by Marian Wells
He started to speak, and she lifted her hand. “Mike, don’t. I stole my clothes, money, jewelry—even the valise I used to carry it all. A woman named Louisa, the daughter of the man who owned our farm, befriended me. We lived up in the hills and didn’t have anything, not even a schoolteacher most of the time. Louisa taught me to read and act like a lady. In the end,” Beth gulped, “I took everything of hers I had wanted for so long.
“That’s when you came along,” she continued. “I was toting off her belongings when I saw the sheriff at the train depot and ran for the river.
“For a time you nearly made me forget my plans. But I wanted the big things—going to Washington, finding a rich man, learning to live like a princess.
“Then something happened.” She caught her breath. “I nearly came to disaster. Mike, I was frightened into seeing what I was doing, as if God was standing there, just looking at me. I realized how horrible I had been. Mike, please, please forgive me for being deceitful. Everything we had was built on a lie, and there’s nothing left except to ask you to forgive me.”
He lifted his head and looked at her. Everything built on a lie. Nothing left. “Well, certainly I forgive you, Beth. I didn’t realize how little we knew each other.” Getting to his feet he said, “Even about God.” His grin twisted. “Sorry if I act like the wind’s been knocked out of me. All this time I’d thought you knew God like I did. It’s more like—instead of pulling us together, God is pushing us apart.”
He turned to look down into the fire. Resting his arm against the mantle, he struggled through the words she had said. At last he murmured, “Beth, I forgive you; certainly I won’t hold the past against you.”
He heard her step and turned as she dashed up the stairs.
In her room, Beth leaned against the door. She repeated Mike’s words. “So, God is pushing us apart. Very well, my dear Mike. I’ll accept that as God’s answer to all my questions, too.”
She contemplated the future stretching on without Mike. Blinking at the tears brimming over, she whispered, “Olivia is living without Alex. Hard as it seems, I guess God wants me to live without Mike.”
Chapter 46
Once again Alex looked at the Stars and Stripes and the line of blue uniforms. “Colonel Brady, if there’s anything that makes a fellow appreciate army life and hardtack, it’s being in prison on the other side.”
He answered Brady’s question. “I was with the Army of the Potomac, under General Hooker. We were positioned just north of the Rappahannock. Just after the Chancellorsville battle last May, I was captured by the Confederates while on guard duty.”
Colonel Brady said, “Duncan, you’ve been in prison twice and were at the battle of Milliken’s Bend? That won’t be hard to check. Thomas, your story is strange, but being with Grant at Vicksburg gets you a clean record, as soon as we check it out. I’ll telegraph Washington tonight.
“We have supply wagons going in to Chattanooga tomorrow. I’ll write a pass for you to travel by train to Louisville and then take a steamer to Wheeling. From there you can travel by train to Washington. Without a doubt, both of you rate a furlough. I suppose your wives will be able to put up with you for a couple of weeks.” He got to his feet. “Thomas, let’s find a decent uniform for you. My men might use you for target practice before we had a chance to explain.”
As they left Colonel Brady’s tent, a sergeant fell in step with them. “Come over to that tent; we’ll get Thomas a uniform and issue a tent and blankets. Also your rations.” He paused and gave Alex a quick glance. “You don’t look too much in the best of health. Better take it easy with the grub for a day or so. Could be hard on your innards.
“We know all about that,” he added. “Last October the Confederates cut off General Rosecrans’ supply route. Plenty was coming our way, but the Rebs were beating us to it. Our horses were starving to death and we nearly didn’t make it. But it ended up fine; President Lincoln shuffled things about, sent in troops and supplies.”
“Matthew filled me in on the battles at Vicksburg and Gettysburg. Looks like the Federal forces are doing well,” Alex said. “I hear Meade replaced General Hooker. What’s the Army of the Potomac doing now?”
“Not much. Kinda been stirring around, just keeping the fires lit under the South.”
When Alex and Matthew reached Chattanooga late the following day, General Brady’s confirmation was there, and they received orders to report to headquarters in Washington upon their arrival.
Alex read General Brady’s paper over again and rubbed his hand across his eyes. “Matt, this is nearly as nice as going to heaven.”
“Shall we ask them to notify Olivia?”
Alex hesitated. “It sounds like the kind thing to do. But, after all this time, I’ve a feeling it will be easier on her if we just walk in.”
****
Alex nearly regretted his decision when they reached Washington. After they got out of the hack, Alex and Matthew stood in the street and looked up at the long, stark building. “So this is a soldier’s hospital now,” Alex murmured. “Washington’s changed. Has a drawn look to it, like I felt after leaving Andersonville. Starved.”
“Well, let’s go in,” Matthew prodded him. “She should be working right now.”
Alex saw her as they walked through the doors. Her dark hair was coiled close to her head and she wore a white apron, but the curve of her face was very familiar. Blinking tears out of his eyes, he watched the tilt of her head, the graceful gesture of her hand as she bent over a cot. When she started down the corridor of beds, he stepped past Matthew and called, “Olivia!”
She looked up, pressed her trembling hand against the brooch on her collar, then ran to him.
As he reached her, she began to smile through the tears. “Olivia, my dear!” With one quick look, he caught her close.
From the beds around the room, their audience gasped and began to cheer.
Olivia touched his face, his shoulders. Kissing away the tears, he held her close. Father, it wasn’t worse for me, was it?
“Alex, tell me, am I dreaming again?” She leaned back to look at him, and he saw her wince.
“It’s real, and everything’s going to be just fine.”
They heard a door bang and saw Crystal running. “Matthew! Oh, Matthew!”
Matthew met her halfway. “Crystal! I’d no idea you were here too!”
The door opened again. A concerted exclamation rose from the beds. “Teacher’s here. You’re in trouble!”
Olivia turned, “Mrs. Thorner, I—”
The woman came forward, smiling as she held out her hand. Trying to be prim, she said, “Since you don’t usually behave this way, I believe you must know this man.”
Alex heard the thread of tension in Olivia’s voice as she said, “I can’t quite believe it, but this is my husband! I thought—” She turned to touch Alex, to stare into his face.
Gently Mrs. Thorner said, “And since Crystal seems disinclined to let go of this man, he must be your brother. Run along, youngsters. I suppose the army was generous enough to give you furlough?”
“Three weeks,” Alex and Matthew chorused.
Feeling slightly silly, but unable to keep the grin off his face, Alex stroked Olivia’s hand and said, “If the army doesn’t change its mind and ship us out right away, we’ll send them back in three weeks.”
Mrs. Thorner was still smiling. “I understand. We have enough standby nurses to handle an emergency. This is an emergency.”
Again the audience cheered.
Alex followed Olivia upstairs. He held her, wiped her tears, and touched her face. “Olivia, this is my dearest dream! How good God is to bring us together again.”
“Oh, Alex, I’m so ashamed.”
He studied her face, “What do you mean?”
“The dream—I kept having it, seeing us together, but I didn’t dare hope. Alex, surely God was trying to keep me from being—this broken. Oh, Alex, please don’t say another word.”
/>
“You are exhausted,” he breathed. “You’ll need this rest as much as I. And now—” He held her away to smile into her eyes. “We’re going to our hotel to try to forget for at least three weeks.”
She winced and wrapped her arms around him. “Please don’t mention leaving again.”
“I’ll try. Now, let’s get your things packed.” He removed her apron and wrapped her in the cloak. “You’re very thin,” he murmured.
“I must leave a note for Beth. She’d never understand my leaving without telling her.”
When they reached their hotel room, Alex closed the door behind the old man who had carried their bags. He looked at Olivia and smiled. “It seems a hundred years ago that we stayed in this very room. My dear, we must make up for the terrible days we’ve endured.”
Her face was rigid as she asked, “Matthew told you all about it?” When he nodded, she replied, “I knew nothing about you.”
“Matthew told me about—everything, losing the baby.” He held her hands against his face as he carefully added. “I sent letters to Pennsylvania, and I’d been distressed because of not hearing from you, but if I’d guessed the reason behind it, I would have come immediately.”
“In wartime? But never mind, my dear, you are here now, and only that is important.”
She leaned against him, touched his earring, and ran her fingers over his face and shoulders. “You’re thin too, and you don’t look well. Alex, you must go to bed now and rest. I shall order something for you to eat.”
He tugged at her hand. “Stay; I want to talk some more. Olivia, since Matthew told me all that happened—about my name getting on the list—I’ve wondered how such a mistake could be made. A terrible thought has come to me.
“During the time just before the Fredericksburg campaign, I became pretty good friends with a fellow. We exchanged names and hometowns, intending to get together after the war. I’m wondering if something has happened to him. Since he possibly carried my name on him, that could explain—”
Olivia winced. “Oh, that poor woman.” She studied Alex’s eyes and shuddered. Leaning against his shoulder she whispered, “Alex, I can’t begin to tell you of the horror, but now I see it has been this way for you, too. My dear, for you it was a different kind, wasn’t it? I see it has sunk deeply into you. I want to pull you back to me, to make you the wonderful, joyful friend and lover you were before.”
He touched the lines on her face before he took her hand, kissed the palm, and pressed it against his face. “If anyone can do a miracle in my life, it will be you,” he murmured. “I suppose we’ll need to do that for each other. Now come rest with me and tell me about it all.”
During the night Olivia awakened. With her heart pounding, she sat upright and groped. Touching his warm body, she began to cry. He pulled her down into his arms and cuddled her. “It’s just that I believed, and then I didn’t,” she tried to explain. “I thought it was all a dream. Oh, Alex, at the moment all of this is too much.”
Holding her close, he murmured, “Then you know how it has been for me.”
She was nearly asleep when he stirred and said, “Olivia, we’ll likely be separated again.”
Moving her head against his arm, she whispered, “Not to love would spare the pain, but I made the decision to follow love a long time ago. Alex, I didn’t dream it would hurt like this. But in those dark days when both you and the baby were gone, I found myself thinking back to the good times. When I knew how rich my life had been because of you, I started to recover from the sickness of it all. Also I realized that in some form I must continue to love. Even with the pain it will bring, there must be love in my life. It’s as if there is a life-spring inside that fuels love, and somehow love doesn’t die—even after the worst of it all.”
Again she turned to him. “Love seems to be worth everything, even pain.”
“That is so,” Alex whispered. “Olivia, Matthew risked his life to save mine. It’s a miracle that we’re here. But beyond all miracles is God’s will. Is there anything that can escape the final reckoning? His will must be done. If we fight against His will and are bloodied, ruined, how can we blame God?”
****
The next afternoon Olivia entered their hotel room, stopping just inside the door. Alex was sprawled on the bed, surrounded by newspapers.
He looked up with a grin. “I’m not asleep.”
“I know. I just can’t fill my eyes with enough of you.” She placed her parcel on the table and came to kiss him. “What is it?” she whispered. “You look troubled.”
“I was thinking about us. Olivia, we’ll have such a brief time together, and it bothers me to leave you here, working yourself like this.”
Slowly she said, “After all you’ve been through, must you go back to more fighting? You’ve been in prison; you have a wound which still doesn’t seem healed. Must you return to battle?”
“I’m still in the army. The war isn’t won. Grant still expresses his determination to finish things up this summer, while the whole North seems doubtful, ready to give up.” Impulsively he said, “Olivia, it’s still possible I’ll die. Have you dealt with that?”
“Alex! How is it possible to be reconciled to something that shouldn’t happen? My dear husband, I can scarcely stand to be out of your sight! Just now, when I returned from the shop, my hand trembled until I could hardly get the key in the lock. I’m still trying to comprehend your being here when I thought you were dead. Now you want me to think of what your leaving will mean?”
Alex sat beside her. “I’ve had plenty of time to think. I guess life boils down to one word. Commitment. We measure a man by his commitment. In the army, a man’s honor depends on him keeping his word. Strange, I hadn’t thought of it this way before, but there’s not many of us honest fellows who’d go over the hill, even in order to gain life rather than death. We may be tempted, but it’s honor above life.
“When I said commitment, I thought of God. Now I wonder if we’re committed enough to God’s purposes that we’re willing to die for them.”
Slowly Olivia said, “Alex, are you saying we put honor of country above honoring God’s will?”
“Why else do we have to fight to make our fellow man free, when God ordains freedom for all men?”
Thoughtfully she added, “And the responsibility for my fellow man’s welfare rests heavily on my shoulders. Alex, you’re forcing me to recognize something very painful. This is my commitment just as much as yours.
“You cannot go over the hill when you are tired of war. I cannot go over the hill when I am tired of my commitment to God.” She took a shaky breath. “Alex, I won’t back down in my commitment to Him. Neither will I cling to you—go when you must go. There’s only one thing I ask. Please, I want your child.”
“Even that, Olivia, is asking for something only God can give. In God’s time, remember?”
“And if God doesn’t have a time?” He pulled her close and wiped the tears from her eyes.
Chapter 47
Mike had just taken his gunboat out of the Cairo harbor when Lieutenant Parker came into the pilothouse. “Head for Paducah. We want to check out Fort Anderson. Just had contact with Bradford from Fort Pillow. Reconnaissance indicates Confederate forces from General Forrest’s guerrilla band are moving around the Mississippi states. It worries me. Forrest appears aware that only token forces hold the forts down the Mississippi. Guess everyone knows General Grant is gearing up for the campaign in the East.”
Mike nodded. “It’s kinda lonesome with him gone and General Sherman stuck on the far edge of Tennessee. I suppose he’s still there.”
“I believe so,” Parker said. “Haven’t heard news from Chattanooga for some time. Sherman’s about taken out all the rail lines across Tennessee, as well as the lines north of Memphis. He may have ripped up the tracks going into Atlanta by now.”
He went to the window and picked up the field glasses. “We’re to patrol these forts. Haven’t enough gunb
oats on the river to stay in any one location very long.”
Turning to Mike, he said, “How you doing on that leg?”
“Still a little sore. But it’s easier to get around now that I have this fancy peg with a foot on the end.”
Parker glanced out the window. “I have a feeling things are going to be rough up and down the river this spring and summer. The whole war is changing character. I’ve a hunch the South is getting desperate.”
“How so?”
“Guerilla activity has stepped up. That tells me Grant’s activities in the East have the Confederates concerned.”
“Why’s that, sir?”
“Lack of food—not only for the people but for the army. The Confederate Army relied on Tennessee for pork. With the tracks torn up and Sherman plugging the roads, they’re suffering for supplies.”
“I heard Sherman’s hit Jackson, Mississippi again, for the third time.”
“That’s so. I suppose you’ve also learned that he’s ruined it this time. One of the fellows told me Sherman sacked the city. They’re calling the place Chimneyville. All the furniture—even baby beds—clothing, and books were stacked and burned in the streets. Sherman’s men lined the street to control the people while their homes and belongings were torched. It’s a shame.”
“Makes a person sick,” Mike muttered. “War is ugly, but I think it’s getting worse all the time.”
“I just hope General Brayman has enough men to hold all these places down the Mississippi.”
“What’s his force?”
“Not even twenty-four hundred men. Three fourths of them are Negro, which makes me uneasy.” He shot a quick glance at Mike. “Not because they aren’t good fighters, but because of the way the South has handled Negro prisoners.”
“He doesn’t have many men there.”
“General Hulbut has furloughed his veteran soldiers by order of the War Department. Mighty thoughtful move, but the general has let us know he can’t send us a man from Memphis. He has a skeleton crew. Meanwhile, General Brayman is keeping busy shuffling his men from one hot spot to another, trying to pin Forrest down.”
