“Let’s get back to the top,” says the Swede, the beam of blue light still on his head. The Mitherfickers make their way up a winding passage and come out a side door just behind the dungeon’s main gate.
Ryuk surveys the bodies of the dead goblins and shudders, there are a lot of them and he has a feeling that come morning, the sight of this many goblins will attract attention.
A creaking sound nearly causes Hiccup to leap into Ryuk’s arms. “Marbles, did you hear that?” the short goblin asks as he pulls at his sleeve. “The place may be fickin’ haunted.” The goblin whispers something in Thulean.
“Your prayers won’t work against ghosts,” Zaena says as she walks past him, her hips swaying. It is still strikes Ryuk as odd to see the Thulean next to Hiccup, her grace versus his sloppy disarray. Even now, one pant leg is half tucked into his boot, there are dark stains on the back of his tunic, his chainmail is too tight, and while he does wear his golden helm, it’s tilted sideways, almost to the point of falling off his head.
Hiccup is just about to rant when Ryuk steps on a creaky stone. The goblin jumps around and nearly punches Ryuk in the face.
“Marbles! Fick, kid, I almost KO’d your ass. Careful, bro.”
“Bro?” Ryuk asks, instantly reminded of Kodai. Before he can say anything else to the goblin, a wall opens up behind them and a dozen orcs and orclins storm out.
The heavily armored fuckers are armed to the teeth and raring to go. Their leader, an orc with a side ponytail, is the only one that speaks.
“Your appointment with Sugar Spur is cancelled,” he says with a snarl. The orcs around him cheer and clink their weapons together.
Hiccup snorts and looks around at his guildmates. “Yeah, yeah, what the fick ever. Say, Marbles, got anything to say to Chester the sheep molester over here?”
Ryuk lifts his Marble Shotgun and points it at the leader. “How’s this?” he asks as squeezes the trigger.
Click-click. BOOM!
(0)__(x)
Wolf takes down an orclin and goes straight for the guy’s face, ripping it to shreds as the orclin tries to beat him off.
Click-click. BOOM! Click-click. BOOM!
-122 HP! -38 HP! -87 HP! -44 HP!
Ryuk lays down some cover fire as Zaena spins into action to protect Wolf from the orclins that have descended upon him.
“Say hello to my little friend!” FeeTwix shouts, a tommy gun in his hand.
Brrrat! Brrrat! Brrrat!
-8 HP! 6 HP! 7 HP! 5 HP! 30 HP! 9 HP!
“Did I already use that catchphrase? Oh well!” A wild look in his eyes, the Swede continues spraying a cloud of metal unhappiness at the orcs, who are all trying to scatter yet who have also found themselves in a fatal funnel.
FeeTwix drops to a knee, takes a swig from a healing potion and throws to Hiccup, who catches it, takes a huge chug from it, tosses it over his shoulder, and cracks the living shit out of an orc with his tomahawk.
Instakill!
Brrrat! Brrrat! Brrrat!
The Swede fires quick bursts at his opponents. Once his mag is out, he tosses his weapon behind his shoulder and comes back with a Slice Bang, his eyes livestreaming the mayhem. “Holy fick everybody! Have you entered my bigass giveaway yet? Just how many ficks can a goblin say? Be sure to enter, and don’t forget…” He ducks a club and counterattacks with an incredible stab that cuts through an orc’s armor and brings him to the ground.
-219 HP! Critical hit!
“Whew! That was close. Don’t forget to tell everyone you know about the Mitherfickers’ live stream! Help make us the most popular guild in all of Tritania. Love you guys. Whoa!” FeeTwix bends backwards just in time to miss a swing from the orc leader. Unfortunately, he doesn’t miss a big, gnarled follow up fist from the orc.
The punch sends him straight to the ground.
The orc steps over the Swede, a wicked grin spreading across his scarred face. He brings his weapon overhead with both hands.
Zap!
A bolt of pink magic hits the orc and his weapon crumbles into dust, the sudden change in gravity throwing him off balance.
He falls next to FeeTwix and the Swede pulls the trigger of his Slice Bang.
Instakill!
“Thanks, Enway!”
Ryuk fires at a couple of orcs who have turned the other way.
-95 HP! -110 HP!
Level up!
He manages to get one in the back of his head, sending the orc face first onto the cold stone floor.
Propelled by the urge to loot, a bit of adrenaline, and as always, an ass blast of barbeque aftermath, Hiccup races over to the downed orc. He drops onto the orc, and using his toe knife, he stabs the orc repeatedly in the back until he’s covered in blood.
Instakill!
“Fick, that was fun.” Hiccup says, a wide grin forming on his face.
“Let’s finish them off,” Ryuk shouts to the others, confidence growing inside him. “Only a few more orcs left!”
.12. No One Want to Live Next to a Gangster
“You don’t have to join us for this trip, Walt,” Kodai tells the seasoned MercSecure rep. They have returned to the repair facility near Shinagawa to pick up Tesla, who now sits in the backseat of the aerosSUV in front of Kodai.
Kodai tries to hide his excitement in seeing her. She’s as beautiful as the day they first met, her features a blend of East and West, her body tight and her posture perfect.
“I believe I may be of use to you in whatever it is you plan to do next,” the mercenary says. “And you have my services until three. Normally, since you have adequate protection, I’d call it a day. But I must admit, I’m intrigued.”
“You don’t even know what it is I’m planning to do,” Kodai tells Walt.
“From context clues, I’ve concluded that it has to do with a rival. Tesla is solid, and you don’t really need the men who are in the vehicle behind us. But if you do need any additional manpower, like I said, my services have already been paid for.”
Kodai considers this for a moment as he looks Tesla over. She continues to intrigue him, and soon, he’ll act on this intrigue. But for now, there are things that need to be accomplished, including hitting Gintoki where it hurts.
It was only yesterday that Gintoki attacked Kodai’s bar, killing a good many of his employees, including Sarah the Australian.
“Fine,” Kodai tells Walt, “you can come. Sync with Tesla to get the details of the assignment. I’d like to have a moment to reflect on how I’d like to handle things once we get into the compound.”
“You’ve got it.”
The aerosSUV lifts into the air, snow twirling past its windshield.
Walt, grizzled as ever in his MercSecure gear, closes his eyes as he gets the briefing from Tesla. Meanwhile, Kodai stares out the window, occasionally facing frontward to see Tesla, her beautiful face and her dilated black eyes.
She smiles at him on one of his glances and he smiles back. Because of the company in the vehicle, he quickly fires off a message over iNet.
Kodai: I am glad to see you are okay.
Tesla: I am just as glad to see you.
Kodai: You are?
Tesla: I am.
Kodai: Let’s discuss this later.
Tesla: Let’s.
He can’t help but grin at her as he turns back to the window, gazing out at the world class city.
Kodai knows damn well what he is going to do once he arrives at Gintoki’s place. The young crime lord is out for the day, checking on some of his businesses in Okinawa. This is the opportunity he has been waiting for.
Hit them where it hurts. Kodai’s father told him this once, while speaking to Kodai about best business practices, especially when it comes to dealing with hostile competition.
A smile spreads on Kodai’s face as he realizes just how well he’s following his late father’s business model.
Not five minutes later, the SUV lands on a quiet residential street in Setagaya, one of Tokyo’s bigg
est wards. Sangen-Jaya Station is a particularly well known location in the district, with its many shops, restaurants, and the fact that it leads directly to Shimokitazawa, a neighborhood that has become the vintage and indie fashion hub of Tokyo.
Even now, Kodai can hear the announcements from the train station near them, the small local train aimed at the Sangen-Jaya Station. While he notices the sound, he’s much more focused on the SUV that has landed before him.
Clad in black suits, four of his men get out and Walt quickly joins them.
There is no pointing, and there is no real indication what they may be up to, if one doesn’t consider their numbers.
The group moves towards a strikingly large home protected from the street by a stone wall and a gaudy torii gate inspired entrance.
It’s then that Kodai sees his other team, the group that has been staking out the place since last night. They’re already inside the complex, and once they’ve given the okay, Tesla speaks.
“They’re ready for us now,” she says.
“Good. Let’s handle this rapidly.”
Out of the vehicle now, Tesla opens Kodai’s door once two of his men have returned. The two form a perimeter around him, and alongside Tesla, they quickly slip into the residence.
It is a bigger show than Kodai would like to put on, but the neighbors have already been warned, and from his intel, Kodai has learned that the neighbors don’t like the fact Gintoki has a residence here anyway.
After all, no one wants to live next to a gangster.
(0)__(X)
Kodai passes Gintoki’s men. The ones that are still alive have been tied and gagged. They sit under a tree beside the driveway, their faces awash with fear.
“Handle them, Walt,” he tells the mercenary.
“Done.” Walt walks over to the first man and lifts his assault rifle. A suppressor has been placed on the receiving end, but it’s still a bit percussive as he tears the first one down. The second man tries to scream, falls sideways, and attempts to caterpillar crawl away.
Walt finishes him off and moves to the third man, who refuses to react yet who has a puddle of piss spreading across his pant legs.
Walt puts him down, and does the same to the last man, who’s already bleeding so badly that he barely registers he’s about to be shot.
“Are they ready for me?” he asks the thug named Yugio, who stands near the door, his hands crossed in front of his groin and a pistol in his left hand.
“They are.”
Kodai and Tesla pass into a grand foyer with a floor to ceiling painting of a Greek statue. From there, they head through the kitchen to a dining room area, where the table has been overturned.
Tied and gagged, sitting with her back to the table, is Gintoki’s wife, Fumi. She’s beautiful, with a fake rack, perfect skin, and long, white legs. In front of her are her two children, a boy and a girl, both tied.
“These are Gintoki’s children?” Kodai asks Yugio, who has now stepped into the dining room.
“Yes.”
“Good.” Kodai opens his palm toward Yugio, and once Tesla has placed a glove on his hand, he takes Yugio’s pistol.
He walks over to the boy, who has been tied so that he lies on his belly on the ground.
Bang!
Fumi screams out, her voice muffled by the gag as she watches the pool of blood form around her young son’s head.
“Fumi,” Kodai says, dropping before her.
To his right, Fumi’s daughter gives a muffled scream and kicks her feet against the ground.
“Fumi, Fumi, Fumi. You realize I had to do this, right? Gintoki came after me yesterday, in my place of business and I hate to admit this, but he nearly had me. I didn’t do anything to provoke this,” he lies. “And now, as you have painfully become aware of, I feel the urge to retaliate. Do you want to say something?”
She cries, her face puffy red, her mouth moving as she tries to spit the gag out.
“Sorry, I can’t hear you.”
She screams, her voice muffled.
“Since you won’t speak to me, I guess I’m going to have to kill your daughter too.”
Kodai stands and points the pistol at her daughter.
Bang!
Fumi shrieks until she’s hoarse. Kodai drops before her again and she tries to kick at him.
“You shouldn’t have done that.” He backhands her with his free hand and calls Yugio over. “Here,” he says, handing him the pistol. Kodai smiles once more at Fumi. “It was nice seeing you.”
With that, he stands and turns to the kitchen. Fumi shrieks again, kicking her feet against the stone floor.
“And what do you want me to do with Fumi, boss?” Yugio gulps. “Finish the job?”
Kodai places his hands behind his back and nods Yugio forward. “No, that’d be too easy. Have her placed in a coffin and delivered to Gintoki’s headquarters in Shinjuku. Make sure she’s alive. I’m serious about that part. That said, do whatever else you’d like with her.”
.13. Queen of the Rings
“Fick! Not another hole in the ground.”
“I think it’s the same hole,” FeeTwix says as he dusts his pants off.
“I’m getting that same feeling too.” His head still spinning, Ryuk sits up and massages his temples for a moment. The guild’s stats appear, and Ryuk notices that even Wolf has gained a level.
Ryuk Matsuzaki Level 25 Ballistics Mage
HP: 848/967
ATK: 146
MATK: 189
DEF: 110
MDF: 83
LUCK: 24
FeeTwix Fajer Level 26 Berserker Mystic
HP: 1200/1284
ATK: 204
MATK: 36
DEF: 108
MDF: 63
LUCK: 28
Hiccup Level 22 Shield Thief
HP: 1345/1345
ATK: 125
MATK: 17
DEF: 268
MDF: 134
LUCK: 39
Zaena Morozon Level 25 Brawler Assassin
HP: 1017/1231
ATK: 251
MATK: 10
DEF: 229
MDF: 51
LUCK: 26
Enway Zoltan Rosa Level 24 Hourglass Mage
HP: 916/950
MANA: 494/555
ATK: 74
MATK: 167
DEF: 68
MDF: 178
LUCK: 23
Wolf Level 40
HP: 2221/2402
ATK: 699
MATK: 0
DEF: 534
MDF: 241
LUCK: 19
Again, he sees the subtle green outline of the rock wall before him. Zaena has already lifted herself out of the hole to the upper platform when Ryuk tells everyone to hold it for a moment.
“The wall is enchanted.”
“Marbles, I’ve had just about enough of your crazy talk. If the wall was enchanted, it’d have done something by now, you dumbass. This is the fifth. No sixth.”
“Seventh!” FeeTwix says.
“Eighth time we’ve fallen in this hole. Now I may be dumber than a pair of Jatlan bearadillo anus traps, but you Marbles, oh you. Poor kid,” Hiccup tells Zaena. “He’ll never be like the others.”
Ryuk shoulders past Hiccup, sending him to the ground.
“Ha! Kick his ass, Ryuk.”
“Hey! I thought you were on my side, Twixy!”
“Like a good parent, Hiccup, I don’t take sides.”
“Good parent my ass. Okay, that’s how we’re going to do this, huh? Fine. I’ll get the ‘secret enchanted door’ open, or whatever the fick Marbles is going on about. Ahem.” Hiccup kicks the wall. “Yoy!” He falls, and Wolf comes over to sniff him.
Enway laughs. “This guild…I don’t think I’ve ever been part of a guild that so eloquently puts the ‘fun’ in dysfunction.”
“It is mostly one member,” Zaena says as she touches the wall with her hands, and what Ryuk assumes are her ghost limbs. “Imagine
if there weren’t a goblin in the guild. How successful would we be? It is a nice thought to entertain. How much more would we have accomplished? We’d probably have the third runestone by now.”
“The third runestone?” Hiccup laughs. “Liz, even for a princess, you are way too convinced of your own badassery. Let me be clear: I’m the glue that holds this guild together, the stilts that keep this shit-house up in a hurricane, the ficker in charge of scraping the snow off the driveway after a blizzard. And Marbles, next time you think it’s a promising idea to shove an elder, just remember that I know where you live, I know how to use a shiv, and I know how to get rid of a corpse.”
Ryuk sighs. “Good to know.”
Hiccup pounds his mechanical fist against the wall. “Open up! I fickin’ hate dungeons.”
“Everyone stand back.” His legs wide, FeeTwix hoists his favorite bazooka over his shoulder.
“Twixy, I swear to the Empress’ expertly crafted and perfectly maintained fun bags, if you shoot that damn thing off...”
“Relax, Hiccup, a little kablooey never hurt nobody.”
“I think it uses some type of magic spell to activate it,” Ryuk says as he goes for his slingshot. “We could try a clear marble.”
“Nope,” says the Swede. “Too much time wasted in this dungeon and I’m sick of killing orcs and goblins. Viewership is dropping. The fans want a boss battle! Hiccup, equip your biggest shield. Everyone else, get to the ledge up there and take cover.”
“What about Wolfy?”
“He can fit behind your shield.”
“I guess you’re right, Twixy.” Hiccup’s scutum appears in the air and drops onto the ground. “But I prefer the space to myself. Also, you have other types of explosives. Why the fick are you aiming a rocket launcher at a wall less than two meters away?”
“Because sometimes, Hiccup, a man has to take matters into his own hands. Actually. This is a horrible idea. Who has an idea for how we can open this door?”
“I already said I did, reveal door!”
Ryuk looses a clear marble. As soon as the clear marble touches the wall, a pink moss spreads from all directions. With the moss comes yellow and purple flowers, which bloom, release a floral scent, and die.
Fantasy Online_The Runestones of Tritinakh Page 14
