He had it wrong. He was the good one, the better of the two of us. I was too damaged, but Triven still had hope. Anger rose within me. How dare he choose me over himself. You had to look out for number one first if you wanted to survive here. And I needed him alive. Mouse needed someone better than me. She needed him. She deserved him.
As Triven moved into the shadows beyond the door, I pulled my gun and turned, scanning the alley again. If he was going to insist on playing the fool then the least I could do was watch his back. I backed through the doorway behind him keeping my eyes alert for any movement. I shifted with Triven in a backwards dance. As he moved to close the door, I scanned the vast darkness in the warehouse. When the door closed behind me, it took everything I had not to scream. I swallowed back the rising panic. Despite my restraint, I jumped back into Triven’s chest when a light came on. It wasn’t bright but it was enough to see. My eyes flew around the room looking not for the source but for who turned it on.
“It’s triggered by the doors.” Triven whispered. I turned as he thumbed a latch by the door causing the lights to flicker. “When the door opens the lights go out.”
“That seems unusually smart for a Ravager.” I muttered stepping further inside and pulling the cloth from my mouth. The stench from outside hadn’t penetrated the walls.
We were unquestionably alone. The huge room was barren, stripped down to the shell and structure. The floors were solid concrete with a few drainage grates. Conspicuous rust colored spatters flecked the grey surface. The walls were made of smooth cinderblock and the ceiling was nearly forty feet up. Even I would have a hard time getting up to the few exposed beams above us. There was no furniture, no racking and no chance of concealment.
Triven’s forehead was pinched as he made the same assessment. There was no place to hide and only one way out. This place was a death trap and we both knew it. Raising our guns, we both began to move back towards the door.
We were less than ten feet from the door when my skin began to crawl. Triven stiffened by my side.
We had both heard it.
The distinct sound of gravel crunching beneath shoes. As the foot falls got louder there were muffled voices that accompanied them. The hair rose on the back of my neck. I could hear the clinking of metal piercings, the squeal of leather rubbing on leather. Fear and adrenaline began to pulse through my veins. They were Ravagers. But the part that worried me was that they were speaking in hushed tones. Never in my life had I ever heard a Ravager advance quietly.
They would open that door in mere seconds and we were trapped.
MY EYES NATURALLY took to the ceiling, searching the beams for a place to hide even though I knew there was nothing there. Everything was too open, too exposed. The rapid beating of my heart pulsed in my ears. We were trapped. I jumped when Triven’s hand closed around my wrist.
I turned to meet his green eyes. Instead of finding panic, they were strangely apologetic. “I’m sorry, but it’s the only way. I will be right here with you.”
My eyes traveled to his left hand. It was holding up a metal grate in the floor. The tendons in my throat constricted violently. Before I could pull away, he yanked forward, throwing me effortless under the grate. It was all I could do not to scream. I fell face first into the shallow pit, the stench instantly transforming me back into that scared eleven-year-old. I pushed myself up, trying to escape, but Triven’s body crashed down on me pinning me to the ground. He pushed me onto my back and laid down next to me as the grate clanked shut. The bars seemed to close in, pressing in on me, crushing me. My body began to shake uncontrollably.
“Close your eyes.” Triven whispered. There was fear in his voice, but it was still steady. “I’m here, Prea. I’m not leaving you.”
I pressed my palm over my mouth, stifling my ragged breathing just as the door opened. The light went out as they moved inside. Shadows passed over us and I stopped breathing. Then the door clicked shut and the light came back on. The sole of a dress shoe was hovering inches from my face. I closed my eyes. Our hiding place was cast into shadow. The dim light was barely strong enough to reach us and with our dark clothing we would just disappear. As long as they didn’t look down for too long we just might remain unseen.
I tried to envision myself somewhere else, anywhere else, but the smell was too familiar. Closing my eyes only made it worse, but I couldn’t make them open. I could see my parents’ faces, their blood spilling onto the darkened pavement. My mother’s screams began to echo in my ears.
Triven’s hand closed over mine, squeezing lightly, pulling me back from the darkest depths of my mind.
I tried to calm myself.
I wasn’t alone. We were together.
I tried to focus on the voices talking above us.
“Please tell me you’re not wasting my time with this drivel. Have you found what I asked for?” A deep voice silenced all of the others.
“We did—”
I recognized the second voice, but couldn’t place it.
“Then why are you empty-handed?” The deeper voice was like ice. It trickled down my eardrums chilling its way to my bones.
“There was a complication…”
“I don’t have time for complications. We have paid you handsomely and expected results.”
“We know, we are—”
“I don’t think you do. I think you have forgotten who’s in charge.”
I bit into my palm as the gunshot rang out. There was a hollow thud of a body hitting the concrete floor. Even with my eyes closed I knew it was blood that splattered my face. The warm droplets dripped down my cheek, pooling as they caught in the hollow of my ear. The salty copper smell made my stomach churn. I pressed my fingers over my nose to keep from breathing, trying to suppress the gag spasming in my throat. It was too much. The smell of the blood mixed with the stench of the sewer. Images of my parents’ deaths were flashing in my mind again. I barely heard the man speak above us.
“Next time it will be your head. Find the girl.”
The noises swirled around me. More voices, sounds of feet and something heavy being dragged away. It was dark and then light again. Then there was silence, dragging, agonizing silence.
As soon as Triven lifted the gate I exploded past him, barely making it to my knees before I retched. My body was heaving and shaking so violently my teeth rattled. Something touched me and I lunged to my feet, backing away.
Triven reached for me again and I bolted. I didn’t remember touching the door or scaling the wall we had so carefully climbed before, but I was on the rooftops again somehow. Something warm wetted my cheeks and my eyes began to blur, but I still ran. I ran until I couldn’t feel my legs, until I couldn’t breathe.
I collapsed, the rough rooftop cutting into my knees and palms. A high-pitched keening reverberated from my chest. I knew I should be quiet, that I should stop, but I couldn’t. Someone was approaching me, but I didn’t care. Let them kill me. Let them stop my pain. But there was no such luck.
I didn’t cringe when he touched me this time. Instead I fell back into his waiting arms. They were so warm, so desirable. At that moment I wanted to feel something, anything other than the building pain. I wanted to forget. Forget my past. Forget my name.
Triven stiffened as I crushed my lips to his. He hesitated.
“Please.” I pleaded between kisses. “Please… I need to feel something, anything other than this. Please…”
I let out a sigh of relief as his lips responded to mine. They were hesitant but he was giving in. But it wasn’t enough. The tears were still streaming down my face, salting our kisses. I needed more. I wanted to lose all of the pieces I had been hanging on to. I didn’t want them anymore. I didn’t want to be me anymore.
My hands roamed to his chest, pushing up his shirt, pulling at the buttons on his pants. His reaction was instantaneous. He pushed me away, grabbing my wrists to restrict my hands. His eyes were wide with pain and understanding.
“No Prea. Not
like this.”
I crumpled in defeat, letting my hands fall limp in his grip. Then the sobs came, wracking my body with fierce convulsions. Heavy arms wrapped around me, gathering me in their shelter. It hurt. Everything hurt. All of the pain I had repressed for so many years flooded my mind, drowning me. It could have been minutes or hours or days, I didn’t know. I thought maybe I would die from the pain, but it only persevered. The only thing that held me to this earth, that kept my life grounded, were the arms holding me.
EVENTUALLY THE SOBS quieted and my body slowly stopped shaking. Triven kept me pressed to his chest, but he never said a word. I was revolted with myself. Despite all of my bravado, all my effort to keep up the hardened façade, he now knew how broken I was. And there was no taking it back. I hated him… I hated that he made me get into the grate. I hated that he was stronger than me. I hated that he was a better person than I was. But what I hated most is that I didn't hate him at all.
Honestly, it scared me. For years I had repressed my emotions, choked back my fear just as I did my screams every morning. But tonight, in that grate, everything finally caught up to me. Despite my best efforts I couldn’t outrun my past. The repressed memories mauled me with their razored talons until I lay raw and naked. The little girl I had thought died—that I had desperately wanted to die in the alley— was still alive somewhere in me. And her presence burned. The little girl had never left. I had just bound and gagged her. Kept her temporarily silent.
Then, something in my mind clicked. Words came to me through the haze. What had the deep-voiced man said tonight?
“Find the girl.” I whispered to myself as the gears clicked back into place. A completely different kind of fear overshadowed my thoughts.
“What?” Triven relaxed his grip on me. Pushing him away I sprung to me feet in a panic.
“Find the girl!” I screamed at him.
He looked back at me lost. His dark eyebrows pulled together.
“Find the girl, Triven! Those men tonight, they were from The Sanctuary weren’t they?” My body was vibrating with tension.
“Yes… well some of them I think. But there were Ravagers too, the one with the eye patch seemed to be in charge.”
I was thankful he had kept his eyes open when I could not. I knew I recognized that voice.
“I know who they’re looking for.” I snatched my bag from Triven’s side. He must have grabbed it before following me. I turned and started walking in the opposite direction, shoving all of my own pain back down.
“How?” Triven grabbed his bag and jogged after me, perplexed.
“Because of the man with the eye patch.”
“You know him?”
“I’m the one who gave him that eye patch. I threw a knife in his eye when I rescued the girl from him.” I stopped dead, staring pointedly at him.
“It’s Mouse…” He realized his eyes widened with fear.
I KNEW THAT Mouse was safe right now, that the Ravagers would never find her while she was hidden within The Subversive. But even so, I could not make the roofs move fast enough beneath my feet. The sallow sun was just spreading its first rays when we finally reached the hidden doors.
The guards were surprised by our sudden appearance. While Triven paused to explain the situation I plowed on ahead. I didn’t have time for silly questions. I needed to see Mouse, hold her tiny hands. I needed to know she was okay. I pushed through the people in the halls, barely seeing them. It was early morning. Mouse should be in the dining hall or possibly with Maribel. After I nearly knocked down a frightened looking youth, Triven finally caught up to me. For the first time I could remember, he grabbed my arm, pulling me to a halt. He flinched when I turned on him and I tried to soften my gaze.
“You should shower first.” He held tight to my upper arm as I tried to yank it away.
“Don’t tell me what I need, Triven.” I seethed. “What I need is to see Mouse. Right now.”
“I know.” Triven said. “She is eating with Maribel and Veyron right now. I asked the guards.”
I gritted my teeth. Why hadn’t I done that?
“She is safe. But if you storm in there right now you will frighten her along with everyone else in that room.”
As if on cue a woman passed us. She recoiled as she glanced at me, the color draining from her face. I really looked at Triven for the first time since the warehouse. He was covered in black filth. Streaks of blood were spattered across his clothing and face. It was hard to tell if it was his or not, like he maybe had murdered someone. I rubbed my free hand against my own face and it too came away bloody.
“Fine.” He let go this time when I jerked away. I knew my anger at him was misdirected, but I didn’t care. It was easier not to care. Caring meant pain. My little outburst tonight had proven that. I knew I couldn’t shut him out forever, but at least for the next twenty minutes I could pretend.
My resentment lessened when I caught my reflection in the mirror. Of course he had been right. My stomach churned as I looked at myself. If Triven had looked frightening then I looked downright horrifying. I was filthy from our escapades in the city. Soot and grime were smeared over my pale skin, but more shocking was the spray of blood that covered my face like morbid war paint. Dried blood streaked my blond hair a grotesque russet, adorned by chunks of something I didn’t want to think about. Had my stomach not been emptied already I would have been sick. I grabbed the shower handle, twisting it so the cold spray hit my face. I hadn’t even taken off my clothes.
When I closed my eyes I saw blood. It was covering my face, seeping from my father’s throat, my mother’s chest. It was everywhere. I rubbed at my face, trying to wash it from behind my eyelids too. Finally I just opened them and stared at the water until it ran clean. It took forever. Slowly, I peeled off my clothing and began to scrub the blood from my pale skin. After getting dressed I gazed into the mirror looking for answers. The girl looking back at me was worn beyond her age, her blue eyes hard and cold, the rims red and swollen. She was a broken girl, a murderer, a product of this city. As I stared at her I knew the truth. As long as we were in Tartarus there would always be blood. If not my parents’ or mine then it would be someone else’s. It would never stop. Whatever childish dreams I had had about escaping into The Sanctuary, disappearing into their world, had vanished tonight. It wasn't about our world and theirs anymore. As soon as that man spoke tonight, as soon as his voice struck my ears, I realized the truth. Arstid had been right. There never was any them or us, we were one in the same. United in this forsaken hellhole. They were just the men behind the curtain, cruel and corrupt just like us. The blood would never stop flowing as long as The Wall kept us contained. We had to get into The Sanctuary and it had to be now. The Wall had to be breached. That barrier gave them power over us. They could come into our world whenever they saw fit, manipulating the Tribes to get what they wanted. I once thought The Wall was like a fence, meant to keep out the dangers of Tartarus. But the truth was, it was a cage meant to contain us. We were the ones trapped like rats, not the other way around. And if both sides were equally corrupt, breaching The Wall meant leveling the playing field. It was never about stopping the Tribes as I had thought. They were just the pawns. We needed to go after the leader. We needed to take down The Minister of The Sanctuary.
I FOUND BOTH Mouse and Triven in our room. Mouse leapt onto me as I entered, her tiny arms squeezing so hard it nearly hurt. My chest released a little— at least she was safe. I hesitantly met Triven’s eyes, the shame for my behavior still fresh. But his eyes were as hard and admiring as ever. I was thankful for it. He had comforted me, held me while I fell apart. He had seen me at my worst and still there was no pity in his eyes, only strength. In that moment I understood. He didn’t pity me, he had never pitied me. Every hesitant touch, every gentle word wasn’t because I was breakable, it was because I was a ticking time bomb, waiting to explode. No, he didn’t pity me. He understood me.
Maybe better than I did myself.
“Mouse, I have to ask you something, okay?” I knelt to her level.
Her wide eyes popped with trepidation, but she slowly nodded.
“You’re from The Sanctuary aren’t you?” Her brown eyes welled with tears. She shook her head violently, willing it not to be true. “Did I ever tell you I was from The Sanctuary? My mom and dad raised me there until I was about your age.”
I choked a little as I mentioned my parents, but Mouse didn’t seem to notice. Instead she shook her head slower, looking at me in a new light. I squeezed her hand as the tears broke loose and fell down her round cheeks.
“It’s okay to be scared, but you’re safe now. You’re safe here with me…with us.” I amended looking at Triven. “You escaped didn’t you?”
She nodded hesitantly this time, unwilling to admit the truth.
“We escaped too. My family and I.” I smiled encouragingly at her. I needed her to tell me the truth.
She signed to me again. Mother. Father. Then pointed at my chest with her eyebrows raised.
I struggled with the words. “They helped me escape, but they’re not here anymore. They didn’t… they’re gone now.”
Her face fell.
“Mouse, this part is very important. Do you remember how you got out?”
She stiffened, her tiny hands moving rigidly. Why?
“We need to get into The Sanctuary.”
New World Rising Page 15
