by Trisha Leigh
Lucas took Wolf out to do his business, and maybe to hunt up some breakfast for tomorrow morning. He said he didn’t think he could sleep yet after everything that had happened, but they’ve been gone for a while now. I don’t think I can rest until they’re both back inside.
I don’t feel like piling my outerwear back on, instead wrapping a blanket around me to fight the night breeze as I crack open the front door. The sight of Lucas sitting on the front steps, watching Wolf romp in the grass, gives me pause. His shoulders tense, so I know that he’s heard me come outside, but he doesn’t turn around or ask me to sit.
I do anyway, plopping down as gracefully as possible while wrapped in a blanket. His familiar chill brushes against my cheeks but doesn’t penetrate my protective layer, and for once I kind of wish that it did. On the other hand, if he’s about to say he’s tired of waiting, that I missed my chance and he doesn’t feel the same way anymore, maybe it can shield me from the pain.
Probably not.
It’s only been a couple of days since he held me and whispered how he felt while the night breathed around us. But things have happened, and it feels more like weeks, or even years, have slipped past. Lucas might have decided we shouldn’t talk about the future, after all. Or he could have been so accepting in the woods the other day because he thinks I want to be with Pax, and gave up waiting.
But I’ll never be able to live without telling him the words stirring inside me, climbing up into my mouth and begging to be shared. Even if it’s not going to work out, if he’d rather get through all this and Partner with someone else, I’m going to say them. They refuse to remain unspoken another day, another hour.
We might only have tonight, or tomorrow. I don’t want to die knowing Lucas wonders if I love him, too.
Before I can swallow enough of my nerves to figure out how to begin, he reaches over and digs under my blanket until he finds my hand, then holds it gently between his palms. My fingers go stiff and icy until I push some warmth down to them to even us out.
“Lucas.”
“No, wait. Let me.” He doesn’t look at me, so I stare at the way his Adam’s apple bobs as he speaks. “I shouldn’t have tried to push you the other night, tried to make you promise a future you can’t see. Or don’t want. If the reason things can never go back to you and me is because your future is you and Pax, I can learn to handle it. If I would have kept my feelings to myself, it wouldn’t be awkward or hard between us.”
He faces me now, sadness warring with desperation in his ice blue gaze. “We’ve never had a hard time being together, Althea. That doesn’t have to change, and I’m sorry if—”
I press my lips tentatively against Lucas’s, cutting off his words. His sharp intake of breath gives away his surprise, but his hesitance is evident in the way his arms twitch but refuse to wrap around me the way I’d like.
The kiss is short, and really my way of shutting him up before he makes everything harder. It’s still not easy for me to pull back, and I don’t go far, scooting closer until our noses almost touch. I remember the first night we met, how Lucas grabbed my wrist and leaned toward me until his face nearly brushed mine. I should have been terrified, but all my heart felt was a racing anticipation.
Like now, only I feel a bit more nauseous over the prospect of losing him now that I’ve had the chance to have him. He doesn’t speak again, merely stares into my eyes with a serious expression.
“I want to tell you something.”
He quirks an eyebrow, and I try to smile through the flock of giant birds trying to escape my belly.
“I knew the moment I saw you in Portland that I never wanted to be apart from you again. But you were angry, and then you were…different. And I’m different, too, and you left and I wondered if you’d ever come back.” I shake my head when he opens his mouth to interrupt. “What I’m saying is that it was never about Pax. And that even though the world around us barely looks like the one we lived in last autumn and we’ve changed, my feelings haven’t. I love you, too.”
His eyes go wide, but he doesn’t move. The world kind of tips, the way it did the first time he kissed me, and the edges go black. My heart pounds in my ears and breath struggles to escape my lungs, and when I can’t help it anymore, I let the tears come. “If it’s too late, I understand. I should have said something the other night, but I was scared, and—”
Lucas’s strong arms go around me, tugging me hard against his chest while his head drops, pressing our cheeks together. For the first time, I recognize the feeling I get inside his embrace, and it’s akin to the way I felt the first time I cupped fire in my palm without getting burned.
As though I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.
“Don’t you dare say you’re sorry, Althea.” His words shake, cool air moving strands of hair against my neck. He lets me go, keeping his hands on my shoulders so I have to look at him.
He needn’t worry. I may never look away from him again. “You say you love me, Lucas, and you understand things changed, but you don’t know everything that happened last season.…”
I stop when he shakes his head, mouth pulled down into a frown. “I don’t like it, Althea, and I certainly don’t want to hear about it. But that was then. It doesn’t matter now. I don’t care what happened before, and I know we’ve got things to figure out. Just..…say it again.”
He closes his eyes and I take the opportunity to drink him in. Blond hair, longer now and curling below his ears. Pale skin, touched a healthy pink by the chilly breeze. Strong chest and shoulders, covered only by a thin T-shirt while I’m wrapped up like it’s the dead of winter.
I shrug the blanket off my shoulders, on fire inside from the moment. The air freezes droplets of sweat to my skin, but that has nothing to do with the shivers zipping down my spine as I place a hand on Lucas’s chest and slide it across his muscles, up to the back of his neck. My fingers twist blond curls as I lean in, until our mouths are a hair from touching.
I tell myself it doesn’t matter anymore how many tomorrows we have, because from now on we’ll spend our todays together. I can almost believe it’s true.
The cold of his breath quickens, collides with my gasped heat. “I love you, Lucas. I love you, I love you, I love—”
This time he forces me to stop talking when he kisses me, slowly, as though we have all the time in the world. We don’t, but for a long while, we pretend as though we do.
CHAPTER 24.
The next morning, I wake before Lucas. We’re curled together in the big recliner, and though it’s just wide enough to fit both our bodies, we pretty much spent the night plastered against each other. It didn’t feel quite close enough, after all the nights we’ve spent apart.
I know he’s awake when he can’t fight the threatening smile, and one breaks over my own face in response. His pine scent barely registers when he’s relaxed like this, and I nuzzle a little bit closer and breathe deep, the soft morning light settling around us.
“Good morning.”
“Hi,” I whisper back, covering my mouth with my hand. My breath tastes awful.
His eyes crinkle at the corners. “What are you doing?”
“Nothing.” My cheeks heat up, and when he tries to pry my hand away I clamp it tighter across my lips.
When his fingers drop to my rib cage instead, my hand abandons my mouth to thwart his tickling. He takes advantage of my free lips and kisses me until I forget my name. At least until I hear it.
“Althea! You have got to be kidding me.” Brittany looms over us, hands on her hips, head cocked to the side. “I said your name three times. Pax is awake. I thought you’d like to know.”
She smirks and walks to the door, opening it for Wolf before disappearing into the kitchen. Lucas tries to drag me under the blanket again, with his smell and cool body the way he’s nibbling on my lower lip, but I push him away. Swatting at his smug smile, I climb out of the chair and escape into the cleansing room to collect myself.
A glance in the mirror reveals a horrifying combination of fuzzy teeth, sleep-tangled hair, and too-red cheeks. I scrub my face down with cold water, then brush my teeth for ten minutes and slip into a semiclean pair of jeans and a hoodie. Once my faithful used-to-be-white tennis shoes are tied, I think about putting my hair into a ponytail but leave it down when I remember how it makes Lucas light up.
I’ll put it up before we leave for the Underground Core. It’ll be in the way if I don’t, but being openly happy about the love between Lucas and me makes me feel as though I could float away. I’m not ready to give up the euphoria just yet and come back to Earth. Even if it’s only going to last five more minutes, I’ll take them.
In the kitchen, Pax is trying to show Brittany how to skin a rabbit Wolf must have brought in from his morning hunt. It doesn’t appear to be going all that well, since she’s halfway across the kitchen while he holds the bloody carcass in the sink. Lucas sits at the wobbly kitchen table, eating baked beans out of a can with a spoon. He gives me a warm smile, then resumes watching the morning’s entertainment.
“I’ll eat what’s in the pantry. I am not touching that thing. Or any other things that used to be alive.” Brittany crosses her arms in front of her chest.
Pax sighs. “You’ll need fresh meat, and Wolf won’t stop bringing it to you.”
“He can eat it outside.”
“Fine.” Pax skins the rest of the rabbit, then dismembers it and cuts it into neat chunks. When he turns and sees me lurking in the doorway, his slow smile appears. “Morning, Summer.”
“Morning.” I nod at the rabbit parts. “I’ll cook those before we leave. They should keep a few days. Unless Wolf eats them all or it really starts warming up.”
“Don’t bother. I’m not eating that.”
This time I’m the one who sighs. Gratitude at Brittany’s willingness to leave home, to come and help us, wears thin with every obstinate flash of her pale eyes. “Things are different out here, Brittany. You’re going to have to adapt.”
She doesn’t answer as she storms past me back into the living room and flops on the musty couch. The boys wisely stay in the kitchen while I roast the rabbit, and nothing interrupts the crackling of fire until Brittany’s stomach growls at the scent wafting off the dripping meat.
Feeling rested for the first time in weeks, I dump the cooked rabbit in front of her on the coffee table. After it cools, Wolf tugs his portion free and trots to the door, looking back at me expectantly until I open it for him. When I return to the couch, Brittany has at least touched a piece of meat. Her nose wrinkles as she sniffs it, but her grumbling belly gives her away.
All of my irritation sloughs off at her tentative movements. It wasn’t so long ago that I was sure consuming any non-Other products would kill me on the spot, or that Wolf would eat me in my sleep. It took weeks to adjust to the changed world I had entered, and Brittany had everything dumped on her in a couple of days. She had a few weeks with Leah, but knowing the truth while still living in a warm house with three meals a day is a bit different than leaving that all behind.
A little compassion could go a long way. Brittany’s difficult personality might be born of fear more than anything. “It’s not so bad, really. It tastes a lot like chicken, and we’ve been eating the food Wolf brings home for weeks. We’re fine.”
“But you’re not human, are you.” It’s not a question, but it’s not intended to be rude.
“No. But we have human blood, too, Brittany, and we are on your side. You have to eat, to keep your strength up. To be ready for whatever comes next.” I get up, my knees stiff from squatting in front of her. “And look, I have something for you that will help pass the time.”
Even though it’s hard to let go, I pass her my copy of Anne of Green Gables. I’m not sure Brittany and I will have the same taste in books, but it’s worth a try. “There are more in the back room, the one that looks like a den. Most of those are pretty dry, but they might have useful information.”
She runs her fingers over the cover, then flips the volume over and reads the back. “What is it?”
“A made-up story. You read it for fun, not like in Cell. You might like it.” I shrug, waiting a little more expectantly than I’d like for her verdict. If life were normal on Earth, I suspect Brittany is the kind of girl that everyone waits for approval from. So maybe things wouldn’t be all that different, after all.
“Do you have any more?” Her shy grin catches me off guard, and I think again how pretty she is.
“Sure.” I dig A Wrinkle in Time and Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone out of one of the backpacks. I leave A Separate Peace because it isn’t mine to share. “Here.”
I want to thank her again for doing this, but recall her stiff reaction in Danbury and still my tongue. Instead I nod. “It’s fun to discuss the books, once you’re done. We’ll have to do that when…when we come back.”
Her mouth dips into a frown at my hesitation, and she scoots to the edge of the sofa, setting the book to the side. “You have to come back, Althea. You and your boyfriend, and the hot guy. Plus Deshi. All of you.”
I swallow hard, hit again with the weight of responsibility on my shoulders. Our shoulders. It started out only me, then I added Lucas and then Pax. Deshi, by default. Cadi and Ko, Greer and Griffin…even Nat. Not to mention Leah and the other kids who had been taken, and the ones we’ve unveiled these past few days.
I’ve spent my whole life wishing I didn’t have to be alone all the time, and now I’m not. I have friends. Sort of. If you count Greer and Leah, and maybe Brittany. I have a boy who loves me, and two more who are something more than friends. Kindred.
Even though the fact fills me with so much love it’s hard to breathe, it presses weight across my skin, as though the air has suddenly grown heavy. They’re all counting on me. I’m fighting for so much more than my own selfish survival. I swallow hard.
“We’re going to do our best, Brittany. I promise.”
“Good. When you get back you can tell me what kissing is like.” She shoots me a wicked grin.
After I recover my wits at being teased about Lucas, I give her a genuine smile. “Deal.”
Pax and Lucas come in, their steps hesitant. I roll my eyes, but Brittany beats me to the punch. “It’s okay, guys. Girl things tucked neatly away.”
They exchange a glance that says they can’t think of the right way to respond. Instead, the room stays quiet until Brittany gives a rather unladylike snort and I grin.
“Well, shall we go meet our doom?”
“Don’t talk like that, Summer. Instead, try, Shall we go saunter into a real-life Other hive and walk out with Deshi, no biggie? Seriously. Try it.”
“How about we just do it instead?” Lucas isn’t upset, in fact, the expression on his face says he’s amused.
“Yes. Let’s do that.” I’m with Lucas. Standing around here any longer is only going to wind my nerves so tight it’ll be hard to walk the fifteen hours to Mount Rushmore.
The way I see it, the Others know we’re coming. Keeping Deshi there is probably a trap, one they know we’re going to walk straight into sooner or later. It’s the only explanation I can come up with for them leaving us alone for this long. They’re too smart not to be able to figure out a way to find us, if they put their resources to it. Even if Griffin and Greer say the cabin is protected somehow, we haven’t been here the whole time. I suspect they’re aware, at least marginally, of our movements.
They have Deshi, though—the one thing we can’t move forward without—so they’re conserving energy. Even if they spotted us on the cameras in the Sanctioned Cities, why waste resources? They know we’re coming to them sooner or later.
The day warms around us, the sound of running water joining us on our trek. Streams are breaking free of their beddings of ice, snow dribbles off of trees and down cliffs, and the day smells fresh and wet. It would be pleasant, if we were out for a simple hike.
We spot wildlife along t
he way, and even a big cat like the one that attacked Wolf crouches in a huge tree. Last winter it froze Pax and I in our tracks, a response that almost cost Wolf his life, but today none of us even pause.
It’s yet another indication of how much things have changed in only a few months. Nothing out here can threaten us. If that cat jumped, we’d have it charred, encased in ice, and swirled away in a tornado before it hit the ground.
Which might be overkill, but the point remains.
Maybe nothing out here can frighten me, but the Prime Other and his children are a different story. Especially Kendaja.
Her soft singsong voice and the way her kiss dumped Ko’s brains out of his ears speed up my heart until I press a hand against my chest. Lucas casts a glance my way but I shake my head. He doesn’t need to worry so much about me, and the sooner he accepts that, the better.
We’re going to take care of one another. All three of us. They’re not going to get killed trying to soften blows for me.
Night falls around us as we draw near to the old monument. Rustles and hoots imbue the air, sounds that are part of the fabric of the darkness as much as the stars or moon belong in the sky. I light a small flame in each hand and point them forward like flashlights, allowing us to keep our pace. Even Lucas is sweating now; we’ve been walking with only a couple of breaks since morning.
When the mountain with its unflinching faces stares down at us, all three of us slow to a stop. The lights extinguish as soon as I quit focusing on them, and a moment later Lucas slides a hand into mine. Shivers zip up my arm but I ignore them, holding on tighter. “This is it, then.”
“Yeah. This is it.” Pax stares ahead for a couple more minutes, then gives a curt nod. “Let’s go.”
CHAPTER 25.
We’ve decided over the last several days that we’re going to use the element of surprise as far as it takes us, going on the offensive as soon as we get inside. While Pax and I throw everything we’ve got at the Wardens, Lucas will run up to free Deshi. We’re hoping most of the attack will be on the ground, where the majority of Wardens were centered when Lucas checked things out.
