by Molly McLain
Ryan cocked his head to the side, drawing her attention to his neck. To the way the tendons stretched tight beneath his skin, curving so deliciously downward to the thick trapezius muscle that had been her teenage undoing. A rush of goose bumps flashed across her own skin and she shivered.
You’ve clearly been out of the game too long, lady.
Wait. No. This wasn’t a game. Especially not that kind. With Ryan, of all people. Have you learned nothing, body? Nothing at all?
As if to remind her of his presence, he cleared his throat. “Why would I leave? I’ve only been here ten minutes.”
Okay, so maybe she wasn’t as ready to be honest as she thought.
He leaned in, his voice low. “I know it’s been a while, but your eyelashes used to flutter when you were nervous. They’re going crazy right now and I have to wonder—do I make you nervous, princess?”
The response that formed immediately on her tongue was an unquestionable yes. No other man had ever had the power to make her squirm the way he had and, damn it, he was doing it all over again without even trying.
But what she felt right now wasn’t as much about nerves as it was giving him what he deserved. An explanation. A very long overdue explanation.
“No.” She shook her head before she could talk herself out of it. “You don’t make me nervous, but the conversation we need to have does.”
“Oh.” His brow pinched together, despite the easy, contradictory way he leaned back in his chair. “What is it we need to discuss?”
This is it, Rose. Almost ten years in the making…
“I want to talk about why I left,” she said, before the decade’s worth of guilt and regret she’d buried inside began to rear its ugly head.
He nodded without hesitation. “All right.”
Another unexpected laugh broke free in her chest. “That’s it? Just all right? Aren’t you supposed to be annoyed with me right now? Angry even?”
“It’s been too long to be angry, Rosie.”
Well, crap. How was she supposed to do this with him being all compassionate and kind? She’d only look like a bigger fool!
“I thought I’d be pissed, too,” he continued on, “when we eventually saw each other again. But I wasn’t. I’m not. I’m just…here. Shocked as hell that you’re sitting across from me, but I’m rolling with it.” He lifted a shoulder before letting it drop with a slap against his thigh.
She shook her head. “I’ve been in knots since you walked into Kyle’s. Rolling with it? Not in my repertoire of coping skills.”
“Seems to me you’re rolling along just fine.” He shot her a wink and she covered her face with her hands, partly to muffle her strangled whimper and partly to hide her flushed cheeks.
“You always were the easy-going one,” she muttered through her fingers. “I envied that about you.”
“Ah, princess, there were lots of things I envied about you, too, but I’m pretty sure none of them are what chased you off.”
She shook her head. “Nope.”
“So what was it then? Something I did? Something I said? I’m not going to pretend I haven’t wondered all these years.”
If that confession was supposed to make her feel better, he’d missed his mark. All he’d done was reassure her of how unforgivable her silence had been and make her wonder if this moment—this conversation—was for nothing. Chances were the only thing she’d accomplish would be to make him hate her all over again.
But she hadn’t gotten to where she had in life with half-measures, and scary as this was, she had to tell him the truth.
“I don’t know how to tell you this,” she said quietly. “I know I have to, but…it’s so hard. Maybe the hardest thing I’ve ever had to say.”
He reached across the table and took her hand, offering sympathy she didn’t deserve. “Just say it. I can handle it.”
But could she?
Only one way to find out.
Deep breath in, deep breath out. “It was something we did, Ryan. Together.”
For a long moment, his expression remained unchanged. To the point, she wanted to wave a hand in front of his face just to make sure he’d heard her because this really wasn’t something she wanted to repeat.
Finally, he spoke, low and hoarse and cautious. “What did we do, Rosie?”
Borrowing every ounce of courage she could, she lifted her chin, despite the tears that filled her eyes. “We got pregnant.”
Chapter Five
He would’ve accepted Rosie finding another man a million times over if it meant not having to hear the words that had just come from her mouth.
“I should have told you,” she cried softly, turning her hand around beneath his, trying to tangle their fingers.
He pulled away.
“No, Ryan. Please don’t.” She reached for him again, but all of the anger he’d expected to feel upon seeing her again swept in out of nowhere, rushing through him like a flash flood, reckless and unforgiving.
He swung out of the chair so forcefully it nearly toppled over. “Don’t do this to you? To you, Rose? Jesus Christ!”
“Don’t yell. Please just…not here. Not like this.” She spoke calmly, but tears poured down her cheeks. Tears that made him want to run to the nearest trashcan and lose the dinner he hadn’t yet eaten.
A baby.
They’d made a baby and she’d kept that information from him for nine fucking years.
“I don’t want to do this at all.” He dug his wallet from his back pocket and tossed some cash onto the table. A hundred different thoughts and questions ricocheted around in his head, but now wasn’t the time to seek answers. He couldn’t even look at her, for God’s sake.
“I-I can understand that.” Rose stood, too, her purse already clutched between her fingers, ready to go, as well. “But there’s more you need to know.”
Oh, he bet she had tons of shit left to say, but that didn’t mean he had to listen.
“What if it’s another nine years, Ryan? I can’t live with this that long.”
“No?” A bitter laugh rolled in his chest. “But it was okay for you—” He broke off when he realized that Sue Ann was staring at them. So were the patrons at the occupied tables, and anyone who’d ever lived in a small town knew what that meant. Half the town would hear about the unknown man arguing with Rose in the middle of Sue Ann’s before they stepped out the door.
Pissed as he was, he couldn’t leave Rose with that mess when he left.
“Outside,” he demanded. “My rental car.”
Rose followed after him without hesitation, but a park across the way caught his attention and he detoured toward the wooden sidewalk instead of the parking lot. The wind whipped down from the mountains and the chilly January air bit at his face. No matter to him. The sting kept his mind off the ache churning in his gut.
“So…” he began as soon as he reached the railing that overlooked the river. “Do I have a son or a daughter?”
Behind him, he heard Rosemary’s heels shift reluctantly on the landing. Her whisper-soft response came several seconds later. “I don’t know.”
Ah. She’d taken that route, had she?
He shook his head as a hateful smile formed. “I guess I expected that.”
“No,” she rasped defensively, closing the distance between them until he could feel her hot breath and the sharp stab of her finger against his shoulder. “I might’ve been young and stupid, but I would’ve never willfully aborted our child, Ryan. My God. How could you even think that I’d do that to you?”
“To be honest, I’m not really sure what you’re capable of at this point. You left while you were pregnant. With my child.”
“I lost the baby!” Her pained cry cut through the night and the whirling in his stomach wound into a tight knot. “Before I’d even left River Bend.”
Son of a bitch.
“So cut the damn attitude, okay? It took me three long, terrifying weeks to accept that my birth control had failed.
I wanted to tell you. Really, I did. But by the time I’d finally gathered the courage, it was too late. I started bleeding and…and…” She staggered backward until her legs hit the snowy wooden bench behind her, then she dropped hard, her breath coming in short, harried gasps.
“Everything happened so fast. So, so fast.” Swiping blindly at her tear-stained cheeks, she continued on, her voice breaking, repeatedly. “I was eighteen-years-old. Only weeks away from graduation, which was supposed to be one of the happiest times of my life. Instead, I was miserable and heartbroken and ashamed. Not because we’d gotten pregnant, Ryan. God, I could never hate that. But I did hate myself because I couldn’t carry what we’d created. I’d…I’d failed you.”
Jesus friggin’ Christ.
His hands clenched into fists at his sides and he forced himself to breath. To not react like his gut told him to. So far, that hadn’t been his best course of action. “How could you think that?” he asked quietly.
“You wanted a family.”
“Yes, but miscarriages happen. I might’ve been a stupid, hormonal kid, but even I wouldn’t have faulted you for something you couldn’t control.”
She laughed nervously and glanced away. “I didn’t see it that way.”
Obviously or they wouldn’t be having the conversation almost a decade after the fact.
“Rather than tell me about it, you decided to leave town.”
“I didn’t tell anyone, Ryan. I didn’t dare.” She shot him a sad smile, then pushed a hand through her hair. “I couldn’t risk you finding out, especially from someone other than me.”
That would have killed him. Still, he was pretty sure he would’ve appreciated the truth then rather than find out like this, now.
“I’m sorry you didn’t think you could tell me.”
She nodded and a new wave of emotion shimmered in her dark eyes. “So am I.”
“I would’ve supported you.”
A broken sound escaped her throat. “Like you did tonight?”
Well, shit.
“Look, Ryan, there’s no way to know for sure what might’ve happened, but at least now we both know what did happen. That’s all that matters.”
He frowned. “I don’t agree. You still left without saying goodbye.”
“I said goodbye.”
“In a friggin’ note.” Was he bitter about that? Damn right he was. They’d spent more than three years together. They had plans. Not a single one of them involved her packing her stuff and moving to California by herself.
“It seemed easier that way. Less complicated.”
“How? How the hell was it easier to walk away from what we had than to tell me you wanted out? I know you, Rose. I know you couldn’t have done that without the guilt eating you alive. I know it wasn’t a walk in the park.”
“I didn’t want out. But having you hate me for leaving was a more tolerable alternative than having you hate me for what I couldn’t give you.”
Huh? “Aren’t those two things one in the same?”
A shiver overtook her petite body and she wrapped her arms around herself to ward it off.
“You’re freezing. Jesus, you’re not even dressed to be outside, let alone outside in the middle of winter. Here…” He hurried over, pulled her to her feet, rubbing up and down her slender back. “Let’s go back inside. Warm you up.”
“No.” She shook her head, but tucked in closer to his chest, her entire body trembling. “I’d rather not.”
Probably for the best. More fodder for the rumor mill. “Is there somewhere else we could go? Another restaurant maybe? A coffee shop?”
“Not at this time of night.”
He gave a reluctant nod. “I should let you get home then.”
Rose leaned back and frowned up at him. “And not finish what we started? We’ve done enough of that, don’t you think?”
Another valid point. “I’m open to suggestions, if you’ve got any.”
“Where are you staying?”
Not that suggestion, though. No way could he let her follow him all the way to the chalet this late at night. “Tahoe.”
Her eyes went wide. “Oh, wow. Okay. Probably not there.”
“Your place?”
“Janine’s a night owl, and my bedroom and her office share a wall.”
No privacy. Damn. Still, they had so much to talk about. He couldn’t leave her like this.
“Come back to the chalet. You can ride with me and I’ll bring you home later.”
“You’re just as crazy as you used to be.” She gave him a gentle shove and he noted that she didn’t say no to the hair-brained idea.
He smiled down at her, not sure how they’d managed to come full circle again tonight. Definitely one of the strangest days of his life. “So? What do you say? Should we do this now or risk another decade going by?”
Rose pressed her pretty pink lips together. “I don’t think I have it in me to wait.”
“So?”
She nodded and let him take her hand. “Tahoe it is.”
Chapter Six
Ryan closed the cabin door behind them and froze. “Is that snoring?”
“Looks like someone didn’t make it to bed.” She pointed to the couch where a masculine body, wearing nothing but boxer shorts and socks, lay sprawled out like a loud, lazy dog.
“Maybe this wasn’t the best idea.”
She smiled. “He’s harmless, and from the looks of all those beer bottles, drunk as a skunk. He won’t even know we’re here.”
“I hope you’re right, because Jason gets ornery as hell when he doesn’t get his beauty sleep.” Sighing, he grabbed her arm and tugged her into the kitchen. “Still hungry, I assume? There’s a lot here to pick from.”
Thank God. “Any chance you’ve got red wine to start with?”
“Nope, but we’ve got apple beer. Same thing, right?” He pulled a bottle from the fridge, twisted off the top, and handed it to her with a wink.
“Hmm, it’ll work, I guess.” Her gaze swept around the dim cabin, lit only by a dying fire in the fireplace and a light above the stove. “Nice accommodations.”
“Yep. Makes my house back home look like a shack.”
“Oh, come on. From what I remember, Mrs. Gunderson’s house was always well-kept. Cute, too.” Not the kind of place she would’ve guessed a manly guy like Ryan to buy, but that made the choice all the more endearing.
He grunted. “That’s what my mother said when she shoved the mortgage application at me.”
“Ah. I should’ve guessed.”
He made a what-you-gonna-do face and went about fixing them each a sandwich. “So you haven’t been in Hope Falls that long? Where were you before?”
“L.A. A little fast for me, but it was a central hub for most of my clients, so it made sense.”
“You work with a lot of big wigs like Kyle Austen Reed?” He accentuated her boss’s name sarcastically and she rolled her eyes.
“I did until a year ago, when Kyle asked me to focus more on him. Normally, that would be a risky move on my part, but he’s got a solid career and I don’t see that changing anytime soon. He’s a safe bet, you know?”
“Not only did you follow him to Hope Falls, but Janine did, too. That’s some kind of power.”
“Well, he is an Academy Award winning actor.” She bumped her shoulder into his arm and he chuckled. “Believe it or not, I met Kyle while I was an aspiring actress myself. We were friends before I started working for him.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Nope. He’s a pretty down to Earth guy—”
“I mean the acting. I don’t remember you wanting to do that.”
“I didn’t, but my wholesome look was in high demand. I had no problem being cast as an extra. The cash was really nice while I was in school.” Though some of the auditions had been downright creepy. All the guys with the grabby hands. All of the dirty old men who thought they could hire her for another kind of role altogether.
&nbs
p; “Which movies?”
She rattled off the list and shuddered at the mention of the first gig. “That audition almost turned me away from the whole scene.”
Ryan quirked an eyebrow. “Why was that?”
“The casting guy was a sleazebag. I was new to the process and he took advantage. Had me meet him at a restaurant, which seemed innocent enough. Halfway through the meal, he pulled me onto his lap and insisted I show him what I had right there. With a ton of people watching.” She shrugged. “I’ve never been more uncomfortable in my life. I landed the job, though. Turns out, he treated all the pretty girls to the same, disgusting dinner.”
Ryan’s jaw clenched tight. “When was that?”
God, it was so long ago. “Um, shortly after I came to L.A., I think.”
“An outdoor restaurant? Downtown?”
She nodded, not sure why it mattered.
“I saw you. I watched you kiss him.”
A nervous, unexpected laugh burst from her throat. “What do you mean?”
“I was there, Rose. I came to L.A. to find you.”
Oh, crap. She blinked up at him, lost for words. Her Aunt Nancy had given her a heads up about Ryan’s trip to California, but when he hadn’t shown up, she figured he’d changed his mind about wanting to see her. That assumption had broken her heart all over again.
“I know better now, but for the longest time, I thought you’d left me for someone else.” The disappointment, however misguided, still lingered in his eyes.
“Oh, my God, Ryan, no.” It had taken her almost two years to even think about looking at other guys, let alone to go out with someone new.
He nodded, his eyes stuck on the sandwich in his hand. “Not gonna lie—I was pretty pissed.”
“I can imagine.”
He flicked his gaze back to her, a small smile on his handsome face. “But I’m damn happy to hear I was wrong.”
She laughed. “You always were the jealous type.”
“Yep, and for a moment earlier today, I thought I was going to have to kick some Hollywood ass. Then I realized you worked for the guy.”
“Thank God. That would have been a PR nightmare.”
