by P. Jameson
But that power wasn’t in his hands. Never had been. She’d chosen this.
So she spun in the dark tornado of the dream, while he watched on, able to do nothing more than pull at his hair uselessly. This was his punishment for not dying along with her as he should have.
She never asked for help, not that he could do shit for her. In fact, she never said a word because just as she opened her mouth to speak his animal roared forward to save him.
Or condemn him.
There was never any indication which, but he’d wake, and leave the dream behind to torture him another night.
Except tonight that didn’t happen.
Mandi’s lips parted and a single word came out. “Magic.”
His name.
No. He couldn’t bear to hear her call his name when he could do nothing to save her.
Except it wasn’t a cry for help. It wasn’t desperate. It was sad. Resigned. Apologetic. In fact, she almost looked relieved, swirling in her darkness. As if she’d broken through some barrier.
She opened her mouth to speak again, this time looking urgent. She had something to tell him. Something important, going by the expression on her pale face. Why had he never listened before?
Tap, tap, tap. Tap, tap, tap. Tap, tap, taap-pa-tap.
Magic jerked his head in the direction of the sound, and Mandi did too. But the noise was from outside the dream. He listened closely as the thumping continued.
Tap, tap, tap. Tap, tap, tap. Tap, tap, taap-pa-tap.
Wrong thing to do, because in an instant he was pulled from the dream. His eyelids flew open to the dimness of his room, breath heaving with confused emotions. Curiosity and heartbreak from the dream. Anger and frustration from whatever had awakened him.
Magic tossed off his covers and sat on the edge of the bed, raking his hands through his hair and trying to steady his breath.
It was only a dream. Just a damn dream. His subconscious was doing what it had always done, hanging on to Mandi for all he was worth. But for what purpose? They were over. In the most permanent way possible.
The only reason to hold on to a ghost so tightly was guilt. He felt responsible for what she’d done. If he could have given her his oath that he’d never take another female, she would have stayed. But he hadn’t done that, not even when she’d begged. Instead, he’d played with fire, hanging out at Cleaver’s, just tempting fate.
If she could have seen inside his heart, the love he’d had for her, she would’ve seen him push females away. She would have seen him choose her, over and over.
But maybe not forever. That was the thing that fed his guilt. There was no way to know what mistakes Magic would have made if she’d lived. He’d come so close—too close—that rancid night at the bar.
With his thumb, he rubbed the tattoo emblazoned on his forearm. A purple and turquoise ribbon woven across the face of a cougar. The ribbon was a recent addition to the tribute to his former mate, and signified suicide prevention awareness.
It reminded him what he was fighting for. Why he risked alienating his clan. He never wanted to find another female cat had given up life to avoid the pain of mating.
It wasn’t even something that happened often. Females either fought back as a former member of their clan, Tana, had, years ago, or decided it was their duty to the race.
But one was enough for Magic.
Never again.
Scrubbing his hands over his face, he let out a frustrated growl.
The sound that pulled him from his dream played at his ears again, so faint he didn’t know how he’d heard it in sleep.
Tap, tap, tap. Tap, tap, tap. Tap, tap, taap-pa-tap.
Magic stood, letting his feline senses guide him closer to the source of the noise. A door in one wall separated his room from the one next to him. The sound seemed to be coming from there, but nobody was ever in that room. Layna left it empty unless they were booked full. That’s the only time visitors stayed in the employee wing.
The rapping continued, and Magic ground his molars together in irritation. It had to be one of the cats. Someone too horny to take their find to their cabin. Probably fucking Gash. He’d only been with their clan a year, and he was the biggest hunter of them all. A jaguar cougar mix who didn’t make many attempts to rein in his cat’s desires.
Magic unlocked his part of the adjoining door and slapped his palm against the thin wood of the remaining one. The tapping stopped mid-sequence.
“Gash, you bastard. That you? Take it somewhere else.”
The squeak of furniture moving eked through the crack in the door and then soft footsteps padded closer. Those didn’t belong to any six and a half foot shifter, that was for damn sure.
“Magic? Is that you?” The voice was soft and confused, and belonged to Josie.
All the anger bled from him as fast as it took his heart to beat its next beat. Jesus, fucking Layna. She could have warned him she was putting Josie next door so he didn’t scare the hell out of her at two in the morning.
“Yeah. Uh…” His brain was scrambled, but he searched for something to say.
With a twist of the knob, her door came open and she tentatively peeked around the side. When she was sure it was him, she opened it fully.
“You surprised me,” she murmured. “What’s wrong?”
But one look at her and his words stuck in his throat.
He’d never seen her like this. She was always so put together. Even in the gym, she’d seemed as though the sweat was just another accessory. Like a purse and shoes. Now, her face was clear of any makeup and he could see the freckles that dotted her nose. And that her eyes were bluer without the dark liner she usually wore. Her hair was down and flowing past her shoulders in soft waves. Dressed in only a t-shirt and tiny shorts, she took his fucking breath away.
When he didn’t answer, her gaze fell to his bare chest. Then a little lower to his low slung pants before flicking back to his face. She shuffled from sock-covered foot to sock-covered foot while he was helpless not to stare.
“Is… is everything all right?” she asked, breathless. He didn’t miss the way her words husked from the back of her throat. It was sexy as hell.
Every muscle in his body tensed, but this time, not out of frustration.
It was attraction, clear and undeniable. And not something he could easily shake. It made sense now, why he’d always wanted her gone as soon as she arrived. Why her teasing left him irritated. Why he blamed her for any trouble within a five mile radius when she was around.
But nothing was her fault. Not a single fucking bit of it.
It was all on him. His fault he wanted her. His fault he’d never have her. His fault he’d been an ass to her.
That was the heart of it all. He was an ass. A twelve ton, Jupiter sized ass to anyone he cared about. It didn’t even matter that his intentions were to keep all of them safe.
There had to be a better way to do this.
“I heard a noise,” Magic muttered.
Josie’s brow scrunched into a frown. “You did? I was just lying in bed. Couldn’t sleep.”
“A tapping.”
“Tapping. Yeah, I mean, I was tapping the mattress with my fingers. Like this.” She walked to the bed and fluttered her fingers against it, like she was playing piano. “It’s Jingle Bells,” she said. “It’s a nervous tick. Playing silent songs. I do it when I’m thinking. But… how did you hear that?”
Aw, shit.
Magic leaned against the doorjamb trying to come up with a believable answer. But he didn’t want to lie to her.
“I have excellent hearing,” he said quietly, not quite able to look her in the eye.
“I’d say.” She crossed her arms, skeptical. “Something interesting happened today when I was talking to Beth.”
Magic quirked an eyebrow in question.
“It was just me and her. I was all but whispering and she cranked up the music like someone would hear me.”
“What were you talk
ing about?”
Josie stiffened. “None of your business. My point is, she was worried. I guess because…” Her brow lifted. “People around here have excellent hearing?”
Magic grabbed the back of his neck, squeezing at the tension there. “Yeah. That sounds about right.”
“Mmm.” She didn’t sound convinced. “Know what else happened?”
Magic glanced at her, meeting her narrowed gaze for a half a second before looking away. “What’s that?”
“I went to the kitchen to get food after our run, and I met Clara.” She paused, but he didn’t give her anything. “Human Clara.”
Magic’s head snapped up, pinning her with his gaze.
“I’m sure you know who I’m talking about. Seems you two have bad blood between you. She said a lot of strange things before Eagan came back in the room.”
Magic fumed. The human had no right to reveal their secrets. Shit like that could end in the kind of trouble that would send them packing. Running for new mountains where no one knew what they were. It could destroy everything the clan had worked so hard for. Safety, security, and a home.
“What did she tell you?” he snarled, prowling forward.
Josie jerked her head back in surprise. “Calm down, big boy. She sounded crazy. She thought I was privy to whatever information she spouted, but it was just… nonsense.”
His chest heaved as he towered over her, needing more information. He could sense the shock and confusion at his sudden harsh reaction to her words, and he regretted it. The slight smell of fear on her was all wrong. Josie was fearless. He knew that about her.
“E-Eagan said I needed to talk to Beth about it, but she was busy putting Rhys to bed. I tried to find Ryan, but he wasn’t in his room. Shit, Magic. What’s going on here?”
He’d have to tell her. He didn’t have a choice.
He thought of Bethany, and how sad she’d been lately. He could only hope this didn’t make things worse for the female. But as much as he hesitated to admit it, Josie was one of them. She’d been around long enough to be trusted, and she deserved to know who she was brushing shoulders with.
Besides, crazy Clara had left him with no choice in the matter.
“Sit down,” he ordered, his thoughts rolling with the easiest way to do this.
Josie snorted. “Why? I’d rather stand.”
“Trust me, woman. You want to sit for this.”
Her eyes went wide and the scent of fear was replaced by a spark of fight. “Woman? Did you just call me woman?”
Magic frowned at the change in her. Frowned at the fact that he liked it, her defying him. He didn’t like anyone defying him. It was often a problem with so many alpha males around, but for some reason it was different with Josie.
“Yes. I did. You have a problem with it?”
Her hands went to her hips, planting just above where her body curved to make room for her ass. “Sure do,” she snapped.
“What should I call you then, princess?”
Her eyes narrowed. “How about just Josie?”
“Sorry. That doesn’t work for me. I need something else for when I’m really feeling it and your name just won’t cut it.”
“Feeling what exactly?”
“It.”
“It?”
“Yeah. It.”
Her jaw worked while she glared at him, and he found himself wanting to smile. He was an elevator of emotions tonight, the damn thing making a stop on every level from furious to amused to heartbroken.
“Fine. What should I call you when I’m feeling it?”
Magic shrugged. “Sir.”
“Sir,” she squeaked. “Sir?”
“Sir makes sense to me.”
“Oh? And why is that? You want to own me?”
Her words zinged right to his cock, slamming his mouth closed.
He… he did want that he realized. Maybe he’d wanted that for a long fucking time. Maybe since that first day he’d met her so many Christmases ago. He wanted Josie to be his, and only his. And it was a hard truth to accept, because for the past ten years, his goal was to collar any of his physical needs to the point that they didn’t matter. He owed it to Mandi to remain faithful. To give her the promise in death he should have given her in life.
Didn’t he owe her that?
His cat, that retched animal within him, would have moved on long ago. Would have taken another lover simply to distract his mind from the guilt the man in him harbored. But Magic couldn’t stomach it. Not when his heart was torn to shreds over his part in his mate’s death. It was why he hardly shifted. Giving his panther freedom was dangerous.
But standing here, arguing with this fiery little female, he didn’t feel the dread pool in his gut like he should. There was no sense of wrongness even though his mind told him it was wrong.
“You want to know what Clara was talking about or do you want to argue about endearments?”
“Endearments?” She frowned. “Woman is an endearment? Sir is an endearment?”
“Whatever, alright. Just sit.”
With a sound of annoyance, she flopped down on the bed. “I’m not a dog, you know,” she muttered. “Sit, Josie. Good, Josie. Here’s a treat, Josie. It doesn’t work like that.”
Magic stared at her, baffled.
“Damn, girl,” he breathed. “What am I going to do with you?” The question was more rhetorical than not, but her eyes narrowed on him.
“Tell me something,” she said, her voice missing any of its normal sass. “Why does everyone feel like I need to be handled? Like I’m the troublesome sibling of the family or something. I’ve spent four damn years trying to prove that I’m a grown-ass woman, but it’s still like this every time I come here.”
Magic frowned. What was this? She was genuinely upset that he’d told her to sit?
“Yeah, okay,” she continued. “I know I’m a hellraiser, but it’s all in fun. I’m not hurting anyone by trying to get y’all to let loose here and there. It’s taken me a long time to find the balance between fun and responsibility. I’m still working on it actually.” She shook her head. “Shit. Nevermind.”
“I don’t think of you like that.”
She gave him a disbelieving look, and added an eyeroll in case there were any doubts that she was calling him on bullshit. Hadn’t he thought she was trouble every time he laid eyes on her? Only now was he seeing how unfair that was. Eagan had caused more hassle than Josie ever had. Hell, insert any name from the clan, and that would hold true.
But she was so clearly upset, he just wanted to fix it. Unknowingly, he’d struck a painful nerve, and he never meant to hurt her.
Stupid Jupiter ass.
“I don’t think you’re a troublesome sibling. I don’t think of you as a sibling at all.” His insides wouldn’t be all twisted up if he thought of her like a sister.
Her gaze flicked to him, and he saw the sharp sting of hurt there. “Of course not. I guess I just meant Beth and Ryan. We…” Her hand made an awkward gesture between the two of them. “We aren’t… anything. Sorry. It was a dumb question.”
Magic’s brow furrowed in frustration. She’d misunderstood him. Shit. This wasn’t going well.
“I don’t mean you’re not important—”
“Really, it’s fine.” Her expression was prim and composed. She sat straighter on the bed. Like she’d donned some businesswoman hat. “You just witnessed a rare moment of weakness is all.”
No, what it was, was a glimpse inside her walls. And he was hungry for more. Apparently there was much more to the put together, fun-loving city-slicker than Magic had ever imagined. He wanted to peel back all her layers and get to the soft center. The part of her that cared about people. He knew it was there or she wouldn’t be so upset. And she could pretend she wasn’t, but he’d never believe her now.
“Listen.” He took a deep breath and let it fly. “We are a clan of shapeshifters. Werecats, to be exact. Renner, Eagan, Layna, Owyn, Gash, Bailey. Even Doc Davis a
nd Mason. Tana, you remember her? Myself. All of us. We’re part human, part cat. That’s our big secret revealed. That’s what Clara was talking about. And if I didn’t think you were trustworthy, I wouldn’t be telling you. Got it?”
She stared at him, blinking over and over. Her expression was blank, as if still waiting for his words to register.
He waited. Waited for any response. A denial, a scream. But nothing came.
“Josie.”
More blinking. Like her eyelids were on a programmed loop.
Magic rushed forward to make sure he was close if she fainted. Was that what was happening? Some kind of shock effect?
“Josie, are you okay?”
Her head tipped to the side, strands of her long hair spilling over her shoulder to pool at the crease of her elbow. “Did you say… werecats? Because…” She let out a hysterical laugh. “I thought you said werecats.”
Magic pressed his lips together, nodding, and she sobered.
“Wait. You’re a werecat? You don’t expect me to believe that do you? I mean, I said you needed to cut loose, but I didn’t expect this.” She laughed. “How many of you are in on this prank, huh? Is this why Beth wanted me to—” She clamped her mouth shut, but then a giggle slipped out. “Was that part of the joke? The pregnancy? Get me to agree to it and then, ‘Oh, did I mention he’s part cat?’”
Magic tried to follow her words but they were smashed between sounds of disbelief and strangely tuned laughs, and there was just no understanding her.
“Pregnancy? What pregnancy?”
“Cat-men,” she murmured, her smile fading. “You heard me tapping.” She stood abruptly, and started pacing the small room. “The vision… the accident… Oh, shit. Ohhhh, shit.”
Her eyes found him, and they held so much emotion, he couldn’t name a single one. But like everything else about her, he recognized it. Her gaze swirled like a storm. A dark storm, twisting and tearing, just like the one from his dream.
“You have to go,” she breathed. “Right now. You have to leave.”
