by Claire Raye
Charlie throws a cushion at me, laughing as she leans over to punch me. “You’re so full of shit, Adam,” she says, hiccupping a little.
“I am?”
“Yeah,” she says with a laugh. “But that’s okay, you’re also good for her,” she gestures to Mila, as she continues, “so that gets you bonus points.”
I turn to Mila, who’s still smiling at me, her eyes a little glazed as she leans over and kisses my jaw. This might be the most drunk I’ve ever seen her and she’s not actually that pissed.
“You are good for me,” she murmurs, settling herself between my legs as we lean back against the couch.
And as I look around at the people in this room, I can’t help but wonder if what she says is true.
And how much I really fucking want it to be.
Especially ’cause I know how good she is for me.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Mila
“You know you can’t stay,” I whisper in Adam’s ear, turning in his arms so I’m now facing him. My gaze shifts over to Charlie who is intently watching the movie, but I know she’s busy thinking about how shitty it is that she’s alone.
I promised her I wouldn’t stay with Adam tonight and I’m sticking to my word. She’s been nothing but supportive of all of this and I want to make sure she knows she’s still important. She’s the one who set up this whole fake birthday celebration, going out of her way to help make it special since everyone is busy on my actual birthday.
I can be super self-absorbed and downright selfish and all of that has hit me in the face recently. Sometimes I think I don’t deserve a friend like Charlie, who is loyal to a fault, despite all the bullshit that has happened in her life. She should be far more jaded, and I never want her to think I’m taking advantage of her.
“I know, and I don’t plan on staying, but I don’t think we’ll get these two out of here,” Adam replies, his voice low as his eyes now glance over at the other four. With the way they’re wrapped around each other, there’s no way they’re leaving.
A lot has gone down in this little group, everyone equally fucked up in some way and that’s why it’s hard to force them apart. Reid, Sienna and Caleb all dealt with the constant fear of being tracked down by Reid’s crazy loan shark father, who’s luckily now in prison, but that doesn’t mean they don’t cling to each other still. Caleb felt the worst of the effects of that situation, and luckily Ruby was there to help him pick up the pieces. But that didn’t absolve her from her own drama, dealing with a stalker she never knew existed. Again, he’s not going to see the light of day anytime soon. My own issues feel like they pale in comparison, bordering on selfish, if I’m being honest.
After everything that happened, I found an article that basically said not to compare your problems with someone else’s and saying things like, “it could be worse” or “someone would kill to be in my shoes” doesn’t help. It just creates an environment of toxic positivity and only perpetuates the depression you’re currently in. I’ve tried my best to remember this, but it doesn’t seem to help. My problem was and still is self-created and no one wants to help someone work through that.
“What are you two whispering about?” Ruby now asks, obviously annoyed with the disruption to the movie. Movies are her thing for sure although she let me pick this one. I chose The Fast and the Furious knowing it’s her favorite. And who doesn’t love a young, hot Paul Walker?
“Adam’s going to head home, and Charlie and I are going to stay the night like we planned,” I say, not trying to make Ruby feel bad, just a gentle reminder that was the original plan.
It was supposed to be the four of us, watching movies and eating lots of food and drinking some wine and then having a sleepover.
“It’s okay,” Charlie chimes in. “Why don’t we go home with Adam and sleep in our own beds. I’d actually rather.” Her forehead creases, her nose squishing up to give me the idea that she doesn’t want to sleep on the floor in Ruby’s living room, and she’s probably right. I would much rather be sleeping in a bed too.
“I’m with you,” I tell her, and give Adam the go ahead to call an Über.
“I’m sorry,” Ruby whines out, hitting me with a pouty look. “I have no idea when I got so old that I’d rather sleep in my own bed and spend time with my boyfriend.”
Caleb looks over at her, his brows narrowed and his mouth curled up into a bothered sneer. “You make it sound like I’m old and lazy like you.”
“Please, like you weren’t secretly hoping I’d say you could stay here with me tonight,” Ruby quips back. Ever since they got together, they’ve been inseparable. I knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep without him and him without her. It is what it is and I’m totally fine with it.
“It’s okay. I had a great time hiking with you girls today and eating way too much pizza. Guess this is what twenty-one looks like, huh?” I tease.
“You’re not even twenty-one yet,” Sienna jokes back. “But yeah, we’re old and the whole getting drunk at a college party has gotten played out.”
They’re all completely right. As much as I thought I wanted some big drunken party for my birthday, I need to stop. It’s what I’ve used to numb my life since everything happened in Tahoe and instead of dealing with it, I was drowning it in booze. It’s not working.
It’s hard to break the cycle when I can’t bring myself to even talk about what happened and when I try to, everything just hurts.
The Über arrives a few minutes later and the three of us drag our tired asses out to the waiting car. Adam holds the door open for Charlie and me, walking around to the front passenger side. He pauses, his hand on the door handle, and I watch him look around and then take a deep breath, before he finally opens the door and slides in.
I’ve noticed he does this often and a part of me wonders if this is a habit he formed after moving here. He once joked that he kept getting into the passenger side of the car rather than the driver’s side when he first started living in the States. It’s like he pauses and processes what he’s doing so he doesn’t look like an idiot climbing into the wrong side of the car.
“Contemplating if you were getting in on the right side?” I ask him when he closes the door. Charlie giggles a little and Adam turns to look back at us.
“People think you’re crazy when you do it, so yeah, I think it over for a second every time I get in,” he says, glaring at a giggling Charlie. “Like you two haven’t done a million stupid things in your lives. Remember, I caught the two of you trying to heave a keg up the front steps of our apartment?”
“Oh shit, that’s nothing,” Charlie says, now laughing even harder. “Once Mila and I fell down a flight of stairs completely sober.”
“She pulled me down the stairs with her. Don’t let her fool you into thinking I’m that clumsy,” I retort, shoving Charlie a little.
“Oh, you’re clumsy too. I’m pretty sure I fell because you thought it would be fun to race down the stairs,” Charlie adds.
“I don’t like to lose, but neither does Charlie and she was losing. She sabotaged the race.”
“How long have you two known each other?” Adam asks, still turned in his seat looking back at us. The driver is silent and while sometimes that feels awkward, right now I’d prefer not to have him interject.
“We met the first day of freshman year in high school, so I guess it’s been about five years or so,” I reply. “But it feels like so much longer, like I’ve known her my whole life.”
“Mila was the only person to talk to me when I tried out for the cross country team. Everyone else was whispering about me since I wasn’t there since kindergarten.”
“And I just thought she looked like fun and the rest is history,” I say, leaning my head on her shoulder as the driver pulls up outside our building.
We make our way inside, and into the elevator. Adam slips his arms around mine and Charlie’s shoulders, pulling us closer to him. He kisses the
top of both of our heads, making me smile. He’s really embraced this whole little family thing we have going on and I’m glad. He’s been away from Australia for a while now and I’m sure he’s missing what he left there.
“I’m going to go home and leave you two to your sleepover,” he says, making both of us laugh.
“You know we live together so it isn’t exactly a sleepover,” Charlie teases, elbowing Adam in the side.
“Well, yeah, but I won’t be crashing at your place so you two have the rest of the night to yourselves.”
“You don’t—” Charlie starts to say, but Adam cuts her off, shaking his head.
“Today was supposed to be a day for you and Mila to hang out and I got roped into crashing it with Reid and Caleb since they couldn’t stay away.”
“Like you could stay away either,” Charlie chides, rolling her eyes, but her words are said with humor.
“Listen, you cheeky shit, someday a guy is going to come along and be totally smitten with you and your smart arse mouth, but until then, I’ll let you have Mila a few nights a month,” Adam concedes, jokingly.
“Maybe,” Charlie mutters, stepping out of the elevator ahead of us and I hate that she feels so alone in all this.
I quickly kiss Adam good night and scamper across the hall to mine and Charlie’s apartment. She’s in the bathroom brushing her teeth and I join her, silently brushing alongside her.
She’s been dealt a shitty card and people tend to steer clear when she finally tells them about her past. It never deterred me, and it never will.
“How about we actually have a sleepover like we used to do when we were in high school?” I suggest, wondering if she’s going to think I’m totally weird.
“Yeah, why not,” she replies, shrugging her shoulders with a smile of toothpaste covered lips. “We can laugh till we cry about all the stupid shit we’ve done.”
Ten minutes later we’re lying in Charlie’s bed next to each other, but neither of us is laughing. Honestly, for some reason I feel like I want to cry, suddenly overwhelmed by everything I’ve tried to keep hidden behind a mask of smiles and this party girl persona.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper into the silence of Charlie’s bedroom, my words let loose on a choked back sob.
“For what?” Charlie asks, turning over so she’s facing me.
“For being a shitty friend. For being so wrapped up in my own life that I feel like you get left behind. For being selfish.” It all comes out in a rush of words, feeling like I need to get it out before it eats me alive. There’s so much more I need to say, so much more I want to tell her, but it stays stuck in my throat.
“Listen, Mila,” Charlie starts, letting out a sigh. “When you’ve spent the better part of your life as the center of attention, having a friend like you isn’t so bad. When I met you, it was the first time in my life when everyone wasn’t looking at me.”
“Yeah, well, now I don’t want anyone looking at me and it’s pretty fucking hard to go back. Think you could do something crazy for me?” I ask, trying to make light of the situation.
“Maybe what happened in Tahoe is sorta telling you that it’s time you start focusing on other people? You chose a major that focuses on helping people. Maybe you could volunteer at the hospital or something?”
I let what Charlie has just said settle in my brain. She has a point that maybe it’s time I grow up. I made the first adult decision of my life when I was twenty years old, a decision that didn’t involve discussing it with my parents or really anyone. I don’t regret it for a single second because my life would be very different right now. It was never a decision for anyone else to make or for anyone else to share their two cents on, but everyone has an opinion on it. That’s what makes coming to terms with it so hard. There will be judgement everywhere I turn.
“Yeah, I hear you,” I say, trying to find the right words. “Thank you for sticking by me.”
“Thank you for never treating me like I’m breakable,” she responds.
We lie there in silence for a while, alone with our thoughts, processing our lives so far and in the grand scheme of things, I think we’re both doing pretty damn good.
“So much for a sleepover where we laugh until we cry,” Charlie says.
“Remember that time you put the Tootsie Roll in the fan?” I now ask, veering from the current dark cloud that hangs over us.
“I still have no idea why that was so funny, but it still is,” she responds, and I know she’s smiling.
Now I’m certain we’re going to be okay.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Adam
“Happy birthday,” I whisper as I roll over and bury my face against Mila’s neck, inhaling deeply. God, she always smells so good; it’s addictive.
Mila sighs, her arm slipping around my waist as she turns into me, her body pressing against mine. “Mmmm,” she murmurs, and I can tell she’s only half awake.
I press kisses along her skin, trailing a path up to her ear. “Are you awake, birthday girl?”
“Mmmm,” she mumbles again, her hand slipping down to my arse.
Smiling, I gently bite and suck at her neck as I roll us over so she’s lying beneath me. “You don’t want your presents?”
“Presents?” she finally asks, lifting her arms above her head as she stretches beneath me, her body moving in a way that makes me groan out loud with just how fucking beautiful she looks.
Chuckling, I brush my mouth against hers. “Yeah, presents.”
Mila sighs, her eyes blinking open as she looks up at me, a sleepy smile on her face. “I could be persuaded to wake up for that.”
Grinning, I lean in to kiss her again, deeper this time, as our bodies pressed together and Mila wraps her arms around me, pulling me closer, anchoring me to this moment, to her and to us.
This thing that’s happening between us is changing, getting more intense and more real with every day that we spend together. And where once I would have been terrified of letting someone get this close to me again, with Mila, I only want more.
I want everything about her and us and the future I know we can have together, and while I’m scared to tell her about my past, I’m not scared about what I know I want with her. Everything, I want absolutely everything.
“Adam,” she murmurs, her nails digging into my back.
I kiss a path down her neck and across her collarbone, gently biting her shoulder before moving lower. I trail my tongue over her sternum and down between her breasts, stopping to gently bite the left one, before moving lower still.
Mila’s fingers slide into my hair as I settle myself between her legs, kissing a path up the inside of her thigh before my mouth finds the most intimate part of her.
She cries out when I do, her body arching off the bed as I flatten a hand against her hip, teasing her with my tongue as I slide a finger inside her, loving the way she writhes against me, her skin hot, her body wanting more.
I take my time though, pushing her closer and closer to the edge, never closing my eyes as I drink in the sight of her losing herself in this moment and everything I’m doing to her.
Everything she does to me.
“God, Adam,” she breathes out and I can tell she’s trying to be quiet.
I flick my tongue against her, slipping a second finger inside as she bites down on her arm and comes against my mouth. I ride out her orgasm, before kissing my way back up her body, covering it with mine as my mouth finds hers.
“You are so beautiful,” I whisper, kissing her, the taste of her still on my lips. “And you are everything to me.”
The words fall from my mouth before I can stop them and while they’re true, they’re also only a fraction of what I really feel for her. But I’m too scared to utter those other words. Words I know will change everything. Words that scare the shit out of me.
“Adam, I need you,” Mila whispers, reaching to the side table for a condom.
&n
bsp; I take it from her, putting it on as I whisper back to her, “I’m here, Mila, I’m yours,” before sliding inside her.
We move together slowly, our skin hot, our bodies fueled with so much lust and want, even as an amazing feeling of peace settles over me.
I love what Mila does for me, the way she makes me feel, the way she grounds me and makes me forget about my past and all the things I ran from. I love the way she watches me, the way she touches me and the way she somehow heals all the pain I feel, without even realizing it.
I love her.
I know I do. So fucking badly, but I just can’t bring myself to tell her that. Scared that the second I admit how I really feel, I’ll lose her.
“Baby, you feel incredible,” I whisper instead, pushing deeper as I kiss her a little harder, trying to show her instead.
“Yes,” she moans, arching into me, our bodies as close as they can possibly get as I move above her, both of us getting closer and closer until I can no longer hold back and I’m calling out her name as she shatters beneath me.
“Happy birthday,” I murmur again, pulling her closer as she lies beside me, her head on my chest and her arm draped across my stomach, both of us coming down from the high of being together.
Mila chuckles, pinching my side. “Was that one of my presents then?”
I slip my hand down to her arse, squeezing it as I reply, “Maybe, yeah.”
“Maybe?”
Now it’s me chuckling. “Yes then, but not your real present.”
Mila leans in and presses a kiss to my chest, right over the scar. She does this a lot, almost as though this is her silently telling me she gets it. That she knows something happened and she’s here for me, ready to listen if I ever want to tell her.
“So what’s my real present then?” she now asks, resting her chin on my chest as she looks up at me.
I smirk down at her, brushing the hair back from her face. “Come here and give me a kiss and then I’ll give it to you.”
