by Claire Raye
Suddenly I feel Charlie’s hand squeezing my wrist, her eyes wide and the stupidest grin on her face and it takes everything in me not to roll my eyes. I want to be calm about this and not read into it, but on the inside, I’m seriously freaking out just like Charlie is about to.
“What the fuck was that?” she asks, each word coming out slowly, making me laugh.
“It was a kiss as far as I know.”
She tilts her head to the side and glares at me. She doesn’t find me funny, and I know she’s just waiting for me to tell her everything. But not in a bar while Adam is standing a few feet away. He’s going to think I’m already falling in love and nothing scares me more than that, so it should certainly scare him too.
“You can’t be serious?” Charlie quips, crossing her arms over her chest, a brow raised at my response.
“What?”
“Mila, he kissed you. Here in the bar in front of everyone like he’s making a fucking public statement.” Again, with the wide eyes as if she’s cluing me into something I’m not aware of.
I know what it looks like, but neither of us has acknowledged what we’re doing is anything more than hooking up. Even if I’ve told myself I don’t do that anymore. I don’t hook up with random guys. Adam isn’t a random guy though and I guess my rules are a little more fluid than I thought they were.
“Yeah, yeah, I know, but trying not to make a big deal about it.”
“I’m pretty sure he said he’d see you after work, implying that there would in fact be another sleepover.” She shakes her head, closing her eyes. “You’re all in and you know it,” she adds giggling.
“I don’t want to be all in, but I think I am.” I slap a hand over my face, wondering just how I fell so damn hard for this boy who was supposed to mean nothing.
“It’s okay,” she replies softly, giving me a sympathetic smile. “Some people are worth the risk.”
I have no idea if Adam is worth the risk, no one does when they go into these kinds of things, but something about him tells me he understands being hurt. What I do know is, eventually I have to tell him why I left Tahoe and why I turned up at Ruby’s house two weeks before my intended move in date, but those are all issues for future Mila. Present Mila is about to enjoy what it feels like to fall head over heels for a boy.
“He feels worth it,” I mutter, my heart clenching in my chest at my own words. “He’s hiding something too. I know keeping secrets is not the best way to start a relationship, but it’s probably not wise to drop a bombshell right from the start.”
“What do you think he’s hiding?” Charlie asks, not really in a nosy way, but aren’t all questions like this nosy even if they’re meant with curious sympathy?
“I have no idea. He mentioned once that he left his job because he couldn’t save someone.”
“Well, that explains a lot. I would think being a nurse can wear on you after a while, especially when you lose a patient,” Charlie says.
While Adam doesn’t come across as the type of guy to wear his heart on his sleeve, it would explain his behavior now. He’s keeping himself from falling too hard, keeping his heart from being broken again.
“Do you think it was someone he knew?” Charlie now asks, trying to figure him out. We both look over in his direction. He’s leaning over the bar slightly, talking with a guy and girl who walked in shortly after Charlie and me.
“I would assume so. You don’t just quit your job, leave the country and hop from job to job if you lost a patient. Maybe it was a patient he came to know well,” I reply, now as equally interested in his backstory as Charlie is.
“Or maybe too many died on his watch and he couldn’t handle it anymore,” Charlie suggests, shrugging her shoulders.
He catches us watching him and we both laugh. We couldn’t be any more obvious, both of us looking away quickly, but I look back again. He’s smiling, beaming actually, and then he winks at me.
“That boy is smitten,” Charlie announces, cutting through the noise of the bar and my own thoughts that are consumed with hoping I end up in his bed again tonight.
“He’s not the only one.”
We head home before the bar closes, having dinner there and hanging out for a bit, but it feels a little stalkerish to stay till the place closes. We aren’t married, we aren’t even in a defined relationship and I won’t make him feel like he has to constantly check on me, especially while he’s working.
Charlie and I watch a movie and then decide to go to bed. We’ve become pretty lame in the last few weeks, finding Hawthorn to be far too similar to what we left in Tahoe. It’s all underage drinking and handsy guys at bars and playing dumb to get them to buy us drinks. It’s stale.
“I’m going to bed,” I tell her, yawning and standing up from the couch.
“Yeah, me too,” she says, just as my phone chimes out with a text. “Oh…bet I can guess who that is.” She wiggles her butt and smirks at me. “Booty call.”
“Oh my god, Charlie, you sound like an idiot!” I say, laughing at her. I grab my phone and begin to walk toward the bedroom when I hear a soft tapping at the door.
Charlie’s mouth falls open, her finger instantly pointing at where we both know Adam is now currently standing.
“Bow chicka, wow, wow,” Charlie starts to sing, and I glare at her, not wanting to open the door and find Adam standing there and Charlie dancing to makeshift porn music.
“Would you shut up!” I whisper-shout, my hand on the doorknob, ready to open it. As much as I know exactly what this is right now, I don’t care. I don’t care that Adam is here at two a.m. waiting for me to offer to hop into his bed.
I’m glaring at her, my eyes narrowed, hoping that when I open this door, she doesn’t do something that is beyond embarrassing. I swear it suddenly feels like I’m standing here with my mom and praying like a motherfucker that she doesn’t say anything.
I crack the door and find Adam standing there, a smirk on his face.
“You know I can hear you out in the hall?” he says, and Charlie erupts in laughter. “Nice job on that porn music, Charlie,” Adam adds, winking at her. “I’m glad you’re still up.” But this time he’s talking to me as he leans in and kisses me. “I just wanted to say good night.” His lips are nearly touching mine, his breath fluttering between us.
“Good night,” I whisper back, swallowing back the urge to throw myself into his arms.
“Good night!” Charlie calls, as she slips past me, swatting me on the ass. “I’m just gonna brush my teeth and go to bed. Will probably put my noise-canceling headphones on. Listen to some music and fall asleep quickly.”
She’s completely ridiculous.
I wait for Charlie to close the bathroom door, looking back to make sure she isn’t faking it and going to jump out and give me shit.
“You wanna come in?” I ask, rocking a little on my heels, feeling strangely self-conscious. This guy saw me naked pretty much all last night and this morning and suddenly I’m worried he’s going to decline to spend time with me.
“You have class in the morning,” he replies back.
“I do, but I’d like to sleep next to you, if you’re up for it.”
“I’m always up for you, Mila.” He kisses my forehead as he walks in, looking at the bathroom at the end of the hall.
“Do you want to go to your place?” I suggest, knowing Charlie might prefer that.
“I’m fine with staying here as long as Charlie doesn’t mind,” he says thoughtfully.
“Charlie doesn’t mind!” comes her muffled voice from behind the closed bathroom door. “I’ll be out in a sec and the bathroom is all yours.”
Adam wanders into the kitchen and grabs a glass, filling it with water. He leans back against the counter and I swear to hell kitchens are a fucking aphrodisiac, because all I can picture is him on his knees in front of me. And just as I’m about to suggest we make our way to my bedroom, Charlie comes out. She quickly
scampers into her bedroom making herself scarce and I look over at Adam.
“You want to shower?”
“Yeah, I’ll be quick,” he says, following me toward the bathroom. We both go in and I grab my toothbrush while Adam begins to undress. We both laugh at the same time.
“Why is this awkward?” he asks, standing shirtless in front of me, a toothbrush hanging out of my mouth.
“Because it’s new and…” I trail off not certain what else to say.
“And because we don’t want to do anything stupid that might embarrass ourselves.”
“Pretty much,” I mumble through the toothbrush, both of us laughing a little.
“Why don’t you join me? That will make this far less awkward,” he says, winking at me as he steps closer, his fingers playing with the hem of my t-shirt.
We both strip off our clothes and climb into the warm shower and he’s absolutely right, the awkwardness is long gone and replaced by something far more intense.
I run my hands down his chest, water rushing over both of us, and I trace his tattoos with my fingers. His body is perfection, every muscle, every tattoo, every scar.
“There’s no condoms in here,” I murmur against his mouth as his hard length rests between us, my hand slipping around him.
“Oh, there’s a lot we can do without a condom. It’ll be like high school. Old school heavy make out session,” he teases, leaning down and biting my shoulder.
“I’ve been waiting to jerk you off since we were interrupted in your kitchen.”
“Here’s your chance.”
Thirty minutes later, we’re lying in my bed in the dark, our warm bodies wrapped around each other, that initial newness wearing off in the best possible way.
“Do you miss Australia?” I ask, not in a way that’s prying, but more because I care about how he’s handling the change in everything.
“Of course I do. I miss a lot of things, but there are things about it I don’t miss,” he replies, pulling me a little closer. “I needed a change.”
“What did you love about it?” I want to learn more about him. I want to know what he loves and what makes his heart race and what he dreams of. This isn’t just about sex for me. I’ve done that and every single time the outcome is the same.
A broken heart.
“I love the beaches. They’re better than anything I’ve ever found in the States,” he says, his nose nuzzling into my hair. I love the way he feels calm when he’s with me, like being close to me gives him a sense of peace. I feel it too. “I miss footy. It’s nothing like the stuff you have here,” he adds.
“Footy?” I question, chuckling a little. “What’s footy?”
“Football,” he replies, also laughing. “Guessing this is another one of those things you’ll add to your Aussie dictionary.”
“I like the way you say things. Actually, I love them.”
I have no idea why I say it. It comes across far too close to saying what can’t possibly be said this early on, especially since we haven’t even addressed what we’re even doing here. I don’t plan on seeing anyone else, being exclusive only to him, but I have no idea if he feels the same way. And after I just put my foot in my mouth, I’m certainly not going to ask now.
“There are a lot of things I love about you too, Mila.”
Chapter Eighteen
Adam
I’m lying here in the darkness, waiting for her to ask me exactly what things I love about her, while at the same time, wondering just how much I’m willing to admit to her when she does. I’m also wondering why the hell I’m so okay with all of this. With everything that’s happening, everything that’s changing and taking place between us.
All of it just feels so fucking right.
Even if it should scare the shit out of me.
And it does…but it also doesn’t.
“Okay, give me three things,” she eventually says, her arm curling around my waist.
I smile, running my fingers up her spine. “Oh, just three, huh?”
“Well yeah, I mean I know the list is probably really long,” she replies, playfully pinching my side. “But I’ll settle for three for now.”
I exhale, letting out a chuckle. “Ok, well obviously, how funny you are is a big plus.”
And how you’re able to make me really laugh for the first time in a long time.
“Obviously,” Mila says, her hand smoothing over my stomach, her fingers tracing the ridges of muscle, which tense beneath her touch, sending tiny little jolts of electricity firing everywhere.
“And,” I add, rolling us over so I’m now lying on top of her, my hand sliding slowly down her side and over all her warm skin, “I love your sexy as fuck body.”
And the way you make mine feel so alive again.
Mila smirks up at me, her hands sliding slowly up my back. “Yours is pretty amazing too, you know. I mean seriously, do you live at the gym?”
I smile, not answering her question as I lean down to kiss her. “And these beautiful brown eyes of yours,” I whisper, kissing her again.
The way they look at me.
The way they really see me.
How easily I get lost in them.
And you.
And how much I want to.
All the fucking time.
Forever maybe.
“Adam,” she breathes out as though she hears the things I’m not telling her, the things I can’t say out loud.
She leans up, her lips against mine as her arms wrap around my shoulders and pull me closer. I deepen the kiss, wanting more, wanting so much more from this girl who has somehow managed to turn my head and my life upside down. Who’s made me feel things again, for the first time in forever. Things I didn’t think I wanted; things I didn’t think I’d ever feel again. Things I thought I’d lost.
She’s given me that.
“Mila,” I whisper into the darkness, terrified of what else I might confess to her.
But then she kisses me harder, and I find myself getting lost in her again.
Two nights later, I close the door to my apartment and walk the two steps across the hall to Mila’s place. I’m lifting my hand to knock when the door opens, Mila jumping a little when she sees me standing on the other side.
“Hey,” I say, smiling at her.
“Hi,” she replies, giving me a shy smile.
I reach out to tuck some strands of hair behind her ear, my hand curling around the back of her neck as I pull her to me, unable to stop myself as I lower my mouth to hers. My tongue slips out to trace her bottom lip before I kiss her, slowly, deeply. Mila moans, stepping closer, her fingers sliding into the waistband of my jeans and tugging me against her.
It’s only been three days since we first hooked up, two days since I spent the night at her place. I’d wanted to see her last night as well, but we’d been slammed at work and it was super late when I got home. I’d texted her good night, not expecting anything because of the time and no message had come back. So, I’d gone to bed alone, missing her already and wishing she was lying there beside me.
I smile against her mouth as I whisper, “What are you up to?”
“Going to my sister’s,” she replies, pulling back a little. “You’re working, right?”
“I was,” I tell her. “But then Caleb randomly texted me to say I wasn’t and that I should come over tonight. That’s why I was about to knock on your door, to see if maybe you were going too.”
Her eyes widen in surprise. “Yeah, I am. It’s family dinner and movie night,” she says with a shrug. “It’s their thing apparently.”
“And we’re invited too?” I ask, smiling even as I raise a brow in question. “You wanna go together?”
“I don’t know, should we?” she asks, biting her bottom lip. “Would it be weird?”
I laugh. “Mila, we live like two meters apart, I think it would be weird if we didn’t go together.”
“Okay, I literally have no idea how far two meters is, but yeah, you’re probably right.”
I turn, gesturing between her door and mine. “This is about two meters,” I tell her. “And this,” I pause, taking her hand and moving it to the front of my jeans as I lean down and kiss the corner of her jaw. “Is at least eight inches.”
She smirks up at me now, her eyes sparkling with amusement. “How is it that your dick is measured in imperial, but the distance between our apartments is in metric?”
I shrug, laughing as I lean in to kiss her again, unable to stop myself. “Who the fuck knows.”
She laughs, kissing my neck as she rests her head on my shoulder and slips her arm around my waist. I throw mine around her shoulders, pulling her close as we turn and head toward the lift. I hit the button, the two of us standing in silence as we wait for it to arrive.
Just as the doors open, I lean down and whisper, “I missed you last night.”
We step into the lift, the two of us standing side by side as we travel down to the parking garage. I catch Mila’s eyes in the reflection on the doors, watching as she smiles at me. “I missed you too,” she whispers, just as the doors open.
We step out, walking wordlessly to my car. I hit the button to unlock it, but before Mila has a chance to open the door, I’m pressing her against it, my mouth crashing down on hers in a hard kiss. She groans into my mouth, her body pressing against mine in a way that has me two seconds away from suggesting we skip dinner at her sister’s and go back upstairs to my place.
“Stay with me tonight,” I murmur against her lips.
“Uh huh.”
“Yeah?” I confirm, a part of me still surprised because I have no idea what this thing between us is.
Mila pulls back, her hand on my cheek. “Yes,” she says with a smile.
