by Ravenna Tate
What he told me earlier suddenly takes on a new dimension, and I respect him all the more for his resolution. I also want to take away the pain on his face. As bad as things were for me growing up, my parents never fought like that. They barely raised their voices to one another when their children were around.
“Once he came home from the hospital, things were a little better, but it didn’t last. He went back to drinking, of course, although he never hit my mom again. I will give him that much. But the older I got, the more I simply avoided him whenever possible. I was confused about my need to control and dominate. I thought it came from growing up with him around. I didn’t understand I was hardwired that way from birth.”
“Do you still keep in contact with him?” This story would have a happy ending if he had somehow been able to reconcile with the man. Also, this is my way of probing to find out if his mother survived.
“No. He died when I was fourteen. But I need to back up a bit first. I was overweight as a child, and it didn’t get any better when puberty hit.”
Now, that does surprise me. A great deal.
“He teased me about it. Endlessly. He was ruthless. He didn’t hit me back then, but he didn’t need to. His words left indelible wounds, and he knew it. The older I got, the worse his teasing became. Especially when other boys in my grade started dating.”
Tears spring to my eyes. “Oh, Asa. I am so sorry.”
He gives me such a tender look that I reach across the table to take his hand. No matter what happens in the morning, this man is going to receive the empathy he deserves right now.
“It was what it was. I didn’t dare allow the anger I felt to take over, because I would have either killed him, or he would have killed me. Instead, I fed my anger and resentment with food. I kept to myself a lot out of fear of what I might do to him, and in turn to my mother. But I fantasized about him getting run over by a semi truck or getting shot. All sorts of horrible, sadistic scenarios.”
I don’t even know what to say. All my assumptions about the way he grew up were dead wrong.
“He spent more and more time in the hospital because his liver was giving out, and he wasn’t a candidate for a transplant. When he finally died, both my mother and I were more relieved than anything. That sounds horrible, doesn’t it?”
“No. Not at all.”
“Remember the story I told you about the question I asked in eighth grade? When he found out, it was the first and only time he raised a hand to me. He tried to beat me with a belt. I caught it mid-swing, after he’d gotten in a few lashes, and the only thing that stopped me from using it on him was my mother’s sobbing in the background.”
I place my free hand across my mouth as fresh tears spill over my lashes.
“He died a week later. Not from anything I did, and this time I knew that, but I still blamed myself for a long time. I thought the mere act of my exerting all this dominance and control over him by grabbing that belt and getting ready to use it on him was tied to his death.”
“You didn’t kill him. His drinking did.”
“I knew that after a while. After his death, I started working out and eating healthy. My mother became obsessed with helping me. I think she was afraid of losing me, too. So I did it for her as much as for me, and of course that led to increased self-confidence, more energy, and better control over my emotions.”
His story reminds me of all the things I wish I could change, but this conversation isn’t about me. It’s about him. “When did you explore your need to dominate?”
“Not until college. I didn’t even understand what it meant to be a Dom before that. It wasn’t until I met Dakar Garcia and Slade Taylor, the other two Doms with whom I own this club and our IT consulting firm, that I began to explore this lifestyle. I didn’t know there were others like me.”
“You thought what you felt was wrong, didn’t you? Just like I did?”
He nods.
“It’s a terrible way to have to grow up. I mean everything that happened with your stepfather.”
He shrugs slightly. “Some kids have it far worse.”
“Is your mother still alive?”
“Yes.” A happy smile graces his beautiful face. “She’s remarried to a decent guy and living across the country in a beautiful old home. I try to get out there at least once a year to visit.”
“I’m so glad to hear you’re not still angry with her.”
“I don’t agree with her choice all those years ago, but she turned her life around on her own. For that, I am very proud of her.”
“Did you have anything to do with that?”
“I think so. We had quite a few long talks when I was in college. The more I learned about this lifestyle, the easier it became to help her realize that she had control over her own destiny. I don’t believe anyone told her that before.”
“That’s an amazing story, Asa.”
“What about you? Do you still keep in touch with your family?”
“Yes, although they would all be shocked to see me here right now.”
We both laugh at that, and it tugs at my heart to be so familiar and easy with him. It’s like we’ve been lovers for years and are totally comfortable eating while naked in front of each other, making small talk.
But that’s not real. I’m only a survey participant. In the morning I will leave, and I really don’t know if I will ever see Asa Baker again. Did he mean what he said earlier, or was it merely something to say at the time?
“Are you finished?”
“Yes.” My appetite is gone anyway.
He leans back, crossing one ankle over the opposite knee. If I glance underneath his legs, I’m treated to the sight of his balls peeking out. “You look deep in thought, Glynis.”
“You’re a bit scary, you know.”
He chuckles softly. “You’re very transparent, but I imagine you’ve been told that.”
“No, not really. It must only happen around you.”
His expression gives me the sensation of being his pet project. He won’t let this go until I tell him what’s on my mind, but bringing up the inevitable is pointless. Instead, I focus on what he said about working out and healthy eating. Those are two things I’ve longed to begin, but had given up hope that doing either would make a difference.
“How did you find the motivation to lose weight and begin exercising?”
His gaze turns thoughtful. “I didn’t want to end up like my stepfather. But I also think it’s easier when you’re younger, and have the motivation I did. Why do you ask?”
Why do you think? “Come on, Asa, Look at me.”
“You’re unhappy with your body.”
It’s not a question. He’s merely pointing out the obvious.
“Yes, I am, but you already know that. Do you think it’s possible for a person to be heavy and healthy at the same time?”
“I think ‘heavy’ is subjective. I also believe health encompasses many things, including our emotions. What would you like to change about yourself, Glynis?”
No one bothered to ask me before. “I would like to be fit. And I don’t mean bursting with muscles. I mean being able to run without feeling like I’m going to lose a lung in doing so. I want to feel strong.”
“I would be happy to help you with that.”
Okay. Now I have to say something. “Asa, that’s the second time tonight you’ve offered to help me. First it was to stop denying who I am inside, and now it’s with an exercise program.”
“Yes. What’s your point?”
He’s not a dense person. Why is he toying with me? More importantly, why am I putting myself out there like this? Is this part of the whole Dom thing? Does he believe this will strengthen my self-confidence?
“My point is that when morning comes, we’ll never see each other again. I’m only a survey participant. So how can you help me with those things in the few hours we have left together?”
He averts his gaze for a couple of seconds, and when
he looks into my eyes again, I hold my breath. His expression is both hopeful and shy, and it confuses me as well as stuns me with its clarity. Dare I believe the emotion on his face?
“I was hoping we’d see each other after tonight. And I don’t mean for the survey. I was hoping we could go out. That you’d be willing to try being my submissive.”
Chapter Eight
I should scream my happiness. I should throw myself into his arms. But instead, I’m picturing introducing him to my family, explaining how we met, and explaining why I’m suddenly hanging out at the local BDSM club. This is everything I wanted, but it comes with a steep price. One I hadn’t considered until now.
“What do you think, Glynis?”
That expression of expectation, and the hope in his voice, conjures up images of him as a teen, trying to eat healthy and put on some muscle in the wake of years of emotional abuse and taunting about his weight. I may not know what it feels like to be abused by a parent, but I sure as hell know what it’s like to be subjected to emotional hell because of the shape of your body.
“I think I’m going to faint with happiness.” His quick, bright smile gives me the courage to keep talking. “But there are obstacles to overcome.”
“Your family.”
“Yes. And my job, but that’s easier to hide this from. And that’s my point, Asa. I don’t want to hide it.”
He rises, holds out his hand, and I take it. We walk to the bed and sit, where he cups my face gently. “I do understand, but let’s take this one step at a time. First, we still have more experimenting to do tonight.”
Those words send delicious shivers down my spine.
“In the morning, I’m going to drive you home and I will ask you out on a date the proper way.”
My smile is automatic. “That’s so sweet.”
“Sweet? No one has ever called me ‘sweet’.” Amusement dances through his eyes so I know this time he is teasing me.
“All right. It’s very gentlemanly. Is that better?’
“Much.”
“Asa, you make it all sound so easy.”
“It is, because when it comes right down to it, the only two people we have to satisfy are you and me. I’m not saying we should ignore your family or their considerations, or that we should flaunt the lifestyle to your employer. But part of helping you accept you who are inside, and learning not to deny that, involves making sacrifices. It means becoming confident that the people who matter in your lives … the ones who truly love you for who you are, will also accept you as that person.”
“Does your mother know you’re a Dom?”
“She does. I won’t lie. It wasn’t easy for her at first. Like a great many people, she equated dominance with abuse. Not difficult to imagine considering her first marriage. But over time, I’ve been able to educate her and her husband on what this is, and what it is not.”
“I would be fired if they found out at work. Hands down.”
“Then don’t tell them. But in the meantime, we might consider exploring other ways for you to use your education and your skills.”
“You mean find a different job.”
“Sure. Why not?”
“I suppose I never considered that because it’s too easy to stay. I’m comfortable there.”
“You can stay. I’m merely suggesting you don’t have to. There are other avenues open to you.”
“This all sounds like a fairytale. And I don’t mean that in a derogatory way. I mean because I’ve wanted it for so long, I’m afraid to believe I might actually get it.”
The expression on his face takes my breath away. It’s filled with longing and wonder. “I know exactly what you mean.” His voice is soft and thoughtful. “I’ve been waiting to meet a woman like you for a long time. I’m afraid to believe it, too, but here you are.”
We gaze into each other’s eyes while my head spins with this revelation.
“This is real, Glynis. What we have shared tonight is real. I’ve never told anyone the entire story about my stepfather. You’re the first.”
“Oh…” More tears threaten at those words. I’m overcome with emotion as he softly strokes my hair.
“I’ve never felt comfortable enough with anyone to open up like this. Please tell me you’ll give us a chance after this night is over.”
Doesn’t he realize that’s exactly what I want? “Yes. Yes, of course I will.”
He captures my mouth in a kiss so hot I expect the bed to catch fire any second. His hands are tangled in my hair again, and my hands move over his body, exploring every luscious inch of skin. I’m no longer shy about touching him. My happiness cannot be contained. I imagine it spilling out of my pores and running all over the bed.
A hard smack on my left ass cheek causes me to yelp, which in turn releases the kiss. He’s giving me that sexy grin I love so much. “Maybe you can’t take anymore after all?”
“Oh, please. I really want to try.”
I laugh as he rolls me onto my stomach and moves his face within inches of my butt cheeks. “You’re pretty raw and bruising already. I don’t want you to be in so much pain that you regret this.”
“I will never regret this.”
He lies next to me, face to face, and gazes at me for several seconds. I swear he’s trying to read my thoughts. Finally, he nods once and moves off the bed. I sit up. “All right,” he says. “I have just the flogger.”
After strolling toward the wall of toys, he plucks one off a hook and holds it up, glancing at it in the same way he’d gaze at a lover. The thing looks like barbed wire. I recall seeing it earlier, but thought it had to be a prop of some sort. The flogger is silver, and as he draws closer to me, it becomes apparent it’s made out of leather, not metal. But damn if it doesn’t look authentic!
“Really fucks with your mind, doesn’t it?”
That wicked, sexy grin is my undoing. “Yes.” I slide off the bed. “It sure does.” I’m breathing hard, and my pussy is soaked. I want that thing against my bruised skin so badly my legs tremble.
“And this time, I’m going to give you your wish to try bondage, as well.”
If I could drop to my knees without having to hold onto something to do it gracefully, I would. Tiny contractions tease my clit, and I’m actually dizzy from the intense arousal flooding my body.
“Come with me, Glynis.” I would follow that voice anywhere. He leads me to the cross, but this time he fits soft leather cuffs around my wrists and ankles. “This way I can reach everything.”
I shiver at his tone, sultry and filled with delicious, painful promises. He pushes against me from behind, grinding his cock into my ass. “Are you sure about more flogging?”
“Yes. Please!”
When he steps away, I tense, but as before he merely slides the falls over my skin. The simple sensation is enough to produce goosebumps on my arms, because of the raised leather along the length of each tail. As I imagine what it will feel like when he swings it, soft moans escape my throat.
But he’s in no more of a hurry now than he was earlier. How does he do that? My self-control is already gone, and he’s sliding his hand down my ass and across my wet labia as if he has all the time in the world. “You’re soaked.”
“As if I can help that.”
His mouth taunts my neck with tiny kisses. “I won’t fuck you again until I’m ready, Glynis.”
“Oh…” There’s no point in protesting. He loves this, and I do, too. I believe I finally understand the whole mind fuck thing. It’s part of the seduction, the dance. You always hear it said that seduction begins in the mind, and Asa gets that. He knows how arousing it is for me to be bound and helpless, anticipating that pseudo-barbed-wire flogger, as well as his hands, mouth, and dick on me and inside me.
“Don’t forget to safeword if you need to, sweetheart. This flogger is not gentle.”
“I won’t forget.” It’s reassuring and protective the way he always remembers to remind me of my safewords. This is a
man who would keep me safe, no matter what. Tears sting my eyes at that realization. I’ve never experienced such a certainty before, and I like it. I like it a lot.
The falls brush the wounds on my ass cheeks. He glides them across my breasts and my pussy before lightly flicking the implement across my middle back. I gasp at the sensations. Intellectually, I know it’s not actual barbed wire, but because that image has already been planted in my mind, it feels like metal biting into my skin. Truly a mind fuck of epic proportions. I love it!
Once he gets going with the throws, he concentrates mostly on swiping it across my back and my breasts, and swinging it underneath from behind to torture my pussy. I’m in ecstasy, unable to do anything except moan and writhe against my bonds. I’m floating, but this time, I’m more aware of each exquisite, painful strike. It’s a drug to me now. The more he gives me, the more I need.
Pain and pleasure become one, until tears run down my face. I’m quivering, helpless under his spell as he takes me to heights I never dreamed possible. There are no coherent thoughts, only sensations and overwhelming emotions assaulting my body and mind. I never want this to end. I never want to leave his presence again.
Chapter Nine
When he stops, my brain is a bit foggy, but that quickly dissipates as soon as he touches me. Strong hands caress my nipples, forcing loud moans from me. “How are you, Glynis?”
“Wonderful. Fabulous.”
“Do you need a break?”
“No. I need you.”
“You have me, sweetheart.” He kisses my neck while his hands drive me to distraction on my breasts, kneading them, teasing the nipples between his thumbs and forefingers. I push back against him, rubbing my ass across his rock-hard cock. I want it inside me in the worst way.
He slides his hands down my abdomen, slowly, taunting me until I’m ready to scream with desire. I will beg him to fuck me if that’s what he wants.
Finally, he cups my pussy with one hand while the other slips around my ass and teases me from behind, rubbing my wetness and my inner thighs. “Look how wet you are. I could bathe in your pussy juices. It’s ridiculous.”
