by L A Cotton
My teammates began cheering again. I found Callum along the bench. His head bowed slightly; eyes shielded from everyone. He didn’t want to be here. A month ago, it was something I would have said we had in common, but something had changed the last few weeks.
I’d changed.
“Zach, son, you ready?”
“I’m ready, Coach.” My voice rang loud and clear over the guys’.
“It’s not the way we wanted to do this. I know that. We’re missing the heart of our team.” His expression hardened. “Declan was a good kid, one of the best. When we go out there tomorrow and play, we play for him. We play to honor his legacy.”
“He isn’t gone.” Callum shot up, silencing the gym.
“I know that, son,” Coach stuttered, the blood draining from his face. “I didn’t mean no disrespect.”
“It’s bullshit, right, you know that? An exhibition game isn’t going to fix Declan. No amount of money we raise for the facility is going to give him back his legs.”
“Son, you need to—”
“Need to what?” Callum roared. “Pretend everything is okay? Everything is not fucking okay. He wasn’t just our shot at the championship. He was our friend. He is my best friend... and he’s—”
One of the senior players, a guy called AJ, jumped up and threw his arm around Callum’s shoulder. “Come on, Cal, let’s go take a walk.”
“Douglas, go with them.” Coach ordered one of the assistant coaches, and he took off after them.
The silence was deafening. My pulse was a steady drum beneath my skin. I’d known Callum a long time and I’d never seen him so... so angry. But it was more than that. He was in pain. It had rippled around him like a storm, turning the air in the gym dark and heavy.
“Okay, why don’t we call it a day.” Coach expelled a long breath. “You looked good out there today. Strong and together. I know it hasn’t been easy. I know there’s a lot of uncertainty right now. But we’re a team. We stick together and we get the job done, okay?”
A collective round of, ‘Yes, sir,’ rang out around me. Brad cast me a concerned look though.
“What?” I said.
“That was some heavy shit.”
I shrugged. “That’s James’ problem, not mine.”
“Dude, he’s your brother’s best friend. Not to mention the fact you’re boning his—”
I elbowed him hard in the stomach, glaring at him to shut the fuck up.
“Yeah,” he croaked, “my bad.”
“Okay, hit the showers,” Coach said. “Zach, a word please.”
“Uh oh, Messiah’s in trouble,” Saul snickered, and I flipped him off.
I waited for the gym to empty before approaching the court. “What’s up, Coach?”
“I want you to talk to Callum for me.”
What the fuck?
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Coach. We—”
“I don’t give a shit what’s going on between the two of you right now. He’s your teammate, your brother’s best friend. And this is his senior year. He needs to get his shit together if he wants to draft in the spring.”
Fuck.
“Yeah, okay,” I said through gritted teeth. “But I can’t guarantee he’ll listen.”
“Then make him. Callum has too much to lose this season. I know he’s hurting but Declan wouldn’t want him to throw everything away because he can’t get a handle on his pain.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
Coach gripped my arm. “I knew I could count on you, son. What we’ve asked of you this season is too much, I know that. But I want you to know I brought you here because I truly believed you had what it took to lead this team in your brother’s stead.”
Before, his words would have rubbed me the wrong way. But there was something sincere about the way he said them now, as if he knew the burden resting on my shoulders was too great for any one person to bear.
“Whatever happens out there this season,” he added, “this is your team now, Zach. Not Declan’s, yours. It’s up to you what you do with that.”
“Is he here?” I asked AJ the second he answered the door.
“Yeah, he’s here, but I’m not sure you coming around is a good idea.”
“I’m not leaving until I speak to him.”
He shook his head, his lips quirking with amusement. “I thought you’d say that.” He pulled the door open wider. “Enter at your own peril.”
“I can handle James,” I mumbled.
“Yeah, that’s what I’m worried about. He’s in the den,” he said as if I knew where that was. “Last door on the left.”
“Thanks.”
The house Callum shared with the other senior players was the last place I wanted to be, but the second Coach had asked me to come, I knew I’d do it. Because Callum wasn’t only my teammate, or my brother’s best friend—he was my girl’s brother. And despite the ocean between them, they were family. Which in some strange fucked up way, made him my family.
I wiped my clammy hands down my shorts and knocked on the door.
“Fuck off,” Callum yelled.
“Nice to see you too.” I slipped into the room. It was a typical guy’s den, the lingering scent of sweaty socks, liquor, and sex permeating the air.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” He glowered.
“Coach sent me.”
“You came. Obligation fulfilled.” He swigged the bottle of whiskey hanging from his fingers. “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”
“We should talk.”
“No, we really shouldn’t.” Callum’s eyes shuttered as he inhaled a sharp breath. He looked about as pleased to see me as I was to be here. “He’s a fucking vegetable and everyone’s acting like it’s business as usual. It’s bullshit.”
I winced at the pain in his voice. “It sucks,” I said. Because it did.
Declan didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve any of it. But the world went on. Life went on. It had to.
“Coach is right though, Cal. He wouldn’t want you to throw away everything you’ve worked for. It’s your senior year. You have a real shot at going pro, man. You can’t just let that slip through your fingers because you’re hurting.”
“You think I want to feel like this?” he spat. “He isn’t getting better, Zach. He isn’t going to magically wake up and be okay. He’s lying there in that bed, clinging onto life, when we both know...” He heaved a ragged breath, unable to say the words.
I dropped down on the couch and ran a hand over my face. “They’re not ready to let go.” My parents and Victoria were clinging onto the hope of a miracle that would never come true. Declan wasn’t coming out of this.
He was gone.
The truth hit me like a wrecking ball. I’d known it for some time. Deep down, I think it was why I hadn’t been able to go and see him again. Because I knew it would be goodbye.
I tried to swallow over the giant fucking lump in my throat. “He’d want you to go all the way, Cal. Declan would kick your ass right now if he knew you were sitting here, ass drunk, unable to keep it together.”
“I’ll never forgive him for taking that jet ski out that day.”
“It was a freak accident, nothing more.”
“Fuck.” He launched the bottle across the room, and it smashed against the wall, shattering into pieces.
“Better?” My brow arched, and he shrugged.
“A little. How do you do it?”
“Do what?”
“Act so damn calm all the time. You’re like this fortress, man. Nothing touches you.”
“Don’t be so sure about that,” I muttered, my mind instantly going to his sister.
But it wasn’t like I could tell him the truth, not now. Not when he was two seconds from losing it.
“The team needs you, man,” I said. “We need you.”
Stormy eyes met mine. He had the same whiskey eyes as Calli, the same nose and jaw. But he was harder around the edges. Groun
d down by the events of the last few months.
He let out a weary sigh. “I’ll be there. Of course I’ll fucking be there… it’s just hard… it’s so fucking hard.”
“I know.” I did. We were just on opposites side of the scale where our grief and emotions were concerned.
“But I’m not sure I can do the thing after,” Callum added.
“My parents will want you there.”
“I know... I just… fuck...” He clenched and unclenched his fist, staring at his hand as if it was the only thing grounding him. “Victoria irritates the hell out of me.”
“You’re not the only one,” I confessed.
“Yeah?” His brow rose. “I thought you two were besties?”
“Fuck off.”
We shared a tentative smile.
“She’s only out for herself.”
He wasn’t wrong. I’d just been too angry and bitter to care.
“She’s threatened by Calli,” I said, testing the waters.
“This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen.” Anger flared in his eyes. “I didn’t want her to come here and be pulled into this world. I was only trying to protect her.”
Yeah, I could see that. Girls were brutal, even at college. They would trample over each other without looking back if it meant climbing the social ladder or bagging themselves an athlete boyfriend. And Victoria sat proudly at the top.
“You should tell her,” I suggested. “She thinks you did it because you’re ashamed of her.”
“I’m not...” His lips thinned. “I fucked up. She’s my sister, and I just left her there... I don’t deserve her forgiveness.”
“Isn’t that for Calli to decide?”
“You sound awfully confident you know what my sister is thinking, Messiah.”
“We’ve been hanging out… at the center,” I added, hating the way the lie tasted on my tongue.
But I didn’t want to add fuel to the fire for Calli, or for Callum.
His eyes grew thin, but he didn’t ask whatever was on his mind. It was probably for the best because I didn’t want to lie to his face. Not when I was here to try to smooth some of the cracks.
“I really don’t want to go to the thing after either,” I admitted, “but how about I make you a deal? I’ll show my face if you do.”
He clucked his tongue. “We both know you’ll be there, with or without me.”
“Yeah, but I’d really prefer it if it was with you.” I smirked.
Callum barked out a laugh. “Is that your pickup line? Because you need to work on your game if it is.”
“I’ll bear that in mind.” Guilt snaked through me. He was going to kick my ass when he found out the truth about me and Calli. But this wasn’t about me and the girl who owned my heart, it was about me and the team.
Callum and the team.
Once the game was over, then I’d deal with everything else.
But one thing was for certain, if he—or anyone else—tried to make me choose: Calli or the team... I would pick Calli every day of the week.
Because I wasn’t losing her. Not again.
Not ever.
I waited until after dark to sneak into Abrams, not that I really needed to sneak around given that a) it was a co-ed and b) I was Zach Messiah. But I wanted to surprise Calli, and I knew she wouldn’t appreciate me showing up and making a scene. So I opted for stealth mode.
Either the girls living on Calli’s floor were bookworms or out partying because the hallway was empty as I kept my head down, my black and red SU ball cap pulled low over my eyes.
I knocked gently. It was late, a little past ten, so when Calli opened the door in her pajama shorts and thin tank top, I almost pounced on her.
“Zach?” she whispered-shrieked as I ducked inside, closing the door behind me. “What are—”
Snagging Calli around the waist, I pulled her into me and kissed her. She melted against my body, letting out a little sigh of contentment when my tongue slipped past her lips and curled around her own.
It was a sound I wanted to bottle and keep with me always.
“Fuck, you taste good, sweet pea.”
“It’s called fresh mint toothpaste.” Calli giggled against my mouth. “I just got done brushing my teeth.” She smiled up at me. “What are you doing here?”
“What, I can’t come see my girl?”
“Am I? Your girl?” Love shone in her eyes. Warm golden flecks glittering in two deep whiskey pools I wanted to drown in. Jesus, she was beautiful. The only girl I’d ever looked at and wanted to know. Her secrets, her hopes and dreams, her fears. Her eyes called to me in a way I’d never experienced before, shackling me to her in a way I never expected.
And you almost lost her.
I pushed down the unwelcomed thoughts. Calli was here. I had a second chance at doing things right. Besides, I had a near perfect offensive rebound record in practice—I wasn’t about to miss my shot with her again.
I grabbed the back of Calli’s neck, brushing my lips over hers in a possessive manner.
“God, I don’t think I’ll get used to this feeling,” she said.
“Good, I don’t want you to.” Picking her up, I walked us to the bed and lowered her down. “I can’t believe I was stupid enough to ever let you go.”
“Zach—” My name got stuck in her throat.
Dropping to my knees, I ran my hands up her legs, ankle to knee, knee to thigh, stroking her smooth, silky skin until I was brushing the edge of her tempting little pajama shorts.
“I saw your brother today.” She went rigid, and I chuckled. “Relax. It wasn’t about you. Coach asked me to talk to him.”
Calli pushed up on her elbows. “Why, what happened?”
“He’s finding it hard...”
“Because of what happened to Declan?”
“Yeah, and me being here... and you.”
Her expression fell.
“I think you should talk to him.”
“W- what?”
“He’s carrying a lot of guilt, Calli. I think losing Declan has made him realize some stuff. Just... try, yeah?”
Uncertainty flickered in her eyes. “You’re asking me to try... with the brother who abandoned me?”
“You’re giving me another shot.”
“That’s not fair,” her lips thinned, “and you know it.”
“Look at it another way then. You have Josie and Freya and the center and me.”
“And Xavier,” she added.
“Xavier?” A low growl rumbled in my chest, a deep sense of possessiveness snaking through me. “The dude at the bar?”
She nodded around a little smirk. “Xavier is good people.”
“Are you trying to make me burst a blood vessel?”
“Are you really trying to make me bury the hatchet with my brother?”
“He’s still here, Calli. I don’t want to be an asshole about it, that’s not what this is, but your brother is here, and deep down, I think he wants to fix things. He just doesn’t know how.”
Calli sat up, winding her hands around my neck. “Do you always play this dirty?”
“Where you’re concerned? Yes.” I pecked her lips.
“I got some good news earlier.”
“Yeah?” I asked, letting it slide that she was deflecting the conversation about Callum.
“Jasmine and the boys can come tomorrow.”
“That’s amazing. I’m going to have Coach look into a team for her. Maybe even get him to speak to the coach over at the high school. She’s too good to not be playing regularly.”
“She’s like a different person around you.”
“It’s the Messiah effect, baby.”
Calli rolled her eyes. “You are such a dork.”
“A very sexy, very skilled dork?” I smirked.
“Oh my god,” laughter spilled from her lips and it was like music to my fucking ears, “who are you right now?” She brushed the hair from my eyes and let out a contented sigh.
“Penny for your thoughts, sweet pea?”
“We wasted so much time, Zach. It just feels unfair somehow.”
“I think it’s like you said. We weren’t ready then. We needed to wade through all the bullshit and heartache and come out the other side to know that this is real.” My hand slipped to her chest, right over her heart. “Feels pretty real to me,” I whispered, reveling in the steady beat of her heart beneath my fingers.
“Promise me, this is it?” Calli’s voice cracked with uncertainty. “Promise me you won’t break my heart again.” She leaned in, pressing her lips against mine. “Because I don’t think I’d survive it.”
“I promise, Calli. I promise.”
Calli
“You’re doing it again,” Jasmine said, failing to hide her irritation.
“Sorry, I’m a little restless.”
“A little?” She balked. “Your leg hasn’t stopped trembling since we got here.”
“It’s just so... big.” I glanced around the Nixon Arena.
“What did you expect?”
“I don’t know... something smaller.”
“This is the Nixon Arena,” Joseph leaned around her. “Built in the sixties, it holds eleven thousand, two hundred, and ten people, and it’s a sellout.”
“Dude,” Jasmine looked impressed, “how do you know all of this shi—stuff?”
I smothered a chuckle. It was nice to see her so relaxed. There had been a second when Maureen and I had ushered the kids inside, that Jasmine had gone quiet and withdrawn. But as soon as we found our seats—which were right on the center line a few rows back from the front—she’d settled.
“Calli, there you are.” Josie waved, climbing over the other people in our row. “Sorry, I’m sorry. I got held up.”
“Is everything okay?” I asked, very aware of our little eavesdropper.
“Fine.” She flashed me a blinding smile. “And this must be Zach’s protégé. Elsa, was it?”
Jasmine flushed and her eyes dipped. “Only Zach calls me that.”
