He pops the trunk, so I can get my bags, and I find him getting out, anyway. “Cyprian, I am paid to do this for you. Allow me to do my job, please.”
“I’ve been spoiled for too long.” I pick up one bag and find him picking up the other.
“Spoiled is not what you’ve been, sir. You pay me to do this for you.” He begins to carry the bag to the door and I follow behind with the one I picked up.
“Ashton, you don’t need to call me, sir. Call me by my name. You’re older than I am. You shouldn’t talk to me as if I am your superior. Tabitha says we are all equals and should act that way.” I wait while he disarms the security system he had put in while I was away.
I asked him to get that done for me just before I got out of the car at the airport the day I left for the retreat. I also had him change the code to the gate. I want no more surprises from anyone.
Once he’s opened the door, he hands me a card. “This has the codes for each panel, Cyprian. And as far as calling you, sir, that’s a thing I’ve grown accustomed to, so it may pop out now and again. Take no offense by it. I’m old and set in my ways.”
“Speaking of old, just how old are you, Ashton?” I ask him as I thought he was around fifty.
“I am fifty-three,” he says as he takes my bag inside.
“Well, I’m not trying to be rude at all but Tabitha is fifty and she looks much younger. She says taking supplements along with a diet rich in raw veggies and organic spices is the key to that. You should let me give you her diet plan. It could take years off you. And it might help your wife too,” I tell him as we go inside.
“That’s very nice of you,” he says. “Shall I take these up to your bedroom?”
“No, I’ll do that. I just want to settle in and meditate for a little while.”
“I’ll leave you to that then.” He turns to leave and I take the bags and make my way to my room. “Good to have you back, Cyprian.”
“I hope it’s good to be back, Ashton. See you in the morning. We will see how this all goes.”
Getting into my bedroom, I put my things down and see my cell phone, sitting on the bedside table where I left it. It seems the maid has plugged it into the charger and it’s ready for me to see what I’ve missed in the last two weeks.
I told my parents what I was doing and both were very supportive. My father conceded that he had no idea how to parent, he wished me luck on finding the ‘me’ I want to become. Mother was a bit put off by where I was going. She thought it sounded cultish but told me she approved of me trying to better myself.
It did feel kind of like a family with Tabitha. She made us all feel at home on the small farm we stayed on. Small cabins dotted an area in the back of her quaint farm home. There were six of us. She says she keeps the groups that small, so we can all get her special attention.
She’ll be coming into town on Wednesday. She’s going to do a workshop with my staff at work. I think they all could use a dose of her mental medicine. I can’t wait to see what they all think after hearing her talk.
Sitting on my bed, I pick up my phone and find myself afraid for some reason. I’ve hidden from my reality for only two weeks but it’s felt like an eternity.
I’m not wanting to come back to it.
But I must, so I start looking through my phone and when I open my text messages, one pops up at me. “Cami.”
I’ve put her in a place in myself for safekeeping, leaving the obsession out of it. She’s apologizing for how she spoke to me. And my heart is thumping hard in my chest.
Tabitha said it would be a bad idea to get involved with anyone right now. She described my soul like a wound that has been opened and scraped and needs to heal before bringing anyone else into it. The desperation I felt before is gone. But the want for Cami is still present.
So, I decide to leave that alone for now. I’m not strong enough to handle her right now. I have to give myself time to heal and acclimate to my surroundings once again. This time, doing things my way.
But I do text her back to let her know I got the text and am not ignoring her.
-Cami, thanks for the apology. It’s appreciated. I’ve been working on myself. When I feel ready, I will come and see you. Then we can apologize to each other in person and put the past where it belongs.-
That should ease her thoughts about me if she was worried or something. I didn’t mean to worry her with my leaving. I just had to work on myself.
I wonder if she was worried about me…
Chapter 6
CAMILLA
It’s been a week since I texted Cyprian and he’s just now texting me back, telling me he was working on himself and when he’s ready, he’ll come talk to me. I’d like to see him right now but it sounds as if he’s ready to put me in his past. A thing I’m finding hard to swallow.
I have the day off and it’s barely noon. To sit just down the road from him and not go over there will be hard to do. But I suppose I have to.
-Cyprian, thanks for answering my text, I was worried about you. Glad to know you are okay. I look forward to the day you feel like talking to me again.-
Getting off the sofa, I grab my running shoes and decide it would be best to run off some of this anxiety I’m beginning to feel. I didn’t realize he’d crept so deep inside of me that the idea of him leaving me behind is affecting me so much.
It’s not as if I had any grand ideas he and I’d end up together. I didn’t think that at all. I assumed he was at his father’s place, fornicating like a rabbit with random women. To find out he was somewhere, working on himself, is so very different from what I was thinking.
I take off out of the house and start running in the direction which will have me passing by his estate. It’s a long shot I’ll even catch a glimpse of him or him of me but it’s a gamble I’m willing to take.
I just want to see him, even if only for a moment!
Jogging down the country road, my mind refuses to stop thinking about the man. I wonder where he went to work on himself. I wonder if he did that for himself or me. I wonder if what he learned about himself made him think he and I are too different and would never work out.
I know I’ve had those thoughts. Taking him home to meet my family would go over very badly. I feel the same way about him taking me to meet his parents, who I think should’ve never been allowed to have a kid in the first place.
Maybe he and I aren’t meant to be together.
Maybe there’s someone else in the world meant for him. A woman with tons of patience and empathy. A woman who can help him work on his demons. A woman who will be everything to him, the way I wouldn’t allow.
What’s wrong with me?
I had a chance to be with a gorgeous, muscle-bound, nearly perfect specimen of male anatomy and I stood on my high morals, refusing to give him the one thing he needed from me. Everyone at work thinks I’m an idiot. Not just a little one either, a huge idiot who has blown her chance with a man who could buy and sell this entire town.
With Cyprian missing, I Googled him and found out he’s beyond wealthy. He’s uber-rich. A multi-billionaire, who’s highly respected in the business world.
I saw picture after picture of him with his colleges. Some of whom are women and he didn’t look like a man-whore at all. He looked like he treated them with respect. It was a thing I didn’t see in him.
It was my misfortune to have judged him before I really knew him. I saw him as a womanizer and nothing more than that. I saw him as a man I needed to guard myself against.
And now it’s most likely too late to let him know I was wrong. I was wrong for withholding my affection. I was wrong for trying to make him be someone he wasn’t. I was wrong on so many levels, it’s not even funny.
Suddenly, my train of thought is broken as his gate comes up. I jog in place as I look at it and can see the house that looms far back off the road.
Fuck it!
I jog up to the security box and tap in the code, 696969. Only to find it buzzin
g at me. The code’s been changed!
Hurrying away, I have no want for him to see me on his camera, I see now is at the gate, pointing in my direction.
What an idiot I feel like!
He’s changed the code, no doubt to keep me out. He has moved on, that’s obvious. I have to do something to get him out of my mind.
Something huge!
Maybe I will accept the next date that’s offered to me. I have to do something to get him out my head. He’s made a place there and even in my heart. I have to do something to move him out. He’s moved me out of where ever I was in his head.
Could he have a girlfriend? Could he have found a woman more compatible with him and left me behind? Did I let that happen to me? To us?
Have I been a fool…?
Chapter 7
CYPRIAN
The week has been long as I’ve had to drive by the store Cami works at each night, knowing she’s there as I see her Mustang parked at the side of the store. But Tabitha and I have talked every day about how I need to guard myself against everyone right now. I’ve followed her advice and only texted my parents that I still need time away from them to get my head on straight.
It’s Wednesday and Tabitha is doing a workshop with my staff. It was my idea and no one was really on board with it. I had to insist, though. I need people around me who understand how I need things to be.
I’m waiting for the workshop to end as I invited Tabitha to stay at my place for the night instead of putting her up in a hotel room. She was kind enough to open her home to me and others like me, I can repay the favor.
The door to the meeting room opens and my employees come out. It’s nine at night and most of them seem to be impatient to get out of here. They all give me smiles and nods as they file past me but no one says anything.
Finally, Tabitha comes out, looking happy and radiating positive energy the way she always does. Her blonde bobbed hair is bouncing as she nods at me. “It went fantastic! Thank you for setting this up. I do believe your staff has been brought to the light, Cyprian!”
My secretary, Mrs. Peterson, looks over her shoulder at me and then at Tabitha then looks away. I didn’t see new beginnings in her brown eyes. I saw concern.
Why would she be concerned?
Tabitha links her arm with mine and allows me to escort her out of the office. “I’m sure some of them get it and some don’t. That’s how things go. Like you say, we are all on different levels.”
“That we are, Cyprian. And I think I can help you tonight with your situation with the Camilla woman. Do you think she’ll be at work? I think it’s essential for your recuperation if I meet her. I’d like to gauge her true persona. I fear you might have only been taking her at face value and thinking her beauty means she’s a good person. Which hardly ever means that. Most beautiful women are hard-hearted.”
“Surely, you don’t really believe that Tabitha,” I say as we get to the car. Ashton opens the back door of the town-car, and I let her get in first.
When I get in, I find her frowning at me. “I know it to be true. You see, Cyprian, many men are easy targets for women of beauty.”
“You’re beautiful, yourself, Tabitha. Are you saying you have used that to hurt men?” I ask her as I watch her light blue eyes dance.
“I have.” She looks me in the eyes. “As old as I am, do you really think I’m beautiful?”
With a nod, I say, “I do. You are beautiful. A glow radiates within you. You’re a beautiful woman, inside and out. I am privileged to know you.”
She laughs a bit. “And I, you. You handsome devil.”
Her hand runs over the top of mine and she takes my hand and holds it. “Do you need some of my positive energy?” I ask her as she told us at the retreat about the different ways we can share our energy and receive it. Holding hands, hugs, and things of that nature are perfect ways to receive positive energy and give some away as well.
“I am in need of some,” she says. “You see, I am going to need all I can get, so I can stay positive when I meet this woman who has motivated you to make changes in yourself. I’m afraid she will see my work with you as a threat.”
“I don’t see why she would,” I say. “We aren’t a couple. That was her doing. Well, my messing around had everything to do with that but still, she never saw fit to accept my apology and give me another chance. I don’t think she wants me. I believe the damage I did is irreversible. It’s a thing I am working on accepting. Something I did caused such a reaction it must’ve dissolved any feelings she was growing for me.”
She looks away then back at me. “I hope you’re right.”
I’m a bit stunned by her words. I hope I’m wrong!
“Please just do me a favor and hold tight to my hand or maybe even put your arm around me, to lend me your positive energy, so I can handle my reaction to her. After what you’ve told me about her, I’m finding it hard to like her. I want to like her.”
“I don’t hold what she’s said to me against her. Neither should you,” I say as I don’t understand her right now.
“I’ve come to care about you, Cyprian. You are a rare gem of a person. Your father and mother, I can understand why they did, what they did with you. They were unaware of what they were doing, after all. I feel, Camilla is very aware of what she was doing to you. Withholding sex to make you do what she wanted you to. It’s a manipulation some women use on men.”
“Well, I don’t think she was trying to manipulate me by doing that. She has good morals. She wanted to be in love first. I can see her point. It’s pretty respectable.”
“And outdated. And out of the question once she knew about your circumstances of having so much sex since you were only fifteen-years-old. She should’ve been more supportive of what your needs were instead of making you feel immoral for them. And she is a scientist as well. An educated person, who should know going cold turkey on anything, rarely works. So, please do hold her accountable for what she’s said and done. You have to, for your own self-preservation.”
I don’t say it out loud but I don’t think I can hold her accountable for doing what she did. She was trying to preserve her own morals, after all. But I have no want to argue with Tabitha. “I’ll try my best.”
She pulls our clasped hands up to her heart. “That’s all you can do, Cyprian.” Then she kisses my hand and lays our clasped hands back on the seat between us.
As we near the convenience store, my body starts to sweat and my heart starts to pound. Seeing Cami, after almost three weeks is going to be hard. Because I think I’ll want to throw my arms around her and ask her for more than she can give me right now.
And more than I can give her as well…
Chapter 8
CAMILLA
The store is dead at nearly ten on a Wednesday night and I am bored out of my mind as I’ve gotten everything on the to-do list, done. I let Mary, the older woman I was working with tonight, go home early. Her back hurt and there’s no reason to keep two people here with no customers and all the work done.
Leaning on the counter, I look out the window and think about closing early and wondering if that would get me fired. Most likely it would.
A black car pulls up right in front and my heart skips a beat. “Cyprian!” I wait to see if it is him, which I’m pretty sure it is.
The door opens and he gets out and I find myself wanting to run to him and grab him up in a hug. Walking around the counter, I freeze and walk backward to get back behind it. He has a woman with him and they’re holding hands.
Tears burn the back of my eyes, making me blink them like crazy to get rid of the shininess that has to be going on in them. The chirp of the door opening has me taking a deep breath to steady my nerves which are overloaded. “Hello, Cyprian,” I say with a shaky voice.
“Cami, how are you?” he asks as he lets the woman’s hand go and puts his arm around her. “This is Tabitha. She’s helping me to make some much-needed changes in myself. She’s been a Gods
end.”
“Good,” I say but I find myself not meaning it. “So, you are feeling better about yourself then. That’s fantastic. Nice to meet you, Tabitha.”
She extends her hand and I shake it, feeling her hand tight on mine. “Camilla, I wanted to meet you. Cyprian has told me every last detail about your little fling.”
Fling!
“Is that what he called it?” I ask, instantly pissed.
“No,” he says. “I didn’t call it that. What we had was much more than a fling. It was ill-timed, though. I wasn’t the man you needed.”
“Nor were you the woman he needed,” she says.
I want to scream at her but I don’t. “I suppose I wasn’t. I was wanting to speak with Cyprian, in private, to talk to him about the harsh things I’ve said to him and apologize for them. His past was a thing I didn’t take into consideration when I spouted the hateful things I did. I was hurt and I struck out at him. I’ve felt terrible about that.”
“For how long?” Tabitha asks me.
“What?” I ask as she’s confusing me.
“He told me he came to see you every night after he got off work for a week. He apologized over and over to you and you sent him away each and every night, making him feel like a deplorable human being,” she says as she looks at me as if she’s an attorney wanting her client to get a much better apology than what I gave him.
“Look, lady, I really don’t have to explain myself to you. Cyprian and I can talk later, in private.”
She holds her hand up, stopping me. “No, you won’t. I’m staying with him tonight and I’ve counseled him about you. He’s much too raw for you two to talk alone at the moment. You have a tendency to be abrasive with him and I simply cannot allow it.”
My eyes leave her and go to Cyprian, who is looking more than a bit sheepish. “Is that how you want it, Cyprian?”
He nods then looks down. “Tabitha is a smart woman.”
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