by Marin Thomas
Brave enough to save yourself…
A picture of Anna’s sweet face flashed through his mind. He wanted her. Wanted all that she represented—love, forgiveness…life. He refused to walk away from her until he figured out the reason she believed they couldn’t be together. Ryan suspected Anna had a past of her own to deal with.
But first, he had unfinished business with Little Nicky.
“YOU AGAIN?” Little Nicky puffed on his cigar.
Wearing a suit that Ryan hoped would lend him an air of serious determination, he stepped inside the mafia boss’s office. He’d never challenged the mob before and prayed the action he’d taken earlier in the week wouldn’t land him six feet under.
“Don’t attempt to talk me out of taking possession of that rubbish company,” the bully warned, one corner of his mouth lifting in a smirk. “I’m no champion for the underdog. Parnell may be a good man, but he’s stupid.”
With a nonchalance Ryan didn’t feel, he slipped a paper from his suit-coat pocket and held it out.
Little Nicky grunted, then heaved his barrel chest forward and snatched the form. Two thick eyebrows dipped across his broad forehead as he scanned the contents of the letter. “This is bullshit.” He crumpled the note in his fist, then fired it at the trash can in the corner. The paper wad hit the edge and bounced off, landing on the floor. “The McKade name may carry weight in Manhattan, but—” the goon lowered his voice “—my name rules Queens.”
“I’m aware of your power and influence, as I am of your reputation for fairness.”
At Ryan’s pronouncement, some of the sizzle drained from Little Nicky’s expression. “Go on.”
“The first time we met I noticed you possessed a fair amount of integrity.”
“Integrity!” The mobster laughed.
“You could have charged Parnell an exorbitant interest rate on his gambling loans, but you didn’t. And you could have refused to allow my grandfather to pay off Parnell’s debt a couple of months ago and seized the rubbish company then. Instead, you offered Parnell a second chance. I believe you’re a fair man. As fair as a mob boss can be.”
Seconds ticked by in silence, then Little Nicky muttered, “Ballsy move, McKade.”
Ryan grinned. “I know.”
“So you expect me to honor that?” The mobster motioned to the crumpled paper.
“The property, minus the trucks and equipment, has been appraised at just over half a million. More than Parnell owes you.”
“I have connections in high places that can make that appraisal go away,” the man threatened.
“But you won’t do that.”
“Because of my integrity.” Hairy-knuckled fingers stubbed out the cigar. “Fine. Parnell can keep his trucks and equipment. But everything had better be gone from the building by noon tomorrow. Anything left behind belongs to me.”
“Understood.”
“What do I need with a dump truck,” Little Nicky grumbled.
“I doubt you could launder money in it.”
The mobster frowned, but his eyes glinted with humor. “Get the hell out of my office, McKade. And you’d better not show that pretty-boy face of yours around here again.”
Feeling more optimistic than he had in a long, long time, Ryan left Mo’s Tavern. He hadn’t saved the building, but Parnell, Anna and the others had the trucks and equipment if they wanted to begin a new venture—a venture he was more than willing to help them get off the ground.
“ANNA, OPEN UP!” Ryan pounded his fist above the peephole in her apartment door. A moment later, the door swung open and a harried Blair appeared, wearing a gray suit with a white dress shirt, and a bright purple tie slung around his neck.
“Thank God.” Anna’s roommate retreated and motioned Ryan inside. “Ryan to the rescue,” he muttered, fumbling with the tie.
After shutting the door, Ryan said, “Let me.” He stepped forward and in a matter of seconds had Blair’s tie straightened and the knot perfectly centered. “Before my garbage-collection gig I wore a suit and tie to work.”
“Thanks.” Blair hurried into the dining room and studied his reflection in the antique mirror. “Perfect.” He headed for the kitchen. “I’m running late.”
“Late for what?” Ryan followed.
“The opening of Chez Lei in Long Island.” Blair searched through a kitchen drawer, removed a utensil and grinned. “I’m their new pastry chef and this is my lucky spatula.” He kissed the rubber tip.
Amused by the man’s antics, Ryan offered, “Congratulations.”
“Thanks.” Blair motioned toward the hallway that led to the bedrooms. “She’s packing.”
“Packing?” Ryan’s heart beat double time. Ryan made a beeline for her bedroom, Blair nipping at his heels.
When they reached Anna’s closed door, Blair pushed past Ryan and entered the room without knocking. “You’ve got company,” he announced, then left Ryan on his own.
Clothes strewn about, duffel bags tossed on the bed, shoes piled on the floor outside the closet and a barrage of toiletries and makeup stacked on the dresser—the room was a disaster. Ryan hovered in the doorway, observing the mess.
With her back to him, Anna stuffed several pairs of jeans into an overnight bag. “I was expecting you, Eryk. The other guys already dropped by to talk me out of leaving. I appreciate the concern, but I’m not a child who needs watching over. I’m a grown woman who knows what she wants.” She whirled, then squawked when her gaze landed on Ryan.
“And I’m a grown man who knows what he wants.” His gaze traveled over Anna’s face and body. Her eyes were puffy, as if she’d been crying. Hair mussed as if she’d rolled out of bed that morning and had neglected to brush it. Clothes rumpled as if…Lord, he’d missed her.
Blood pounding through her veins, Anna forced herself to take a deep, calming breath. That Ryan had sought her out lent her hope. She’d never been the kind of woman to chase a man, but Ryan wasn’t just any man. He was her man. And she wouldn’t give him up without a fight. “I’ve missed you,” she whispered.
He sagged against the door frame. His obvious relief brought tears to her eyes. She hated herself for what she’d put him through this past week. Why had it taken her so long to find the courage to tell him the truth?
“I imagine the guys told you about the not-so-nice things I said to Eryk.”
“Eryk’s very distressed. But not because of what you said.” Anna ached to hug him.
“He’s not?” The doubt on his face made her heart ache.
“I explained to him what had happened between you and Sandra and her miscarriage. Eryk wants to talk to you, Ryan. So do Valerie and her husband. They’re all worried about you. They’re all grieving for your loss.”
“My grandfather said you’d called him.”
“Your family loves you.” She swallowed hard. “I love you.”
“Then…” He motioned to the luggage on the bed. “Why are you packing?”
“I’m going home.” I hope.
“I thought the guys at the station were your family.”
“They’re my extended family.” She inched closer. “I’ve finally figured out why I’ve always lived on the fringe of other people’s lives.”
“Why’s that?” He lifted his hand to her cheek and caressed her skin.
“Because pretending to be part of the group was safer than asking to come inside and risk being rejected.” She nuzzled his warm, callused palm. “I’m ready to ask to come inside, Ryan.” Go on, you can do this. “First, I have a confession to make. What I have to say may affect the way you feel about me.”
“Whatever it is, Anna, it can’t be as bad as—”
She pressed her fingers to his lips. “Please. It will be all the harder if you change your mind about me…about us.” She motioned to the bed. “Have a seat.”
This can’t be good. Forcing himself to stay relaxed, he moved aside a pile of lingerie and sat. She stood across the room—biting her lip, her blue eyes wide. Worried. H
e wanted to hug her, to assure her that anything she’d done in the past didn’t matter. Their future was more important.
“When I was fourteen, I got pregnant.”
Anna was a mother? That was the last thing he’d expected her to confess.
“Michael, my boyfriend at the time, was seventeen and also a foster-care kid. He didn’t want anything to do with me or the baby when he found out.”
How sad. Ryan pictured a young Anna pregnant, abandoned by the baby’s father and no family to lean on. “What did you do?” He suspected the answer. What choice did a girl in her situation have but to seek an abortion?
“My caseworker encouraged me to have an abortion, but I refused. My foster parents wouldn’t allow me to stay with them if I didn’t have the abortion, so I ran away.”
Now he could add homeless to the image of Anna he’d formed in his mind.
Tears blurred her eyes. “I was scared, but in my heart I couldn’t get rid of my baby. The third night I’d slept on the streets, I began cramping. I went to the emergency room and a nurse took pity on me. She contacted a woman who ran a home for unwed pregnant girls. The lady picked me up. While I was pregnant, I received good medical care, food, shelter and was even homeschooled so I didn’t fall behind in my classes.”
Ryan was relieved at the news that Anna hadn’t been completely abandoned by the system.
“But there was a condition. The only way I would be granted refuge in the home was if I agreed to give up my baby for adoption.”
Adoption?
“In my heart—” her voice cracked “—I believe I did the right thing. I couldn’t have offered Tina much of a life.” Her chin jutted as if she anticipated an argument from him.
“I’m so sorry, honey.” He went to her. Wrapped her tight in his arms.
“You probably think I’m a terrible person—”
“No.” He kissed her forehead. “I only hear love for your child in your voice. You granted her a gift no one else could have—you gave her life, Anna. Your daughter has you to be grateful for that.”
“After losing your own child, I didn’t think you’d understand how I could give mine away.”
“You’re a brave woman, Anastazia Nowakowski.” He held her face to his neck and nuzzled the top of her head, breathed in her womanly scent. “Have you kept track of your daughter through the years?”
“Sort of. My caseworker broke a lot of rules for me. She slipped a letter I’d written to my daughter after she was born into Tina’s file, and a picture of me holding Tina at the hospital. She also keeps my contact information current so that if Tina ever wants to find me, she can.”
“Has she tried?”
“Not yet. She turned eighteen the night we went to DiRisio’s.”
He snapped his fingers. “Tina was the secret you were going to tell me that night, but Isabella and her husband interrupted you.”
“You remember that?”
“I remember every time I was with you, Anna.” His brown eyes warmed. “Have you discovered anything about the family who adopted her?”
“Not much. The couple live in one of the city boroughs. I’m glad my daughter had the family I always wished for.”
“Someday she’ll thank you for that in person.”
“Do you think she’ll ever let me be a part of her life?” Anna asked.
“Our life, Anna.” He smiled. “If Tina wishes to be a part of our family, she will always be welcome.”
“Are you saying what I assume you’re saying?”
“Yes.” He hugged her fiercely, burying his face in her neck. “I love you, Anna. Please say you’ll marry me.”
“Yes, yes, yes! I love you so much. I wanted to tell you that afternoon in my bed, but I was frightened.”
“Of what?” He brushed a strand of hair from her cheek.
“Afraid you wouldn’t understand why I gave Tina away. You’d already lost a child of your own and you’d said—”
“I remember what I said,” he cut her off. “That I didn’t understand how a mother could abandon her child.”
Anna nodded.
“You didn’t abandon Tina. You guaranteed her a better future. A future you wouldn’t have been able to provide for her at the time.”
“Thank you for understanding, Ryan. I’ve dreamed about the future with you. Having our own family.” She snuggled closer.
“Will the guys at the station approve?” he asked.
“I’ll promise to stay in touch with them after I move to Manhattan—”
“Screw Manhattan. We’ll live in Queens. Right here in your apartment.”
“Really?” Her face brightened.
“I want us to remain involved with the guys and their families. I’ve kept myself apart from my grandfather and brothers for too many years. I’m ready to be around people again. Besides, you can’t live in Manhattan.”
“I can’t?”
Ryan shook his head. “I convinced Little Nicky to relinquish the company trucks and equipment. If you, Parnell and the others agree, you can establish a new rubbish-removal company somewhere else in Queens.”
Anna squealed and flung her arms around his neck.
“But you’re handling the books,” Ryan declared.
“What about your job?”
“I can work from anywhere.”
“The guys and I will keep an eye on Bobby.” Her brow furrowed. “We’ll have to buy a new garage for the trucks and equipment.”
“McKade Import-Export will finance the business until you and the others get it off the ground. I’ll guarantee you meet payroll until you’re established,” Ryan assured her.
“Oh, this is wonderful.” Anna clapped her hands in excitement.
“I second that.” Blair stood in the hallway, eavesdropping. “Anna, I’ve been waiting for the right time to mention this….”
“What?” She peered around Ryan’s shoulder.
“Thatcher asked me to move in with him and I’m sure he’s the one.” Blair grinned.
Wiggling free of Ryan’s embrace, Anna hugged Blair. “I’m happy for you. I’ve always approved of Thatcher.”
Blair winked at Ryan. “You can use my bedroom as a nursery.”
“Promise me that you and Thatcher won’t be strangers,” Anna insisted.
“You’ll need babysitters, won’t you?” Blair waved, then walked off.
When the front door slammed, Ryan sputtered, “Babysitters?”
On tiptoe, Anna kissed Ryan’s cheek. “How do you feel about trying to have a child?”
Fatherhood. If his brothers could do it, then so could he. “Yeah, I’d enjoy raising a kid or two.”
“I was counting on you saying that. We have so much love stored inside us, Ryan. We’ll be wonderful parents.”
“I hate to think where I’d be right now if my grandfather hadn’t meddled in my life. You showed me that life is worth living. I’ll do my best to be the kind of man you deserve. The kind of man you need. The kind you dream of.”
“You don’t have to try, Ryan. You already are that man.” She clasped his face between her hands and brought his mouth to hers.
In her kiss Ryan discovered the forgiveness, compassion and acceptance he’d been searching for. With Anna by his side, he’d find the courage to weather life’s ups and downs. The courage to accept himself for who he was—flaws and all. “When I’m with you, I feel like the bravest man in the world.”
Her smile went straight to his heart. “You are the bravest…my hero. My love. My life.”
Epilogue
“Zycze wam wszystkiego najlepszego na nowej drodze zycia.”
Patrick McKade raised his glass to the group of wedding guests mingling in the reception hall.
Ryan tucked his new bride, Anna, against his side and listened to the old man translate the traditional Polish wedding toast.
“I wish you all of the best on your new road through life.” A chorus of cheers followed, accompanied by clanking champagne and vo
dka glasses.
“I feel so blessed to be a part of your family.” Anna gifted him with one of her smiles. He remembered how her smiles had driven him nuts when he’d first arrived at Parnell Brothers. Now he couldn’t imagine a day without seeing a hundred of them.
Pride swelled in Ryan’s chest as he searched for his brothers among the eclectic group of wedding guests. Nelson stood sentry over the beer keg at the back of the room after having caught his teenage stepson, Seth, trying to sneak a sip of alcohol. Nelson and his wife, Ellen, had made a minivacation out of their trip to New York. According to Ryan, Seth had spent his entire childhood milking cows and had never been out of the state of Illinois.
Nelson’s wife chatted with Leon’s family. The stocky German clan dwarfed his petite sister-in-law. Although Ellen insisted she was finished with dairy farming and was now busy working on her real estate license, Nelson confided to his brothers that he was keeping an eye out for a piece of good dairy farmland. Ryan suspected his elder brother had become fond of black-and-white bovines.
“Time for the money dance,” Eryk shouted, then proceeded to demonstrate the dance custom by lifting the edge of his sister-in-law, Valerie’s, bridesmaid dress. Then his brother put a headlock on Eryk and threatened to choke him. After having gotten better acquainted with the Gorski clan, Ryan could testify that he’d never met a family who argued more or loved as passionately.
“They’re waiting for us.” Anna tugged Ryan to the middle of the dance floor. The band struck up a polka and couples twirled around them.
Ignoring the music and the dancers, Ryan gazed into Anna’s big blue eyes. “Thank you for loving me. For making my life worth living again. Because of you—” he held her hand to his heart “—the sun shines brighter in here. I love you, Mrs. McKade.” He kissed her and the guests whooped and hollered.
“I’d be lost without you, too, Ryan.”
They held hands and grinned at the slightly inebriated guests enjoying the Polish custom of circling the bride and groom.
“Have you ever seen such a beautiful baby?” Anna nodded to Aaron’s wife, Jennifer, who stood near the buffet table, holding six-month-old Kathleen, named for Aaron, Nelson and Ryan’s mother.
