by Gina Leuci
“And then there is the symbolism for the ring being round,” he continued, “is to represent a love with no end.”
I think that’s when I may have gone white. I know that’s when Caleb became very aware of my increasing trembles. He kissed my knuckles then my forehead before moving his lips to my ear. “We’re in this together, Grace.”
As quickly as he could, he thanked Frank and ushered me through the aisles. I pushed the carriage back to the front of the store to the registers. I knew Caleb kept looking over at me, I could see he wanted to speak, to say something but I think he knew I was beyond words. I remained quiet, but my eyes kept returning to my left hand and the new gold band circling my finger. This symbol changed things. This, more than any kiss I’d exchanged with Caleb.
The rain pounded on the ground as we exited the building, and we moved under the covered shuttle bus stop. The pounding on the roof above seemed overly loud but still not enough to drown out the one thought continuing in a loop in my head. This is real.
“Are you okay?”
It was a simple question but a difficult one to answer. My fingers clasped together in a twisted knot. “No, I don’t think I am.” We weren’t alone. It wasn’t the time for this discussion, and going straight to his mother’s house meant Rita and Conrad and three children running around. I was glad for the reprieve.
The rain suited my mood, but it also meant being cooped up indoors with three children. The movie only took a couple hours. I spent the rest of the time in the kitchen, preparing dessert first, then helping with supper, all while maintaining the proper conversation with the rambunctious family. Working with my hands, though, I continually saw the shiny gold band with the intricate design on my finger, and while I made all the right motions throughout the day, I wasn’t really present.
After dinner, Caleb kissed his children goodnight, thanked his mom for being there for them, and escorted me out, opening an umbrella for us to share as we stepped out into the humid weather. “Let’s skip the music tonight. I don’t think you’re in the mood for dancing, am I right?”
“No, not really, but I don’t want to go home, either.” No, being alone with Caleb in an apartment was definitely not something I could handle.
He didn’t hesitate. “Then I think this calls for milkshakes and French fries.”
I looked up as we pressed close under the large umbrella and gave him a wan smile. “Okay.”
At this late hour, the shuttles only run sporadically. We could have called for a special run, but it was easier and quicker to walk. We found a booth in a far corner of the diner and put in our order.
Caleb, a man of action, a man who needs to fix every problem as it arises, lifted my left hand and rubbed at the ring. “You’re spooked by this. Want to talk?”
It wasn’t a question so much as a request. I looked at my hand, swallowed up within his much larger one. Part of me wanted to pull it away, hide it under the table, pretend the matching gold bands didn’t exist on our fingers.
The music blaring from the old-time jukebox was upbeat which was in total discourse to my contemplative mood. I struggled to find words to describe the emotional tide that had kept me unusually quiet for most of the day.
“Did you know my parents have been married for twenty-six years?” It was a strange answer to his question, but somehow I’d meander along the path of my thoughts. “They were both heavy into their careers before I came along. Mom had me at thirty-six and Sarah at forty. Even with the challenges Sarah brought into the mix, my parents still managed to build a restaurant business and keep their marriage and family a priority.”
Caleb said nothing. He knew I’d eventually get around to the topic at hand. “It’s not easy to work together and raise two children, one of whom has a disability. My parents have had their fair share of arguments. Dad says the secret to their marriage is communication and honesty, but most of all, always remembering to honor the vows they took on their wedding day.”
I nodded to my hand still clasped in his much larger one. I worried my lip. “The wedding, if you can call it that, was surreal. We didn’t exchange vows. We didn’t make any promises. It was, Bam! We say you’re married, so you’re married. Next thing you know, you and I are, well, basically roommates.”
“That about summarizes it. So what’s different now?” He continued to rub at the outline of the band and the back and forth motion was actually a bit soothing.
What’d different? Nothing? Everything? “I don’t know. I can’t explain it.”
I stopped talking as the waitress brought the shakes. Caleb took his drink in one hand, while maintaining his hold of my left hand with his other, effectively keeping the object of our conversation in full view.
I sipped on my strawberry shake while staring down at our clasped fingers. There was a question I wanted to ask, but I never liked to bring Jill up. I knew it made Caleb sad.
“I know your first marriage was different. You were in love. You had three children together. When,” I worried my lip. This was more difficult than I expected. “When did you stop wearing your ring?”
His lip twisted up in a scowl and as much as I wanted an answer, I regretted asking. “Wellington policy. Six months after the death of a spouse, if you are under the age of forty-five, you now become eligible for remarriage. The ring comes off, and when there is an opportunity, a match is made. Like my mom and Conrad. Granted my mom and dad divorced, which was a scandal, but Conrad’s wife had died two years prior. He’s a Wellington, my mother isn’t, so the marriage was approved.”
I snorted. Typical backward mentality I’d come to expect from Wellington. The waitress came back with our fries and I reveled in the taste of salt and fatty foods before I focused again at our joined hands. While Caleb had answered my question at face value, it didn’t answer what I truly wanted to know, so I sucked up the courage and went for it. “How did you feel when you took your ring off?”
His fingers gave a reassuring squeeze as he spoke. “I know where you’re going with this. No, it wasn’t easy, but for me the ring wasn’t a symbol of marriage, it was a reminder of all the memories we shared.
“And we don’t have memories together,” I interrupted, if not a bit petulant at the same time.
“I didn’t say that.” I looked up at the huskiness in Caleb’s tone. “We’ve made a few memories together.” I felt myself blush when he lifted my hand to kiss it. My pulse quickened at the gesture and despite my confused mental state, my body had a mind of its own when it came to this man.
“By law, we are married,” he continued. “Yes, this ring is a symbol for everyone to see that we are united together. Our relationship, though, that’s between us. It’s what we make of it. Friends? Partners? Lovers? No one knows but us. Don’t let this gold band scare you, Grace. You said we didn’t say vows. You’re right. Not publicly. But we did make a promise together that we will figure this all out. We promised that despite how you got here, and why you’re still here, we will work together to get you home to your family.”
I felt the sting of tears behind my eyes, but I blinked rapidly to push them back. “You’re a good man, Caleb. I’m lucky to have you on my side.”
We sat together in the diner, eating our fries, and I let his words sink in, but I still couldn’t help thinking our relationship, now that these rings were on our hands, was about to change. I just wasn’t sure if it would be for the good.
The rain continued on Saturday, but it had become more of a drizzle. Still, it had soaked the ball fields and the game was canceled. However, rumor had spread that if the rain stopped by mid-day, there was to be a bonfire behind Logan’s barn in the evening.
After several days of being cooped up, a night outside sounded like fun to me. Rita and Conrad had already promised the kids they would go bowling, so it was only Caleb and me heading out.
He grabbed a tarp to put down on the damp grass as well as a wool blanket and a five-gallon bucket. Logan’s home was on the northern p
art of the compound and wasn’t too far from the town center making it easy access for most people to walk.
The party was in full swing, and we found a spot near Aaron and Caroline to put down our tarp before we headed across the field to a barn. “What are we doing?”
Caleb grinned. “Getting water. It’s customary for everyone who comes to a bonfire to bring a bucket of water. Everyone does their share for fire safety. We use it to put out the flames at the end of the night.”
“Why not bring in the fire engine?”
He gave me a lopsided grin. “What fun is that? The way we do it, some of us might get a little bit wet.”
I shook my head. “Basically, you’re all a bunch of kids.”
“Absolutely.”
There had to be about a third of the town on the farm to burn the brush from the wind storm from two weeks before. I was amazed at how many people I recognized. I may not have interacted with each one over the past nine weeks, but I knew most by name.
Kurt Jr. was there with his wife, Abigail, as well as his sister, Shelby, whom I spotted hanging with Theresa and Barbara. While I did see Leland with A.J, Hope and Jake were conspicuously absent.
There was a game of tackle football where those playing were covered in mud. Caleb and I, as well as Aaron and Caroline, sat and chatted with Annalise and Kyle, who were planning their wedding for September.
All things considered, it wasn’t my favorite topic, but with the lovey-dovey newlyweds feeding them on, Annalise and Kyle were like bees to honey. I did enjoy myself though, and the night sped by.
And when it came time to douse the flames, I offered to do the honors. I grabbed the bucket by the handle, poured half the water on the fire, then turned quickly to dump the remaining onto my un-suspecting companion.
I doubled over with laughter as Caleb slowly turned, surprise evident as he looked down on his soaked to the skin shirt then back at me. “You’re right, this is more fun,” I sputtered.
“Is that how it’s going to be?”
His slow drawl should have been fair warning, but I ignored it. “I believe you are the one who told me this was the best part of the night.”
“Oh, it is. It is.” There was no doubt his intention, so I turned and ran. He grabbed the bucket Aaron had brought and reached me in seconds to dump the chilly water over my head. I squealed as it ran down my neck and was distracted enough for him to tackle me to the ground.
Ever the protector, he made sure to take the brunt of the fall then rolled until he was on top, one arm around my waist, the other holding my head up from the ground. We were face to face.
“I love your laugh.” I almost think his words were not meant to be said aloud, it was as though Caleb was talking to himself. For a brief moment, time stopped, and I knew he was about to kiss me. And I knew I wanted to kiss him back.
Then he grinned. “Tag, you’re it.” He pushed himself up and sprinted across the field. I followed, but my brain was still back on the ground trying to analyze what had happened. Or not happened. While we chased each other around the grounds, I tried to convince myself Caleb not kissing me was for the best.
There was a full-fledged water fight going on with everyone still at the bonfire. I don’t know how the fire was actually put out. I saw more buckets dumped on people than on the flames, but it was out when we all finally gathered our belongings to walk home.
Caleb took the wool blanket and wrapped it around me. “Don’t want you to catch a chill.”
I giggled. “It’s eleven at night, and I think it’s still around eighty degrees. I don’t think I need to worry about hypothermia.” But I didn’t take the blanket off as we made our way back to the apartment. Aaron and Caroline walked with us, and it was obvious by the looks and the touches and remarks they were hopelessly in love.
Caleb had his arm around my shoulder, keeping me close as he carried the tarp under his other arm. Could others tell that we didn’t really know what our relationship was? Eventually, we split from our friends, but we weren’t truly alone until we entered the apartment building. Suddenly, I felt shy, and I didn’t know what to say or how to react around my enigmatic roommate.
I dropped the blanket on the living room floor and looked up to see dark heat in Caleb’s eyes as they skimmed my body. I looked down and saw my wet clothes plastered to my skin. In the harsh light of the apartment, there wasn’t much left to the imagination.
But his wet shirt didn’t hide much either. Why didn’t I admit that I wanted a repeat of what we had last weekend? We both stood, watching the other. No, I didn’t need to say what I wanted. It was more than obvious to us both, we were on the same wavelength. I was weak. I had enjoyed our one night together way too much not to want a repeat.
“If you want, I’ll take the wet clothes and get a load of laundry going,” Caleb offered which immediately set my mind to seeing him with his clothes off. I was in trouble. He had promised to take things slow, and he was a man of his word. If I wanted things to progress, I needed to make the first move. And if the huskiness of his voice, or the way his eyes kept drifting to where my nipples puckered against my wet shirt was any indication, it wouldn’t take much.
I pulled my shirt away from my skin, noting how Caleb’s hooded eyes watched my every move. “We’re both a mess from the mud and grass. Why don’t we clean up together?”
I saw the visible intake of his breath. “Grace, are you…?”
“Yes.” I cut him off, then took the initiative and moved in to steal a kiss. By the way he responded, I wasn’t the only one who’d been holding back all week. His groan filled my mouth as his lips ground against mine. I clasped the front of his wet shirt keeping him close while his hands moved down my back.
“You’re not making this easy,” he gasped when he finally released my mouth. He tilted my face up. “Everything about tonight was perfect.”
My breath caught as he rubbed his thumb across my lips, still tingling from his kiss. His deep sigh held both a hint of longing and regret “The way the moonlight and the glow of the fire danced across your skin. How you leaned against me, letting me wrap my arms around you. But most of all, hearing you laugh. You don’t do that enough.”
“Ca…”
“No.” He pressed his thumb against my lip, silencing me. “As much as I want this night to end differently, I made you a promise.”
I closed my eyes. Why did he have to be so good? The carefree evening had swept me away, but he continued to be strong for the both of us. His lips pressed against my forehead, and the gentle gesture had a spark of tears press against my eyelids.
“I know you’re right,” I whispered. “I got caught up in the fun of the night.”
He pressed my head into the crook of his shoulder. “Don’t get me wrong, Grace. I want you.” His voice was husky and the way his hands pressed me to him, I knew he held tightly because if he didn’t, he’d lose control. I knew how he felt. “If there were a way we could have it all, I wouldn’t hesitate a single moment to take it.”
Chapter Fourteen
We returned to work on Monday. It had been two weeks since our forced marriage. Two weeks of getting to know each other. I’m sure I can guess what the townsfolk of Wellington expected of their newly married couples during their honeymoon, but that hadn’t been the case for us.
Although, after what happened Saturday, there was yet another shift in our relationship. Caleb wanted me. I wanted him. The attraction was mutual. If I’d been at college where men and woman acted on their impulses a lot more freely, Saturday would have ended with us doing a lot more than sleeping in that bed.
If I were still at college, I’d still be taking my birth control, and we would have access to condoms. Here in Wellington, sex doesn’t happen until marriage and then with direct intent to procreate. The more children the better.
Roger had also laid down an edict. If I got pregnant, I would have to stay here. No Wellington child would be raised outside the security and over watch of the re
sidents of this town.
So we stayed away from each other as much as we could. We were back to being roommates. When Caleb handed me my cup of tea in the morning, he was careful to not allow our fingers to touch. When he looked at me, I’d catch a glint in his blue eyes before they shuttered over, and he’d give me a casual smile. But I saw the tightness in his shoulders, the clench of his jaw. He was in control mode.
Every day was routine. I made breakfast. He made me tea. We went to work. Dinner was at his parents’ house. His children slowly warmed to me. At night, we slept beside each other, not touching, but completely aware of each breath and every move of the other.
Living together was becoming more difficult by the day. Keeping our thoughts and our hands off each other was a slow torture. Maybe this was the whole point of the forced marriage: get them together and eventually nature will take its course.
Another Friday arrived and I sat at my desk, entering paperwork from the early eighties into the computer system. My busywork for a job created for me. I didn’t mind, though.
I looked up as Caleb and Randy came out of the dispatch area together. “Hey, Chief,” I called out, “I was wondering if I could leave a little early today.”
He stopped and turned around to face me. “Sure. For what?”
“I need to go grocery shopping for supper. I was talking with your mom last night about it and well, she said she was going to make real pot pie.”
He smiled, one of his warm, relaxed, smiles that twisted my insides into goo. “Yep. Mama makes great pot pie.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Well, from how she described it, it is nothing like what I know. I mean, it doesn’t even have a crust.”
He shook his head. “Nope. It’s real pot pie, cooked in a pot. Pennsylvania is known for it.”
I shook my head. “That’s what she said, so we decided we would each make our own version tonight to compare.”
“Sounds great.” He turned, took two steps away then stopped, slowly turning back. “Ah, you’re not going to make me choose which I like better, are you?”
