. If anybody had harmed his children, he would destroy them. He'd stop at nothing to see them reduced to a pile of ash.
