by Marian Wells
She stopped beside his bed, smiled at him and felt his forehead. “Your temperature is down, Paul. I love the snow; it’s beautiful. But I agree, it’s astonishingly cold.” He chuckled and she started to move on.
“Stay. With all these empty beds, you can’t be very busy.”
She smiled at him. “I need to check on Tony.” She glanced at the line of empty beds. “There are only a few more days left in the year. How nice it would be if you all were headed home by the new year.”
He nodded. “My wife is coming any time. She’s bringing our son, and we’ll travel home together.”
“Oh, that’s nice. How old is he?”
“Nine months. I haven’t seen him yet.”
“That’s young to be out in this cold.”
“I know. I hope she doesn’t regret coming.”
Olivia moved on to the next bed. Nine months. Our baby girl would have been that age. She smiled at the youth. “Tony, have you tried the wooden legs again?”
He shook his head. “Scared I’ll fall.”
“Beth is coming in a few minutes. Why don’t you fasten them on and the two of you can go for a nice stroll.”
He grinned. “In the park? Where’s the music?”
“You can’t go home until you can walk. And you know why; the doctor is afraid you’ll need more surgery.” She watched his face pale. “Come on, I’ll help.”
Beth dashed into the room, her cheeks burnished as brightly as polished apples. “Oh, it’s cold out!”
Tony grinned. “Let’s go make snowballs.”
She blew him a kiss. “Only if you’ll race me to the garden across the street.”
“I would if you’d really kiss me.”
“Ha! I’d be the loser.” She laughed and backed away. “Get dressed, and I’ll return with your dinner in a minute.”
The door at the end of the room opened, and a woman carrying a baby entered. With wide eyes, she looked slowly around the room.
Paul sat up. “Betsy!” Olivia watched the woman run to Paul. With her heart heavy, Olivia turned away as the woman dropped the baby into Paul’s arms and fell to her knees beside the bed.
Bruce waved his bandaged arm. “Olivia, it’s my turn.”
“Bruce, I think you’re going to be the next one to go home. Your forehead feels cool, and this arm looks good. You were right to refuse amputation, but last July none of us believed that.” She patted his shoulder and moved on to Cap.
“Wanna talk?” he asked. She blinked the tears back. “I saw you were nearly ready to cry. All this war business getting you down?”
“Doesn’t it hurt everyone? No, Cap, I don’t need to talk. Some problems have no solutions. How about you? Is your wife coming after you?”
“No, I didn’t want her to make the trip. She’s in Georgia, and travel isn’t that safe right now.” He touched her hand. “We soldiers don’t say much, but I want you to know all of us appreciate what you’ve done for us—treating us like family, not like strangers or enemies.”
She smiled slowly, folding the bandage. “When we face the enemy, we find he’s a brother. Cap, I’ll be so happy when this is all over. Do you suppose we’ll ever live normal lives again?”
“I think it will be hard,” he said slowly. “At times I wonder if any of us will be able to go back to what we left. Olivia, there’s one thing that bothers me. Why, with all the agony and suffering, do we all feel close to each other? You’ve seen me at my worse moments, and I’ve seen your miseries, too. Will we go home and let friends and neighbors know us this way? I think not.”
“For some of us the hurts are too deep.”
“Don’t let them turn on you and eat clear through your soul,” he said intently.
“Only God can keep that from happening. And Cap, I sense that’s possible when we’re able to accept these hurts as part of God’s better plan. I’m still trying to accept that.” Olivia gathered up the scissors and ointment and turned to go.
Dr. Thompson came into the hospital. He stopped in the middle of the room and watched Tony’s hesitant steps. “Does it still hurt?”
“Not bad,” Tony gasped. “Mostly I’m afraid of falling. Do you send nurses home with patients? I think it would help.” He grinned at Beth.
Dr. Thompson chuckled. “Walk around as long as you can; then come back here and let me check the stumps.”
He headed for Olivia. “Nurse, I think you ladies have about worked yourselves out of a job. The majority of the men are ready to be released. I’d say by next week you can go home.”
“Home?” Olivia echoed. “I’m going back to the hospital in Washington.”
He stared at her incredulously. “Why are you pushing yourself this way? Go home and rest before you take on another assignment.”
He continued down the line of patients, and Olivia fingered the brooch. “He’s right,” Cap said.
Olivia looked at him and lifted her chin. “Cap, you wondered about me. I’m a widow who can’t accept her husband’s death. Am I crazy?”
“I’ve never met a more level-headed woman,” Cap answered. “Let’s just say that in this war there’s much we can’t accept. In time—the Lord’s good time—you’ll be able to.”
She touched his hand. “Thank you, Cap.”
****
By the end of the following week, the last of the patients had been moved or released. As Beth and Olivia helped remove the hospital equipment, Olivia asked, “Beth, are you ready for that trip to see Sadie and Amos?”
Beth looked at Olivia with a troubled expression. “I don’t like leaving you. Olivia, I can see how tired you are, and it makes me feel guilty.”
“Is that why you’ve looked so troubled lately?”
Beth caught her breath, glanced at Olivia, and blushed. “I guess I’ve had a few things on my mind.”
Thrusting the pile of blankets into Beth’s arms, Olivia said, “Well, take these into the doctor’s office and let’s go back to the Northrups’. I need to get my things in order and begin packing.”
When Olivia and Beth walked out of the warehouse, the wind caught them, swirling snow in their faces. “Oh, let’s hurry!” Olivia gasped.
“Mr. Northrup said he knew we were going to have a blizzard,” Beth said. “He said the horses and cows were restless this morning.”
They rushed into the Northrups’ kitchen and unwound their snowy shawls. Mabel turned from the stove. “My, I’m going to miss you two. Sure you don’t want to stay until spring? I’ve an idea they’d find work for you.”
Olivia accepted a cup of coffee and sat down close to the stove. “If this snow keeps up, the trains won’t be running tomorrow. And I really need to get back to Washington. I know they’ve needed me desperately.”
Mabel turned to Beth. “How about you? Are you going to Washington, too?”
Beth hesitated. “Before all this started, I was on my way to the Coopers’. They live in a little town on the Ohio River, just inside the Pennsylvania line.”
After the supper dishes were washed and back in place, Beth and Olivia went to their room. The wind howled around the eaves of the house, throwing snow against the windowpane. For a moment before she pulled the curtain across the window, Olivia watched snowflakes stick to the glass and slowly slide down.
“I have a feeling we’ll all be snowbound tomorrow.”
Beth shrugged. “I don’t mind. I’m still not convinced I should go to the Coopers.”
“Why?”
Quickly Beth pulled the nightgown over her head, and with a shiver jumped into bed. Thoughtfully she said, “I wonder if I’ll be welcome there. Looking back, it seems I’ve been more trouble than I should have been.”
Olivia crawled in beside Beth. “I don’t feel that way. I know Sadie was concerned about you and Mike, but I know she honestly likes you. Right now, I’d guess she would welcome company, so don’t let those feelings keep you away.”
The girl was silent so long that Olivia reached to put out the
lamp. Finally Beth spoke. “I might as well say this; maybe you can give me some advice. Olivia, I think I’m starting to care for Mike very much. What if he’s there? I just don’t think I could stand it.”
Olivia turned and frowned. “Care for him? I thought you loved him enough to marry him.”
“Back then I don’t think I knew what love meant.” She turned to look at Olivia. “Maybe I was just—I don’t know, fascinated with him. An older man, a riverboat pilot. And besides, he seemed to like me so much. That was exciting.”
“And now you don’t want to see him? Beth, why?”
“I honestly don’t know. Maybe it’s because I still feel as if I must tell him all these terrible things about myself.”
“You might as well get it said, Beth. If you want to be honest about this whole thing, I’d think Mike deserves your explanation more than anyone else.” Beth didn’t answer. Olivia extinguished the lamp and lay wide-eyed in the dark. We’d never love if we knew the final pain of it—or would we? With a gentle smile she turned to sleep.
In the morning Olivia looked out at the frozen world and said, “I think it’s just as well that I didn’t pack my valise last night.”
Mr. Northrup carried the pail of milk into the kitchen. “Milk nearly froze on the way to the house. But we didn’t so much as lose a chick. I doubt you ladies will be going far on the train today. From what I could see, I’d guess it won’t leave the station.”
“Pa told me the smoke froze in the chimney of the train,” Mark said.
Olivia laughed. “Mark, I wondered how cold it gets before smoke freezes; now I know. Too cold!”
****
The following week, Olivia took the train to Washington and Beth left to visit the Coopers.
When Beth walked through the Coopers’ back door, Crystal was in the kitchen. Carefully putting her valise down, Beth looked from Crystal to Sadie and whispered, “Crystal, what has happened?”
“Matthew hath been taken prisoner,” Sadie answered. “Crystal has been in Washington these past months trying to get the army to intervene.”
Wearily Crystal said, “They’ve told me that legally nothing can be done, since there is no proof he was forced into the Confederate Army two years ago. They told me to go home and wait.”
Crystal pressed her fingers against her eyes. “Sadie told me Olivia lost her baby, and that Alex is dead. Where is she?”
“Working at an army hospital in Washington.” Beth glanced at Sadie. “We started to come here last July, but we were trapped at Gettysburg during the battle. Both of us stayed on to nurse the Confederate soldiers Lee left behind when he retreated.”
“Is she all right?”
“I think she is working too hard,” Beth said slowly. “But it seems to make her happy. Mostly I believe she keeps herself too tired to think about her problems.” She looked at Crystal. “What will you do?”
Crystal shook her head, and Sadie said, “She’s been helping us pack kits for the Sanitary Commission. Guess we’ll put thee to work too.”
Beth heard the sounds of footsteps in the hall. Apprehensively she turned. It was Mike. He leaned on a crutch and looked at her. One trouser leg had been carefully folded where his foot should have been. Beth groped for the door frame. As the room turned black, someone called her name.
A few minutes later, Beth opened her eyes and felt a pillow under her head. Crystal knelt beside her. “Beth, would some tea help?”
Beth pressed her cold hands against her face. “No, I’ll be up in a moment. I suppose I’m tired. I’ve been working with men like—” She fought for breath. “It shouldn’t bother me now.”
That evening Mike came late to the table. His eyes were remote as he looked at Beth and said, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I was simply tired,” she said, turning away. Amos looked from Beth to Mike. The question in his eyes brought a lump to Beth’s throat.
After the dishes were washed, Beth lingered in the kitchen. “Beth, thou wilt get used to it,” Sadie said. “’Tis no worse than thou hast had back there.”
“I know,” she murmured. “I suppose it’s just the shock. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll go up to bed. It’s been a hard two days on the train.”
****
The following week the snow melted and the sun shone. While Beth mixed cookie dough, Sadie came into the kitchen wearing her bonnet. “If thou art baking cookies today, I’ll go into town with Amos. Here are some hazelnuts. Mike could shell them for thee.”
Beth looked at Sadie. “How long will he be staying?”
Sadie’s eyes held Beth’s in a long questioning look. “Long enough for that leg to heal completely.” Sadie headed for the door.
Beth bit her lip and watched Sadie’s skirt swish as she left the house. The clock ticked loudly. With a sigh Beth began shaping cookies. “You and your mouth—particularly since you are the intruder,” she muttered to herself. Her heart sank as she realized she must talk to Sadie.
As she shoved the first pan of dough into the oven, Beth heard the irregular step on the stairs. Mike limped into the kitchen. She noticed he wasn’t using his crutch. While she wondered if she dared mention the fact, he nodded. “Good morning.” He sat down at table and watched her roll dough.
“Would you care for breakfast? Sadie fried ham for you.”
“No thank you.” He watched her hands cutting and lifting the dough. He looked up. “Is there coffee? Those cookies smell wonderful.”
She nodded and reached for a mug. “The cookies will be done in a few minutes.”
“I could smell them upstairs.” He avoided her eyes as she poured coffee and set it in front of him. Lifting the pan of cookies out of the oven, she placed some on a plate and brought it to him.
“If you don’t mind,” Beth said, rolling dough, “there are hazelnuts to be shelled. It isn’t terribly important; Sadie just mentioned them.”
He nodded. “The cookies are good.” He stood up and went to the stove for coffee.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured. “I forgot that—”
“It’s all right.” His voice was rough. “I don’t expect you to wait on me. I need the exercise.”
Carefully she cut and lifted the dough. “Does your leg bother you a great deal?”
“No. I suppose I could go back. I won’t be the only man with a wooden leg. It’s just that it’s a little tricky to regain balance and speed.”
“I know,” Beth said softly, “especially for a man whose job takes him up and down stairs all day. Mike, I hear they’ve nearly perfected artificial feet. They flex.”
“How do you know?”
“I’ve been working with amputees.” He leaned back, a curious expression on his face. In a rush of words she said, “Olivia and I were at Gettysburg during the battle. We stayed to nurse Confederate soldiers.”
She finished filling the pan and brought the freshly baked batch to the table. He shook his head, “No thank you.” He paused and took a deep breath. “Beth, I think we need to do some serious talking.” She glanced at him, and hastily he added, “I realized too late I bungled everything I tried to say. Now I need to attempt an explanation. Will you hear me out?”
Still holding the pan of cookies, Beth turned away and carefully placed it on the cupboard shelf. She gulped, wondering if she dared trust her voice.
They both heard the pounding on the door. “I’ll go,” Mike muttered. Beth watched him limp out of the room. With a sigh of relief, she took the last pan out of the oven and lifted the cookies onto the cooling rack. From the parlor she could hear two voices, heavy and loud. Did he say Roald? She removed her apron and rushed to the parlor.
She stopped in the doorway as the two turned. It was Roald, thin and pale, but smiling. Slowly she went to him. Holding out her hand, she whispered, “I can’t believe what I’m seeing. Did you know they listed you as dead?”
“Yes. That was the information my mother received. I thought I’d better come rather than write.
”
“Please come sit down.” She led him to the chairs beside the fire, and Mike quietly left the room. “Roald, would you like coffee or tea?”
He hesitated. “Neither. I know this is an inconvenient time to call. But I saw Sadie and Amos in town and couldn’t bear for you to have the news in another manner.”
She sat down in the rocking chair. “Roald, this is a shock. I hardly know what to say. Please, what happened?”
“I was captured. Had a minor wound. It seemed to heal without problems, but after I was exchanged I had to enter the hospital. It was one thing after another. It started with pneumonia, then I had the measles.” His face twisted in a sheepish grin.
“I know,” she said hastily. “I’ve been working in a hospital and I know how serious these diseases can be for a person who is in poor health.”
“By then I didn’t have the strength to contact you. The hospital nurse wrote to my mother. Last summer she came after me, and I’ve been all this time regaining my health. Beth, it’s good to see you. Will you forgive me for not getting word to you?”
“Certainly, Roald.” They were still watching each other, cautiously looking for some point of recognition. Was it possible to be strangers after being sweethearts?
Hesitantly he said, “I’ll be going back to duty in two weeks. Beth, I feel like we no longer know each other. I can’t expect you to pick up right where we left off, but I need to know. Do you want to see me again?”
Honesty, she thought. I have to be honest. She caught her breath. “Roald, I can’t encourage you. I think I’ve grown up enough to know what real love is. I still think very fondly of you and our good times together, but I suppose—”
He got to his feet. “I sensed that as soon as I saw you, but I thought it would be only fair to ask. Beth, thank you for being kind to a lonesome soldier boy.” He took her hand, adding, “I wish you happiness. I’m not surprised; I’ve always been afraid of losing out to Mike.”
With her hand pressed against her aching throat, she watched him walk down the snowy path. Slowly she went back to the kitchen. Mike was gone, and the nuts hadn’t been shelled.
