“We’re bein’ honest, babe. Need to know where I stand.”
“Um, yeah, I’m going to make you wait. I’ve never slept with anyone I wasn’t in love with and you won’t be the first.”
He grasped his heart. “You wound me.”
I giggled. “You wanted honest, bub. You got honest.”
He grinned and leaned forward. “I’ll wait, baby, but that don’t mean I’m not gonna wear you down.” He slipped his hand to my neck and stroked my jaw. “And kissing better not be off the table, or we’re gonna have a problem.”
I licked my lips. “No, kissing’s most definitely not off the table.”
Hawk guided my legs to the ground and pulled me against him, lowering his mouth to mine. As he deepened the kiss, he slid his hand to my neck, and ran his thumb over my pulse. I loved kissing, had kissed a lot of boys and men in my day, but Alex was by far the best I’d ever experienced.
To me kissing was like holding hands… no big deal. Sex was different. It was intimate and when I slept with a man, it was because I thought there was the chance we’d last forever. There’d only been two that fell into that category for me and they’d both lasted several years, ending amicably.
But kissing Alex was different. I felt like he was giving me everything and I wanted to give him everything back. I broke the kiss and stroked his cheek as I tried to catch my breath. “You’re freaking me out a little.”
He smiled, his blue eyes soft and sweet. “Baby, there’s no pressure. We’re gettin’ to know each other.”
“I get that in theory, but you…” I shook my head, not wanting to finish my thought.
“What?”
Gah! I bit my lip. “You kiss me like that and I forget my manners.”
Alex chuckled. “Well, I’m doin’ it right then.”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re impossible.”
“Won’t ever make you do somethin’ you don’t want to, baby, but I fuckin’ love kissin’ you.” He smiled. “And you just admitted you love kissin’ me, so, gonna make that work for me.”
“It works, handsome. Just might work a little too well.”
He grinned and kissed me again, until his phone interrupted the moment. “Hey, Kayla. Lily okay?” he asked, and wrapped an arm around me, pulling me against him. “Yeah. Probably in a couple of hours. Put her on.” I snuggled closer to Alex as he talked on the phone. “Hey, baby. No, I’ll be home after you go to bed. You being good for Kayla?” He chuckled. “Kisses back. Love you to the moon, baby girl. Okay. Put auntie back on.” He kissed my temple and gave me a gentle squeeze. “You okay? Sure? Yeah, really appreciate it, Kay. Yeah.” He chuckled. “Okay. ’Bye.”
“You’re really sweet, Alex.”
“Don’t tell anyone that, baby. Bounty hunters aren’t supposed to be sweet.”
I giggled. “My lips are sealed.”
“What’s your work schedule over the next few weeks?”
“I’m working all week.” I craned my head to look up at him. “Then the following week, school’s out Wednesday through Friday for Thanksgiving week, but otherwise, I’m typically working until about four every day.”
“Right, Thanksgiving.”
I smiled. “Do you have plans?”
“Usually go to the club.”
“Are you committed to that?” I asked.
“Not necessarily. Why?”
“Because you’re welcome to join us. We cook a butt-load of food and there’s football and pie. A lot of pie.” I smiled. “Plus a gaggle of kids to keep Lily occupied. You’re sister’s welcome too.”
“Let’s play it by ear, yeah?”
I nodded and stared out at the water. I couldn’t explain it, but the fact that he didn’t jump at the chance to spend Thanksgiving with me really disappointed me. I’d been hesitant to get involved with him and yet, here I was sad that he wanted to play it by ear.
Obviously, I was insane.
Or a woman.
Sometimes I wondered if there was much difference.
“You okay?” he said against my ear.
“Hmm-mm.”
“You gonna share what’s pissed you off?”
I frowned up at him. “I’m not pissed off.”
He studied me for a few seconds. “Somethin’s off, babe.”
I sighed, pulling away from the warmth of his body and facing him. Settling my chin on my drawn up knees again, I forced a smile. “I’m working out my feelings, Alex. You’ve just gotta give me a little time.”
“I’m givin’ you an out for Thanksgiving, babe.”
“What do you mean?”
“We’re playin’ it by ear so you can un-invite me if you want to.”
I sat up. “Why would I un-invite you?”
He chuckled. “Because you’re workin’ out your feelings. You might decide you’re not ready for your very stable family to meet my equally unstable one.”
I wrinkled my nose. “Well, thanks for putting words in my mouth.”
“I’m not lookin’ to put words in your mouth or start a fight, babe. Just want to give you an out.”
“Well, I don’t want an out,” I said. “You are officially invited to Thanksgiving.”
“Okay.” He grinned. “I’ll check with my sister, but that sounds good. Thank you.”
Our awkward moment was broken when my phone pealed in the silence. I dug in my purse and pulled it out. “Hello.”
“Hey, honey, just checking to see when you’ll be home,” my mom said.
“Probably in a couple of hours. Everything okay?”
“Of course. Just like to know when my chickens are back in the coop.”
I giggled. “I’m the only chicken, Mom. Everyone else was smart enough to fly away.”
“I’m waiting for everyone to come back.”
“Good luck with that.”
“Dad and I are going to watch a movie, so just text me when you’re inside and have locked up.”
“Will do. Hey, I’ve invited a couple of friends for Thanksgiving, is that a problem?”
“The more the merrier, honey. We’ll discuss details the week of.”
“Sounds good. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Okey doke. Love you.”
I smiled. “Love you too, Mom. ’Bye.” I hung up and dropped my phone back into my purse.
“What was it like livin’ in a Cleaver house?”
I shrugged. “I wish I could say something profound and deep that would sum everything up, but honestly, it was awesome. We’re all still really close. I’m guessing your home life wasn’t so good?”
“Dad’s in jail for sex crimes against the foster kids my parents took in and my mom didn’t do a fuckin’ thing to stop it, so yeah, mine wasn’t so good. But it’s done, so I don’t dwell.”
“I’m sorry, Alex. That sucks.” I squeezed his arm. “It sounds like you’re making things really happy for Lily, though. You’re breaking a cycle of sorts.”
“Yeah.” He stood. “You done?”
“Um, yeah.”
“Okay, I’ll take you home.”
“O-okay,” I stuttered. Apparently he was working out his feelings too, and the subject of his life was not a good one, so I didn’t press.
I folded the blanket he’d wrapped around me and handed it back to him before gathering my stuff up while he locked up the boat. Alex helped me back onto the pier and then released my hand and I was forced to jog to catch up to him. “Alex, wait.”
He stopped, but didn’t turn around.
“What just happened?” I asked.
He faced me, his face impassive. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t play that game, Hawk. You know exactly what I mean. If you don’t want to talk about it right now or want to revisit it later, I’m fine with that, but don’t act dumb, and if you say ‘nothing,’ in answer to any of my questions that start with ‘what’s wrong?’ I will maim you.”
“I don’t want to talk about it right now.”
“Is it someth
ing I said?”
“Fuck, Payton, you just said you’d be fine with that answer.”
“I am…” sort of, “… so long as I didn’t do something to offend you.”
He shook his head. “You didn’t do anything to offend me. Can we go now?”
I nodded and followed him again, this time able to stay in sync with him, however, he still didn’t touch me. He held the door of the truck open, waited for me to climb up, and then made his way to the driver’s side.
The drive home was excruciating. He said nothing. Nada, zip, nuttin’ honey. Just focused on the road. I originally thought I might have hit a nerve on the boat, but now I was spiraling into all manner of offenses… only stopping with the possibly I’d killed his pet in a past life.
See? Crazy.
Alex pulled up to my house and turned off the truck. I slipped out of his jacket and set it on the console between us. “Thanks for dinner.”
“Hey.” He grabbed my hand. “Workin’ shit out, yeah?”
I nodded.
“Call you next week.”
I nodded again.
He tugged me forward, but I pulled away from him. “I’m not kissing you in front of my parents’ house, Alex. Not yet, anyway.”
“So, it’s fuckin’ payback time, huh?”
“What?” I snapped. “No.”
“Let me guess. Your dad would go ape-shit over you datin’ someone like me, right?”
“No, not at—”
“Fine, babe. We’ll do it your way.”
“God, you make me crazy.” I let out a frustrated growl. He moved to leave the truck but I pulled him back. “Wait. This conversation isn’t done.”
“No?”
“No,” I snapped. “I don’t want to kiss you in front of anyone until we know where we’re going with this. It has nothing to do with my dad. And for your information, my dad isn’t like that. He knows me enough to know that if I want to date someone, it’s my decision and he trusts me to make it. Brock, on the other hand…”
“Fuck,” he whispered.
“I’m gonna go.”
“Wait, babe.” Alex grabbed my hand. “I’m sorry.”
“Thank you.”
“You really not gonna kiss me?”
I couldn’t stop a giggle of relief as I shook my head. “Does it make you feel better to know I want to just as much as you do?”
“Doubtful,” he grumbled.
I squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry if I said something earlier.”
“You didn’t.”
“Yeah, the silent treatment the whole way home proved that.”
Alex sighed. “Babe, you sayin’ shit like I’m ‘breakin’ the cycle’ drives home the fact that I’m fuckin’ failin’ at it.”
“So I did say something.”
“Fuck me, Payton. You ever not intuitive?”
“I’m paid to be intuitive,” I said. “It makes me a good teacher.”
He nodded. “Look. You have a charmed life, good family, fuckin’ great friends—”
“And you don’t?”
“It’s different, Payton. My club’s my family outside of Kayla and Lily. Before the club, I never had friends I could trust like you can trust yours.” He dragged his hands through his hair. “I know I’m fuckin’ Lily up big time. Shit, her teacher even said she’s behind in her language skills and asked me if I read to her at night… like if I don’t, I should be ashamed.”
“And do you?”
“If I’m home… sometimes. But not always.” He frowned. “I’m not breakin’ any cycles, babe. I’m just makin’ new ones to fuck up my daughter.”
“So I hit a nerve,” I observed, and smiled.
“Yeah, babe, you hit a nerve.”
“Can I put my two cents in regarding Lily… purely from a professional standpoint?”
“Have at it.”
“Okay, I’m not sure why her teacher would say she’s behind in her language skills. Yes, she sometimes says words a little softer than other girls her age, has some difficulty saying her r’s, but she forms full and coherent sentences and understands what you’re saying to her, so in my opinion, she’s right on track. She also has a pretty good sense of what people she can trust, considering I heard her crying for a little while in the store before she stopped and talked to me. She inherently knew I’d help her. I think her teacher is either an insensitive cow, or wants to offer up her personal services to help Lily in the hopes of getting in your pants.”
It took him a second to respond but then he let out a booming laugh that filled the cab of the truck. I was so distracted by the sound, I didn’t register him reaching for me until his mouth was on mine and I was melting into his arms.
I broke the kiss and dropped my forehead to his arm. “Alex.”
“In less than five minutes, you’ve erased the fear I’ve had for years, babe.” He stroked my cheek. “I won’t apologize for kissin’ you.”
I met his eyes. “I was just telling you the truth. I do think Lily’s perfectly fine. If she wasn’t, I’d say that too.”
He kissed me again.
“Alex,” I said, smiling against his lips. “You can’t keep kissing me when I tell you the truth. Our mouths will be permanently attached if that’s the case.”
“Explain why that would be a problem,” he retorted.
“Just imagine trying to track down some bad guy with my mouth attached to yours.”
He grinned. “Minor point made… maybe.”
I giggled. “Do you need more examples?”
“I’m good.” He smiled at me. A smile that went to my soul.
“I need to go,” I whispered, shifting away from him.
He nodded and reached for my hand again. “Thanks, babe.”
I smiled. “Not sure what I did, but you’re welcome.”
He climbed from the cab, made his way to my side, and pulled open the door. I jumped down and grabbed my purse, hitting the trunk button on my key fob.
“Want some help?” Alex asked.
“No, I’m good. Just have to see if Macey left a bag,” I said, and peered inside. “Which she did.” I pulled our shopping bags out and then closed the trunk.
“Thanks for tonight, babe,” Alex said, and smiled.
“I’m always up for burgers and boats.”
He chuckled. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Will I see you before Thanksgiving?”
“Babe, Thanksgiving’s over a week away.”
“You say that like I’m not aware of that fact,” I retorted.
“Yeah, you’ll see me before Thanksgiving. I’ll call you.”
“Maybe I’ll answer.”
He raised an eyebrow. “You’ll answer.”
I giggled. “We’ll see, handsome.”
“I’m gonna kiss you, babe.”
“Nope,” I said even as I raised my head.
He chuckled and bent part of the way, forcing me to stand on tiptoe to reach him. “You’re a butt,” I said just before his mouth covered mine.
I found the bags in my hands obtrusive, especially since I wanted to touch him, so I dropped them to the ground and wove my fingers into his hair. I was grateful it was dark, but even if it hadn’t been, I wouldn’t have objected. There was something about kissing Alex James that made me want more. I liked him. A lot.
I forced myself to break the kiss, dropping my forehead to his chest. He pulled me closer, tugging gently on my ponytail. I raised my head so I could meet his eyes. “You’re still a butt.”
He chuckled. “Told you I was going to wear you down.”
“Hmm-mm. We’ll see.” I picked up my bags again and rifled through my purse for my keys.
“Sure I can’t help you carry those?”
I shook my head. “I’m good.”
“I’ll wait for you to get inside.”
“Okay.” I smiled. “Thanks for dinner.”
“Anytime, babe,” he said, and I let myself inside, leaning against the door f
or a minute to catch my breath.
I fired off a text to my mom to let her know I was home, and then one to Macey to let her know I had her stuff. Then I locked up, set the alarm, and headed to my room with a glass of wine. Time to process.
ALMOST A WEEK later, I was walking out of school when my phone rang. I grimaced to see ‘SMA’ pop up on the screen. I almost ignored it. He’d waited six days to call me and, if I was being honest, I was hurt that he hadn’t called sooner. I thought we’d had a connection, but when day three, then four, then five passed without a phone call, I thought I was wrong.
Unfortunately, the truth was I’d missed him, so I answered. “Hello?”
“Hey, baby.”
I shivered as his voice washed over me. “Alex?” I played dumb.
“You busy tonight?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“Seriously?” He sounded surprised and a little annoyed.
“Seriously,” I said. “I have plans with Macey. Why, what’s up?”
“Can you blow her off?”
I snorted. “No.”
“I wanted to take you out on the boat.”
“Well, then you can plan a day that works for me and we can go from there.”
He sighed. “Don’t get all pissy, Payton. It was just a question.”
“Was it just a question, Hawk? Because I was thinking you decided I was going to drop everything at your beck and call.” I unlocked my car and climbed inside. “It’s girls’ night out, which trumps you, handsome.”
“You pissed at me?”
Ohmigod, talk about clueless. “Why would I be pissed at you?”
“Okay, babe. You have fun tonight. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
Then he was gone. He hung up. I let out a frustrated squeal as I started my car and pulled out of the parking lot. I made it home in record time. I was probably irritated enough to speed, but I’d deny it if anyone asked.
My parents wouldn’t be home from work for a while, so I had plenty of uninterrupted time to shower and change for girls’ night out, and even had the minute chance of getting out the door before they arrived. Dani and her best friend were joining us, along with my sister-in-law, Bailey, and then Bailey and I were crashing at Macey’s place, so I packed a bag before jumping in the shower. Dinner and live music was the plan and it was at a place you didn’t have to dance if you didn’t want to. I was more of a homebody, so I would more than likely watch from the sidelines… well, unless I drank a little too much. Then all bets were off.
Road to Redemption Page 4
