“I do okay,” she said. “I could do better, though, if I cared enough. But my parents have made it clear that they’ll only pay for college if I go to Delaware and live at home instead of the dorms. It’s not much of an incentive.”
At least your parents can afford college, I thought.
“So what about you?” Sarah asked. “Got any post-high-school plans?”
“Not really. My mom’s pushing for me to go to school, but I don’t know. My brother, Jesse, is the genius in the family. He can read something once and remember it forever. Me, I could read the same thing fifty times and it still wouldn’t stick.”
“I know what you mean,” she said. “It’s like my brain is this blank tape, right? I can record a bunch of stuff on it—dates, formulas, whatever—but then as soon as I’ve taken the test, it’s gone. I never feel like I’m actually learning anything, except maybe how to take tests.”
I couldn’t take my eyes off her. It was as if she had morphed right before my eyes, turning back into the girl who’d told me she wanted to live in a song. I wanted to say something truly profound in response, but I had lost the ability to form complete sentences.
“So what are you doing on the Fourth?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” I said. “We usually end up at the Riverfront. Sea gets off on the medley they play during the fireworks—you know, all those I-heart-America tunes. Taps into her inner cheese, I suppose.”
“How would you like to do something different this year?”
“What do you have in mind?” I asked, trying to suppress a grin.
She smiled. “My family hosts this massive pool party cookout every Fourth of July. They even hire caterers to set up a spit and roast a whole pig, head and all.”
“Wow,” I said. “Sounds gruesome.”
“Yeah, I guess. So what do you think? I mean, I can’t offer you a cheesy medley and fireworks, but my dad usually plays the Beach Boys’ entire catalog, and my uncle Phil brings cartons of smuggled sparklers. Plus, there’s the pool, and my parents don’t mind if my friends have a couple beers, as long as they hand over their keys when they get to the house.”
“All that and Hog-on-a-Stick? How can anyone refuse that?”
“So you’ll come, then?” Her voice was sweet and clear, like honey.
I wanted to say yes—this was exactly the kind of in I’d been waiting for—but I couldn’t help wondering what the crowd would be like. “Who else is going? Anyone I’d know?”
“Kristen Seltzer—she’s my best friend—and most of the girls we hang out with: Jaime Black, Kate Cotillo, Erin Blair. But they go to New Castle Baptist with me, so I don’t think you’d know them.”
“No.”
She continued to reel off names of people I’d never heard of or even run into, even though half of them were from Haley. It was a big school, but not that big. It made me feel like I’d been sleeping through the past three years.
“What about Boyfriend?” I asked, trying to sound as casual as possible.
“Duncan,” she said flatly. “No. No, he’s not. He was supposed to come, but apparently he’s got double sessions at soccer camp. Says he can’t skip out because the guys would rag on him too hard.”
More trouble in paradise? The night was getting better by the second.
“Oh well,” she said. “At least I know where I rank, right?”
Again, I searched for the right words, but the only thing that came out was “Okay, sure. I’ll be there.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, why not?”
“Excellent,” she said. “You should bring your brother. I’d like to meet him. Your sister, too, if you want.”
Her smile was warm, sexy. It helped me block out thoughts of the trouble I knew Sea would probably cause if she went to Sarah’s party.
Sarah bent over so that her head was closer to mine, giving me a clear view down her bathing suit. What did she want from me? I’d misinterpreted so many signals from her already that I couldn’t decide whether or not to make a move.
Finally, she whispered, “If I told you that I wanted you to kiss me, would you do it?”
Before I could answer, her lips had already made contact.
seattle
Nowhere to Run, Nowhere to Hide
Scott and I drove around for hours. We didn’t even talk most of the time; we just listened to the radio. The music and the motion of the car were soothing, and I was grateful for the silence.
Eventually, though, we had to head back to New Castle. Scott wanted to drive me to my house, but I was worried that Layla would be sitting on the front stoop, ready to pounce. I told him I would walk home from Russ’s, but then he wanted to walk with me. Finally, I had to come right out and say it: “You can’t be at my house. Not right now.”
The compromise was that he’d drop me off a block away and watch from the street until I got inside. But the closer we got, the sicker I felt. There were too many people waiting for me in there, and memories I’d tried so hard to block out.
As the car idled, Scott said, “I’ll need a couple days to get your board ready.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he said. “It’ll be beautiful, though. I promise.”
A surge of gratitude shot through my body. “Hey, thank you. I mean, really. Thanks.”
He smiled. “Thank me when I give it to you.”
Scott was stroking the side of my face, looking so deep into my eyes that I got that naked feeling again. What was wrong with me? This was the kind of moment girls were supposed to dream about, but there I was, fighting hard not to pull away.
“I’ll see you later,” I said, and scrambled out of the car before he could lean in for a goodnight kiss.
Why Ask Why?
I’d barely walked through the door when I heard Layla growl, “Where the hell have you been?”
I swallowed hard and said, “Out.”
That was when all hell broke loose.
It was one of the loudest, most effective guilt trips Layla had ever delivered—a voyage spiked with obscenities that shocked even me. She screamed so hard and so long that even Jesse got alarmed; instead of weathering the storm in the shelter of our room, he came downstairs to try to calm her down. It was an unwelcome gesture. Layla shook Jesse’s arm off her shoulder and shouted, “Stay out of it!” As for me, I just stood there, absorbing her wrath.
Finally, Layla was all screamed out. She sat on the bottom step and started to cry. If anyone in the world was less of a crier than me, it was Layla. Watching her lose it sent me over the edge again. I felt myself starting to shake, just a little at first, until all the things building inside me started to spew out:
“How can you yell at me when this is your fault? I told you I didn’t want to talk to him—but you made me! Why did you do that?” When she didn’t answer, I continued, “You think you know what’s best for me, but you don’t. You don’t know what I think. What I feel. Not when it comes to him.”
She lifted her head and stared straight at me. “So why don’t you tell me, then?”
“I hate him!” I howled. “He abandoned me—abandoned all of us. I hate him for that, and you will never make me understand why you don’t hate him too. For Christ’s sake, Layla, all you’ve done for the past six years is take care of his mistakes—me included.”
Jesse cut in. “Sea, stop.”
“I won’t,” I said, never taking my eyes off Layla. “You know it’s true. How many times are you going to let this man screw us over? I don’t know what’s worse— you taking it from him or asking me to.”
“That’s not what this is about,” Layla said wearily.
“All I know is that you’re the reason he’s here. You. He wouldn’t even have known how to find us if you hadn’t drawn him the map. And now he’s here, and the two of you want me to let him play daddy— as if none of it ever happened. But I can’t do that, Layla! It’s not my fault he’s all kinds of crazy, and it’s not my fault that h
e didn’t love me enough to stick around.”
I’d barely gotten that last sentence out when I realized why Jesse had been telling me to shut up earlier.
Frank walked in from the kitchen, a bottle of beer clutched tightly in his hand. “Is that what you really think?” he asked.
I was too stunned to answer.
“I didn’t come back here to play daddy. I came back because no matter how big a mess I made of my life— and trust me, it’s bigger than you know—I always knew there was at least one thing I did right: you. I just wanted the chance to know you, Seattle. That’s all.” He handed Layla his beer. “I’m taking off now.”
“Frank—no.”
“This was a mistake,” he said. “I shouldn’t have come back here.” He mumbled an apology in my direction and was out the door before I knew what had hit me.
None of us said a word, but I could feel both Layla’s and Jesse’s eyes glued on me, to see what I might do or say next. When I couldn’t take the silence any longer, I said, “Well, I’m glad that’s finally over.” Then I ran up to my room, locked the door behind me, and cried myself senseless.
critter
Crazy About Her
Sarah dropped me off at my car around twelve-thirty, and we kissed a little more before saying good night.
“I probably won’t get to talk to you before Sunday,” she said. “It’s going to be pretty crazy the next few days, helping my parents get ready for the party and all.”
“Sure,” I said. “I won’t take it personally.”
What I did take personally was the kissing, which was beyond hot. So much for Duncan Mackenzie. I had a feeling she’d be dropping his jock ass the first chance she got.
Driving home, I listened to Lynyrd Skynyrd on the eight-track, singing “Simple Man” at the top of my lungs. Everything was falling into place with Sarah and it felt amazing. So amazing that I’d forgotten to worry about the fact that I’d pretty much stolen Layla’s car, not to mention her ATM card and forty bucks.
I cut the Cougar’s lights as I rolled onto our street. It was after one and the house was completely dark. Hopefully that meant everyone was asleep. They were—except instead of nestling in his own bed, Jesse was sleeping soundly in mine.
It took me a few tries to get him up. When I did, he told me that Sea had locked him out of their room. Then he told me about the showdown between her, Layla, and Frank.
“But the thing that really threw her over the edge,” Jesse said, “was you.”
“Me? What did I do now?”
“Went on a date with the pool bunny.”
I could’ve killed him.
“She figured it out,” Jess explained. “When you weren’t here and I was. She knew.”
“Great,” I said. “Beautiful.”
“I tried to get her to talk, but it’s not the same with me, you know? You were the one she wanted.”
I nodded; we both knew it was true. “So is she okay now?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “Want me to see if the door’s still locked?”
He did and it was. When he returned, he asked me if Sea and I had ever really talked about Frank.
“No,” I said. “Not that it surprises me. I mean, you and I never talk about Dad.”
“I think about him, though,” Jesse said quietly. “I think about him a lot, actually.”
“So how come you never said anything?”
“What’s there to say? ‘Gee, it really sucks that my father was a loser who ran off before I was out of diapers.’ You know, when he died, I didn’t feel anything. How could I? I never even knew him.”
I nodded. “I didn’t know him much better than you did.”
“Yeah, but at least you have memories. All I’ve got is a single Polaroid of him holding me when I was still covered in birth slime.”
“Jess, man—I had no idea.”
“Whatever.” He folded his arms across his chest and sighed. “Don’t act like I’m all wounded. Truth is, if he hadn’t run off, Mom wouldn’t have hooked up with Frank, and you and I wouldn’t have a sister.”
“Good point.”
“Not to change the subject,” Jesse said, “but you’re going to be in a world of hurt tomorrow.”
“Because of the money?”
“No, because of the car,” he said, looking confused. “What money?”
“Never mind.”
“Hey,” he said, punching me lightly on the shoulder. “What money? My money?”
I shook my head. “I took Layla’s ATM card. I used it to get the money for my date.”
Jesse’s jaw dropped. “Why would you do that?”
“Don’t start with me,” I said. “You weren’t here, she took off with Frank, and I needed cash.”
“So you just stole it?”
“No. I mean, okay, yes. Temporarily. But I’ll take the money you were going to lend me and deposit it back in tomorrow. It’ll look like a bank error.”
“And what if I don’t lend you the money now?”
“Come on, Jess,” I said. “Do you want to watch Layla lose it completely?”
He glared at me. “I already did.”
“Dude, what’s your problem?”
“You,” he said. “I’m tired of having to take care of your sorry ass.”
“Cry me a river,” I shot back.
“Screw you.” After some more glaring, he added, “I gotta work at six tomorrow. Since I don’t have access to my own bed, I’m taking yours. You can sleep on the couch.”
“What makes you think you can kick me out of my room?”
“Oh, I’m guessing my forty dollars can buy me a night’s rest.”
There was no point in arguing. “Fine,” I said. “But make sure I have it in hand before you leave.”
Once I hit the couch, I couldn’t sleep. Thinking about Sarah soothed me. Everything about her was soft—her hair, her cheeks, her lips. Even her fingers were free of hangnails and paper cuts. It was like making out with a big stick of butter.
Keeping her on the brain, and forcing out thoughts of anything and anyone else, I eventually drifted off into a deep, dreamless sleep.
Hard Lesson to Learn
When I woke up the next morning, there was a note from Jesse pinned to the front of my shirt, saying that he’d take care of “it” on his mid-morning break and that I owed him “huge.” In the kitchen I found another note, this one from Layla, taped to the fridge. It read “Say goodbye to your car privileges. We’ll talk when I get home.”
After a stretch, a yawn, and a scratch, I made breakfast: untoasted strawberry-flavored Pop-Tarts and a mug of Coke. As I ate, I thought about Sarah’s party. After what Jesse had told me, I knew there was no way I could bring Sea with me. I had a feeling this party would be my audition for a full-access pass to Sarah World, and I couldn’t let anything jeopardize that.
But I couldn’t not invite her, either. Not when she and Jess and I always spent the Fourth together. Layla too, when she wasn’t aiming for more overtime.
The only option was to make the party sound as stiff, formal, and dull as possible—make her an offer she would want to refuse.
Sea wandered in a little while later. “Hey,” she said sleepily. “I wasn’t sure you’d be here.”
I let the comment slide; she looked like shit and didn’t need me heaping on any more. “How are you doing?” I asked. “Jesse told me what went down last night and—”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Okay.”
She grabbed two more packets of Pop-Tarts from the cupboard and tossed me one. “There is something I want to talk to you about, though.”
“Yeah?”
“I think I might ask Scott to hang out with us on Sunday. I was telling him about the fireworks at the Riverfront, and how much fun we usually have there, and it seemed like maybe he’d want to go.”
Score!
“That’s cool,” I said. “Sarah’s invited us all to a party that nigh
t, but I think it’s going to be lame. Her dad’s a dentist, and you know how boring those dentist types are.”
“Hmm.”
“Plus,” I continued, dunking a piece of Pop-Tart into my Coke, “I think it’s a dry party. No alcohol or anything.” She shrugged, and I pressed on. “I think Scott would like the Riverfront, though. Especially the fireworks. There won’t be any of those at Sarah’s party.”
Another shrug.
“Yeah, it’s going to be a total drag,” I said, wondering if I sounded half as desperate as I felt. “I mean, I have to go. She really, really wants me there. But there’s no reason you guys can’t have a fun Fourth without me.”
“If I didn’t know any better,” Seattle said, “I’d think that you didn’t want us at your girlfriend’s little get-together.”
“Why would you say that?” I asked in my Mr. Innocent voice.
“Oh, cut the crap. You don’t want me there because I don’t like Sarah, and you clearly don’t like Scott. So fine. I won’t go. Really, I have bigger things to deal with right now.”
She buried her head in the fridge and I shrunk into my stool. I’d been so focused on me and Sarah that I’d practically forgotten the stuff that had been going on between her and Frank. I felt like a complete asshole.
“You misunderstood,” I said quickly. “Of course I want you there. We always spend the Fourth of July together, right?”
I opened a third packet of Pop-Tarts, crumbled them into a cereal bowl, drowned them in milk, and offered them to Seattle. “Thanks,” she said. “I haven’t had real food in forever. Scott and I ate at this Indian place last night. It was . . . different.”
She spooned some of the Pop-Tart mush into her mouth, looking up like she was testing me for a reaction. So I smiled and said, “Indian, huh?”
“Yeah. It was okay. Some of the stuff was really salty, though. Not in a good way, like the chili cheese fries you make, but pucker-your-mouth salty.
“He’s building me a skateboard,” she continued. “It’s going to be totally rad.” She pushed her bowl in my direction, and I dug into her leftover mush. “I had to borrow the money from Jesse,” she confessed. “I was thinking I might try to get a job at the skate shop this fall.”
Anyone but You Page 11
