by Steve Cole
“Plus we threw in a few other human spices just for fun,” called Danjo, whipping up an icy-slime shield to deflect the projectile snot. “Funny-sounding stuff – chilli powder, cumin, paprika . . .”
“In other words – instant sneezing powder!” Plog stopped spinning and shook the last of the dust from his fur. “It’s impossible for anyone to fight while they’re sneezing – especially nasty giant noses like you!”
The throne room was heaving with jostling Conks, emptying their nostrils all over the place. Zill huddled for shelter behind Danjo’s shield. “We’ll be stuck for sure if we hang around,” she cried.
Danjo nodded. “Ain’t that the truth – let’s head for the roof!”
The two Squaddies shinned up a pillar, out of range of the Conks’ flying snot.
Furp hopped over to join them. “Plog’s plan is working. They’re sneezing themselves silly and sticking each other to the floor!”
“Hey, Plog!” Danjo shouted, squirting icy slush all over the throne-room floor like a big crimson sprinkler. “If you walk on my guck, you won’t get stuck!”
“Nice one, Danjo!” Plog skated over the icy floor, past the impotent Conks, making for the blinded Special Weapons Nose.
It was quivering and quavering but it still hadn’t sneezed. “Countess Kiss, are you all right?”
“Do I look all right to you?” came the indignant reply.
“You don’t sound too bad.” Plog yanked and tugged on the slender legs poking out of the giant nose. “Now, let’s get you out.”
But then the Special Weapons Nose finally tore open its eyelid and glared down at Plog. “FEEEEEET,” it boomed. “HUNGRYYYYYYY!” Flexing its free nostril, it breathed in sharply.
And, to his horror, Plog found himself being sucked inside!
Chapter Ten
THE CONKS’ FINAL BLOW
“Hey!” As he was drawn ever closer to the hideous hairy nostril, Plog waved to his friends. “A little help here?”
“On the case, Fur-boy!” Zill and Danjo wolf-whistled at the Special Weapons Nose at ear-splitting volume. “Hey! Big nose!”
Distracted, the conk-creature tilted upward to look at them – just as Furp turned an athletic somersault and released a huge cloud of sneezing powder from his pants. In seconds, the monster had sucked it all up.
“Argghh,” groaned the Special Weapons Nose, wriggling and winking, twitching and twotching, hovering on the brink of what had to be a truly colossal sneeze. “Ahh . . . ahhhh . . . AHHH . . .”
“No!” bellowed El Conko, already half buried in bogeys. “Special Weapons Nose, I forbid you to sneeze! You’ll bring the entire palace down on top of us!”
Zill and Danjo dropped down beside Plog, and Furp joined them with an anxious gulp. “I’m afraid El Conko may be right!”
“AHHHH . . .” The Special Weapons Nose was shaking like a volcano about to erupt. “AHHHHHH . . .”
“Time to leave,” said Plog breathlessly. “But there are too many Conks between us and the exit.” He pointed to a goop-covered wall behind them. “We’ll have to take those green double-doors – the passage that connects this place to the hatch in the bottom of the Nosepick Ocean. Furp, Danjo, get going – make sure the way is clear.”
“Gotcha,” said Danjo, speeding off with Furp.
“AHHHHHH . . .” The Special Weapons Nose had begun to shiver uncontrollably. “AHHHHHH-HH . . .”
“Don’t!” El Conko begged his gigantic servant. “Please, don’t!”
“Stand by to snag Countess Kiss with a slime-line, Zill,” Plog told her. “You’ll only get one chance.”
Zill nodded nervously. “She saved me before. I’ll do my best for her.”
And then, finally—
“AHHHHHHH-CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”
With a sound like an express train thundering into an earthquake, the Special Weapons Nose sneezed at last! The throne room shook. Pillars crumbled. The glass in the ceiling rattled and cracked. Out shot the snotty countess, still in the grip of the rope-like nose-hair. It held her tightly in mid air while the storm of nose-gloop raged around her . . .
And a second was all Zill needed.
The feisty poodle-skunk spat out a slime-line, snagged the countess’s ankle, then yanked on it with all her strength. Countess Kiss was tugged clean out of her raincoat as Zill swung her round in a half-circle and straight into Plog’s waiting arms.
“OOF!” Plog almost fell over under the gloopy countess’s weight. “It’s all right. I’ve got you.”
The countess peered up at him, blinking in the sudden light. “I . . . I can’t believe you came back for me.”
“I told you” – Plog shrugged – “the Slime Squad help any monster in trouble.”
“So we’d better help ourselves,” Zill said sharply as the Special Weapons Nose sneezed again—
“KER-CHOOOOOO!”
This time, green goo gushed out of both nostrils as if sprayed from a firefighter’s hose. The trapped noses in the throne room groaned and gargled as they were doused in the disgusting stuff. Even the Special Weapons Nose himself was stuck fast in his own slime.
Suddenly broken glass began to fall from the roof.
“Nooooooooo,” sobbed El Conko. “Our Great Quest cannot end like this . . .”
“Sorry, Conks,” called Plog. “I’m afraid that just like anyone else with a nose – you’ve blown it!”
“Come on!” Zill shouted as a further phenomenal sneeze from the colossal conk-monster sent a revolting wave of gloop sloshing towards them. “If that stuff so much as touches us, we’ll be trapped here with the Conks.”
Plog led the charge for the exit, the countess still in his arms. “You can put me down now,” she said.
“I wish I could,” groaned Plog. “With that gunk all over you, you’re stuck to my fur!”
“Goes to show,” Zill panted, “that this whole situation is too close for comfort!”
They sprinted down the gloomy tunnel, desperate to outrun the raging river of slime surging after them. At last Plog saw the metal chamber through which he’d entered – and Danjo, standing there in front of it.
“I’ve smashed open the hatchway to the surface,” he shouted.
“And I’ve found the marine-machine that sucked the Nosepick Ocean into this vat,” said Furp. Clinging to the side of the pipe above the vast glass tank, he was feverishly dismantling a control panel. “If I can reverse the systems, it will pump the sea back out into its normal place . . .”
“And we can use the water to unstick those poor monsters on the Car Wreck Coast!” Zill realized.
“Not to mention me and the countess,” said Plog as Danjo helped them into the metal vault and pushed them up the ladder towards the fresh air.
“Quickly, Furp!” Zill climbed the ladder at record speed. “There’s a tidal wave of snot on its way here!”
“Just a few seconds more,” Furp muttered. Like a stream of molten lava, the noxious nose-goo came bubbling round the corner, swallowing all in its path. “Let’s try it now . . .” He slammed down a lever and, at the last possible moment, leaped into the vault and sprang out through the hatch to safety.
SPLOOOOSH! The wave crashed into the vat, and Danjo slammed the metal hatch cover closed.
“We did it!” gasped Zill. “We got out!”
“But the entire Nosepick Ocean is about to be forced out through the Conks’ plughole,” Furp reminded them. “So, get ready to swim.” A huge, yellow-green fountain burst out of the plughole, refilling the rocky basin at dizzying speed. “Swim for your lives!”
Suddenly the Squaddies and Countess Kiss were swept away by the churning liquid. Plog was thrown clear of the countess as the gunk that bound them was swiftly dissolved.
Must keep going, he told himself, arms and legs aching, holding his breath as the lumpy water seethed and bubbled around him. I must . . . I MUST . . .
Then the ocean’s onslaught was suddenly over. Plog popped up close to the Ca
r Wreck Coast, and quickly gulped down the wonderful whiffy air. Furp, Zill and Danjo helped him wade ashore – just as the sound of breaking glass cut sharply across the newly formed ocean. Plog stared across the sea and saw that part of the Broken Glass Beach had collapsed and caved in, not far from where they’d left the Slime-mobile.
“There goes the Conks’ lair,” Furp murmured. “Sealed shut for ever.”
“And good riddance!” Danjo added.
“Hey,” said Zill, looking around. “What happened to Countess Kiss?”
“I’m right here,” came a familiar purr, and they saw the countess crawling wearily onto the shore beside them. “And – though it hurts me to say it – thanks for saving my life.”
“That’s OK, Countess,” said Plog. “But just promise me one thing.”
“I know, I know.” The countess held up a hand to stop him. “You want me to give up my life of crime. Well, all right. I will. Especially since there’s no one left to team up with now all the bad guys have moved out of Trashland!” She shook herself down. “I’ll go back to being a boring old dentist in the Gunk Glaciers again – satisfied?”
“Er . . . yes!” said Plog cheerily. “Especially since I was only going to ask you never to write in the sky that we smooched, ever again!”
“Oh, but I love to kiss and tell, Ploggy-woggy.” Countess Kiss winked and waved goodbye. “Ta-ta for now,” she said, and then strode off towards the grubby Gunk Glaciers.
“Well, bless my gonkberries,” said Furp. “With the Conks gone and Countess Kiss turning over a new leaf . . .”
“There isn’t a criminal left in Trashland!” Zill marvelled.
“Wow.” Danjo frowned. “What will we do with ourselves?”
“What the Slime Squad always used to do before the first evil monsters appeared,” said Plog. “We’ll make this wild and whiffy rubbish dump world of ours an even better place to live in – by helping monsters in need wherever we find them.”
“There’s an awful lot of them in the Conks’ Test Zone,” Danjo reminded them.
Zill nodded. “Now the ocean’s come back, we can start unsticking them.”
“And we can fix PIE’s sensors too,” Furp agreed. “Let him know that everything’s all right.”
“Yes, it really is all right,” said Plog happily. “And from now on, it always will be.” He grinned at his team-mates. “How’s this for a new motto – Let fear disappear, let wickedness quail . . .”
Zill, Furp and Danjo joined in to complete Plog’s rhyme: “The Slime Squad are here – and we NEVER fail!”
Also by Steve Cole
[ASTROSAURS]
Riddle of the Raptors
The Hatching Horror
The Seas of Doom
The Mind-Swap Menace
The Skies of Fear
The Space Ghosts
Day of the Dino-Droids
The Terror-Bird Trap
The Planet of Peril
The Star Pirates
The Claws of Christmas
The Sun-Snatchers
Revenge of the Fang
The Carnivore Curse
The Dreams of Dread
The Robot Raiders
The Twist of Time
The Sabre-Tooth Secret
The Forest of Evil
Earth Attack!
The T-Rex Invasion
The Castle of Frankensaur
[ASTROSAURS ACADEMY]
Destination: Danger!
Contest Carnage!
Terror Underground!
Jungle Horror!
Deadly Drama!
Christmas Crisis!
Volcano Invaders!
Space Kidnap!
[COWS IN ACTION]
The Ter-Moo-nators
The Moo-my’s Curse
The Roman Moo-stery
The Wild West Moo-nster
World War Moo
The Battle for Christmoos
The Pirate Moo-tiny
The Moogic of Merlin
The Victorian Moo-ders
The Moo-lympic Games
First Cows on the Mooon
The Viking Emoo-gency
The Udderly Moo-vellous C.I.A. Joke Book
Astrosaurs Vs Cows in Action: The Dinosaur Moo-tants
[SLIME SQUAD]
Slime Squad Vs The Fearsome Fists
Slime Squad Vs The Toxic Teeth
Slime Squad Vs The Cyber Poos
Slime Squad Vs The Supernatural Squid
Slime Squad Vs The Killer Socks
Slime Squad Vs The Last Chance Chicken
Slime Squad Vs The Alligator Army
Slime Squad Vs The Conquering Conks
For older readers:
Z. Rex
Z. Raptor
Z. Apocalypse
SLIME SQUAD vs THE CONQUERING CONKS
AN RHCP DIGITAL EBOOK 978 1 446 48065 6
Published in Great Britain by RHCP Digital,
an imprint of Random House Children’s Publishers UK
A Random House Group Company
This ebook edition published 2014
Copyright © Steve Cole, 2012
Cover illustration and cards © Andy Parker, 2012
Map © Steve Cole and Dynamo Design, 2010
Illustrations copyright © Woody Fox, 2012
First Published in Great Britain
Red Fox 9781849414029 2012
The right of Steve Cole to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorized distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly.
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A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
