“Well I'm going to bed. I'm exhausted,” Jaylon said. He got up and shut the door to his bedroom, leaving the dishes to Carter to clean up, like usual.
Carter looked out the back window at Stetson's silhouette. He debated on whether he should just go to bed like the past nights, or whether he should try to strike up a conversation with Stetson. If the past week was anything of a prediction, the bed was the only choice that made sense. But he couldn't figure out what about his past Stetson was hiding or why he refused to speak to Carter. Sometimes people do the opposite of what they want to do, so that others won't know they want to do them, he thought.
He got up, walked to the back door, and put his hand on the doorknob, his erection growing with every step. He couldn't help himself, there was something so magnetic and forbidden about the guy, and he couldn't not try to figure him out. Carter took a deep breath and opened the door.
In the darkness of the back porch, with his feet propped up on the center table, Stetson made no acknowledgement of Carter's presence. He just sat there, still as a mannequin.
Carter sat on the wicker chair next to him. Stetson's face was barely visible in the darkness of the porch; Carter could make out the square outline of his jaw.
“Why did you help me today?”
“Told you. Don't you listen?”
“Yeah but, is that the real reason?”
“Yup.”
Carter sighed. He thought about this man, his quietness and stoicism and contained strength. He thought about how much the guy reminded him of his only true love—physically, because both guys shared the same blonde hair with the same chestnut brown eyes and the same white skin and square features, but also mentally, in that Carter could sense something about Stetson so familiar and yet so new. Suddenly Carter was overwhelmed with an urge to get closer to Stetson so he got up and walked around the table to sit right next to him. Stetson didn't budge. Carter couldn't discern whether Stetson didn't mind or was refraining from backslapping him. He'd seen him do it before, earlier that day, after all.
He knew, just knew Stetson was straight, straighter than straight. But why did his soul feel so connected to this enigmatic stranger? Why had the events of his life put him on the same path, for the next two weeks anyway, as Stetson? Carter's pulse began to race. He wanted to kiss Stetson so badly, despite the consequences of what would most surely happen. There's no hope of a relationship, he told himself. None at all. Has a straight man ever had a sliver of gayness in his soul, enough to do something he's never done in his life? Was it possible for a human being to have such chemistry with one person that they changed their orientation when they otherwise might have gone the rest of their days living a straight life?
Kiss him, a voice told Carter. Do it, now. Don't think. Just do it.
Carter then reached over and planted an awkward kiss on the man's cheek. Blood rushed to Carter's face in embarrassment, he could feel it, even if there was no one to see the redness in his face. Hot and scared shitless, Carter muttered, “Uh, s-ssorry” and jumped back into the house before he got his ass kicked. He ran to his room and jumped under the covers to hide from what he knew was coming, the biggest beating of his life. He waited for over an hour, he thought, until he heard the back door open and the sound of heavy boots walking through the house. Someone stopped just outside Carter's door. His pulse raced faster than lightning.
The door opened slightly and Stetson was standing there, large and hulking and mountainous. Stetson stepped into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. He was wearing a blue work shirt, long-sleeve with a sweat-soaked bandana around his neck. He took his black hat off and laid it on the night stand.
He stopped for a second.
“I'm sorry. Don't tell my brother what I did please. Nobody knows about me,” Carter said.
“Carter I don't trust people. I lost my lady to another guy. She was the only lady I ever knew. I been burned too many times. Don't you dare burn me too.”
“What have I done?” Carter said, panicked.
“Nothing yet.”
“I'm sorry I did that. I just couldn't help it.” Carter tried to go on but Stetson stopped him. He grabbed Carter's hand and placed it on his package, large and bulging through his jeans. His hand was practically on fire, and Carter himself was near the point of having a heart attack at this point.
“What do you mean man?” Carter was shaking. Stetson locked eyes with Carter and kept them locked while he unbuttoned his teal-colored dress shirt. He breathed through his nose in soft, consistent intervals. Stetson's torso was massive even when he sat on Carter's twin bed, his chest folded over onto his stomach, leaving a small roll of the smallest amount of fat as he bent over to pull Carter's shirt off. Then he got up and locked the bedroom door. Things were about to get serious.
“I thought you were straight.” Stetson ignored him as he sat back on the bed. He looked away from Carter for a second, and it was clear to Carter that Stetson was having second thoughts. Carter's fantasy had become reality and it was all about to fall apart. Even though this was practically the scariest moment of Carter's life, next to the incident with the Nash-Gibson gang, he could see that his own nervousness was getting the best of him and if he didn't act now, it would be too late. It was time to man up and take charge of the situation, or he'd miss the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to have sex with a straight guy who'd never been with a man.
“Look,” Carter said, putting his hand on Stetson's massive shoulder. “I like you. It's okay. You don't have to be afraid. This is our business, nobody else's.”
It occurred to Carter that maybe Stetson suffered from a loneliness he couldn't escape with women. Ultimately no one truly knows why they do the things they do, and Carter wasn't willing to dig too deeply for fear it would ruin the moment. Whatever it was that made Stetson accept his advances, Carter wasn't complaining. He wanted more.
He put his face close to Stetson, and he could smell in one strong breath the wildness of the forest in which Stetson hunted, the muskiness of the rain he's worked shirtless in during summers in the mountains to build a house for his ailing father, and the free air that blew across Stetson when he rode horseback to fuck his girlfriend for the first time on a camping trip. Carter placed his lips on Stetson's neck and he could feel the thumping of his heart in his chest, a strong, hardy beat you would find only from the best stock. Carter felt the chaotic energy coiled up inside Stetson's body, ready to explode at any moment. It was the most erotic moment of his life.
He rubbed his face against Stetson's, who let him, giving Carter no indication he wanted him to stop. He tasted his lips and then chin and then his suprasternal notch. The deep and strong collarbone lay a few millimeters underneath the soft, smooth skin.
Suddenly Stetson exploded with a fiery passion Carter surely didn't expect. He grabbed Carter by the chest and lay him down on the bed, groping his hands over his waist, while making out with Carter. He put his tongue in Carter's mouth, sliding it down into his throat, filling him up for a moment. Carter enjoyed the fullness. But he wanted Stetson inside him.
After a few seconds of making out, it seemed to Carter like Stetson didn't know what to do next. Carter wanted Stetson inside of him badly but didn't know how to approach the idea of anal sex. For the second time, he stifled his fear about how this guy would react to him and just took off his pants and got on all fours, presenting him to the guy for the taking. Carter faced away from Stetson for a few seconds and wouldn't dare turn around for fear of how the cowboy would react. He prayed to get the reaction he expected. Then he heard the sound a belt unbuckling and pants slipping onto the floor. The bed shook a little as Stetson got on the bed, and Carter's heartbeat sped up even more. Suddenly he could feel the thickness of Stetson's cock around the rim of his ass, tickling him ever so slightly. He heard Stetson spit and suddenly, too suddenly, he felt an immense pressure and pain as Stetson entered him. He never had a chance to see the size of Stetson's member before they began having inter
course, but if the physical sensation was any indication, it was massive.
The sex was painful, no lie, but after a while things got immensely better. He could feel the hardness of Stetson's muscles on his back as the cowboy kept pumping away. Carter felt for the first time in over a year that same pleasing wholeness and contentedness he felt with Maddox. But how could keep this going with Stetson?
Carter wanted to see him, look him in the eye, as they made love.
“Hang on,” Carter said under his breath.
Stetson stopped and pulled out of him. Carter flipped himself around and saw for the first time the man naked in his fully glory. His thighs were thick as tree trunks with hair in all the places. His waist was small but not overly so, and surprisingly, his knees were without a doubt the most beautiful part of his body, next to his hands. Stetson seemed a little embarrassed by Carter's eyes roaming over his body.
He leaned forward and lay on top of Carter, kissing his cheek and ear area. Carter wrapped his legs around him as Stetson re-entered him. He was pumping away. He grunted in Carter's ear as he orgasmed. The sounds of his deep voice in the heat of passion were more than enough for Carter to come not a few seconds after.
Stetson lay on top of Carter for a silent second before the sound the bedroom door opened. They both looked up to find to see Jaylon standing there in disbelief.
“Dear God a'mighty in heaven,” Jaylon said.
Riding the Stallion
I
Jaylon Simmons stood in the doorway of his cabin home, his eyes burning with fear and shock at the sight of his kid brother lying naked under the hulk of the manliest man Jaylon had ever met, Stetson Carthswaite. Never before in any life he had or could imagine having, would ever think this was something he would experience in real life. There were so many thoughts running through his mind, fluttering and clicking along like a schizophrenic television. He was processing so many impossible and incomprehensible things. He wondered in one instant if his brother had drugged Stetson with some kind of sexual charger to get Stetson to fuck him. In another instant, he wondered if Stetson was a closeted homosexual who had made Carter give into his advances. All these, and more, raced through Jaylon's head in what seemed like years, but were actually just a few seconds, as he stood in that doorway. Jaylon didn't immediately remember how he got from that doorway to his truck, but later on, he would recall simply closing the door and walking away politely, as if he'd interrupted by accident one of them while they were using the restroom.
In any case, before he knew it, he was driving down the road, along the mountain, the elements spilling into his '67 Corvette. Calling the situation traumatic might be an overstatement, but there was definitely something undoubtedly shocking about finding Carter having sex with Stetson, and in his heady numbness, the wind, sunlight, and smell of recent rain took over Jaylon's senses.
His Corvette stood out among the junkers in the town square. He parked the car diagonally from the angel fountain and sat at the steering wheel for a silent moment, collecting his thoughts. He decided he was going to put the issue in the back of his mind, because he did after all have to get a new backlight before a cop pulled him over and gave him a ticket.
Inside the auto shop across the street, he noticed a dark-headed guy with green eyes standing at the counter.
“Excuse me, young man; I'm looking for windshield wipers. Do you know the best brand?” A rotund, white haired grandpa was standing at the counter with his three-year-old grandchild, holding his hand.
Jaidon Marsh looked up from the computer, his brow crinkled as he scanned the computer monitor for something. The grandfather figure was about to say something else as he waited for a response from Jaidon. His grandson fiddled with the toy ball machine below.
“Sure,” Jaidon said. “Just give me a minute, sir.” He clicked a few things on the computer, looked at his watch, and walked around the counter in a hurry. “Right this way,” he said. The grandfather and grandson followed after before they lost him.
Jaylon stood on the next aisle looking for latex gloves to keep his oily fingers from touching the bulb. This was the reason his original bulb went out so soon, and he wasn't about to make the same mistake. He looked up and down the aisle for the right brand, but couldn't find one he trusted. He stepped over one aisle and saw Jaidon waving away the grandfather as another clerk checked them out. Jaidon walked toward the back of the aisle, his eyes blank as he slapped his breast pockets for a cigarette.
“Good afternoon,” Jaylon said. “I was wondering if you could help me find the right brand of brake light. Mine's out and I don't trust the regular brands.”
“Okay,” Jaidon said. You could tell he was pissed he had been caught lying down on the job. Jaylon noticed the guy's fingers were grimy with dirt and oil.
“You must work a lot on cars,” Jaylon said.
“What?”
“Your fingers. You like Corvettes?”
“Hell yes.”
“I got one parked outside. You should come look. I just refinished the front end and interior.”
“Fuck yeah man. Let's go,” Jaidon said. “Oh wait,” he stopped, “let's get that brake light first.”
“Sure thing,” Jaylon said.
After checking out, Jaylon showed the guy the ride he'd worked so hard on. They talked for a while about cars and then girls. Jaidon seemed like a very angry young guy, and as intolerant as he was with those he could not understand, he was that much more faithful to those whom he could understand. Jaylon it was clear belonged to the latter category, after the first twenty or so minutes of talking to him.
“Man we should hang out. I can't find nobody around here who hates all those niggers and queers as much as I do.”
The two guys had hit it off, finding a common thread of hatred for homosexuals. What Jaidon didn't know is that his new friend's hatred stemmed from a recent revelation about his brother.
“I left my god damn family as soon as I turned 18, because they were heading in the wrong direction. I don't want nothing to do with them,” Jaylon said. “They took the wrong road, man. I guess the travelling circus works on your mind after a while.”
Jaidon laughed. “I guess so.”
“You know I haven't even told you my name. It's Jaylon.”
“Mine's Jaidon.”
“We're almost twins, man,” Jaylon joked. But Jaidon just stared at him blankly. “You can call me Jamie, though, for short.”
Jaidon smiled. “Cool.” There was an awkward moment between the two of them.
“Why are you wearing a cast?” Jaylon asked.
“Some fucking guy I got into a fight with. He was a big bastard lemme tell ya. If I could get that fucker, I would, don't you think I'm a liar.”
Jaylon's interest was piqued. “What did he look like?”
“Tall. Blonde. Big cowboy. Didn't say much except that he'd try to kill me if I messed with his little faggot boyfriend again.”
“Boyfriend?”
“Yeah there was another queer he was trying to protect. I socked it to his friend a year earlier, too, haha. Maddox was his name, he used to be my best friend, but I guess he found a new one with that little fucker. Anyway, everyone thinks we got into a fight and I stabbed him by accident. But between you and me, it wasn't no accident. Fucker had it coming.”
The story Carter had told Jaylon about why he left the family circus did involve a close-friend of his dying. And there was no mistaking a big blond cowboy like Stetson. He was sure Jaidon was referring to the same people.
“Man I agree with ya,” said Jaylon. “I really, really hate fags.”
II
When Jaylon Simmons, known casually as Jamie, interrupted Stetson's first time with a boy, Stetson himself thought he surely was dreaming. All his life, even as a toddler, he'd liked girls. First it was their bodies, their tits and asses and legs and parts. But then Stetson grew up and found other, more subtle parts of them he loved, like their daintiness, their petite bodies, s
oft voices, gentle natures. Girls were God's gift to men, he was sure, so it was a paradox that he had on a whim had sex with a boy.
But it wasn't just that he'd made love with a person of the same sex. He would never admit this to himself, but there were feelings blossoming like a poisonous flower in Stetson's heart, directed at this kid whom he had known for only two weeks. The heart has its reasons that anyone's mind cannot understand, let alone Stetson's. He had never been someone who understood why he did the things he did. He was a man of action, and he just knew how he felt. But this was different from Lee Ann, and he denied the feelings were there at all.
He looked down at Carter for a second. Stetson's steel blue eyes peered into Carter's soul it seemed. Then Stetson picked up his own weight under his thick arms and rolled off him without saying a word. He bent down, naked in the room, grabbed his jeans, shoes, and socks, as he slammed the door shut to his bedroom. Carter heard Stetson say under his breath as he got up: “I ain't no queer. Get away from me.” Then the shower made muffled sounds from Stetson's room.
Almost immediately Carter's heart started racing again. He could feel a pang in his chest at the thought of the future, what his older brother would say about his obvious sexual orientation, whether his family would protect him, what dangers being out in a rural part of the country would pose, but above all, what was going to happen to him and Stetson. They had shared the briefest moments of warmth, giving Carter some relief from that aching sadness which accompanied Maddox's death. The irony was that, despite the momentary release from the sorrow of losing his only true love, the pain of being kicked back out of the warmth of a new relationship and subsequently the memory of an old one was far more painful that never having met Stetson to begin with. Carter's heart couldn't bear it, over and above all the prejudice and annoyances he'd surely endure as a result of being outed by his older brother. Nothing compared to the pain of being alone, except of course remembering what it felt like to have company from someone who loved you and then losing it all over again.
Chaos: Contemporary Biker Romance Page 32
