Cal smiled. ‘Sara Lee.’ He raised his glass at her. ‘So, still think I’m crazy in love with Isa?’
She reddened. ‘Cal, God, I’m sorry. I think I was looking for things that weren’t there to distract me from the pain of losing Seb. You were just being a good brother to her. God, I hate what’s happening to Sam and Isa now.’
Cal nodded, his smile fading. ‘Me too. I honestly don’t know how they’ll come back from this. Sam’s a damn fool.’
Louisa was quiet then, and Cal sighed. ‘I know what you’re thinking – am I hoping to swoop in and seduce Isa? No, I’m not. I’m not that guy.’
Louisa felt stung. ‘Cal, I would never…’ But she stopped herself. She’d be lying if the thought hadn’t crossed her mind.
Cal was watching her. ‘Look, I’ll be honest. I did have a crush. A while back, when they first met. She’s gorgeous and sweet and talented and I’m only human. But I really am not that guy.’
Louisa felt his hand slip into hers. She opened her eyes, tears dropping down her cheeks. ‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered. ‘I’m such a mess. I don’t know what I’m doing, how I’m feeling. I’m not trying to make excuses. Cal, you have to understand, over the past year, I’ve lost so much.’ She choked back a sob. ‘Cal. Nothing is as it seems, well, that’s what it feels like to me. I can’t believe this is my life. I don’t know who to trust, what to think.’ She rubbed her eyes.
He waited while she took a deep breath in. ‘Cal, I think I’d better go home if you don’t mind.’
‘Of course not. Do you need me to drive you?’
She shook her head. ‘Just stay in touch. Promise?’
He kissed her cheek. ‘I promise.’
***
Cal went home to find Sam, still mooning around the apartment. ‘Dude, seriously. Distract yourself.
Sam’s cell phone buzzed and he snatched it up. His face fell when he saw it wasn’t Isa calling him.
‘Yeah?’ His expression changed as he spoke a few words then hung up. He looked up at Cal. ‘That was Paul Carter. He wants to speak to me at his place. Tonight. He says he has information for us.’
Isa parked her car down the street from Paul Carter’s place. In her rearview mirror, she saw her security team park a little further down the street. She was grateful they had insisted on coming with her, but she hated to have the constant reminder of Sam with her. Better that than your would-be killer getting free access to you, dumbass. She sighed and got out of the car, noting another car is driving up to Paul Carter’s house. Her heart faltered as Sam got out and turned back to see her. They stared at each other for the longest moment then Sam walked slowly to her. Isa felt her entire body trembling.
‘What are you doing here?’ She hated the way her voice broke. Sam lifted a hand to touch her cheek, and she jerked away, feeling immediately guilty about the hurt in his eyes. He dropped his hand.
‘Paul called me, arrange a meeting.’
‘Me too.’
There was a long silence then Isa tugged her coat around her as if protecting herself from further hurt. ‘You know, whatever he says, doesn’t change a thing, Sam.’
Sam nodded, his green eyes hooded and sad. ‘I know. Isa…I cannot begin to…’
‘Don’t,’ she said, tears springing to her eyes. ‘Please, just don’t say anything. I can’t hear it yet.’
Sam nodded somberly. ‘Alright. You take as much time as you need. Just know this; I love you.’
Isa dashed away. ‘I love you too, Sam, but it’s not enough. It’s not enough.’
‘I know.’ Sam’s voice was little more than a whisper. They suddenly found themselves gazing at the other and Isa opened her mouth to say something – just as Paul Carter’s home exploded.
The entire sky lit up. Paul Carter’s home exploded, and the concussion blew both Sam and Isa off their feet. Sam scrambled over to her as quickly as he could and shielded her. After a few moments, they risked getting up.
‘Oh, my God…’ Isa’s face was pale even in the orange light of the fire. Sam kept one arm around her shoulder as he called the emergency services. Isa’s eyes were filled with tears. ‘Oh, dear God, I hope Paul wasn’t in there…’
Sam pursed his lips, knowing the chances of that were slim; it had to be some kind of way to shut Paul up.
Jesus. How many more people have to die?
Bedlam. Fire crews were being called in from all over; the whole of Paul Carter’s house was an inferno. Isa and Sam watched from the Varsity as they cleaned up the broken glass from the windows. Hours and hours passed, the fire refusing to die despite the crews’ efforts. The smoke from the fire was being carried away from the street by a storm that had blown up from the Sound. Rain hissed against the asphalt, competing with the crackling of the fire.
Isa hung back, numb now, exhaustion, fear and sadness making her body feel heavy. She could feel herself breaking inside from the weight of all the horror, the death, the betrayal surrounding her. All she wanted was Sam’s arms around her, but at the same time, she couldn’t shake her anger at him. And now this…what had Paul Carter been about to tell them? She closed her eyes. At this moment, she wished the killer would just come for her, end all of this. Too many people were dying. If I knew who you were, I would give myself up to you. God, how low had her self-esteem sunk that she actively wanted to die? I’m not breaking, Isa thought desperately; I am broken.
Sam came over to her, hesitating at first then pulled her into his arms. She didn’t resist, her cheek against the warm, solidness of his chest. She sighed deeply and felt Sam’s arms tighten around her. ‘I have to wait for the homicide detectives,’ he said softly, ‘and they’ll probably want to talk to you too.’
She nodded but said nothing. ‘Isa? Baby?’ She looked up into his face, his beautiful face, his eyes that held nothing but love for her. ‘I don’t want to use this as an excuse, but I have no shame anymore. Will you come back with me afterward and talk things out? I promise I won’t hold anything back, and if you want to leave afterward, I won’t try to stop you.’
Isa felt her body wilt. ‘Yes, alright.’ Sam had to bend his head to hear her and then his mouth was an inch from hers, and she could feel his warm breath. He brushed her lips with his but then someone called his name, and he looked up. Sam shot her a disappointed look but stepped away to talk to the leading detective. Isa suddenly felt cold and wrapped her arms around herself. Why did she feel even now she was being watched? She scanned the people who had gathered around to watch the fire. Are you one of them? She shivered despite the heat of the blaze and felt exhaustion take her over.
He couldn’t take his eyes from her lovely face, so drawn, so tired and scared. It’s nearly over, he thought, so nearly over my darling. He could see she was broken, even from here, her body language was so defeated. He could imagine her giving herself to him, welcoming the knife that would slide into her body as a relief, her lovely rose-colored lips parting with gasps of pain as he stabbed her again and again. The sound her last breath would make, the smell of her rich salty blood.
Soon, Isabel, soon. Hours rather than days. He allowed himself a fantasy of walking up to her now and driving a lethal blade into her belly, in front of Sam, in front of the police. They would shoot him dead; he had no doubt, but he cared little for that. Isa would be with him in death. But no. He had a plan and, so far, everything was going exactly as planned.
Everything.
Isa saw her first. The smoke from the fire hung low around the street and at first, she didn’t know what she was seeing. She walked to the door and squinted into the gloom. Casting a glance over her shoulder at Sam, who were talking to some paramedics, she slipped into the street.
Casey was in a nightgown, the pale blue silk stained by the smoke. She was staring into the fire, confusion, disbelief, despair on her face. Isa hesitated and touched her arm.
‘Casey?’
Casey turned to her. ‘Isa.’ She said her name again, mouthing it. Her eyes didn’t
seem to be registering. She touched Isa’s face. ‘Are you dead? Has he done it?’
Isa swallowed. ‘No… Casey, why are you out here? You have no shoes on.’
Casey shook her head, as if she didn’t understand. ‘You’re supposed to be dead. I don’t…’ She glanced at the fire. ‘Where’s Paul?’
‘We don’t know, Casey.’
‘Where is he? We were… he was going to kill you. Tonight. Then we were supposed to go away. I persuaded him. He was going to stab you to death; he showed me the knife. Then he was going to shoot Sam for me. You were both supposed to be dead by now. Dead. Where is he? Are you dead? Am I dead?’
‘Wait, Paul wanted to kill me?’
Casey gave a short bark of laughter. ‘No, not Paul, you fucking idiot, that pathetic sap just wanted to fuck you…’
Her eyes were wheeling now, looking from Isa to the fire back to Isa. Then she stared over Isa’s shoulder. Isa turned, half expecting to see someone coming at her with a knife. Even though Casey was rambling, the calm way she discussed Isa’s murder, and worse, Sam’s, made her tremble, nauseated.
She breathed again when she saw it was Sam.
‘Isa, what’s going on?’
She shook her head. ‘I don’t know. She’s out of it.’ She turned back to Casey who was gazing into the flames.
‘He was going to leave me behind. But I persuaded him. I made him love me. He was going to make everything better. Better.’
Sam took Casey by the shoulders. ‘Who, Casey? Who is it?’
Her eyes wheeling about, half-crazed, Casey looked back at Isa, her eyes searching her nemesis’s face. ‘How does it feel? How does it feel to be so beautiful? How does it feel to have someone love you so much he’d die for you?’
Isa said nothing. Sam came and stood next to her, put an arm around her. Casey looked at him, a half smile on her face.
‘How will it feel when you watch her bleed to death, Sam?’ She didn’t wait for an answer. She walked towards the fire. Sam stepped forward, but it was Isa who stopped her. Casey looked at Isa’s hand on her arm. She stared at her with tears in her eyes.
‘It’s not fair. Why do you get everything you want? Where’s my happy ending?’
Isa was angry now. ‘You spoiled, malevolent bitch. Do you think watching my brother murdered is a happy ending? Finding about you is a happy ending? Living with the fact someone wants to butcher me, a happy ending? Fuck you, Casey.’
Casey cackled, knowing she’d gotten to Isa. Isa clenched her fists. Sam, his face livid, stepped between the two women.
‘Casey, go home. I’m sure the police will want to talk to you.’
There was a commotion near the burning apartment. Men shouting. The lead detective, Mike Hamill came jogging over, exhausted and with a strained on his face. Sam stepped forward.
‘Mike?’
Mike took a deep breath in. ‘We found two bodies inside. One is obviously Carter – we think he was dead before the explosion. The other is burned too badly to recognize.’
Casey screamed. She started to run towards the fire, but Isa and Sam grabbed hold of her. She fought them, sobbing and howling, kicking and biting.
‘No, no! He’s not gone; he’s not gone, no! Get off me, get your fucking hands off me.’
She kicked Isa hard in the stomach, felling her then falling on top of her, attacking the prone woman.
‘Fucking bitch! You’re supposed to be dead, not him! I’ll kill you; I’ll kill you. I’ll rip your insides out. No! No!’
Mike dragged her to a police cruiser and shoved her, still screaming into the back of it. He told the young cop with her to take her to the station then came back to see if he could help them. Sam rushed to Isa’s side, his eyes filled with concern. She smiled at him, wincing a little. ‘I’m okay.’
Sam pulled her into his arms for a brief second. ‘I’m so sorry,’ he whispered, and she nodded.
‘It’s alright.’
Mike Hamill cleared his throat awkwardly. ‘Sorry folk, look, we need to get statements back at the station so can you both go straight there? Are either of you injured?’
They both shook their heads and Mike gave them the directions. Sam took Isa’s hand. ‘Look, I know you have your car but can I get one of my men to drive it back to my apartment? I would rather we go together to the station – forgive me for not wanting you out of my sight on this night.’
Isa agreed and as they sat in the back of his town car, his chief security guard Ken driving, Sam held her closely.
‘I’m so sorry for not telling you about Casey,’ he said softly, ‘it got away from me. I guess I didn’t want my past with her to affect this new life with you.’
Isa looked askance at him. ‘Well, you dodged that bullet, huh?’ She suddenly grinned and Sam laughed bemusedly.
‘I know, I know. God, what a mess.’
Isa’s smile faded. ‘Sam, look. I’m so tired of all of this. Maybe we moved too fast, got married too quickly.’
‘No,’ Sam said, his voice trembling. ‘We’re meant to be together, Isa, of that I am certain.’
She looked up at him. ‘I think so too, but we have to find a better way to communicate if we’re going to trust each other.’
‘I do trust you; you’ve never done anything to test it. I know I have and god, Isa, I’ll do anything to regain that trust.’
Isa sighed and let her body relax against his. ‘We’ll work on it. I swear to God, I won’t let this beat us.’
He kissed the top of her head. ‘Thank you,’ he whispered and felt her nod.
Casey Hamilton stared out of the back of the window of the police cruiser as it sped back toward the city. The young officer driving her, Zack, glanced back at her.
‘You feeling better now, ma’am?’
She tried to smile. ‘One man I loved is dead; the other is obsessed with that little tramp. So, no, officer, not really.’
Zack wasn’t impressed. ‘But you did try to have her killed, isn’t that right?’
Casey smiled without humor. ‘And I even failed in that. Or rather he failed me.’
‘Who is he? And why do you hate Mrs. Levy so much?’
Casey sighed. ‘Because she has everything. She’s beautiful, heart-stoppingly, unnaturally beautiful. She’s good and kind and smart and successful. Everybody loves her. My husband is...’ She laughed without humor, shaking her head. ‘I’ve never seen love like that. Never. He certainly never looked at me like that. I don’t know what that feels like. To be wanted so completely, to have someone want to crawl through glass for me, to die for me. I hate her because she is everything I could never be.’
Zack shook his head. ‘From what I understand, someone’s been stalking her and threatening to kill her for nearly a year. Would you wanna live like that?
Casey shrugged. ‘The sooner she’s dead, the better I’ll feel. But then again, doesn’t look like that’s going to happen now.’
Zack shook his head. ‘Who is he then? Your lover, the psychopath?’
The first few days after the fire had been surreal. After the emergency services had cleared out, Sam, Isa, and Zoe had watched them take the body away. Black-bagged and anonymous.
Later, at home, Isa had a million questions for Sam, but only one mattered.
‘Is it him? Is it Karl?’ The hope in her eyes had nearly floored Sam. He put his arms around her as Cal cast a worried look at him but nodded: Tell her the truth.
‘We can’t say. The police told me the body is male, tall but it’s in an appalling condition. We’ll have to wait for dental, or DNA to identify it.’
Isa wasn’t deterred. ‘But who else could it be? He’s the only one…’ Her voice trailed off as she saw Sam’s expression. ‘Sam… please. Please tell me it’s him.’
Sam swallowed over the lump in his throat. ‘Darling, we have to wait. Yes, it is probably him. But I want to be absolutely sure. You understand that, don’t you? I cannot risk being wrong and dropping our guard. I’m not gambli
ng with your life. We need to wait.’
She nodded then, but he could see the disappointment in her eyes and ached for her. He knew she was at the limit of her strength, of being able to cope living under a death sentence. He pulled her into his arms. They could only wait now for the formal identification.
Every day she waited, longing to hear that the body in the fire was Karl’s. Sam still wouldn’t let her go anywhere alone; when Zoe left her side, Sam would arrive like clockwork. Isa tried not to feel irked by their constant and unswerving vigilance; she knew how scared Sam was, still but every day there was something, something that made her think it was really over.
Isa felt the tremendous weight of guilt. Seb. Paul Carter. Sam could see it crushing her. He finally sat her down one day, after she’s had an out of character freak out over something minor.
‘You listen good now. You are not responsible for everyone. You can’t save everyone. People make their own decisions. You are only responsible for the decisions you make. I know it will take time, but you need to start now today.’
She looked confused. ‘Start what, baby?’
He smiled and kissed her softly. ‘Letting go, darling. Letting go of the past because you know what?’
She smiled. ‘What?’
‘We have an awful lot to catch up on and a heck of a lot of living to do.’
She laughed then, but her eyes grew with the wonder of it. ‘We have forever?’
‘You bet your sweet we do.’
And finally, Isa believed him.
Two weeks before Christmas, on their way back from the city, Sam dropped Isa off at Zoe’s new place on his way to work. Isa waved him off then went in. She saw Zoe come out of the backroom and smiled at her friend. Then she saw her friend’s expression and felt fear shoot through her. ‘What is it?’
Zoe, her usual bravura missing, was pale. ‘I don’t know; I don’t know how she got in. I turned around, and she was there. She won’t let me near her.’
Dirty Little Virgin: A Submissives’ Secrets Novel Page 165
