I sigh. Maybe I could give Leo another chance though, one last opportunity to show that he has changed or that he’s willing to. That is if he even wants to be involved in Roman’s life. I really don’t know what kind of man Leo is. I know he’s gorgeous, he’s a criminal, and he’s dynamite in bed—or at least on the couch. Beyond that, I don’t know nearly as much as I should.
I sit across from Lauren at her kitchen table and warm my hands on the coffee mug. Roman and Amelia are disagreeing over who gets to be the fireman and who has to be the cat. Amelia ends up being the cat and sitting on the small cat scratching post, meowing and asking to be saved, while Roman pretends to spray her with water. I’m not sure he understands exactly what firemen do for a living.
Lauren and I watch them for a little while, smiling. “So what’s going on?” asks Lauren.
“He’s back,” I say.
She was about to take a sip of coffee but sets her cup down quickly, leaning forward and bulging her eyes. “Him?”
I laugh in disbelief and sadness. “Yeah. Him.”
“What did he do? I mean, where did you see him? Did he call you?”
“No. He showed up in my office.” I cover my forehead with my hand. “I kissed him. A little.”
Lauren still hasn’t blinked. “Oh my God. What are you going to do?”
I shake my head slowly. “I was hoping you could help me figure that out.”
She sits back, smiling distantly. “To be honest? If he’s half as sexy as you say he is, I’d just sign up to be friends with benefits.”
I sigh. “Lauren, I’m serious.”
She smirks. “Me too. Nothing says you can’t be a sexually active woman and still be a good mother. Just make him wear a condom this time,” she says with a wink.
I can’t help grinning a little. “You’re a bad influence on me.”
She gives me a sympathetic look and shrugs. “Well, just remember. Seeing him again could either be a huge mistake or the best thing in the world for you.”
I laugh. “That’s helpful. It’s a good thing you’re not a practicing therapist anymore because I’d personally sign the petition to get you fired.”
“You sleep with patients and I couldn’t counsel my way out of a paper bag. We make quite the team.”
“He was hardly a patient. He was only in my office for fifteen minutes, and we didn’t even start a therapy session.”
Lauren grins wide. “Now whose the shitty therapist?”
Roman holds my hand as we head up the stairs to my apartment. I fumble for my key and put it in the lock. I’m about to open the door when the door to the vacant apartment beside mine opens. I look up in surprise, and then my surprise turns to absolute shock when I see who emerges. He wears a dark blue suit and a white undershirt with enough buttons undone to show his tanned chest and tattoos. His face is turned away from me as he locks the door. I clutch Roman’s hand even tighter.
Leo. Leo fucking Citrione just stepped out of the apartment next door to me.
Anger boils up in me. This man thinks he can do whatever he wants. He thinks the rules don’t apply to him, that he can just show up and force himself back into my life. “What are you doing here?” I demand.
He turns, eyes finding me and capturing me effortlessly. I wish I didn’t feel so transfixed every time he looked at me. I wish he didn’t affect me like he does, but I can’t deny it. Just being near him is like a chemical explosion in my body. Just looking at him makes my mind flash with vivid memories of what he did to me on the couch in my office. I see his beautiful face between my legs, his huge cock positioned in front of my entrance, the muscles of his body cording and relaxing as he thrusted himself into me.
“Mommy, who’s that?” asks Roman.
His innocent little voice is like a knife in my stomach. Oh God. Why didn’t I get Roman inside the apartment first? What is Leo going to think when he sees that I have a child? Will he know it’s his? Will he care? I swallow hard, watching Leo’s eyes fall to Roman and narrow. He recovers quickly, kneeling and smiling at Roman.
“Hey bud, I’m your new neighbor.”
Roman rushes toward Leo, making my heart jump. His little hand is raised for a high-five. It’s his favorite thing to do with people.
Leo gently slaps his hand.
“Nice one!” says Leo. “Try this.” He holds out his tattooed hand in a fist and takes Roman’s wrist and guides Roman into a fist-bump.
Roman looks in astonishment at his little fist, like Leo just taught him the secret of making fire. I have to keep from rolling my eyes. Really? I teach the kid the English language, how to eat, how rainbows work, and he’s more amazed by smashing his fist into someone else’s fist? It still makes me grin seeing him like this with someone. I’ve never seen him take to a man so quickly before. The only men he’s ever really had a chance to interact with are some of the older guys who live in the apartment and Lauren’s husband, who never has time to play with him.
Roman sticks his finger out at Leo’s hand, where “TRUST” is spelled out above the knuckles on his right hand. “Why did you write on yourself?” he asks.
Leo looks at his hand. “Because I wanted to make sure I always remembered what’s important.”
Roman giggles. “That’s silly.”
Leo gives him a serious look. “It’s never silly to find what you believe in, bud. A man has to stand for something, and once he knows what that is, he has to stick by it. That’s what makes him a man.”
Roman looks thoughtful and then turns to me. “Mommy. Can you write on my fingers?”
Leo and I both laugh, smiling at eachother for a split second before I remember who he is and what he did to me. My face hardens, and I take Roman by the shoulders, pulling him back. “Yes. As soon as you eat your dinner. Why don’t you go ahead inside and get your hands washed.”
“But I want to talk to Mr. Leo more.”
“Mr. Leo made sure we will have to talk to him more when he decided to move in next door, honey. Go inside please.”
Roman gives me his best pouting face but goes inside. Instead of hearing the faucet, I hear him rummaging through the drawer where I keep the sharpies and markers. Great.
I lower my voice. “What do you think you’re doing?” I ask.
Leo folds his arms, face hard and unapologetic. “I’m back in town. I needed a place. Coincidence, I guess. Cute kid.”
My temper flares even more when he mentions Roman. “You stay away from him.”
“Who’s the father?” asks Leo.
“His father was an asshole,” I say. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”
Leo’s phone buzzes in his pocket and he pulls it out, answering. “Yeah? Okay. Be right there.” He hangs up and then grins at me. “Don’t wait up for me, I’ll be back late.” Without so much as a backward glance, he walks past me and heads down the stairs.
I stand in place, fuming, thinking about yelling after him to ask why he went out of his way to rent the apartment next door to mine, but I hold my tongue. How conceited would I look if I assumed he actually went to the trouble of renting a place just to live next door to me? But there’s no way. He’s up to something, and I have a pretty good idea what it is. I just wish I could press some magical button to turn off my attraction towards him. This would be so much easier if I could.
More than that, I wish I knew what was best for Roman. Seeing the way Leo interacted with him was more than a little surprising. I would have pictured him being cold and disinterested around children, but he was really sweet with him. As much as I try, I can’t help picturing the three of us eating dinner together while Leo ruffles Roman’s hair and tells him some inappropriate joke. The thought makes me grin. I did see a softer side to Leo all those years back when we were in the restaurant. I felt like there was another side of him, waiting to open up if I only found the right words.
Once I’ve calmed down, I step inside to find Roman sitting cross-legged while he writes on his fingers. I kneel down. �
��Honey, that’s a sharpie. It doesn’t come off easily.” Each finger has a wobbly squiggle on it that I know is supposed to be a letter. “What does this one say?” I ask, pointing to his right hand.
“Eggo,” he says proudly.
I smirk. “And this one?” I point to the other one.
“It says Leo.”
41
Leo
I left early in the morning, before I heard any activity in Julia’s apartment through the walls. I was surprised by how much sound passes through the thin walls, but I drew the line at pressing my ear to it and listening. Overprotective, maybe, but I’m not a creep. Now, if she invites some asshole over to her place, I might have to break that rule to figure out when I need to knock and interrupt them. It’s a random thought, but it twists my gut. She has moved on. The longing I’ve felt for her is one-sided. She has a fucking kid. I’d be an idiot if I didn’t at least consider the possibility that it’s mine. The age would be about right, but I have no idea what she did after I left. For all I know she had wild, unprotected rebound sex the night I left. Could I blame her?
Fuck. I clench my fists, wanting to hit something. She’s within her rights to fuck whoever she wants now, she always has been, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to break something.
I think back to how I felt when I was talking to Roman. I’ve never had a connection with little kids before, but I guess knowing he was hers made me want to do whatever I could to protect him, to help make him into a strong young man, to be there for him. Not your job, Leo. The kid might have looked like me a little, but I feel like that’s a stretch. All I really see in him is Julia. Then again, I’ve been seeing her everywhere since I walked away four years ago.
I park my car outside Angelo’s new place. He’s staying in a nice apartment the Bianchis put him up in. Four bedrooms, two baths, and the guy doesn’t even own a fucking cat. He’s on the fourth floor, and I find him sitting in a fold-out chair, throwing a baseball against the brick wall. His eyes find me but he shows no reaction.
“Where you been?” he asks. “Almost 24 hours I’ve been here and you haven’t so much as called. Were you off chasing that pussy?”
“The fuck are you doing?” I ask. “Go get a couch or some shit. You look like a crazy person, Angelo.” I realize what a hypocrite I am a second later. The place I rented beside Julia’s is equally bare.
He looks around, as if noticing for the first time. “Yeah, Carlito was going to meet up with me to go check some things out, but he flaked on me.”
“You surprised?”
Angelo palms the baseball, picking at the stitches. “Nah. Not anymore.” He tosses the ball in the air, following it intently with his eyes. He purses his lips. “Maybe. Maybe I’m a little surprised. I thought coming back here and getting back in our old life would help him clean up. But it’s just the same shit.”
I move to the wall across from him and slide down, sitting on the ground. “You know what people do when they’re drowning? They’ll grab at any fucking thing they can to keep afloat. Once it reaches a certain point, there’s no thought to it. It’s just survival. They’ll take you down with them in a heartbeat. They’ll fucking hold you under just so they can push off you and get a few more breaths.” I meet his eyes and don’t look away until he nods slowly, proving he understands.
Angelo thinks for a long moment. “And what if he’s not drowning yet? You know? What if he’s still swimming toward the deep end.”
“We had to kill two people because of his drug deal the other night, and he didn’t even bat an eyelash.”
“I’ve seen you kill plenty of people in the last few years, man. You never seem too bothered by it.” There’s a question in his eye, like it’s something he’s been meaning to ask. How do you do it? How do you not let it get to you?
I feel a swelling of emotion toward my little brother. How did I not see how badly he needed my help before? “I’ve been shitty to you…”
He frowns, confused. “Since when? You went to jail for me. You spent four years on the run because of me.”
It’s the first time he’s come close to apologizing, but I wasn’t waiting for it. He doesn’t need to apologize to me. He’s a man who makes his own decisions just like I am. If I had chosen to let him clean up this mess on his own he would’ve accepted that, no question.
“Being a good brother is more than just hitting anybody who tries to hurt you.” I shake my head, searching for the words. “Look. I don’t want you thinking killing people doesn’t get to me. You know what I think about every night before I go to sleep? I think about how every life is like a web. You don’t just snuff one person out of existence and that’s that. People have wives, kids, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, all that shit. One dead person and a whole boat load of fucked up lives. That’s what I think about.”
“I just think about what it must be like. The moment you know it’s over. You know? I mean sometimes it’s quick. Get them in the right spot in the head and they go down before they know what happened, but not always. Shit, remember the guy in Hillsboro? I thought he was never going to stop bleeding and coughing.” Angelo laughs, but it’s a hollow sound, and his eyes are distant, brows drawn together. “Just makes you wonder what that’s like. You’re sitting there bleeding your guts out and knowing it’s all over. Everything you spent so much energy caring about doesn’t matter anymore. Gets me to start thinking about how it’s going to be us one day.”
I move to him and clap him on the shoulder, yanking him up so I can hug him. “That shit’s normal, bud. You’re supposed to think about that. I should’ve told you that when we got into this business, but I’m telling you now. Killing people isn’t something the human mind was made to accept. If this wasn’t getting to you, I’d be worried. Okay?” I pull back, holding him at arm’s length and searching his face. “Okay?”
He nods, but doesn’t meet my eye. “Yeah. Thanks, bro.”
42
Julia
A few minutes after I put Roman to bed, there’s a knock at my door. I look through the peephole and curse under my breath when I see who it is. It’s Leo. He’s holding a pizza box and even through the distorted fisheye peephole, he looks absolutely gorgeous. I unlatch the locks and open the door.
“What are you doing?” I ask. I notice the box is from Lenny’s Pizzeria, my favorite.
He steps inside without waiting for an invitation, rummaging through my cabinets for plates. “Thought we could catch up. You like pizza?”
“Shhh!” I hiss as he bangs a cabinet door closed and practically slams two plates on the countertop. “Roman is sleeping.”
Leo winces, holding up his palms defensively. “Won’t happen again, ma’am.”
I cross my arms, glaring at him. “What if I say no? What if I tell you to take your stupid pizza and leave?”
“Then I’ll leave. You just give the word and I’ll go.” He steps closer to me until I can smell his cologne and feel the heat radiating from his perfectly muscled body. “I’ll walk away and you’ll be left wondering what tonight could have been like if you’d have let me stay.”
I clear my throat, moving past him to the counter and opening the box. Cheese pizza with black olives. How the hell does he know that’s my favorite? I plant a fist on my hip, hesitating. “You and your stupid pizza can stay, for now, but only because you just happened to get my favorite.”
“Yeah?” he asks, plating a few slices for me and then himself. “Guess we’re soulmates. I just got it because it’s my favorite, too. Have any booze?”
“Over there,” I say, pointing to a cabinet too high for Roman to reach.
“Nice, this’ll do,” he says, pulling out a bottle of Cab. He pours us each a glass and looks around. “Have any card games?”
I frown. “I have Uno…”
“No shit! I fucking love Uno.”
I stifle a laugh.
“What?” he asks, rooting through the drawers to look for the game.
He sips his wine, smirking at me as he finds the box and pulls it free. “A guy like me?”
I shrug. “You know. A tough guy? A bad boy? I don’t know what the hip term is for it anymore.”
He moves close, smoothly moving his hand behind my back and catching my eyes with his. “There is a name for guys like me.” I think he’s about to kiss me, and then his unbelievable lips split into a grin. “Uno Master.”
A few glasses of wine later, I’m staring at the last two cards in my hand while Leo holds five. He’s glaring at me over his hand, hilariously pissed that he’s losing. I’ve had one too many glasses of wine and feel constantly on the urge of bursting into uncontrolled giggles. I play a card.
“Draw two!” I say, giggling.
He fumes, pulling two cards and adding them to his hand. I realize my mistake right as he does. I only have one card left in my hand and I forgot to yell “Uno”. He leans forward on the table jabbing a finger toward me.
“U—” I start.
“Uno!” he yells over me. “Fucking Uno! Draw two cards, do not pass go, go to jail.”
I laugh so hard I snort as I draw two cards. “That’s definitely not the right phrase.”
I’m forced to watch in dismay as Mr. Uno Master slowly picks me apart, adding more and more cards to my hand while thinning his. When he finally says Uno, he looks so pleased with himself I burst out laughing.
“Congratulations. You beat me at a kid’s game.”
He looks smug. “My condolences. You lost at a kid’s game.”
I try to swat at him, but he catches my wrist over the table, meeting my eyes. The moment passes when I giggle again, leaning forward helplessly. I’ve always been a silly drunk, which is why I’m normally way more careful about drinking in front of people. I think he’s about to kiss me when Roman walks out from his bedroom, rubbing his eyes.
Savage: A Bad Boy Next Door Romance Page 23
