by L A Cotton
“A girl never kisses and tells.” Josie smirked, but her expression quickly fell. “Are you sure you’re okay? We don’t have to go. We can stay here and watch movies while eating our body weight in ice cream.”
“For as tempting as that sounds…” I flashed her a weak smile, knowing that I had to do this. I couldn’t explain it, didn’t really understand it, but deep down in my soul, I knew I had to go tonight. “I need to keep moving forward.”
Because if I stopped, that’s when the grief hit. Overpowering, unrelenting waves that knocked me off my feet.
“Well, if things get too much and you want escape, just whisper the safe word to me and we’ll leave.”
“Safe word?” I chuckled, and it felt good. Really good. But that was the thing about Josie, for as forward and persistent as she was, she was also really good at making me smile.
“Yeah, our safe word. If at any point tonight you whisper BHS, I’ll make up an excuse to get us out of there.”
“Oh my god,” I chuckled, hardly surprised that she’d remembered such a small detail of the history between me and Zach. “You’re a good friend, Josie.”
“I try my best.” She beamed.
“I think I’m going to tell him tonight. Joel, I mean.” He deserved to know the truth.
“I think that’s probably a good idea. The team have strict guy codes about dating teammates sisters.”
“How’s that working out for you?” I teased.
“It’s the worst. But I have a plan.” Josie shot me a mischievous wink.
“Why do I not like the look you’re wearing right now?”
“Ready for this?” She stood and offered me her hand. I followed her up and took it, my lips curving in a hesitant smile.
“As I’ll ever be.”
“I’m glad you came,” Joel said as we wandered from stall to stall. Our small group had grown along the way. Josie was busy talking to a couple of other guys from the team, Saul and Dev, while casting longing looks at Brad. Victoria had brought a friend called Kira, and the two of them had been glued to Zach’s side the entire night so far.
He’d barely looked twice at me.
“Me too.” I smiled, trying to ignore the knot in my stomach.
“Okay, ladies, who wants to see a real man in action.” Saul motioned to the strongman game.
“No way, bro. Those things are rigged.”
“Nah, I got this.” He pulled out his wallet and handed the guy some bills in exchange for the hammer. “Now stand back.” A smug grin tugged at his mouth. “I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone.”
“More like hurt yourself,” Dev muttered under his breath, and everyone snickered.
We all watched as Saul made a show of hiking the hammer up over his shoulder and slamming it down onto the button. The needle rose higher and higher and, for a second, it looked like it was going to ring the bell. But as quickly as it rose, it fell, sinking back down to its cradle.
“No fucking way.”
“What did I tell you, man?” Dev snorted. “Every damn time.”
“I bet Zach could do it,” Kira purred, running one of her manicured fingernails down his arm.
“You should totally try to win her a prize, Zach.” Victoria grinned with approval.
I may have retched a little. Kira was being so obvious, touching him. Batting her long lashes his way and constantly chewing her bottom lip as if it were the sexiest thing known to man.
“Down girl,” Josie whispered, sneaking up on me out of nowhere. My head snapped around and I pursed my lips. “We should all ride the Ferris wheel,” she suggested.
“I’ll ride with you,” I said.
“No way. You can ride with Joel. I’m sure one of the guys will ride with me.”
My money was on Brad, but I kept my theory to myself.
“Do you want to?” Joel asked, hope glittering in his eyes.
I glanced back at Zach, barely able to hide my irritation at the sight of Kira draped all over him. “Sure,” I said, flashing Joel a tentative smile.
“We’re going to check out the Ferris wheel.” He grabbed my hand and started pulling me in the direction of the ride.
Everyone joined the line with us, and somehow, I ended up wedged in between Joel and Zach. He had his back to me, acting as if I wasn’t there, as he chatted to Kira and Victoria. But I felt him. Much like my mom, Zach was also ingrained on my soul. The lingering thread that had once tethered us was still there, expanding and contracting under the surface.
“We’re an odd number,” Saul said.
“Tough shit, Jameson. You’ll have to ride alone.”
“Fuck that. Vic, babe, ride with me.” He dropped down on one knee and clasped his hands together.
“Jesus, Saul, you’re making a scene.” She tried to yank him to his feet, but he refused to budge.
“Say yes, and I’ll get up.”
“Yes, you stupid idiot.” Victoria shook her head playfully, lapping up the attention. “But keep your wandering hands to yourself.”
“Deal.” He leaped up and pulled her into a bear hug. “She said yes, ladies and gents.”
“Oh my god,” Kira said. “Doesn’t he realize she’s still with Declan?”
That sobered the mood. Saul released Victoria so fast she stumbled a little. But Zach was there to catch her. “You good?”
She nodded.
“Shit, Vic, I’m sorry. I didn’t—”
“It’s okay.” She gave Saul a sad smile. “I’m okay. Besides, we all know you prefer dick to pussy.”
“What the hell?” he spluttered, the blood draining from his face. “I don’t—”
“No? Huh,” Victoria shrugged, “I always assumed you were gay.”
The guys fell about into fits of laughter as Josie and I shared an amused smile.
“You know when I was in high school,” she continued to hold court, “there was this silly tradition that whenever you rode the Ferris wheel with someone, you had to kiss them when you stopped at the top otherwise it was bad luck.”
“Bull. Shit,” Dev grumbled.
Victoria’s eyes flicked to mine. She’d barely spoken two words to me or Josie, but Josie insisted we didn’t let her intimidate us.
“I’m down for some lip on lip action,” Saul smacked his lips together, “just say the word.”
“Maybe I’ll ride with Kira after all.”
“Hell no,” Kira laced her arm through Zach’s, “He’s is going to distract me from my fear of heights, aren’t you, Zach?”
Ugh.
Could she be any more obvious? He wasn’t even really paying her that much attention.
More than you though.
“Almost there,” Josie’s announcement pulled me from my thoughts.
“Shit, my heel is stuck.”
I smothered the laughter bubbling in my chest at the sight of Victoria trying to free her designer shoes from the ground. Saul bent down to try to free her while Kira pulled her leg.
“Best thing I’ve seen all day,” Josie whispered, and I couldn’t help smother a snicker.
Served her right for wearing stilettos to the fairground.
“A little help?” Saul looked to his teammates, but it was Joel who stepped forward.
“Try slipping off her shoe and pulling it out that way.”
“Next,” the ride attendant called.
“For the love of God, don’t make me ride alone,” Josie groaned.
“I’ll hop on with you.” Brad slipped past me before anyone could say anything.
“Another two,” the guy said.
I was next in line, but Joel was still helping Victoria and Saul. “I’m sorry,” I said to the guy. “Can we just wait a sec—”
“Let’s go, James.” Zach nudged me forward.
“What the hell are you doing?” I sneered, digging my sneakers into the ground.
“Are you riding or not?” The attendant grumbled. “I don’t got all day.”
“She’s riding,”
Zach barked, manhandling me into the cart.
“Let me out. Let me out right now.”
But Zach ignored me, pulling the safety bar closed and sliding his arm around my shoulder. “Don’t make me ride alone, sweet pea,” he whispered against my hair.
Damn him.
Damn his stupid name for me.
I glanced back at Joel. He was still trying to work Victoria’s heel free from the metal grating, paying zero attention to us.
With an indignant huff, I shuffled to the edge, trying to keep as much space between us as possible.
“I don’t bite.” He let out a low chuckle that reverberated deep in my stomach. “Well, only if you beg.”
The attendant checked the safety bar and tapped the cart. “Enjoy your ride.”
“Oh, I will.” Zach pinned me with a dark look that sent shivers racing down my spine.
“I can’t believe you,” I muttered.
“Disappointed you won’t get to kiss Joel at the top?” He leaned in, his warm breath hitting my face.
“You’re drunk.” I could smell the bitter scent of liquor on his breath.
“So what if I am?”
My brows furrowed. What person got drunk to come to the fairground?
The Ferris wheel lurched forward, and my hands shot out, grabbing the safety bar.
“You’re scared,” Zach taunted, rocking his body to make the cart sway.
“No, I’m not.” I inspected the arm connecting us to the rest of the ride.
“Okay, sweet pea, whatever you say.”
“Stop calling me that.” I scowled at Zach, trying to ignore the nervous energy bouncing in my stomach. But it didn’t deter him. He leaned in closer, pulling me toward him until we were pressed together.
“Why? Does it get you wet?”
“You’re such a pig,” I spat the words, trying to press into my side of the cart as much as possible. But Zach was too big. Too everything. The air crackled around us as his intense gaze burned into me.
“And you’re testing the last of my fucking patience.”
“Kira seems nice,” I spat the words, growing tired of his bullshit.
His lip twisted into a wolfish grin. “She does, doesn’t she? I bet she sucks dick like a champ. Maybe I’ll take her for a ride later.”
Dammit.
Why did his words hurt so much?
I was here with Joel. He was a good guy. Kind and funny. Joel wouldn’t ever treat me this way. He wouldn’t play games. He wouldn’t try to scare me, all while trying to drive me insane.
“What are you doing, Zach?” I asked as the world fell away. We were approaching the highest point. Steinbeck and the beach beyond lay below. The sun was setting in the distance. It was beautiful. So peaceful and pretty.
He didn’t answer, but I felt Zach watching me as I tipped my head back and inhaled a deep breath. I could taste the sea air. There had been a time, when my mom was near the end, that I thought I wouldn’t get through it. I couldn’t see past the heart wrenching grief, the constant pit of despair in my stomach.
But I’d done it.
I’d survived the single worst experience of my life, and now here I was, trying. For her.
Nothing Callum or my father or even Zach did, could touch me. Because I was different now, hardened from losing the person I’d loved most in the world.
He doesn’t know. I shut the little voice down. Zach knowing wouldn’t change anything.
The wheel lurched to a stop, the car swinging back and forth, and I swallowed the flash of panic.
“Isn’t this fun?” Josie yelled and I was surprised she could talk, what with all the supposed kissing.
“What?” I barked, growing impatient with the way Zach was watching me.
I was done with the whole goddamn night. If Victoria hadn’t gotten her heel stuck, he’d have been sitting here with Kira right now, not me. Maybe they would have done a whole lot more than kiss at the top of the ride.
I needed to remember that.
“I’m just wondering how I can hate you so much but still want to kiss you,” he said as if it was the simplest thing in the world.
Zach pressed his thigh against mine, twisting his body into me a little. My breath caught, my heart racing in my chest as a beat passed between us. His eyes dropped to my lips, tracing their shape.
“Don’t even think about it,” I breathed, pressing myself against the back of the cart.
“No?” His voice cracked with lust. “Not even for good luck?”
He was close now.
Too close.
My body was paralyzed as he cupped my face, brushing his thumb along my cheek. His touch was soft and gentle, but I knew it was a lie. I knew it was all part of his game to break me.
To what end though, I still didn’t understand.
“I shouldn’t want you so fucking much, sweet pea.” He ghosted his lips over mine. “But I do.”
“Don’t do this, Zach,” I whispered, my hands reaching for him.
“Stop me,” he breathed almost painfully. “Stop me, Calli.”
A shudder rolled through me as my pulse ratcheted. It’s just the ride, that’s all it is.
“You’re trembling,” he said.
“It’s the ride.”
“Sure about that?” Zach’s hand glided to the side of my throat as he watched me. He kicked the cart, making us rock harder.
“Zach… don’t.” My hands dug into the seat beneath me, trying to steady myself.
“Say it, Calli. Say it, and I’ll stop.”
“S- say what?” I tried not to look down. Heights had never bothered me before but riding with Zach was too much.
He was too much.
“Tell me you want me the way I want you…”
“I hate you.”
“I hate you too, baby, but it only makes it sweeter.”
We crashed together, teeth and tongue and my salty tears. I was crying and I was kissing him.
I was kissing him.
God, it felt good, to feel his lips on mine.
Why did it always feel so good?
“Fuck, babe, you taste good.” Zach curled his tongue around mine, devouring me. And I let him.
I let him plunder my mouth and steal my breath, because where Zachary Messiah—the only boy I’d ever loved—was concerned, I’d never been able to say no.
His hands slid along my inner thigh, dipping under my skirt. “Are you going to let me get you off on the Ferris wheel, sweet pea?” He brushed my panties, and I froze. “Are you going to let me finger fuck you right here?”
What the hell was I doing?
“We should stop.”
“Stop?” He snarled. “You think you get to decide when this stops?” A dark expression washed over him. Another shiver rolled through me as his eyes burned into me. “Do you wish it was him?” He hooked his fingers inside the damp cotton. “Do you wish it was Joely boy here right now?”
I pressed my lips together in defiance. It was one thing to lose myself in the physical sensations Zach stirred in me, but I wasn’t going to engage in these verbal sparring sessions.
Clamping my thighs tight, I tried to force him out. But a wicked smirk tugged at his mouth. “Don’t you want to feel, sweet pea?” he rasped against my ear, smugness dripping from his every syllable as if he knew he had me all figured out.
And maybe he did.
Maybe he got me without even realizing it.
“Don’t you want to just let it all go?” He bit the skin beneath my ear, sucking gently, sending bolts of pleasure ripping through me. I swallowed a moan, but he heard it. His lips curving triumphantly against my neck.
“I can make you feel so fucking good, babe. You know I can.”
There was a vulnerability in his voice I hadn’t noticed before. Zach was drunk. Or, at least, he’d been drinking. He was in pain, trying to escape whatever demons haunted his thoughts.
I reached up, brushing the hair from his face. “What happened to you, Zac
h?”
“You, sweet pea. You happened.” Without warning he pushed two fingers inside me, and I cried out, the sounds lost in the background noise of the fairground. His hooded gaze captured mine, refusing to let me go, as he curled his fingers and rubbed in slow torturous motions.
It was so wrong... so dirty... I needed to stop him. I needed to—
“God, Zach,” I cried as he started circling my clit with his thumb, dragging it back and forth.
“Not God, babe, Messiah. And I own this.” He pressed his palm against me, “I own this pussy.”
I tried to bury my face in his shoulder, embarrassed at his dirty words but he wouldn’t let me. Zach trapped me there, rendering me incapable of doing anything except ride out the intense waves of pleasure he stirred inside me.
“Later, when you’re kissing Joel, remember how this feels. Remember who owns you.” His eyes were pitch black. Two soulless orbs come to steal my soul.
My body began to tremble. “Zach, please...” I whimpered.
“Fuck, yeah. Beg, Calli. Beg.” He licked his lips, watching me fall apart at his touch.
“I... God... it’s...” Everything. I swallowed the word. Zach didn’t deserve it.
He didn’t deserve this.
But I couldn’t stop myself. The second Zach kissed me, I was a lost cause. Because the broken part of me needed him. It needed his scraps of attention and rare moments of vulnerability.
It just needed him.
Maybe it never stopped.
Zach
She was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, losing control as we were suspended in the air.
“Zach...” she moaned my name and I almost came right there in my shorts.
I leaned in, rubbing my nose along the length of her jaw. “Tell me what you want, sweet pea.”
“M- more.” Her eyes were glassy, her cheeks stained with desire.
She wanted me to fuck her.
Sweet little Calliope James wanted me to ruin her.
I wanted to. Fuck, I wanted it so much. But I knew it probably wasn’t a good idea. I was already struggling to maintain control around her.
Calli’s legs began to shake and I knew she was close. Pressing my lips against hers, I stared right at her as she teetered on the edge. “Say it,” I taunted her, licking the corner of her mouth. “Tell me you want me.”
