by Robin Mahle
“The scarf,” she whispered.
“What do we do now, sweetheart?” Deborah asked.
“I don’t know, Mom. I just don’t know.”
“I think you should stay here with us tonight,” John said. “Will you do that?”
Katie nodded. “I’ll call Sam. I’ve got her car.” She would have to call Spencer and check in with him too. She hadn’t spoken to him since arriving early this morning. Katie would not tell him about any of this, though. Not on the phone.
Soon, Katie found herself lying in the same bed she had slept in for most of her childhood, unable to settle the racing thoughts. Her mother promised to help her get through this and would do whatever it took to heal their relationship. John couldn’t find the words to comfort his daughter and Katie knew it would take time for him to forgive himself. It would take time for her to forgive them both.
As she continued to stare into the darkened room, a single thought played in her mind on a loop. Who was her abductor and was this person still out there?
Arriving home from the airport, Spencer grabbed Katie’s bag from the trunk and walked up the steps behind her to their apartment.
“I’m going to go freshen up a little before we eat, if that’s all right?” Katie said.
“Take a much time as you need, babe. I’ll keep this warm in the oven.” He walked into the kitchen with the Chinese take-out they’d stopped for on the drive home.
Katie tossed her bag onto the bed and unzipped it; the clothes inside still smelled of her parents’ house. She held one of her shirts to her face and breathed in deeply, immersing herself in the home in which she had grown up. Her entire world had been turned upside down and she had no idea what to do. But it suddenly occurred to Katie that her life choices had all been based on this one event that she never even remembered. Why else would she have chosen to work for the Advocacy Group? Would she have stayed in Eureka, like Sam, if this had never happened? It all started to fit together like pieces of a puzzle, only this was her life. This was a life altered by something so horrific that her mind buried it deep in order to keep her sanity.
Katie threw on a t-shirt and shorts and rejoined Spencer, who had dinner set out on the table.
“Listen, I can see that you’re not ready to tell me what happened, but you have to know that I’m here for you. Just don’t shut me out, okay?” He pulled the chair out for her.
Katie placed her hand on his face. “You’re always there for me, I know that.”
Her entire body felt trapped in the remains of this terrible secret. She pushed around the food on her plate, listening to Spencer talk, none of his words sinking in.
“I suppose we can focus on happier things in our life now, right?”
It was an awkward thing for him to say, but he didn’t know the truth and she couldn’t fault him for that. “Things can get back to normal now,” she said. “I’m sure of it.”
5
Katie covered her ears to block out the loud music coming from above her. The vibrations filtered down through the walls, shaking the metal cot where he forced her to stay. The music was always loud when it grew dark. She stared at the peanut butter and jelly sandwich and apple juice that had been placed on the table next to her. Her stomach ached from hunger and her mouth was so dry, her lips started to crack. But she wouldn’t eat or drink; she wouldn’t give in to him. Some ethereal force must have given her this kind of strength. Her short years on this planet would not have given her the required life experience to display such resolve. She was too frightened to sleep and the music made sure she couldn’t anyway. The same song replayed in her head long after the music stopped.
Katie flew out of her bed, startled awake. She was no longer on the cot; it was her bed, the one she shared with Spencer. Her head swung back and forth, eyes consuming everything around her. She had to be sure it was her own room again. Feeling confident that it had been a dream, she dropped down on the side chair and the fear gave way to dread. Would the dreams ever stop?
Light peeked in through the bottom of her bedroom door. It hadn’t occurred to her that Spencer wasn’t there in bed with her. It was 12:30 and she was surprised he hadn’t come to bed yet. Maybe now was the time to tell him. They could not continue on like this.
Katie opened the door and walked down the hall to the den. Spencer was sitting at the desk, his face distorted by the glow of the computer and the shadow the desk light had cast. He looked up, seeing her tiny frame which looked even smaller beneath the oversized t-shirt she wore to bed. At his glance, she burst into tears.
Spencer immediately pushed up from his chair and walked to her, wrapping his arms around her. “Please, let me help you, Katie.”
“I just didn’t know how to tell you. You’re so good for not forcing me to talk about it, but I know I have to share this with you. It’s going to and already has affected our lives. You have a right to know.”
“Let me get you some tea and we can sit down.” He led her to the living room.
“I’m sorry. I know you’re working on your case. I shouldn’t be taking up your time with my problems.”
“What? Why would you say such a thing? Your problems are my problems too. My eyes are burning from reading pages and pages of depositions and I need a break anyway.”
Katie realized how lucky she was to have Spencer in her life. But how would he react to this news?
She curled up on the couch while he brought her a cup of hot tea. He sat down next to her and waited.
With a deep breath, she began. “When I was six, I was abducted from my school playground. My parents said that after three days, I was found on the side of the highway by a passing car. I had no recollection of anything except that I had been in the woods.”
Spencer’s face became solemn and looked as though he’d just been told his best friend died.
Katie reached for his hand to comfort him. “The doctors apparently told my parents that since I didn’t remember the traumatic event, it was probably best not to tell me.”
“Oh my God, how could they…” He trailed off for a moment, searching for an explanation. “Okay, maybe I could understand them not telling a six-year-old, but what about when you were older? For God’s sake, didn’t they think it would come out eventually?”
“I don’t know, honey. I guess they were just happy to have me back and pretending it never happened allowed them to move on. But what they didn’t realize, of course, was that it would come to light now. I’m sure they must have thought it would never surface. Now that it has, they’ve come clean. They showed me the police files, the pictures. I guess there were other missing kids, but they didn’t know if any of it was connected.”
Katie, who hadn’t had a chance to comprehend the situation fully, was now trying to help Spencer cope with the news.
He kept rubbing his forehead as if trying to figure out quantum physics. “I can’t believe this happened to you, Katie. My God, you don’t remember anything?”
“I wish I did. I don’t even know if what happened in my dreams was what actually happened. It may have been a combination of random images I’ve seen over the years. I don’t know.”
“So, now that you know, what do we do? Are these dreams going to stop?”
“I don’t think so, at least, they haven’t yet. I woke up from another one when I came to see you. Only this one was different. I was somewhere else, like a basement or storage room or something, I’m not sure. It’s like my mind keeps showing me these images to help my memory. Maybe it’s possible that if I continue with the therapy, I’ll be able to remember.” Katie had a sudden revelation. “What if I could remember enough to see his face? They never caught him. I’m assuming it’s a ‘him,’ but I really don’t even know that much.”
“What are you saying? You want to keep putting yourself through this therapy and be forced to remember something horrible and terrifying? Why?”
She didn’t know why for sure, but it was going to eat away at her if
she couldn’t figure it out. “What if I can help find this person? Three other children didn’t make it home. What if there were more?”
She stood up and started pacing the room. “I don’t know, Spencer. I just feel like there’s this hole in me now. This was something that obviously shaped who I am today. Wouldn’t you want answers?”
“Yes, of course I would.”
“I don’t know what to do right now, I just knew that I had to tell you. God, it feels like this whole thing is a dream.”
“Come sit back down and finish your tea.”
Spencer sat close to her on the couch, neither saying anything more.
Katie arose early that Monday morning, having no intention of going into work. Although she had been able to get some rest after the long talk last night, her mind still burned with a desire to discover more information about her and the others’ abductions.
She intended to call in sick, not a usual occurrence and she doubted it would raise any suspicions. Only two people at work knew she was flying home over the weekend, but they didn’t know why.
With that detail worked out, she had to figure out what to tell Spencer. He wouldn’t object to her plans, but she was afraid it would cause him to worry.
He was still asleep next to her, so she carefully pulled herself out of bed. Maybe some research on the internet before he woke up would be okay. Based on what she could find in the next hour, before Spencer’s alarm went off, that would determine her story.
Late August of 1989, that was when it happened, August 27th, to be precise. She searched for the Times-Standard, the major northern California coast newspaper. Would they have anything online from more than twenty years ago? That was well before the age of the internet and online media, but it was the only place she had to start.
The coffee machine finished its brew cycle and began to beep. Katie peered around her laptop screen to see if her bedroom door had opened. The smell of coffee filled their small apartment and she wondered if it would wake Spencer.
Katie poured herself a cup, confident he was still asleep and she began her research. A cursory glance at the landing page of the online newspaper revealed a section called “Archives.” She held out hope that something might be found there.
No, nothing there; those stories only went back two years. Police records, maybe? No, they wouldn’t be online. She considered the public library. Surely the Eureka Main Library would have an online site. Katie typed the name into the search engine. Yes, they had a website.
Scrolling down the page, she found a section that covered the Times-Standard articles from 1989-2005. There must be something here.
Katie typed in the word “kidnappings” in the index. Several articles popped up, and one was from August 13, 1989. It was about the five-year-old boy who had been taken from his bed in the night. She continued to scroll down the list of other articles. Missing Girl Found on Hwy 101.
“That’s the one,” Katie whispered. The only problem was that these articles could only be accessed on microfilm at the library; the website just showed a list of available content, which left her feeling frustrated. “Damn.”
A few moments later, Spencer shuffled down the hall. “What are you doing up so early? Did you sleep all right?”
“Yes. I woke up a while ago and couldn’t go back to sleep. There’s coffee, if you want some.”
He continued into the kitchen. Katie quickly closed the lid of her laptop. “You’ve got a pretty busy day today, right?” she asked as he made his way to join her at the table.
“I’ll be sorting through pages of depositions so, busy, yes, but not exactly exciting. What about you?”
“I was actually kind of thinking I’d take the day off. Maybe see if I can get in to Dr. Reyes.”
“Oh. Okay. I guess I thought you’d just keep your Thursday appointments for a while until…well, until you felt better.”
“Spencer, I know you want me to feel better. And, so do I, but I think it’s going to take some time. I hope you can understand that.”
“Of course, I do. I just don’t want to see you get hung up on thinking you can find this person. It’s been more than twenty years and the police haven’t found anyone and I’m not sure you’ll be able to.”
“So, you’re okay with me continuing on with my therapy, for a while, but I’m just supposed to let it go after that?” Something clicked inside her that triggered a defensive response.
“That’s not what I mean, Katie, you know that.”
“I’m not sure I do, actually. Seems to me that you think I’ll go to a few more sessions, get all the memories out, and be able to just let them go.”
“Come on, babe. I’m not trying to start a fight. Look, we’re getting married this winter. I thought maybe you’d like to focus on that. Focus on us getting a house, starting a life together. I don’t know. those things were important to you before all this dream stuff.”
“You’re right, all that is important to me. I just need some time to process what’s happened. For Christ’s sake, I just found out that I was abducted. I need to get my head around this. I need answers.”
Spencer leaned in and kissed Katie gently on the lips. “That’s what scares me.”
Katie arrived at the library in downtown San Diego. Other libraries had archives from newspapers and the Times-Standard couldn’t have been the only one to publish the story.
She approached the information desk. “Excuse me, but do you happen to have newspaper articles on microfilm from August of 1989?”
“Well, that would depend on the newspaper.” The kid on the other side of the desk couldn’t have been older than about 20. Katie wondered if he was a student, working part-time at the library.
“I’m specifically looking for articles from the Times-Standard in Eureka.”
The student clicked away on his keyboard, she assumed, searching for the requested information.
“Yes, here it is. MF10, entries 1-15. You’ll need to go to the second floor, across from videos and CDs.” He handed her a scrap of paper with the reference numbers. “Enter these numbers and you’ll find what you’re looking for.”
“Thank you. Thank you very much.” Katie walked up the stairs to the second floor. The last time she had been in a library was when she was about twelve. It still looked the same, maybe not as big as she remembered, but still filled with rows and rows of books. The difference now was seeing little stations that had e-readers for use.
The microfilm station was small, but sophisticated. Katie sat down and proceeded to enter the reference numbers. She hoped that what she would find would give her more insight as to what happened.
The first article to appear was one about the missing eight-year-old girl, near Arcata. Katie began to read. “Eight-year-old Ashley Davies went missing on Tuesday afternoon. She was last seen by her classmates, walking home from school. Her mother said she never arrived. Police and volunteers have launched a massive search for the little girl, but so far have found no clues.”
Katie’s heart dropped as she continued to read. Although she had not known this girl, there was a connection to her. Maybe she was grasping at straws, trying to connect dots that were not there. But the fact remained that this little girl never made it back home to her parents. Katie was the lucky one.
After scrolling through several more articles, she came across a second article of a missing child in McKinleyville, farther north of Arcata. This one was a red-haired girl, seven years old, named Madison. They showed a school picture of the girl, big eyes, face full of freckles, and a beautiful, toothless smile. Madison was riding her bike around the park near her home. The summer sky turned to dusk, but Madison didn’t make it home, per her parents’ instruction.
How times had changed. Now, even in small towns, young kids today probably wouldn’t be at a park on their own.
At last, she came across the article her mother had shown her. Missing Girl Found on Side of Hwy 101.
She read the article
, searching for any possible connection between her and the other victims. The one thing that set her apart from the other children was the fact that she was the only brunette. Maybe there really was no connection. The kids were all abducted from random places, boys and girls, nothing particularly similar about them. What could she possibly discover that the police wouldn’t already have? They were trained for that sort of thing. Her training was in social sciences, not forensic sciences, though she wished it had been now.
The only thing she had discovered was that she should be grateful to have survived. Spencer was right; she would need to move on with her life. But Katie needed closure and the only way to get that would be to finish the therapy, get it all out in the open. Maybe then, she would truly be able to move on.
Katie logged out of the machine and went back to the main floor of the library. As she passed the information desk, the student was still there.
“Did you find what you were looking for, ma’am?”
“Yes, I think so, thank you.”
The day had proven to be disappointing and Katie felt that she was no closer to getting to the truth. Her research at the library revealed little more than she already knew. Still, there was more to learn, but she had no idea how to go about it.
At the dinner table, the topic of conversation revolved around everything but Katie’s whereabouts for the day. She had the feeling that Spencer was just biding his time, waiting for her to give up and accept what had happened.
Katie wanted to give him the time he needed, but she’d seen a side in him he’d never shown before. He was afraid for her and afraid for their future. That fear, however, could prove to be more detrimental than facing the unknown.
