William Shakespeare's Star Wars

by Ian Doescher

  OBI-WAN [aside:] This droid shall quickly stretch his welcome thin.

  LUKE I shall not leave thee, droid, thou speak’st sans sense.

  Come, come, I’ll bear thee up, so argue not.

  OBI-WAN [aside:] What noble care he takes to soothe this droid.

  [To Luke:] We must make haste or face them yet again,

  So hence let us away unto my den.

  [Exeunt.

  SCENE 2.

  Inside the Kenobi homestead.

  Enter OBI-WAN KENOBI, LUKE SKYWALKER, C-3PO, and R2-D2.

  LUKE Nay, thou art sure misled, O wise one, for

  My father hath not fought in any wars.

  Full many evenings as I lay abed

  Such tales I heard of him I never knew:

  A navigator on a freighter ship

  Which carried fragrant spices hence to yon

  My father was. He kneweth naught of wars.

  OBI-WAN So hath thine uncle told thee. Marry, he

  Did not agree with aught thy father told

  Of his philosophy and brave ideals.

  Thine uncle, tether’d to the land, did not

  Believe thy father should become involv’d

  In matters of the stars and Empires, nay.

  [Aside:] What shall I of the father tell the child?

  If gentle Luke knew all that’s known to me

  I’ll warrant he’d not understand the rhyme

  And reason for my words. And yet, what is’t

  To lie? To tell the truth, all else be damn’d?

  Or else to tell, perhaps, a greater truth?

  Is it the truth to tell a boy each fact

  And thus deface his father’s memory?

  Or have I spoken better truth to Luke

  When I about his father speak with pride?

  Aye, ev’ry child deserves a champion.

  LUKE Hast thou done battle in the Clone Wars?

  OBI-WAN —Aye.

  And once was I a Jedi Knight, the same

  As thy dear father.

  LUKE —O, how tears well up

  Within me for the loss of that dear man

  Whom never I did know, nor do, nor will.

  OBI-WAN I tell thee truly, ’mongst the pilots he

  Was e’er the greatest in the galaxy.

  He also was a cunning warrior,

  And to the last was he a dear, dear friend.

  [Aside:] And now to play upon his natur’l sense

  Of self-importance, so to draw him near

  To thoughts of Jedi training for himself.

  [To Luke:] I hear thou art a pilot skill’d as well.

  This calleth to my mind a gift I have

  For thee. Thy father hath desir’d that thou

  Shouldst have this weapon when thou wert of age.

  Thine uncle, though, would none of it, so fear’d

  He that thou might adjoin with Obi-Wan

  Upon a fool’s crusade or devil’s task

  Just as thy father hath when he was young.

  C-3PO Dear Sir, if thou dost need me not, I shall

  Shut down upon the present moment, here.

  OBI-WAN [aside:] Why speak’st he here when ’tis my time to speak?

  These droids of protocol are e’er uncouth:

  Of etiquette they know but little, troth!

  LUKE Pray tell, what is’t?

  OBI-WAN —Thy father’s lightsaber.

  It is the weapon of a Jedi Knight:

  If thou in thine own hand could hold a sun,

  Then thou wouldst know the power of this tool.

  Not merely random, neither awkward like

  A blaster. Nay, the lightsaber maintains

  A noble elegance, a Jedi’s pride.

  ’Tis something for a civiliz’d new age.

  CHORUS Now holdeth Luke the weapon in his hand,

  And with a switch the flame explodes in blue.

  The noble light Luke’s rev’rence doth command:

  That instant was a Jedi born anew.

  OBI-WAN [aside:] Now doth the Force begin to work in him.

  [To Luke:] For many generations Jedi were

  The guarantors of justice, peace, and good

  Within the Old Republic. Ere the dark

  Times came and ere the Empire ’gan to reign.

  LUKE How hath my father died?

  OBI-WAN [aside:] —O question apt!

  The story whole I’ll not reveal to him,

  Yet may he one day understand my drift:

  That from a certain point of view it may

  Be said my answer is the honest truth.

  [To Luke:] A Jedi nam’d Darth Vader—aye, a lad

  Whom I had taught until he evil turn’d—

  Did help the Empire hunt and then destroy

  The Jedi. [Aside:] Now, the hardest words of all

  I’ll utter here unto this innocent,

  With hope that one day he shall comprehend.

  [To Luke:] He hath thy Father murder’d and betray’d,

  And now are Jedi nearly all extinct.

  Young Vader was seduc’d and taken by

  The dark side of the Force.

  LUKE —The Force?

  OBI-WAN —The Force.

  The Force doth give a Jedi all his pow’r,

  And ’tis a field of energy that doth

  Surround and penetrate and bind all things

  Together, here within our galaxy.

  R2-D2 [aside:] In hearing this wise man I have almost

  My errand quite forgot. Now to my work!

  [To Obi-Wan:] Beep, meep, meep, squeak, beep, whee, squeak, whistle, meep!

  OBI-WAN And now, my little friend, shall I attempt

  To find out whence thou came, and to discern

  The reason wherefore thou hast left thy home

  For lands unknown, a mission to pursue.

  LUKE He hath a message play’d—

  OBI-WAN —Thus have I found.

  Enter PRINCESS LEIA, in beam projected by R2-D2.

  LEIA Dear General Kenobi, many years

  Ago thou serv’d my noble father in

  The Clone Wars. Now, he beggeth thee to come

  Again and aid him in his struggle with

  The Empire. Sadly may I not be there

  With thee in person, my request to give.

  My ship of late hath fallen under siege

  And thus my mission—bringing thee unto

  My cherish’d planet Alderaan—hath fail’d.

  Yet have I deep within the mem’ry banks

  Of this brave R2 unit stor’d the plans

  Most vital for rebellion’s victory.

  My father can retrieve the plans therein,

  But I must ask of thee to take the droid

  And bring him unto Alderaan with care.

  The desp’rate hour is now upon us—please,

  I beg thee, Sir. O help me, Obi-Wan

  Kenobi, help. Thou art mine only hope.

  [Exit Princess Leia from beam.

  CHORUS The message ends, then doth a silence fall.

  While Obi-Wan his duty contemplates,

  Young Luke considers whether Fate doth call.

  Aye—in this moment, destiny awaits.

  OBI-WAN [aside:] The boy doth hear and hath the taste of fire

  New burning in his ears. Now shall I play

  The part of fuel and gently stoke that fire.

  [To Luke:] Thou must be taught the Force if thou wouldst come

  Away with me, and go to Alderaan.

  LUKE Nay, Alderaan? [Aside:] This man hath many charms,

  And now it seems to me that I have been

  These many hours under some great spell

  That he hath cast. [To Obi-Wan:] Nay, I must hence back home.

  ’Tis late, and Uncle Owen shall be vex’d,

  If I do not return to him ere long.

  OBI-WAN [aside:] And now it must be done or else ’tis lost!

  [To Luke:] I need
all thy good help, Luke—so doth she.

  For such adventures I have grown too old.

  LUKE Nay, nay, I should not be involv’d, dear friend.

  Much work there is to be completed yet,

  And as the seers say true, a crop without

  Its harvester is like a dewback sans

  Its rider. Verily, I loathe the cruel

  And noisome Empire, aye, yet nothing ’gainst

  It have I pow’r to do at present. Fie!

  ’Tis all so far, far distant from this place.

  OBI-WAN Thus speaks thine uncle through thy lips, not thee.

  LUKE Mine uncle, O, mine uncle! How shall I

  To him explain this matter? Tell me, how?

  OBI-WAN Come now with me and learn the Force, dear Luke.

  LUKE [aside:] Now am I split in twain by Fate’s sharp turns.

  Two paths: the one toward adventure leads,

  The other taketh me back to my home.

  I have, for all my life, long’d to go hence

  And now this Obi-Wan hath reason giv’n

  Why I should leave my Tatooine and fly

  Unto the stars. Aye, he hath told me of

  The pow’rful Force. And yet, another force

  Doth pull me home: the force of duty and

  Responsibility. I would go hence,

  Would fly today and ne’er look back again,

  Except Beru and Owen are my true

  And loyal family. ’Tis settled, then,

  I stay on Tatooine until the time

  When I may leave with clear, unfetter’d soul.

  [To Obi-Wan:] I shall take thee as far as Anchorhead.

  From there may’st thou find transport to where’er

  Thou goest—aye, throughout the galaxy.

  OBI-WAN Thou must hold with thy conscience, it is true,

  Whate’er thou thinkest right, thus thou shouldst do.

  [Exeunt.

  SCENE 3.

  Inside the Death Star.

  Enter Imperial generals and Senators, including ADMIRAL MOTTI and COMMANDER TAGGE.

  TAGGE Until this battle station utterly

  Prepar’d and operational shall be,

  ’Tis plainly vulner’ble to an attack.

  The rebels have more resources and are

  More dangerous that thou wilt deign to see.

  MOTTI Perhaps of danger to thy star fleet, aye,

  But not unto this battle station strong.

  TAGGE Rebellion shall gain more support within

  Th’Imperial Senate—

  Enter GRAND MOFF TARKIN and DARTH VADER.

  TARKIN [aside:] —O, these men do talk

  And quibble like a brood of clucking hens!

  [To Tagge:] Th’Imperial Senate, which thou speak’st of here,

  No longer any threat to us doth hold.

  For truly have I just receivèd word

  That our great Emperor himself dissolv’d

  The Council—now the final remnants of

  The Old Republic fade away like dew.

  TAGGE But marry, ’tis impossible! How shall

  The Emperor maintain control without

  The crimson cord of vast bureaucracy?

  VADER [aside:] O, how these politicians irk me so!

  Of governors and territories care

  I not! But I retain their company

  For mine own purposes, and though their talk

  Doth tire my mind I do confess that naught

  I’ve found hath on their counsel yet improv’d.

  For ev’ry human bond is meaningless:

  All family doth leave, and friends betray,

  And lovers fail, and teachers turn, and thus

  Among the politicians shall I dwell—

  Where lies, deceit, and garr’lous talk do make

  The universe go ’round. But yet, I vow:

  I’ll not be govern’d by the governors,

  No policy of politicians heed.

  Instead, myself and my dear Emperor

  Together shall pursue our destiny.

  TARKIN The governors of all the regions now

  Have sole control o’er their especial lands,

  And fear shall keep the people all in line—

  Fear of this very battle station, aye!

  TAGGE But what, pray tell, of the Rebellion vile?

  For if the rebels have the plans to this

  Good station stolen, possible it is

  They may have found a weakness, which, in haste,

  They shall exploit. Pray, Tarkin, mark my words.

  VADER Those plans shall soon recover’d be, fear not.

  MOTTI Attack upon this station pointless is,

  Regardless of the data they have found.

  I speak not rashly when I here aver:

  This station now hath power ultimate

  O’er all else in the vast, wide universe!

  And now, I prithee, let us see it us’d!

  VADER [to Motti:] Nay, peace! I warn thee, man, be not too proud

  Of thy great terror technological.

  A weapon for the mass destruction of

  A planet—even to destroy it whole—

  Is no match for the power of the Force.

  MOTTI Thou shalt not ’tempt to frighten us with words

  So like a man of magic, Vader. Nay,

  Thy sorc’rer’s act is tir’d and overdone.

  The sad religion thou dost cling to hath

  No pow’r to conjure up the stolen plans.

  Nor dost thou have a third-eye’s sight to make—

  [Vader begins to choke Motti using the Force.

  CHORUS The power of the Force is now unveil’d

  As Vader holds the Admiral in check.

  The Force that Motti with his words impal’d

  Now hath a wampa’s hold about his neck.

  VADER I find thy lack of faith disturbing.

  TARKIN —Cease!

  No more of this! Good Vader, let him be.

  VADER As is thy will. [Aside:] My point hath well been made

  Upon his prideful, unbelieving throat.

  [Vader releases Motti.

  TARKIN Enough! This endless bickering shall end.

  Lord Vader shall provide the setting of

  The errant rebel base before the time

  This station shall be operational.

  And then, my friends, the Empire shall rejoice—

  Rebellion shall be crush’d in one swift stroke!

  Now get ye gone, fulfill this purpose grand.

  [Exeunt Imperial generals and Senators, including Admiral Motti and Commander Tagge.

  VADER My troopers on the planet Tatooine

  Have trac’d the creatures who have found the droids.

  We shall retrieve those plans.

  TARKIN —’Tis well, ’tis well.

  Thou ever wert a faithful servant to

  The Emperor, Lord Vader. Prithee, go,

  And take with thee a gov’nor’s gratitude.

  [Exit Darth Vader.

  There goes a man who hath a mind to serve.

  The Emperor doth hold him in his grasp,

  And lays a claim upon his heart and soul.

  Well I recall when, as a younger man,

  The Emperor and Vader with me stood

  And contemplated our shar’d destiny.

  Now Vader, split ’twixt manhood and machine,

  Fulfills a vital place within my plans.

  Aye, though I fear the Force, he knows his place.

  He knoweth he and I stand side by side—

  Together wrapp’d in power’s warm embrace—

  Our Emperor to serve until, at last,

  The final curtain of life’s play is dropp’d.

  As history hath made this Tarkin great,

  This battle station now shall make me fear’d.

  I am as constant as the Endor moon,

  And shall rebellion crush, and do it soon.

  [Exi
t Grand Moff Tarkin.

  SCENE 4.

  The desert planet Tatooine.

  Enter OBI-WAN KENOBI, LUKE SKYWALKER, C-3PO, and R2-D2, surrounded by Jawa corpses.

  LUKE It seemeth that the Sand People have done

  This wretched deed—yon gaffi sticks and tracks

  Of bantha, aye. But ne’er in all my years

  Have Tuskens gone awry so far as this.

  OBI-WAN And they have not, though they who this vile deed

  Have done, would make us think Sand People did.

  But hark! Take note, and look ye thereupon:

  Yon tracks are side by side, yet Sand People,

  ’Tis known, e’er one behind the other ride,

  So better may they hide their numbers large.

  LUKE These Jawas are the very same who sold

  C-3PO—and R2-D2, too—

  Unto mine uncle not two days ago.

  OBI-WAN And these marks here, these blast points, are too fine

  And accurate for Sand People, ’tis true.

  For only stormtroopers by Empire train’d

  Are so precise and cunning in their work.

  [Aside:] Survey’ng this scene, I fear what cometh next,

  For certain have the troops more evil done.

  Good Owen and Beru no doubt are slain,

  And though it breaks my heart to think on it,

  It may be that their deaths will spark Luke’s soul,

  And lead him unto good rebellion’s cause.

  So by their death may others yet find life.

  LUKE But why, say why, would these Imperi’l troops

  Have aught to do with Jawas? Wait, I see—

  The droids! If they have trac’d them here they may

  Have soon discover’d whom they sold them to,

  Which—O, my soul!—would lead them to my home!

  OBI-WAN Pray, patience, Luke! ’Tis far too dangerous!

  [Luke runs to his landspeeder.

  CHORUS Now flies Luke off in his landspeeder quick

  And finds his home engulf’d in flames of red,

  Then spies amid the smoke, so black and thick,

  The bodies of his aunt and uncle, dead.

  A sadder, wiser man he cometh back,

  With noble purpose now his life’s imbu’d.

  By wrongful, vicious, cowardly attack,

  The Empire hath Luke’s passion quite renew’d.

  OBI-WAN ’Twas nothing thou, Luke, couldst have done had thou

  Been there. Thou murder’d would have been as well.

  Aye, also would the droids now captur’d be

  And would be in the Empire’s evil hands.

  LUKE Thou knowest, friend, what I have seen today.

  No sorrow like to this have I e’er known.