by Nikky Kaye
“Fuck.” It was like a morning affirmation. He slowly sat up, holding his head. Served him right.
I rolled my eyes and handed him a glass of water and some ibuprofen. “Here.”
He gave me a grateful but sheepish smile and took the medicine from my hand. I didn’t return the smile as he downed it with the water. He set the glass down on his nightstand and then ran a hand through his tousled hair. “Payton’s still asleep?”
“Yes,” I answered and crossed my arms over my chest. “We need to talk, Zach.”
He rubbed his eyes. “I’m not exactly in the right state of mind right now and I need to sober up for training.”
“It’s Sunday!” I said, unable to hide my exasperation. Was he going to keep this up when the season started? “Look, you know what, Zach? I’m done.”
He furrowed his eyebrows. “What are you talking about?”
“I agreed to move in with you two because you needed my help and I did it for Payton,” I began, “but since I moved in, you’ve practically left me to handle Payton and that’s not fair, Zach. I’m the nanny and it’s part of my job to take care of her but she’s your responsibility, not mine.”
“I’m not getting your point.”
I stared at him. Was he still drunk or just this dense? “I’m trying to tell you that you’re supposed to take care of her too! But you’ve been clubbing since I moved in and you come home drunk and I have to take care of you too!”
“I’ll pay you double then.”
I huffed and resisted the urge to scream at him. “You don’t need to, I’m done.”
“What do you mean you’re done?” Zach asked, his eyes widening with panic. He staggered to standing and winced. “You’re not thinking of quitting, aren’t you?”
“You’re leaving?”
The tiny voice made both of us freeze.
I slowly turned around and saw Payton standing in the doorway, her eyes brimming with tears. She’d clearly just woke up. Her hair was a mess and she was carrying Zach’s toothbrush along with hers. When the first tear tumbled down her cheek, my heart broke and Payton suddenly ran back to her room.
I chased after her, but she slammed the door in my face. My hand on the doorknob, I was about to burst into her room, but stopped myself.
“Crap,” I muttered to myself.
This had to be handled delicately. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her more or make her feel insecure in her own home.
“Payton?” I called through the door. “Honey, open up, please. Let me explain, sweetheart.”
Zach glared at me as he stopped forward to knock incessantly on Payton’s door. “See what you did? You just had to say that, didn’t you?”
He was blaming me for her reaction? My stomach twisted as I worried about Payton and fumed at the same time. And here I honestly thought he was a good guy when I met him. I should have left him in the shower—or better yet, lock his reeking ass out on the front steps until morning.
“Now it’s my fault?” I snapped. “You’re the one who’s unbearable to live with.”
“You’ve only lived with me for a week!”
“Arguing’s not going to help,” I said through gritted teeth. Junk punching him, however, might be of some benefit right now.
“You don’t know how not to argue with me, Emma!”
Ignoring him, I knocked again. “Please, Payton?”
“This is ridiculous. Payton, we’re coming in.” Zach turned the knob and threw open the door.
I hung back, unsure what to do next. Zach just rushed to Payton’s side on the edge of the bed and hugged her. The little girl immediately fell into her uncle’s embrace, sobbing. They stayed in that position for what seemed like hours until she looked up to me.
“Do you want to leave me too, Emma?” she asked, her voice small and weak.
My heart broke at the sound and her words pulled me towards her like a powerful magnet. I knelt in front of the two of them.
“No, I don’t, Pay.” I sighed. “There were just some things that your uncle did that upset me.”
Understatement of the year.
Zach made some noise beside her and I glared at him over Payton’s head. Payton moved from his embrace into my arms. I kissed the top of her head.
“I don’t want you to go, Emma.”
“I won’t leave you,” I whispered, my chest tight. “I promise.”
Her little chin set, she gave a short nod. “Okay.” Apparently, she considered our verbal contract binding. “I’m hungry. Can we have breakfast?”
Boing! The way kids bounced back never failed to disorient me. I let out a laughing sigh. “Sure, honey. French toast?”
She nodded her head, then turned to Zach. “We have to brush our teeth first.”
It was a good thing that it was so easy to comfort her. If only it was that easy for me. As the pair of them disappeared down the hall, I remained kneeling on Payton’s bedroom floor. My hands rubbed up and down my thighs as my heartbeat returned to a normal rhythm.
This job was turning into more than… a job. My attachment to Payton was growing, and my feelings about her uncle were getting complicated. What now?
About ten minutes later, Payton joined me in the kitchen. “Uncle Zach is taking a shower,” she informed me as she climbed onto the stool at the breakfast bar.
I didn’t comment and instead asked her if she had any nightmares. She often forgot her night terrors, but I certainly didn’t. Quietly, she shook her head. We were almost done eating when Zach joined us.
When we were finished and I was washing the dishes, Zach spoke. “Sweets, could you play with your dolls in your room? Emma and I need to talk.”
She looked anxious. “Are you two going to fight again?”
Zach and I glanced at each other and then back at her.
“We won’t,” he promised.
Payton lingered in the kitchen for a moment before obeying her uncle, leaving us in silence. The sound of the water gurgling as it swirled down the sink drain seemed abnormally loud.
I didn’t know what to say, and apparently neither did Zach.
If I was being totally honest with myself, his behavior last night not only disgusted me, but disappointed me. I thought he was better than that. I wanted him to be better than that. Seeing him like that… well, it hurt me.
“Emma.”
“What?”
“What was that earlier?”
I sighed and dried my hands. “I told you, Zach. Payton’s my main responsibility in this household, but you coming home drunk makes you mine too.”
“I didn’t ask you to—”
“And in all honesty,” I interrupted him, “you need to stop coming home like that. Do you want her to see you in that state? Her parents died because of a drunk driver!”
I knew he took a cab or something when he went out, so I wasn’t worried about him on the road. He was stupid, but not unsafe. I was more concerned that his messy, emotional, uncontrolled state might frighten his young niece. Hell, it scared me.
Zach went quiet and leaned against the counter, his arms crossed. “Are you telling me to give up that part of my life because I’m supposed to be a ‘parent’ to my niece?”
“I’m telling you that you could have that part of your life scheduled. Once a week or twice. But not consecutively,” I replied, realizing we had to find a compromise.
“Fine.” He sighed. Chances were that our conversation was not over. “But we have to apologize to her first.”
“I have a pretty good idea of how we could,” I said and the two of us headed over to Payton’s room.
She stopped playing the moment we entered, and I could see the tension rolling off of her. “Are you done talking now?”
For now, thank god, I thought to myself. Chances were that our conversation was not over.
I squatted in front of her and smiled. “What do you say we go to the aquarium today?”
Her eyes widened and she squealed, jumping into
my arms. “Really?”
“Absolutely,” I replied, kissing the top of her head and then helping her up, “C’mon, let’s get ready.”
Zach stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame, a faint smile on his face. I raised my eyebrow at him, and he suddenly seemed to snap back into reality. He merely nodded and retreated to his own room, allowing Payton and me to get ready.
By the time we were on the road and heading to the aquarium, it was nearly lunchtime. Zach and I rode silently, him driving and me riding shotgun, while Anderson and Payton debated in the back seat over what was the cutest marine animal.
Zach invited Anderson to come with us, or maybe it was an order. In any case, he and Payton had gotten close with all the babysitting he’d been doing with me. I was pretty sure that when Anderson signed his contract to be football star Zach Pennington’s personal assistant, he didn’t anticipate moving to Denver to play with Barbies.
“C’mon, c’mon, let’s go!” Payton said when we arrived, jumping up and down in the parking lot. She grabbed both my and Zach’s hands and pulled us with surprising force to the entrance. Anderson followed slowly behind, saying he wanted to make a few phone calls.
“Slow down, Payton,” I said gently.
It was like talking to a brick wall. Or her uncle. She was dancing around like she had live snakes in her shorts.
“Come. On!”
“We have to get tickets first, sweets,” Zach reminded her, throwing his arms around her to stop her from barreling inside. But her enthusiasm was contagious, as was her smile.
The ticket lady grinned at the three of us.
“You have a beautiful kid,” she commented as she handed Zach our tickets.
My heart stopped for one infinitesimal moment. Zach and I glanced at each other but were ushered forward by Payton before we could say that we weren’t her parents.
Payton dragged us around to see every single exhibit, tank, display, and pool they had there. Then she wanted to see them again. She was so hyped that I couldn’t help but laugh. I’d never seen her that happy since I’d known her.
I promise to help you feel like this more often, I said silently to her as I watched her wide-eyed joy over the penguins.
We had a late lunch before catching anything we missed—to which Payton was happy to guide us. She then played a quiz game they had for kids and won, which made Zach insanely proud of her. When the day finally came to an end and the four of us headed home, both she and Anderson were fast asleep in the backseat.
Zach had to carry Payton inside when we arrived, and she stirred awake when he was about to set her on the bed. I helped her take a bath and she asked if we could tuck her in bed.
“Could you read me a story?”
I handed Zach a book and we sat on opposite edges of Payton’s bed as she lay between us. Zach began to read the Dr. Seuss book that I gave him. He closed the book once he finished it and turned to Payton, whose eyes were getting droopier by the second.
“Tuck me in again tomorrow?” she asked quietly.
“It’s a date.” Zach kissed her forehead. “Goodnight, sweets.”
Once we left her room, we both headed to the sofa and sank into its comfort with matching sighs slipping from our mouths. Now that I’d stopped moving, I realized how tired I was.
I turned to Zach. “She had a good day.”
“Yeah. I haven’t seen her that happy since… well, you know.”
I shifted so I was facing him. “I meant what I said, Zach. I know I’m in no position to tell you how you’re supposed to live your life, but Payton does really need you. She was hysterical that time before I moved in because she was so scared that you would leave her, too.”
“This time, she thought you were leaving,” Zach reminded me quietly. “I know that feeling. I felt that anxiety when I was young, too—when my parents died and all I had was Dean. I thought he hated the fact that he was stuck with me.”
I was surprised to hear him suddenly opening up. I wanted to tell him that he didn’t need to talk about it if he didn’t want to but he had this faraway look in his eyes as he began to quietly recount his story to me. “Our mother died first. She had cancer. My dad…he died a year after. He also died in an accident. Almost the same as Dean and Maggie.”
“Dean practically raised me. We also lived with our grandparents for a while but when Dean turned eighteen, I went with him. He gave me a house and food and everything I needed. He was at every game I had, taking time off from work if he had to, just to show me that I was loved and supported like every other kid in school.”
It was sometimes easy to forget that it wasn’t just Payton who was grieving. Zach lost his brother, too—who happened to be who raised him and his only family for close to half his life. My heart suddenly ached for the boy beside me.
“It must be nice growing up with parents,” he said, tilting his head at me.
I turned away. “I wouldn’t know. My mother died giving birth to me and my Dad died when I was six.” You’d think after so many years that the story would be easy to tell but my throat still tightened every time.
Zach blinked and reached to touch my hand. “Who…?”
“Raised me?” I asked, finishing his question for him. “I moved from foster home to foster home until I turned eighteen.” I gave him a weak smile. “Like training to be an Olympic couch surfer.”
He watched me carefully, his eyes darkening. “Is that why you weren’t hesitant to take care of Payton?”
“I know what it’s like to grow up without parents to take care of you. It’s all I ever wanted as a child,” I said quietly, turning away from him again, “I swore to myself that if I was given the chance, I wouldn’t let a child feel what I felt.”
“Which was why you took on Payton.” Zach mused.
And you.
He smiled. “I probably never thanked you properly.”
The expression on my face apparently said, ‘Nope!’ His smile was almost shy now.
“Thank you for that, Emma. I honestly don’t know what I’d do if I hadn’t found you.”
It was probably the nicest thing he’d ever said to me, and it shouldn’t have made the lump in my throat swell—but it did. “Well, we orphans have to stick together.”
He chuckled and squeezed my hand. It was only then that I realized he was holding it. He gave me a crooked smile and I was suddenly aware of how close together we were sitting.
There was no denying it—Zach Pennington was a hazard to my equilibrium. Never before had a man affected me like this. One minute I wanted to be wrapped in his arms like Payton, and the next minute I was tempted to smother him with a stuffed toy.
His strong body and gorgeous face made my heart beat faster, but it was all the other parts of him that drew me to him like a magnet. His love for Payton, his commitment to his job, his sense of humor, his backside in a pair of jeans…
But Zach was a player—on the field and off. I had to remind myself of that. Wasn’t it only that morning I’d given him an ultimatum about spending more time at home? Knowing that, however, did not stop me from staring at his mouth.
“We should probably go to bed,” I whispered. “It’s been a long day.”
My boss—boss!—nodded, but leaned closer instead of getting up.
I sat there, frozen by my own conflicting emotions. I wanted him but I couldn’t. I needed him though I shouldn’t. Before I knew it, I felt his soft lips on mine.
Oh my god!
Deep inside I knew this would happen, but I told myself I could resist him. The truth was that I didn’t really want to.
The kiss was sweet and gentle, as if his lips were merely caressing mine in slow motion.
When he pulled away from me, his eyes were dark as they sought my gaze. He bit his lower lip, then smiled that crooked smile that made my heart swoon.
“Zach…”
“Goodnight, Emma.”
Zach
The smell of food wafting under my door w
oke me up. I sat up slowly, rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and checked the clock. It was seven in the morning. I usually got up at 6:30, Payton knocking on my door five minutes later carrying my toothbrush.
But not this morning.
Suddenly I felt panicked, worried that something was wrong. It was a feeling that I had frequently since Dean and Maggie died. Was this what parenting was really like—constant anxiety and frustration? Every day, my respect for my brother and his wife deepened. I only wished I’d had the chance to tell them that.
I rushed out of my room. The moment I stepped into the hall, the smell of bacon and eggs intensified. I followed it to the kitchen to find Emma and Payton dancing around and singing at the top of their lungs into spatula microphones.
Okay, maybe anxiety, frustration, and laughter.
As quickly as my fear enveloped me when I woke, it dissipated at the sight of my two girls trying to coordinate dance steps. When I burst out laughing the spell was broken and they immediately stopped.
Emma’s eyes widened at the sight of me and she quickly pivoted to face the stove, hiding the rising blush that I had seen.
Payton, on the other hand, squealed when she saw me. She jumped into my arms and hugged me tightly. “You’re awake!”
I kissed the side of her head as I carried her to sit at the counter. It was impossible not to smile at the feeling of her clinging to me like a monkey.
My gaze sought out Emma again and the memory of her lips on mine filled my head. She faced the stove, allowing me to leisurely take in the curves of her body and the way she pushed her shoulders back.
“I missed my personal alarm clock,” I teased Payton.
Emma turned around to face me. Her cheeks were pink and her expression difficult to decipher. “We thought we’d let you sleep. Yesterday was, um, eventful.”
I inhaled sharply as the faint taste of her mouth came back to me. She spun away again and I suddenly realized that she felt awkward for what had happened between us.
