by Brenda Novak
Some of the stiffness left his body. “Okay. That’s encouraging.”
“We’ll both be able to come and go as we please.” She wrinkled her nose as she considered what they had planned. “Perhaps I should get my own place...”
“No. My place is plenty big. And I’d like to be part of everything that includes the baby, which will be harder if we have separate households. I can’t see you calling me up in the middle of the night to tell me the baby’s moving. Even if you did, by the time I got over there, I’d miss all the excitement.”
Ellie gripped her cup a little tighter. “Wow. So you plan to be intimately involved in the pregnancy.”
“I do.” He stated that unequivocally.
“Then...you weren’t joking about being in the delivery room.”
“No.”
“Not sure I’m up for that,” she admitted.
“What would it hurt?”
“Besides the obvious—that I’ll be completely exposed—I’ll also be at my most vulnerable.”
“You were pretty vulnerable while you were sick, and I didn’t do a bad job. You’ll need someone to give you support.”
“Amy or my parents will come.”
“Still. Your feelings could change once you learn you can trust me.”
She couldn’t imagine having him in the room with her. What if something embarrassing happened? She didn’t want to be worrying about that at the same time she was giving birth, but it was too early to argue. “We’ve got a while. Let’s leave that one until later.”
“I’m fine with leaving it until we know each other better. But I hope you’ll keep an open mind. So what if you’ll be completely exposed? I wouldn’t be looking at you in sexual terms. I’d be looking at you as the mother of my child.”
She was more afraid of how he might look at her afterward—and not because she had any romantic designs on him. Whoever ended up with Hudson would most likely be fighting a constant battle to hang on to him, considering the amount of female attention he received. She wasn’t cut out for such fierce competition, and yet...she wanted him to find her at least mildly attractive. But that was all. Letting him get any closer would be too real. The past few days had been real enough. She felt she was already working from a deficit. “We can talk about it when the time comes.”
“Okay. Next?”
“What about dating?” she asked. “Are you seeing anyone who needs to be alerted to what’s going on?”
“No. Thank God. I wouldn’t relish that conversation.”
“I’m relieved about that, too. I’d hate to feel there’s someone in your circle who’d hate me on sight.”
“No one will have any reason to feel that kind of jealousy.”
“Well, if you start seeing someone who has a problem with me living in your house, we can make other arrangements. Communication is key. We’ll have to talk, keep current with what’s going on in each other’s lives.”
He raised his eyebrows. “You’re saying we’ll be free to see other people, even during the pregnancy?”
“I have seventeen weeks. That might not sound like a long time, but it is. We’d be much smarter to approach the situation practically.”
“But...who will you date?” he asked. “You don’t know anyone in Silver Springs, and that’s where I’m staying during the off-season.”
She shrugged. “I might meet someone.”
“While you’re carrying my baby?”
“I admit the pregnancy will interfere with my love life more than yours.” That had to be the understatement of the year, but if she expected their arrangement to be successful, she felt he had to be free to do whatever he wanted, and that meant she should have the same right, even if she didn’t exercise it. “I doubt I’ll get a lot of offers, especially as I go into my...um...bigger months.” She laughed but he didn’t. He seemed more concerned with what she might say next. “We’re just establishing some ground rules, and this is one of them. You can see whomever and so can I.”
Surprisingly, he didn’t agree as readily as she’d thought he would, even though that was the one thing she’d assumed he’d demand above all else. “If that’s what you want,” he said.
“That’s what I want. So...what’s left?”
He shifted on the couch. “Where we stand with each other. What type of relationship we’ll have.”
“You mean the financial arrangements? I hate taking any money from you. I’d rather avoid the accusation that I did this on purpose, but—”
“I won’t accuse you of that again,” he interrupted. “I promise.”
She fixed the lapel on her robe. “It’s fine. I can see why you’d jump to that conclusion. And I’m sure there’ll be others who think I’m after your money. But if I quit my job, I will need you to pay me what I was making. Otherwise I won’t be able to cover my bills. And if I’m giving up my life here in Miami, I think that’s only fair.”
“I agree. I made the offer, and I’m prepared to stand behind it. I’ll even give you a little extra.”
“No. What you suggested is fine. That’s enough. In return, I’ll cook, clean and grocery shop—do whatever I can to contribute.”
“I don’t expect you to clean the house. I—”
“I’ll do what I can,” she repeated. “I’ll feel better if I make myself useful.” She took another sip of her tea. “Now, we should probably talk about timelines.”
“I’m all ears.”
“Most people get three months of maternity leave, but I plan to nurse the baby for at least six, and even though the baby will probably eat some other food by then, it’ll be hard to be away. I’m hoping you’re amenable to extending our arrangement until our child reaches half a year. At that time, I’ll get a job in LA, if I can find something in my field of expertise, so you can remain close to the baby. If I can’t find the right kind of work, we may have to talk about me moving elsewhere. In any case, we’ll have a plan for the next eleven months to a year, which will allow you to be part of the pregnancy and the baby’s early months.”
He rested his arm along the back of the couch. “I’ll pay you the $5,000 a month as long as you stay. You won’t be cut off.”
She breathed a sigh of relief to have that settled so easily. “Thank you. I’ll just...focus on being a good mother until I can look for work in California.” She stood up to signify the end of their talk, but he didn’t budge.
“There’s one more thing,” he said.
“What’s that?”
He leaned forward, clasping his hands loosely between his knees. “How do you see us?”
Hadn’t she already answered that? She rephrased what she’d stated, trying to make it clearer. “I see us becoming good friends.” She smiled. “I hope we’ll always be kind and supportive of each other. I’ll do my best to be your biggest cheerleader—come to your wedding when you have one, embrace your wife, your other children. That way our son can be part of it all, too. I hope you’ll do the same for me.”
“Of course. But...that’s farther down the road. I’m talking about how things will be until we get to that point.”
She sat back down. “I’m not sure what you’re driving at.”
He met her gaze. “What about sex?”
She swallowed hard. “Between us—or with other people?”
“We’ve covered other people.”
“Between us.” She hadn’t been well enough to feel the kind of awareness he’d evoked in September. But now that she was getting back to her old self, she could tell desire would be something she’d have to contend with, maybe on a daily basis.
“I admit I go back and forth on it,” he volunteered.
She hadn’t expected him to be quite so candid. “Because...”
“Because I’d never want to get your hopes
up that our relationship could lead to a long-term commitment. I’m not built for that. And yet...”
She still held her cup and tightened her grip on it even more as she waited.
“I feel it’d be a missed opportunity, since we’ll be living together, anyway. And you said yourself that you might not find someone else to date, not right away, what with the pregnancy and all.”
She cleared her throat. “You don’t have to worry about me. I’ll get through the pregnancy. And if I feel desperate, I’m sure there’s someone out there who’d be willing to accommodate me.” She laughed to lighten things up, but once again he didn’t join her.
“That’s just it. I wouldn’t want you to feel as though you had to go elsewhere. Not when I’d be in the same house. We’ve already been together. We know we’re...compatible.” He paused for a moment. “What I’m saying is that I’d be happy to fulfill your needs in that regard and be happy to have you fulfill mine if you can accept a casual relationship.”
Part of Ellie wanted to say yes—and suggest they start tonight—but she’d be foolish to put what she wanted now above what she’d need later, when she’d have a child to think about. “That’s okay. I appreciate the offer, but we’re dealing with such a...tenuous situation, we should avoid anything that makes either of us feel possessive—and sex has a way of making people feel possessive.”
To her surprise, he looked disappointed. “If we go into it with the right understanding—”
“No,” she broke in. “As generous as it is of you to make the offer... I think I’ll pass.”
His eyes narrowed. “Generous? Are you being facetious?”
“No! I’m being honest. I’ve never had a casual relationship. I’m the type of person who settles down, not the type who sleeps around. I’m glad you were willing to...to be so transparent about your...limitations, but you don’t need to make any sacrifices for me.”
He hesitated as if he wasn’t sure how to interpret her response. “I didn’t mean to make it sound like it’d be a sacrifice.”
“I’m not offended. Truly. But considering the situation, we’d be foolish to let things drift in that direction.”
It took him another moment to respond. Then he said, “Got it. I’ll leave you alone.”
That she could even be tempted to accept such an offer irritated her. But he was a particularly attractive man. And, as he’d pointed out, they’d already been together, which made it much easier to go there again.
Forcing another smile, she got up. “I’m going to get some rest. I’ll bring out the extra bedding if you’d like to stay here, but...I can’t imagine you’ll be very comfortable.”
“No, that’s okay. I’ll go over to the Four Seasons.” He picked up the bottle of wine, which he’d set on the coffee table with his glass, and stared down at it. “Mind if I take this with me?”
“Not at all,” she said. “You can take my car, too. I won’t need it in the morning. I’ll be here packing.”
“I’ll call a taxi. When will you be ready to leave Miami?”
“You can go without me if you have to get back. I’ll join you as soon as I can.”
“I don’t mind waiting. Just give me a date and time so I can arrange the airfare.”
“I’ll figure it out tonight and let you know.”
“That’ll work.”
After his cab arrived, she walked him to the door and they said a polite goodbye. Then she made herself some soup and managed a few spoonfuls. That cured her hunger but did little to alleviate the anxiety she felt about the future.
Sleep, she told herself. Sleep would help. But she didn’t go to bed; she veered off down the hall. She’d barely grown accustomed to the idea that she’d be taking care of a baby here in Miami—and now that was no longer the case. Could she really give up her job, her house, the future she’d imagined in order to live on the periphery of Hudson’s life?
No. Intent on calling him to back out while she could, she pulled her phone from the pocket of her robe. But then she stepped into the nursery, saw that he’d put the crib together—and hit End before the call could go through.
She couldn’t renege. He wanted to be a good dad. For their child’s sake as much as his own, she felt he deserved the chance.
Throwing back her shoulders, she texted him instead of calling.
I’ll be able to leave the day after tomorrow.
* * *
“It’s the middle of the night, Hudson. What’s going on?”
Bruiser’s voice sounded as if he’d been asleep. Hudson hadn’t expected that. He squinted to see his watch and realized it was too dim in the living room of his suite, since the only light he’d left on streamed out of the bedroom. He put his phone on speaker so he could check the time. “Isn’t it three hours later there? Aren’t you going to the gym?”
“I go to the gym at seven. It’s now one. Where are you?”
Placing the phone on his chest, he covered his eyes with one arm. He was lying on the couch, mostly because he couldn’t get up. “Florida.”
“That means you’re the one who’s three hours ahead.”
“Oh. Damn. Of course. I wasn’t thinking straight. Didn’t mean to wake you. Tell Jac—Jacquel—Jackie I’m sorry. I’ll call you later.”
“Wait,” Bruiser said. “Have you heard from the detective you hired?”
“He hasn’t found anything. Got an email update from him tonight. So don’t worry about it. We can talk later.”
“Something must be wrong. Give me a minute.”
Hudson heard rustling, guessed his friend was slipping out of bed so he wouldn’t wake his wife, whose name Hudson had just butchered, and felt guilty for bothering them both.
He was trying to find End so he could hang up when he heard Bruiser’s voice come back on the line.
“What’s up, buddy? You drunk? You sound like it. I’ve never heard you slur your words this badly.”
Dropping his phone back on his chest, Hudson studied the partially empty bottle of whiskey he’d had delivered to his suite once he ran out of wine. “I might be a little toasted.”
“I think it’s safe to say you’re completely smashed.”
“Yeah. Haven’t been this drunk in a while.” Maybe high school. He couldn’t even remember the last time.
Wait, it wasn’t that long ago. He’d drunk a lot at the going-away party when his previous left tackle was traded. He felt as if he couldn’t hang on to anyone. The people in his life came and went...
“What are you doing in Florida?” Bruiser asked. “I wasn’t aware you had any trips planned.”
“Didn’t. This was definitely unplanned.” He laughed as though that was the funniest joke he’d ever heard.
Bruiser remained silent, waiting for his mirth to subside. “What do you mean? Tell me what you’re doing there.”
“I’m picking up the mother of my child. Can you believe it?”
There was a slight hesitation before Bruiser said, “You don’t have any children.”
“Will soon. I’m going to be a father, like you. In June.”
“How?”
Hudson tried to explain, but he knew he wasn’t doing a very good job. He kept cutting in and out of the story. When he finished, Bruiser said, “Some woman is claiming to be pregnant with your child? Is that it?”
“Is pregnant with my child,” he said, correcting Bruiser. “She’s not just claiming to be.”
“But you hardly ever sleep with anyone! You’re so careful, you rarely go out with the other single guys on the team in case they lead you into trouble.”
“Yeah, well, guess I wasn’t careful enough.” That was the thing. He’d let down his guard because Ellie was so different from the overeager groupies the other guys on the team—even a few married ones—seem
ed to enjoy.
“When did you sleep with this...scientist, did you say?”
Hudson tried to pour himself another drink and ended up spilling whiskey all over the table. “Damn.”
“What is it?”
He used his sleeve to try to mop it up. “Nothing.”
“Are you going to answer my question?”
“What was your question?”
“When did you get this scientist pregnant?”
“Name’s Ellie. Dr. Ellie Fisher. Has a doctorate in immunology or something like that. Happened when we came down for the Dolphins game.”
“Back in September.”
“Yeah. She’s due in June. She’ll be showing in a couple of months. Sometimes you can see the curve of her belly now. Blew me away the first time I saw it—and realized what it meant.”
“Coming out of nowhere, that would blow anyone away. But...before you go off the deep end, are you sure the baby’s yours? That she’s telling the truth?”
“I think so.”
“Yeah, otherwise you wouldn’t be drinking so heavily.”
“This wasn’t supposed to happen,” he said. “Not to me.”
“It’s your worst nightmare. I know. You’re in full panic mode. But listen to me.”
The room started to spin as Hudson struggled into a sitting position.
“A child is a wonderful thing,” Bruiser continued. “You’ll love being a father—and you’ll be a damn good one.”
Hudson managed to get some liquor in his glass. “I can’t be any worse than my own parents, right? There’s nowhere to go but up.” He tossed back another swallow and welcomed the familiar burn. “Why do you think my mother left me in that hedge, Bruiser?”
“Let’s not go there tonight, buddy. You pick at the same old sore whenever you get drunk.”
He picked at it when he wasn’t drunk, too. He just didn’t talk about it then.
“Whatever the reason, it wasn’t your fault,” Bruiser went on. “She couldn’t have rejected you, because she didn’t even know you. You’ve got to believe that.”
