He turned off Vivaldi’s Autumn, which was playing softly over the ship’s speakers, and plugged in some of his own more raucous music.
An hour later, after a strenuous workout, he felt much better. By the time he was heading to escort the Minder on his tour, he was almost himself again. As soon as Zero opened the door, however, Cal’s pulse shot up. He started to sweat, and it was with some considerable effort that he managed to grate out, “I’m sorry. Something has come up again. I will ask one of my team to escort you on the tour.” And with that, he returned to his cabin, fished out a bottle of whisky he’d brought back from Earth, and settled in to follow the doctor’s orders his own way.
CHAPTER THREE
Zero turned back into his tiny cabin and sat down, staring at the wall as if he could see through it to the stars.
This wasn’t working out as well as he’d hoped.
Sure, his people were in place and there had been no incidents, but they were effectively imprisoned until they could convince the head of security that they were safe to be let out. As the head of security was having a very unfortunate reaction to him, release seemed a long way off.
Zero had not foreseen a Braindead having any response to him at all. He’d only known Minders, and they, naturally, were used to him, and he to them. He let the tendrils of his mind seep out to locate the lieutenant. He found him by a tang of whisky, and tasted it with him for a while, careful not to read anything in his mind or leave his mental footprint behind. He closed his eyes and let all the voices of the ship come to him, listening to them all equally. He had not been able to sleep for the wonder of hearing so many different thoughts, to the new requirement of being delicate around them so they could not detect him. He spoke with his people for a while, reassuring them that all was well, providing the only sharing in their heads now that they had been cut off from the life of the mind. He skipped his thoughts around to locate the captain and tested the old man’s anger and mistrust. It was as hot and red as it had been earlier in the briefing. He could cool it down with a simple thought, but would never intrude. The man had a right to his bitter suspicions, after all.
Finally, Zero allowed his mind to roam back to the fascinating lieutenant. Cal was far more relaxed now. Z put up his gossamer threads of protection and just skirted around the impressions and feelings. This tall human fascinated him. He had never met anyone so conflicted before—someone working so hard to project a front to the world that was entirely different to the rich emotional life that went on behind the Earth-sky blue eyes.
Zero entirely ignored a little voice telling him that, as this was one of the first Braindeads he’d ever met, it was rather predictable he found him so enthralling.
No, it was more that he’d never become aware of such tempting, fathomless depths before. He wanted to plunge in and bathe in the lieutenant’s contradictions.
He smiled ruefully to himself. His absorption also had nothing to do with the fact that the head of security was the most beautiful human he had ever seen—and given that Zero’s entire knowledge of Earth was garnered from movies and holovision shows, this was saying something.
He wasn’t shallow. It was the human’s mind that attracted him. Z laughed at his own disingenuousness but then stilled. He suddenly sensed Cal had detected his laughter. This was entirely credible as the lieutenant had apparently been aware of him all day—and this was of some genuine concern. Z was, in theory, entirely shielded from humans, but somehow this one had been reacting to him since their first meeting: picking up on his emotions, reflecting them back.
Zero had read Cal’s confusion at this mirroring, which the human, understandably, had interpreted as signs of sickness.
He’d tried to soothe the distress without these intrusions being detected, but those ministrations had apparently alarmed the human even more. Zero wondered now, as he skirted around Cal’s thoughts, whether this blue-eyed soldier, out of all the billions of people that could have been chosen for this project, was one who could somehow sense a Sender.
He briefly tapped into the minds of all the security team to ensure that they would still see his implant as fully functioning and relaxed back in his chair.
All in all, it had been a most interesting start to the rest of his life.
He was curious what Cal was doing now and toyed with the idea of officially requesting a visit from the head of security for some spurious reason he was sure he could invent.
Before he knew what had hit him, however, Zero had the sense of shrinking into himself, becoming tiny, weak. It was so profoundly different to anything that had ever happened to him that he went with the sensation, allowing the transgression of someone else affecting his mind without his prior permission.
He breathed calmly, distancing himself from the journey. His rational mind told him he was still sitting in a chair in his assigned cabin, but this grounding belief was being overpowered by the consciousness that he was on a bed, that he was being pressed facedown and that, terrified, he was unable to breathe. He could see his own hand gripping the bed covers, and it was small. He chewed his fingernails. Before he could work around these impressions, the connection was broken.
He sought it for some time, gently moving through all the humans, their dreams and their waking desires, desperately trying not to invade privacy, to leave people their grace and dignity. But he had heard a child cry out in pain—who would not batter down physical doors to give aid and comfort?
He could not find the shadowy child who had called to him.
He went to bed uneasy, but fascinated despite himself.
Perhaps it had been nothing more than tapping into a human nightmare. Before he nodded off, he checked in with his favourite head of security again and found him deeply asleep on alcohol and stress, but before he could move quietly away, he glimpsed himself in the man’s mind.
He tore away before he could see more, but eventually dropped off with the amusing thought that if he dreamed of the dark-haired human it would be an intriguing circle of dreaming desire.
CHAPTER FOUR
Zero did not meet Cal again until later the following day when all the Minders were invited to the welcoming ceremony attended by senior members of the crew and the more important passengers on route to Titan. Zero sensed Cal as soon as he entered the room and let his mind wander around the human’s thoughts, not actively intruding, of course, just sensing his mood, as he could have done by staring at the man’s face or reading his body language, or indeed listening to his spoken words. The lieutenant was tired and irritable, had a hangover and a headache, felt sick, didn’t like social functions, but was congratulating himself about how good he looked in his mess kit. Zero smirked: nothing new from the pretty, vain lieutenant then. He was pleased when Cal came over, clearly seeking him out.
Zero then had to agree: Cal did look very good indeed in his mess kit.
They regarded one another for a moment, and then Cal said brusquely, “I apologise for yesterday. Did you find your tour informative?”
Zero nodded. “I did. Sergeant Hunter is very…entertaining.”
Z couldn’t help but notice a tiny smile of sympathy at this assessment as the lieutenant conceded, “Uh-huh. That was an unfortunate choice of guide.”
“He doesn’t like Minders very much, does he?”
The smile dropped. Zero got the message very swiftly—no one liked them, and, from a Braindead point of view, for very good reason. But Zero wasn’t willing to let this revisionist version of history go without challenge. He lowered his voice. “If this project is to be successful, everyone has to leave those kinds of prejudices—”
“Prej—!” Cal apparently couldn’t maintain his polite façade when he was hungover, and he seized Zero’s arm, leaning in very close. “It’s not prejudice. You seem to forget that your people started a war that decimated Earth! You—”
“Has it ever occurred to you, Lieutenant, that your history books were written by those who won the War? Have you nev
er heard the expression ‘until lions learn to write, history will always glorify tales of the hunter’? Trust me when I say that our version of the War is entirely different to yours.” Two could play the accusation game.
Suddenly, he saw the human pale alarmingly. “Are you okay?” Zero turned Cal’s hold on his arm into support. The head of security seemed to be finding it hard to breathe.
Cal was clenching his jaw as if he was about to vomit. Zero opened up to him, and his own body was then flooded with an almost irresistible need to hit something—him, apparently, which was a really disturbing sensation.
“Fuck. Come on.” He tugged on Cal’s arm and led him into one of the window alcoves that had a viewing seat for observing the passing stars. He pushed the lieutenant to sitting, and Cal immediately put his forearms on his thighs and lowered his head.
“Dammit. I’ve never…I’m okay.”
Zero sat down next to him, wondering if he could risk calming the man. The reaction between them was getting stronger every time they met. He got angry with Cal and Cal reflected this, bouncing the fury back to him, which he picked up on, which Cal then sensed again…it was almost funny.
He had to do something. He reached across with the lightest tendril he could muster and stroked the anxiety, reassuring it and making it stretch and curl with pleasure. Cal sat straighter and then leant back against the bulkhead.
“I think I’ve got Sandman for the first time. I’ve just come back from Earth. Sol Corp efforts are appreciated,” Cal confessed as he plucked the inevitable leaf off the sole of his mess boots, “but they hardly compare with the real thing.”
Privately, Zero thought this was slightly tactless, given his own provenance, but he cut the lieutenant some slack. He’d wanted him to be honest, after all. He chatted along to distract the human from other things that were happening. “I’ve spent my whole life on a colony with artificial light and air. This seems like home. I’ll probably get Earth fever—if I ever get there. Are you okay? Feeling better now?”
Cal nodded. Obviously, he was. Zero had been making sure of it. It wasn’t the first time he’d taken someone’s hangover away and perked them up a bit. Usually, he charged for the privilege—mainly in kisses, but he and the lieutenant weren’t at that stage in this fascinating relationship.
Yet.
“Why are you smiling?” Cal’s eyes were dazed. Z realised he might have overdone the relaxing a little, slightly distracted as he had been. When Cal slurred, “I would like to show Earth to you,” Zero flicked him some mental cold water.
Cal suddenly frowned and seemed to be replaying this apparently uncharacteristic comment in his head before he coughed self-consciously and sat even straighter. “Were we arguing about history? That doesn’t sound like me.”
Zero chuckled, mentally still playing the image of them on Earth…together. “Well, let’s argue about the present then. How do you think we’re doing? My people?”
Cal looked around the room as indicated at the Minders who were mingling with the crew and other guests. “You’d never know, looking at them. Except for those…” He gestured to the metal disc on Zero’s temple.
“Never know we were monsters?”
Z sensed the calm evaporating suddenly as Cal snapped, “I didn’t mean that.”
This volley and return of emotions was going to get exhausting. Or interesting he supposed…if it was with other emotions…
Zero regarded Cal for a moment, weighing his options. “Can I tell you something?”
Cal shrugged warily.
“I won’t argue history with you, but I would like to try and explain something about the present. About how we are now. You said you don’t have children, I believe? But you know some kids, I assume?”
Cal gave a small wobble of his hand, which Z took as invitation enough to continue.
“Well, you could hurt that child if you wanted to. Couldn’t you? You’re strong, an adult. You could overpower and even murder a child.”
“What are you talking about? Why would I want to do that?”
“Well exactly. That’s what I’m trying to say, Lieutenant. Your people have assumed for generations that if we were let loose amongst you, we would want to read your minds. But just because we can, doesn’t mean we would. We don’t need these implants. We would have been quite safe to integrate back into human life without them. We would no more read a mind uninvited than we would kill a child just because we could.”
Cal regarded him for long time and then replied carefully, “I agree there are some people that can be trusted.” Then he added with a challenging held tilt, “But I have never met one.”
Zero swallowed. Although he had tried to block all the human minds on an individual basis since they’d docked, he could not help but feel intense distress radiating off the one sitting next to him. He was finding it hard to keep his own identity, as he leeched into Cal and Cal stretched toward him. It appeared he had touched upon a very sore subject, and for some reason these responses seemed familiar.
He backed mentally away. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to argue. My experience of living is very…limited. But it just seems very sad to me to go through life without trust.”
With that, he shifted his gaze and regarded the stars outside the ship. Many unfamiliar patterns. Nothing stayed the same. It was disorientating.
§§§
Cal was dizzy as if he were standing outside himself looking back at a dark-haired man in a scarlet mess jacket. He turned to consider the view as well—something routine and familiar. The first time he’d been in space he had not understood how anyone got any work done with such wonder to admire, but ten years in, he barely bothered to come to observation at all. When he became more in control, he ventured distinctly, “You came from a place where you could all read minds. That would create a very trusting world. It’s not like that on Earth. Adults lie…I mean humans lie. We do it all the time.”
Z brought his focus back from the window and there was something in his expression that Cal thought he ought to be able to interpret. “Actually, we learn as children to shield our thoughts. To some extent. I believe a Minder could lie quite easily—if they wanted to.”
“Are you lying now, Commander?”
Zero suddenly laughed. “I am, Lieutenant, but not about this conversation. Now, I believe that there is alcohol available at this splendid occasion, and I don’t need to be able to read anything to know that neither of us would ever say no to a free drink. Seeing as your hangover is…I mean, if you want to…Shall we?”
Cal huffed. He had the very strong feeling that he was being played, but it was quite enjoyable and much nicer than arguing with the elusive Minder, so he let his suspicion go. He was apparently still pleasantly inebriated but now without the morning-after downside of illicit whisky drunk long into the night to banish dark memories.
They swiped some drinks off a passing tray and went to join a group that included Hunter and the two elderly Minders who had received their implants before their commander. Hunter seemed more relaxed than Cal would have expected. He was sharing a story with the older man. Cal could see none of the animosity toward their guests that he anticipated from his 2IC, or had surmised from Zero’s hints about their interaction the previous day. He listened to the chatter for a while but inevitably his interest was being drawn back to the green-eyed man standing next to him.
He frowned when he glanced over. Zero’s face was pinched. His eyes were closed, and he was swallowing deeply. When he opened his eyes, he noticed Cal’s observation. He made a brief apology and moved away to another group, and within another minute, Cal discerned that he had left the gathering. When there was a convenient break in the conversation, Cal finished his drink and pursued him.
§§§
Zero had not been sure where to go. This was not home and he was disorientated. He had been talking to the English sergeant and then suddenly he’d felt he couldn’t breathe. He’d been overwhelmed by the sound of screaming.
But he’d heard this screaming through another mind, a dark one, and they had revelled together in the pain they were causing. For the first time in his life, Z had been in danger of being sucked deeper into a join, and he had not been in control.
He leant now against the bulkhead and heard footsteps approaching. He clamped hard walls around his own thoughts and straightened. Cal gave him a concerned look. “You look like shit. You need to see the doc?”
Zero shook his head. “Maybe I’ve caught whatever you had. Do I need you to escort me back to my cabin, or are we free to come and go as we please now?”
“You can go into all the areas the other passengers are allowed, but please stay out of any designated crew only.”
“Of course.” He began to turn away but did so slowly to encourage the human to walk with him. Cal took the hint and they began to stroll slowly back to the Minder’s accommodation wing. “Tell me, Lieutenant, do you have any families on board? I didn’t see any yesterday.”
“We have one or two headed for Titan, yes. Why?”
“I overheard someone say they’d seen a child who was sick. I was wondering how he was. Whether it was anything serious.”
“There aren’t any young kids on board. As far as I know the families all have teenagers or older. Titan is not a place I’d like to take a young child. How old did they say the kid was?”
“Oh, about six? A boy. He bites his fingernails. Badly.”
Cal gave him a penetrating look but said neutrally, “Definitely not. Did they say they’d seen this sick boy on board this ship?”
Seasons of Murder: In the Shadow of This Red Rock Page 4
