by Claire Raye
We’ve been through some shit together, shit most girls our age don’t deal with, but we’ve stuck by each other and we’ll continue to do it. We both have secrets, some bigger than others.
“But I can’t start over with Adam. He isn’t starting over material,” I tell her, certain he’s going to fuck me over. “Look at him,” I add, hitting her with wide eyes and a little bit of a smile. The body on that boy is to die for.
“Yeah, he has fuck boy written all over him, but maybe you’ve pegged him wrong. People change. There was a time when you wouldn’t have thought twice about going home with him.”
“What does it mean that I still want to go home with him?” I ask, a legitimate question because despite the fact that I’m crying on the floor, I still want him.
“It means you’re human because how the fuck you didn’t is beyond me. That boy is fucking hot,” she says, fanning herself with her hand as her head falls into my lap. Looking up at me with her almost gray eyes, I feel a little lighter. “We’re going to be okay. We will be.”
I wake up the next morning with a headache that is totally unrelated to the small amount of booze I drank last night. I was up half the night letting a million different scenarios with Adam play out in my head. The lack of control over my life right now is killing me and even worse is the unknown. I hate that I have no idea what his motives are and why the hell he kissed me last night. But I need to clear my head.
I drag my ass out of bed and throw on some running gear, leaving a note for Charlie on the kitchen table so she doesn’t worry as I quietly leave the apartment.
This is a college town and not everyone is up early like me, especially on a Sunday. I don’t bother with the elevator, taking the stairs out to the back of the apartment and setting my watch as I go. I try to map out my route ahead of time so I’m not running aimlessly in an unknown place, but today feels like I need to get lost.
The door opens behind me as I stand just to the left of it and not that I’m surprised because my life is just kind of fucking with me, Adam walks out with his earbuds in and his eyes trained on his phone, but when he looks up and sees me, a smile graces his lips.
“You stalking me?” I ask, a hand on my hip, trying to play it cool but my body feels like someone lit it on fire from the inside. I look around, seeing we’re alone and goosebumps dot my skin, a nervousness is present that has now become my life. I push it away. I don’t need to be nervous, and the combination of wanting Adam and telling myself to walk away is seriously fucking with my head.
“Look at me, Mila, I don’t need to stalk women,” he hits back, and I roll my eyes.
“Wow, you really think that highly of yourself. Do I need to remind you that I bailed after you kissed me last night?” I wrinkle up my nose and give him a thumbs down which causes him to laugh and step closer to me.
I can smell him, and he smells like bad decisions laced with a side of lust. When he kissed me last night and when I was lying in bed, his smell all around me, like salty sea air and citrus, I wanted him.
I still want him.
“You’re cheeky as fuck,” he murmurs, standing too close, his lips brushing the side of my head. “And I fucking love it.”
He stops walking, standing next to me with my heart racing in my chest, the beat of my pulse thumping hard in my neck and I wonder if he can see it, if he feels this tension between us. His fingers graze the bare skin of my shoulder and my skin feels more alive than it ever has, goosebumps pricking up everywhere he touches.
“Why are you up so early?” I ask, quickly changing the subject before we get back into our routine of heavy flirting with a side of kissing.
“I’m going to the gym. You want to join me?” he asks, an invitation I wasn’t expecting, yet it feels genuine. “And then maybe we could go grab some brekkie when we’re done.”
“So, do you just say things like ‘brekkie’ because you know it makes American girls swoon?” Every word that comes out of his mouth sounds hotter than if it were said by a guy who’s lived here all his life.
“Am I making you swoon, because that’s all I care about?” he plays back, but I won’t fall prey to his charming Australian ways, even if I am literally falling prey to him as we speak.
“Not exactly. I need a translator most of the time and then I just find it frustrating,” I reply, whipping my hair into a bun using the tie on my wrist.
“Oh, trust me, I understand frustrating. Last night…” He fails to finish his thought, intentionally leaving it open for my mind to wander into territory that it certainly doesn’t need to visit. “So back to my question. You want to join me?”
“For brekkie?” I tease, smirking at him.
“That and the gym.” He shrugs, losing a little bit of his cocky confidence as he waits for my answer.
“Sure.”
We climb into Adam’s car, buckling my seatbelt as I look over at him. “You sure you know what you’re doing? Aussies drive on the wrong side of the road,” I tease.
“Hmm, I think you’re mistaken. It’s you who drives on the wrong side of the road,” he says as he starts the car and backs out of the parking spot. But there’s something missing in his words, lacking their usual flourish and he falls silent.
“How was the rest of your night?” I ask, feeling the silence building between us, needing to fill it.
“It was fine. Watched a little TV and then went to sleep,” he replies, and it feels like a normal conversation between friends, because that’s all we should ever be. “How was yours?”
I cried on the floor of my apartment after you kissed me like the complete fucking disaster that I am.
Of course, I don’t say that out loud, but that’s what is running through my head when I spit out some generic answer.
“I took a shower and went to bed,” I reply.
“Shit, for two good-looking people, we’re pretty fucking boring,” he jokes, making me light up a little. Even if my answer was a lie, he managed to turn it into something funny.
“Yeah, I guess I’m sorta lame, but I’m cool with that,” I tell him, finally meaning something. I am good with it because the alternative landed me in a dark place.
“Same here. I work at a bar because my previous job was fucking intense. I’m good with lame too.”
We pull into the parking lot of Adam’s gym and we both get out, and it’s then that I realize I don’t have any money to pay to get in.
“Adam, I didn’t bring my wallet. I can’t go in. I have no way to pay.”
“I invited you. It’s on me and so is brekkie when we’re done,” he says, winking at me and tipping his head toward the door.
I follow him in, and he greets the girl at the desk, scanning his card and dropping ten dollars down on the counter.
“I have a guest today,” Adam tells her, and she takes down my name. “So, you want to follow me through the workout I was planning to do today, or do you want to go off on your own? I’m cool with whatever you want,” he says now, turning to talk to me.
“I’ll do what you’re doing.” And when the words come out of my mouth, I swear I see a slight blush creep across Adam’s cheeks.
We make our way over to some mats on the floor and Adam picks up a medicine ball, and then looks over at me, setting it back down.
“Is ten too heavy?” he asks, hesitantly and for a second I can’t tell if he’s mocking me or if he’s serious. Like he’s giving me shit for being a girl.
“No, and I could probably go heavier depending on what we’re doing.”
“Okay, we’ll start with ten and see how it goes. Sit down,” he instructs, pointing to the mat and I do what he asks.
He sits down across from me, the tips of his shoes touching mine as he lays back and I follow suit. He sits up, calling to me and I do the same as he passes the medicine ball to me. We go like this sitting up and passing for a few rounds before either of us says anything.
“You sti
ll think you’ll stick around Hawthorn for a bit longer?” I ask him, both of us breathing a little heavier now.
“Yeah, probably. Working for Caleb is cool, and I haven’t really found anywhere else I’ve wanted to be except here.”
“So, what are you really doing here?” I ask skeptically, knowing there’s more to Adam Cooper than he cares to admit.
“The same thing you’re doing here. Running away from something,” he deadpans, catching me off guard, and this time he doesn’t go back down onto the mat, his eyes trained on mine. He’s watching my face and there’s no way I can hide it now. A flush creeps up my chest and onto my cheeks, my ears feel hot and as much as I want to look away, I don’t.
It’s a moment of realness between us, an honesty that I haven’t had with anyone ever. And even though Charlie knows, she doesn’t really know.
“Is it that obvious?” I ask, chewing on my bottom lip a little, worried that all my secrets will spill out if I don’t bite down on something.
“No, it’s only obvious to someone who’s doing the same damn thing.”
We look at each other, a comforting silence lingering between us, like we’ve found what we’ve been seeking in someone else. Someone who understands what it’s like to hide out in the open, to feel exposed and vulnerable but still trying to push through every day.
“He had a girlfriend, and I didn’t know it,” I suddenly blurt out, looking away like a complete idiot. I have no idea why I tell him this and while it’s true, it’s not the reason I’m here. It makes it sound like I’m looking for sympathy and that’s the last fucking thing I need or deserve. I made my bed, now I have to lie in it.
“That’s not on you. He’s the arsehole,” Adam says without missing a beat and even though I don’t expect him to say anything more he adds, “I left my job because I couldn’t save someone.”
And as much as that only adds to the questions I already have about Adam Cooper; I know better than to pry into the scarred life of someone who’s trying to hide.
Chapter Ten
Adam
I think it’s safe to say I’m losing my damn mind. Well, losing my mind when it comes to Mila anyway. Because no matter how many times I tell myself to stay away from her, to cut the flirting shit and just keep things platonic and strictly in the friend zone, I find myself doing the exact fucking opposite.
Like right now, telling her shit I’ve never told anyone.
Or twenty minutes ago when I asked her to come to the gym with me and then offered to buy her breakfast.
Or last fucking night when I kissed her.
Kissed her for fuck’s sake. I was an idiot to do that, but it didn’t mean I didn’t lie awake for most of the night replaying the whole thing over in my mind until I finally fell asleep sometime around three.
God, that kiss, it was everything I’d imagined it would be and more.
I didn’t even hesitate or feel guilty about it either and I’m not sure if it’s that or the fact I want to kiss her again that terrifies me more. I should have felt guilty. I should feel guilty right now. Fuck, I shouldn’t have even done it in the first place.
I have no business kissing Mila or thinking about her or inviting her to breakfast or flirting with her or any of the things I’ve been doing with her.
But still, I want to and so I just keep doing it.
With everyone else, the flirting is all just bravado. A mask I hide behind, because it’s easier to pretend like I’m normal and shit, than to admit that I’m not. I don’t want to tell people why I ran away from my job, my home and my family, and I sure as shit don’t want to admit why I don’t ever follow through on my flirting.
Except with Mila.
The very girl who’s currently sitting on a floor mat, staring across at me after I just admitted that I quit my job because I couldn’t save someone.
I’m waiting for her to ask me why or when or worse still, who, but she doesn’t. Instead, she just nods once and throws the medicine ball back at me before falling down onto the mat. We continue on in silence, eventually making our way over to the weights before finishing off doing a quick run on the treadmill.
Mila keeps up with me the whole way and even though we don’t speak much, it’s a comfortable silence. One that only comes with two people who both have secrets they aren’t ready to share yet.
“You hungry?” I eventually ask, throwing her one of the towels.
“Starving,” she says, wiping the sweat off her face and chest, before she throws the towel back at me.
I grin. “You good to go like this?” I ask, gesturing toward her. She should be, she looks fucking awesome right now.
Mila glances down at herself. “I don’t know, do I stink?” she asks, almost to herself as she lifts an arm and smells it.
Without even thinking about it and demonstrating once again how I am rapidly losing my control when it comes to this girl, I step closer, lowering my face to the spot where her neck meets her shoulder and inhaling. My eyes close as my lips brush against her warm skin. “No, you’re good,” I murmur, feeling suddenly lightheaded as I pull back.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
We head outside and I take her two doors down from my gym, where a small café is, holding the door for her as we head inside.
“Pick whatever you want,” I tell her, handing her a menu. “Then grab us a table?”
Mila scans the menu, eventually settling on a muffin and coffee, before she hands the menu back and walks outside to sit at one of the tables out there. After I place our order, I head out to join her.
“So, this is brekkie, huh?” she asks, air quoting the word brekkie.
I chuckle. “Brekkie, breakfast, yeah,” I say with a shrug.
“Why do you call it brekkie?”
“Dunno, we shorten everything in Oz. It’s just how we roll.”
“Oz?” she asks, her nose wrinkling a little as though she isn’t sure what I’m even saying.
“Oz, Australia,” I say with a laugh. “Like I said, we shorten everything: names, places, whatever.”
“How do you shorten Adam?” she asks.
“You don’t,” I reply, grinning when she looks even more confused. “I’d usually get called Cooper.”
“Seriously, even though it’s actually longer?” she asks. “What would I get? Collins?”
I pause as the waitress drops off our coffees, thanking her before turning back to Mila. “Probs not,” I say, laughing at her reaction to yet more Aussie slang. “You might get Mils, maybe.”
“Mils,” she says, as though trying it out.
I laugh. “You seem fascinated by the way I say things.”
“It’s kinda weird,” she says as our breakfast is dropped off. “Like really different to how we talk.” Mila eyes the huge plate of bacon and eggs and toast and hash browns before glancing at her muffin, a look of regret on her face.
“You want some?” I ask, moving my plate toward her.
She shakes her head, picking at her muffin as her eyes stay on my breakfast. I scoop up some eggs and a few rashers of bacon, leaning over to put it on her plate. “Have some.”
She looks up at me, not saying anything as she gives me a quick nod and we both start eating.
We don’t talk much over breakfast, the conversation occasional and limited to safe topics like Mila’s classes or the bar or Caleb and Ruby’s trip to Disneyland.
It feels like we are both dancing around the huge elephant that’s sitting at the table having breakfast with us. I feel like I should say something about what I did, but I have no idea how to explain myself because even I don’t fucking understand why I did it.
One minute she was acting all pissed off and jealous and the next thing I was kissing her, as though trying to prove a point or something. But why the fuck would I do that and more to the point, why would I care if Mila is jealous? I mean, was she jealous?
It’s not like Mila’s brough
t it up either and a part of me can’t help but wonder if maybe she just wants to pretend it never happened. I mean she did bail on me, so yeah, maybe she regrets it.
So, I keep my mouth shut, waiting to see if she’s going to bring it up or we’re just going to act like it never happened.
“You good to go?” I ask as I finish the last of my coffee.
“Yep.”
We stand from the table and head back toward the car. “What are you up to for the rest of the day?”
Mila shrugs. “I don’t know, studying I guess, maybe chill tonight. Are you working?”
“Yep,” I say, as I unlock the car. “Gotta hold down the fort while the boss is away. You need some help studying?”
Mila glances over at me, her brows narrowed as she watches me pull out onto the street and start the short drive home.
“What?” I ask with a laugh.
“You really want to help me study?”
“Sure,” I say with a shrug. “Why not?”
“I don’t know, I mean it’s not exactly exciting.”
I glance over, giving her a wink as I say. “Boring and lame, remember? Not exciting is kinda my M.O.”
When we get home, we go our separate ways, having never actually decided on the study situation. I head inside to take a shower, but as I stand under the water, my thoughts are consumed with Mila. Images of her in the gym in her tight workout gear, her skin covered in sweat as she matched me rep for rep.
Unsurprisingly, my dick sits up and takes notice too, clearly happy with the mental imagery I’m currently working my way through.
“Jesus,” I groan, my head falling to the cool tiles of the shower as my hand reaches for the soap before moving lower.
