by Ian Doescher
We shall do well.
LUKE [spying ship:] —What folly-fallen ship
Is this? What rough-hewn wayward scut is here?
HAN Point-five past light speed shall she make, my lad.
Now truly, earneth she low marks for looks,
But still a finer spirit hath no ship.
Full many small improvements have I made
To render her e’en faster than before.
Now, marry, gentlemen, if thou agree,
We shall be off, and speedily, from here.
[Aside:] And if thy mouth insulteth it again,
I promise, boy, thy face shall meet my hand.
[Chewbacca, Obi-Wan, Luke, C-3PO, and R2-D2 board ship.
CHORUS But ere the ship departs the sandy dock,
The stormtroopers appear with massive threat.
Informèd by the beak’d spy’s trait’rous talk,
They come upon the ship, with weapons set.
Enter STORMTROOPERS.
TROOPER 5 Pray, stop yon ship! Aye, blast them to the stars!
HAN Chewbacca, prithee, hence! Now let us go!
C-3PO O, traveling in space, it works me woe!
[Exeunt.
SCENE 4.
Space, aboard the Millennium Falcon.
CHORUS Mos Eisley now is left behind at last,
While newer scenes come into view apace.
As Han’s Millenn’um Falcon flies far fast
The action of our play moves back to space!
Enter CHEWBACCA and HAN SOLO, in ship.
CHEWBAC. Egh, auugh!
HAN —Now are we follow’d hard upon
By an Imperi’l cruiser. Verily,
These passengers of great import must be
For they by th’Empire hotly are pursu’d.
Chewbacca, prithee, swift make our defense
And angle the deflector shield whilst I
Make plain the calculations for light speed.
Enter OBI-WAN KENOBI and LUKE SKYWALKER.
Now vigilance, my Wookiee! Quickly come
Two further ships, to try and block our path.
LUKE Nay, wherefore canst thou not outrun them both?
For thou didst boast of this strange vessel’s speed.
HAN [aside:] Again he prattles on about the ship!
O would that I had left him on the ground.
[To Luke:] Pray mark thy words, lad, else thou surely wilt
Become like refuse to a Star Destroy’r
And float away to vanish midst the stars.
I’ll warrant we shall soon in safety fly,
Once we the jump to hyperspace can make.
And what is more, my skill doth all exceed
At making keen maneuvers. All my life
Have I escap’d one scrape and yet one more.
Well I remember when—as but a boy—
I chas’d a nerf whilst on a speeder bike.
Through rocky field in harsh terrain we went,
Within, around and backward was our game.
I caught the nerf that splendid day, but aye,
It seems I have been dodging ever since.
OBI-WAN How long, now, ere thou canst achieve lightspeed?
HAN A few more moments shall it take whilst this
Computer doth its navigation work.
LUKE But art thou mad? For certain they approach!
I have not made this journey just to die.
[Aside:] This man shall surely be the end of me.
HAN The travel unto hyperspace is not
The same as thine a’dusting of the crops
Upon thy land of infinite dry sand.
Sans calculations quite exact, we would
Belike run through a belt of asteroids,
Or hit upon a planet’s center mark.
Should such our fate become, thy trip would end
Before it had begun.
LUKE —But O, what now?
What light through yonder flashing sensor breaks?
HAN It marks the loss of yon deflector shield.
I bid thee, peace! Now sit and thou take heed,
For all’s prepar’d to jump unto lightspeed.
CHORUS Han graspeth quick the console in his hand,
Then suddenly the ship is bath’d in light.
With roar of engine—noise profound and grand—
The great Millenn’um Falcon takes her flight.
[Exeunt.
SCENE 5.
Inside the Death Star.
Enter GRAND MOFF TARKIN and ADMIRAL MOTTI.
MOTTI Now are we come to th’system Alderaan.
Enter PRINCESS LEIA, bound, with guards and DARTH VADER.
LEIA Ah! Gov’nor Tarkin, scurvy knave art thou.
Now seems it plain to me that Vader doth
Perform the part of docile dog unto
The sick’ning whinny of his Master’s voice.
Familiar stench of dog’s best friend have I
Mark’d deep within my sense of smell e’en when
I came unto this station.
TARKIN —Ever wert
Thou charming, Leia, even to the last.
Thou couldst not comprehend how hard it was—
Aye, verily, how I did sigh and weep—
To give the order to destroy thy life.
LEIA Surpris’d am I thou had the courage so
To take responsibility for such
As this unto thy cowardly, small self.
TARKIN [aside:] She groweth ever bolder, which doth but
Increase my appetite to see her scream.
[To Leia:] My Princess, ere thou executed art,
I would thou join me for a moment full
Of pomp and circumstance. For at this grand
And noble ceremony shall the pow’r
Of this great battle station here be shown
To be quite fully operational.
Now no star system shall e’er dare oppose
The Emperor.
LEIA —O but how wrong thou art!
The more that thou dost exercise thy grip,
The more star systems through that grip shall fall.
TARKIN Not after we have shown the power vast
This battle station shall to them display.
And to the point: thou hast determin’d what
The prim’ry demonstration of its force
Shall be—which planet shall oblivion face.
[Aside:] Now shall I drive this nail unto its home,
And watch with joy as she with grief is torn.
[To Leia:] Since thou hast so refus’d to grant to us
The hid location of the rebel base,
I shall unleash this station’s pow’r upon
Thine own home planet—even Alderaan.
LEIA Nay, do not so to peaceful Alderaan!
TARKIN Thou shalt a military target name,
Then render swift the system’s name as well.
Or else thy precious Alderaan goes to’t.
I tire of asking o’er and o’er, so thus
I promise: this shall be the final time—
Where is thy rebel base?
LEIA —On Dantooine.
They may be found on planet Dantooine.
TARKIN Ha, ha! Thou seest, Vader, how a cat
May have her claws remov’d. Now, Admiral,
Thou mayst continue with thy weapon’s test,
And surely mayst thou fire when all’s prepar’d.
LEIA What madness here?!
TARKIN —Thou far too trusting art.
The tiny Dantooine is too remote
To show this station’s pow’r but pray, fear not,
We shall in time thy rebel friends pursue.
CHORUS To do the Governor’s most evil will,
The people on the Death Star quickly rise.
With mighty flash, the beam bursts bright and shrill
And Alderaan is shatter’d ’fore their eyes.
LEIA [si
ngs:] When Alderaan hath blossom’d bright,
Then sang we songs of nonny,
But now her day is turn’d to night,
Sing hey and lack-a-day.
My friend and I stood by the river,
Then sang we songs of nonny,
But I could not her soul deliver,
Sing hey and lack-a-day.
My planet hath the bluest shore,
Then sang we songs of nonny,
That noble land is now no more,
Sing hey and lack-a-day.
[Exeunt.
SCENE 6.
Space, aboard the Millennium Falcon.
Enter OBI-WAN KENOBI, LUKE SKYWALKER, C-3PO, R2-D2, and CHEWBACCA.
CHORUS The instant Alderaan is smash’d to bits,
Luke tries his lightsaber—a keen trainee.
The droids and Wookiee play a game of wits,
But Obi-Wan doth sense catastrophe.
OBI-WAN [aside:] Now breaks my heart as through the Force I sense
The suffering of many worthy souls.
I know not what this doth portend, and yet
I fear the worst.
LUKE —Good Sir, how farest thou?
OBI-WAN Forsooth, a great disturbance in the Force
Have I just felt. ’Twas like a million mouths
Cried out in fear at once, and then were gone,
All hush’d and quiet—silent to the last.
I fear a stroke of evil hath occurr’d.
But thou, good Luke, thy practice recommence.
Enter HAN SOLO.
HAN Thou mayest all thy troubles now forget,
Th’Imperi’l knaves have been outrun at last.
[Aside:] Well here’s a solemn gathering indeed,
Quite lacking in the proper gratitude.
[To Obi-Wan and Luke:] Nay, speak thou not thy thanks too heartily,
Else shall thy praise go swiftly to my head.
But here’s the point, we shall at Alderaan
Arrive ere long.
[R2-D2 makes a move against Chewbacca in the game they play.
C-3PO —Pray, R2, caution show.
R2-D2 Beep, whistle, squeak, beep, meep, hoo whistle.
CHEWBAC. —Auugh!
C-3PO A fair move hath he made, thou furry lump.
No use is there in screaming o’er the loss.
[Aside:] However did I join this company?
A Wookiee and his smuggler captain—O!
CHEWBAC. Egh.
HAN —Be thou wise, droid, mark well what thou dost.
As it is said: black holes are worth thy fear,
But fear thou more a Wookiee’s deadly wrath.
C-3PO But Sir, no proverb warns the galaxy
Of how a droid may hotly anger’d be.
HAN Aye, marry, ’tis because no droid hath e’er
Torn out of joint another being’s arms
Upon a lesser insult e’en than this—
But Wookiees, golden droid, are not so tame.
C-3PO Thy meaning, Sir, doth prick my circuit board.
’Tis best to play the fool, and not the sage,
To say it brief: pray let the Wookiee win.
CHEWBAC. Auugh!
R2-D2 [aside:] —Brute! The fool I’ll play with thee, indeed.
Yet I perceive thou and thy friend have heart.
[Luke continues to practice with his lightsaber against the remote.
OBI-WAN Remember, Luke, the Force doth smoothly flow
Within the feelings of a Jedi Knight.
LUKE But doth the Force control one’s ev’ry move?
OBI-WAN ’Tis somewhat so, but also shall the Force
Obey thine every command, young Luke.
LUKE [aside:] This Force, by troth, I’ll never comprehend!
It doth control and also doth obey?
And ’tis within and yet it is beyond,
’Tis both inside and yet outside one’s self?
What paradox! What fickle-natur’d pow’r!
Aye: frailty, thy name—belike—is Force.
[To Obi-Wan:] Alack! This small remote hath struck again!
HAN Ha, ha! Thy errant systems of belief—
Thy weapons ancient, all thy mysteries,
Thy robes and meditations o’er the air,
Thy superstitions, e’en thy precious Force—
Cannot compare to my religion true:
A trusty blaster ever by my side.
With thus I say my prayers and guard my soul.
LUKE Devoted foll’wer must thou be, with such
A speech. Pray tell me, pilgrim reverent:
Dost thou most truly disbelieve the Force?
HAN A pilgrim, truly said! For I have gone
From galaxy to galaxy and more,
Yet never hath this faithful worshipper
Found aught to recommend that strange belief—
A single Force that binds the universe.
True ’tis, no power mystical controls
Han Solo’s yet unfinish’d destiny.
And so I preach the one and only faith:
My simple, merry tricks are all my gods,
And nonsense is the only testament.
I worship at the shrine of my own will.
OBI-WAN [aside:] A wise philosopher if e’er there was.
I’ll warrant he hath character he hides.
[To Luke:] Now prithee, try again, and lay aside
Thy conscious self. Take thou this helmet thick,
Adorn thine eyes with silver shield opaque
And trust thine instincts only as thy guide.
LUKE But surely ’tis a jest! For with this shield
I nothing now can see. How can I fight?
Aye, truly—fight or walk or even stand?
Without one’s sight but little can be done.
OBI-WAN Nay, ’tis in blindness one doth truly see!
For eyes deceive and sight is known to lie.
Let feelings be thy sight—their guidance trust!
CHORUS With mind unsure Luke readies for the fight.
The small remote doth dodge most suddenly,
But with calm mind Luke blocks its lasers bright—
With inner eye the Force has let him see.
OBI-WAN Hurrah! Thou canst do it!
HAN —’Tis luck, no more.
OBI-WAN Experience hath taught me much, dear man,
And none of it hath shown me aught of luck.
HAN To find success against a small remote,
Is well, and taketh skill, I do confess.
To find success against a living soul,
However, also taketh excellence.
[Console beeps.
It seemeth we draw near to Alderaan.
[Exeunt Han Solo and Chewbacca.
LUKE I did feel something, Obi-Wan, ’tis true.
It seems I fix’d my soul’s eye on th’remote.
OBI-WAN Seems, young one? Nay, thou didst! Think thou not seems.
Thou hast thy first step ta’en toward a world
Far greater than thou now canst understand.
[Exeunt Luke, C-3PO, and R2-D2.
And thus begins—if I have seen aright—
His transformation into Jedi Knight.
[Exit Obi-Wan.
SCENE 7.
Inside the Death Star.
Enter DARTH VADER and GRAND MOFF TARKIN.
Enter OFFICER CASS opposite.
CASS My Lord, our scout ships have reach’d Dantooine.
Remains of th’rebel base the scouts have found,
Yet surely hath it been a length of time
Deserted. Now shall they begin to search
Surrounding systems, so to find the base.
[Exit Officer Cass.
TARKIN The wench hath lied! Deceiving, cut-throat girl,
Most cunning princess born of Hell’s own heart!
VADER I knew full well she never would betray
Her priz’d Rebellion whilst in he
r right mind.
And thus I said: she ne’er should have our trust.
TARKIN Destroy her! ’Tis a sentence more than just.
[Exeunt.
SCENE 8.
Space, aboard the Millennium Falcon.
Enter HAN SOLO and CHEWBACCA.
HAN Now dropping out of light speed’s frantic rush
We enter swift unto the area
Where should there be great Alderaan in view.
But pray, what madness meets the Falcon’s flight?
Is this an ast’roid field I see before me?
The ship hath wrought a course direct and true,
And yet no Alderaan may here be found.
O errand vile, O portents of great ill!
What shall it mean, when planets are no more,
For those who make their wages by the stars?
Enter OBI-WAN KENOBI and LUKE SKYWALKER.
LUKE What news, good Han?
HAN —The ship’s position hits
The mark, and yet no Alderaan there is.
LUKE I pray thee, marry, say: what canst thou mean?
How can a planet vanish in the air?
HAN Thou hast said right, my lad. It is not there.
The planet’s gone, all turned to rock and ash.
LUKE Thou speak’st not right. Say how? Pray how? Tell how!
OBI-WAN Destroy’d it was, and by the Empire cruel.
HAN A thousand thousand ships could not destroy
The planet. Truly ’twould take greater pow’r
Than ever there was known to humankind.
But soft! Another ship approaches quick.
[A small ship flies quickly past the Millennium Falcon.
LUKE Belike they can the tale to us relate.
OBI-WAN Imperi’l fighter ’tis.
LUKE —Hath it made chase?
OBI-WAN Nay, nay! A short-range fighter ’tis. [Aside:] O how
This situation here doth give me pause.
HAN No base is there nearby. Whence cometh it?
[Aside:] The courage in me melts away at this.
My boasts cannot resolve this mystery.
LUKE The ship departeth swiftly! If they have
Identifi’d our lot, we shall have strife.
HAN ’Tis my intent to keep us from that Fate.
Chewbacca, render its transmissions block’d.
OBI-WAN Pray, let it go, ’tis too far flown.
HAN —Not long!
OBI-WAN Dost thou agree—a fighter of its size
This deep in space could not have come alone?
LUKE Belike ’twas in a group and now is lost.
HAN It shall not live to tell the tale today.
